I Must Go On A Diet!
Yes, I must go on a diet! I really, really must!
Yes, it's true I'd loathe to try it, but if I don't, I'll bust!
I know it's hip, this losing weight, to join a gym and such,
But exercise, I'd simply hate, as I don't like it much...
My belly's not worth looking at, it bulges now and then...
I'd merely roll, flat on the mat and not get up again...
I'll make a stand and walk it off, at double time, I guess!
Who cares if others stare and scoff, if I weigh less and less?
I've never run a marathon and know I never will.
I'd simply say, I can't go on! No stamina or skill...
I'll walk the streets or buy a bike, until my belly's right...
I'll give up all the cakes I like, chew carrots day and night!
I'll switch to fruits and vegetables... I'll do the best I can,
I'll overcome all obstacles to look like Peter Pan!
Ta-ta to sweet treats, smokes and beers! I'll live temptation free!
Who knows? It may take months! Or years! Or decades! Goodness me!
Too late to talk me out of it! My mind's made up, my friend...
I'll get this weight off, bit by bit, on that you can depend!
I'll tone up muscles here and there... I'll fight the flab each day!
Before and after! Please compare... The diet's worked O.K.!
poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Thigh Way (Song Parody of 'My Way')
to the tune of 'MY Way'
And now, my weigh-ins near
and my poor scale faces destruction
I've cheated, had some LITE beers
then gotten quotes for liposuction
I've eaten way past full
and then had one more for the highway
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way!
Bagettes, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention
I love my salty snacks
but that's what gave me hypertension
I planned each 3 course meal
at greasy spoons along the highway
Ive gotten old
I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
Yes there were times when I was blue
Ice cream in quarts, I would go through
but through it all, despite the gout
I'd eat it in, or take it out
I ate it all, - and I'm not tall
don't diet my way
I've lunched, I've wined and dined
I've had my failed attempts at losing
but now my jeans just split
and it no longer seems amusing.
To think I ate it all
and may I say not in a shy way
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
For what is a meal without cake for desert
and JOGGING IS DANGEROUS - a guy could get hurt
I ate the foods I truly craved
and never once was fashion's slave
The weight-in shows, I need new clothes
don't diet my way!
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Used To Be Fat
I used to be fat,
Just like one spoilt brat,
As fat as a brat could be...
I could squash you flat,
Just as quick as that...
No-one stood too close to me...
Started a diet,
No need to fry it
And my weight began to fall!
One book! Just buy it!
You've got to try it!
And here's the number to call...
Just chew, chew, chew it!
Then loo, loo, loo it!
And soon, you'll be on the mend!
How do you do it?
Continue through it!
Persevere, my fat, fat friend!
I chewed like a cow,
Yes, I chewed and how
And I exercised each day...
Ta-da! Take a bow!
Just look at me now!
Admit it! I look O.K.!
poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Gimme Number 9
Gimme number 9,
With a whoop-de-doo.
I'd like a side of fries,
And a milkshake too.
Put some mayo and some lettuce...
Add pickles just a few.
Exercise and diets I've given the boot!
I'm gonna lick my fingers...
Everyone publicly.
And flaunt my greed,
Feeding my gluttony.
All this talk about slimming down,
And losing pounds.
I aint into it,
Cause I like my body round!
And glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Don't deny me now...
Gimme number 9,
With a whoop-de-doo.
I'd like a side of fries,
And a milkshake too.
Put some mayo and some lettuce...
Add pickles just a few.
Exercise and diets I've given the boot!
All this talk about slimming down,
And losing pounds.
I aint into it,
Cause I like my body round!
And glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Take that scale away.
I'm glad,
To flab...
My fat!
Everyday I will be glad,
To flab...
My fat!
'Singing that may be a good incentive,
For you.
However...
You have annoyed the others,
In this weight reduction class.
So until you find another motivational song to sing...
You'll be running an extra five laps.'
A what?
I was just teasing everyone!
'Oh...
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Make that 10.
And sing it as much as you'd like.
Hit the track.'
I hate people with no humor at all.
Especially the ones who make bad calls...
'And you,
Will run...
Your ass!
Quick and snappy,
Yes!
You,
Will run...
Real fast!
Or...
Get
Out
Of
This
Class!
We ARE serious about this, mister.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Have Fat Enough!
There comes a time when you look fat,
'Cos fat is what you are,
You've broken chairs each time you sat
And things have gone too far!
You need to diet! Yes, you do!
You need to flee the flab...
You simply grew and grew and grew,
Ate all that you could grab!
Well, now's a good time, change your weighs!
Don't squash the scales again!
If you get thin, you'll earn the praise,
So think thin until then!
So ask a Doctor who knows best,
Yes, you, just take your time...
Like Amy Pond who's so well dressed,
So thin she looks sublime!
It's up to you! Yes, you, not me!
My diet's going well...
Just be the best that you can be,
As thin as Tinkerbell!
That said, obsession's not advised...
So check your ideal weight...
'Cos someday soon you'll be surprised,
'Cos someday... You'll look great!
Denis Martindale, copyright, August 2011.
Is this poem meant to deliberately offend?
Is this poem meant to accidentally offend?
No. It's meant to remind us of one lady who
finally had to admit it, 'I have had enough! '
So the poem was called, I Have Fat Enough!
This poem is based on the website feedback
read on myspecialk-dot-co-dot-uk by the dieters
who want less not more. They have all known
that they should diet, so they decided to try it...
The rest is history: yes, his story and her story.
P.S. Doctor Who's assistant is Amy Pond,
who is played by the actress Karen Gillan.
poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Grapefruit Diet
Whos that waddlin down the street
Its just me cause I love to eat
Fudge and twinkies and deviled ham
Whos real flabby? yes, I am!
Every picture of mes
Gotta be an aerial view
Now my doctor tells me
Theres just one thing left to do
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Throw out the pizza and beer
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Oh, get those jelly donuts out of here
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Might seem a little sever
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Im gettin tired of my big fat rear
Blow, fatty!
Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce
Made sumo wrestlers look like kate moss
Walked down an alley and I got stuck
I got more rolls than a pastry truck
When Im all done eating
I eat a little more
When I leave a room
First I gotta grease the door
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Cant have another eclair
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
I gotta decrease my derriere
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
No more pie now
No more creme brulee
Lay off the gravy
And souffle
No french fri-yi-yies now
No ice cream parfait
Mr. cheese nacho
Stay away
Oh I think Id sell my soul
For a triple patty melt
But I need a boomerang
When I put on my belt
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Lay off the 3 musketeers
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Until my big booty disappears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Eat em till theyre comin out of my ears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
cause I havent seen my feet in years
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
I think Im about ready for a quarter pounder with extra cheese
I need a side order of onion rings
And dont forget to super-size that
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pills.......[SHORT; Medical; Personal; Humor? ]
please see below:
keep going:
you are almost there!
if i really 'need' them i really don't mind pills,
but i'd rather walk and eat to keep at bay my ills.
by 'eat' i mean oats, and apples, and other healthy stuff.
a brisk thirty-minute walk a day isn't very tough.
i'm here at the drugstore, my blood pressure to take.
i hope to quit b/p med, to my life more simple make.
i think i can do it (if i keep up my walking) ,
be prescription-free, and keep on kicking and talking.
i quit my daily blood pressure med a week ago.
my readings are higher but, i think, still good to go.
if ‘doc' doesn't mind me being ‘prehypertensive',
i'll skip the prescription though it is not expensive.
a year ago i took ‘cholesterol med' for a day.
then my new doctor and i agreed to try another way
to improve my lab results with diet for a year, ……
eating nuts, and flax seed oil capsules from my dear.
a year's gone by and soon cholesterol i'll check,
with luck live a few more years, and not die a total wreck.
life's a drag enough sometimes, without being ill.
perhaps i can make it without a prescription pill.
? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
on second thought… it's not simple not taking pills
IF i have to walk and diet to keep away my ills.
a super colossal MAGICAL pill i would surely take
if then i needn't exercise……. and EVERYDAY i could eat my cake.
(2010)
poem by Bri Edwards
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Far too many times over the next 12 to 15 years, it was brought to my attention that people who followed my exercise guidelines exactly but ignored their diet, their weight and their cigarette smoking had heart attacks at age 55.
quote by Kenneth H. Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Points
Counting points every day
To try and keep my weight at bay
Low cal this low fat that
Its all to keep me from getting fat
Meer morsels appear upon my plate
Were once was full my mighty plate
Green stuff coming out my ears
I should have buckteeth and rabbit ears
The weight is dropping really slow
I have such a long way to go
Rabbit food and plate so bare
About my weight I really care
Four months down the line
Lost loads of weight and feeling fine
No more grumbling about the food
That balanced diet done me good
Chellaston
06 04 2010
poem by Jim O'Donnell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Old Man & Me
Well an old man said to me
In a voice filled with pain
Where you going young man
Said I'm going to fight a war
Gonna fight for my country
In some foreign land
He said "The sun will never hurt you
Never harmed anyone
But you must realize"
If you try to stare her down
She will win in the end
She will burn your eyes
She will burn them
Seen a million places
Seen a million faces die
And I wonder who will walk with me
When I get to Heaven
He said "Boy I was young once
Yeah I was tough
Sailing on Uncle Sam's boat
Hey I could kill the enemy
I could die on foreign streets
But I could not vote
But now you walk by me
You won't talk to me
Say this is my fate
But every time you walk the streets boy
Most of them you meet
You see it's you they hate
It's you...
Seen a million faces
Seen a million places die
And I wonder who will walk with me
When I get to Heaven
I hope I get there
Seen a million places
Seen a million faces die
And I wonder who will walk with me
When I get there
See this woman sitting next to me
She's been there for a long, long time
And when I fell, she picked me up
When I cried, she wiped my tears
I thank god she's mine
And when I leave this world
She won't have anything
But her love for me
Cause the man took everything else
Made me hate myself
So just let her be boy
Won't you let her be
song performed by by Hootie & The Blowfish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Old Man & Me
Well an old man said to me
In a voice filled with pain
Where you going young man
Said i'm going to fight a war
Gonna fight for my country
In some foreign land
He said "the sun will never hurt you
Never harmed anyone
But you must realize"
If you try to stare her down
She will win in the end
She will burn your eyes
She will burn them
Seen a million places
Seen a million faces die
And i wonder who will walk with me
When i get to heaven
He said "boy i was young once
Yeah i was tough
Sailing on uncle sam's boat
Hey i could kill the enemy
I could die on foreign streets
But i could not vote
But now you walk by me
You won't talk to me
Say this is my fate
But every time you walk the streets boy
Most of them you meet
You see it's you they hate
It's you...
Seen a million faces
Seen a million places die
And i wonder who will walk with me
When i get to heaven
I hope i get there
Seen a million places
Seen a million faces die
And i wonder who will walk with me
When i get there
See this woman sitting next to me
She's been there for a long, long time
And when i fell, she picked me up
When i cried, she wiped my tears
I thank god she's mine
And when i leave this world
She won't have anything
But her love for me
cause the man took everything else
Made me hate myself
So just let her be boy
Won't you let her be
song performed by by Hootie & The Blowfish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Doctor
the doctor cannot hide her madness
at the patient
who has always been gaining weight
despite the
written prescription for the
strict diet
of vegetables and fruits
and less carbohydrates
with a definite no on smoking
and alcohol
and fats....
the reverse happens
the oily pork beside the chocolate cakes
the coca cola and rum and
Peking duck
goading, and hoarding
and overeating
he knows what he wants
she doesn't
he has always been praying for that quick
and happy death
the grief is too much
all his life he is the scarecrow in the field
the black birds tease him
the children stone him
the locusts have no fear of him
the golden fields have no need of him
the humiliating days are not over
he knows what he wish
the doctor is foolish
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Kiwi
And why oh why Kiwi, you a bird we must call
When you don't have a wing that you can say you own
There's nothing I can do but it was nature's joke
That I be without wings, just run or only walk
My scientific name's Apteryx Australis
A name I owe to Carl von Linne and to the Greeks
'A-' is to mean devoid, having none or without
And 'pteryx' is the wing oddly I do not have
But regret I have none about my anatomy
For being without wings is not an infamy
And unto wonderment, yes, I do give my share,
My nostrills at the tip of elongated bill
So I can very well worms and crawlers smell
Whiskers I also have just like any feline
So I can feel my way in the dark anywhere
My egg's one-fourth my weight, three months to incubate
To form a sisngle one, one month for me it takes
Twice more than the usual I have always to eat
Two-thirds of it is yolk and so heavy a load
And it is very big, leaving no space for food
Before one I can lay for three days fast I should
Once laid, my partner sits on it, three months he would
Loses one-third his weight, quit nor complain he won't
A belly with an egg, sore and swollen becomes
Relief is to wallow in a stream or a pond
My overstretched belly always touches the ground
I have to part my legs, so I can move around
Although I am only a waddling, flightless bird
In the hearts of many, I have a special place
Products, money, people and fruit my name they take
In the animal world, I am sans duplicate
poem by Pacific Hernandez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Cant Stand Losing You
Ive called you so many times today
And I guess its all true what your girlfriends say
That you dont ever want to see me again
And your brothers going to kill me and hes six feet ten
I guess youd call it cowardice
But Im not prepared to go on like this
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant
I cant stand losing you
I cant stand losing you
I cant stand losing you
I cant stand losing you
I see youve sent my letters back
And my lp records and theyre all scratched
I cant see the point in another day
When nobody listens to a word I say
You can call it lack of confidence
But to carry on living doesnt make no sense
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I guess this is our last goodbye
And you dont care, so I wont cry
But youll be sorry when Im dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess youd call it suicide
But Im too full to swallow my pride
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing
I cant, I cant, I cant stand losing...
song performed by by Police
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Can't Stand Losing You
I've called you so many times today
And I guess it's all true what your girl-friends say
That you don't ever want to see me again
And your brother's gonna kill me and he's six feet ten
I guess you'd call it cowardice
But I'm not prepared to go on like this
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing you
I can't stand losing you
I can't stand losing you
I can't stand losing you
I see you sent my letters back
And my L.P. records and they're all scratched
I can't see the point in another day
When nobody listens to a word I say
You can call it lack of confidence
But to carry on living doesn't make no sense
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't stand losing you
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I guess this is our last goodbye
And you don't care, so I won't cry
But you'll be sorry when I'm dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess you'd call it suicide
But I'm too full to swallow my pride
I can't, I can't, I can't stand losing
I can't, I can't...
song performed by by Feeder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Metabolism
Heard of metabolism?
Derivative of Metabolic.
No magical schism,
Just little scientific.
To lose the weight
Experts have said
Exercise and diet
Calories burn on quiet
It sounds so simple,
And yet it's complex.
To rid of dimples,
And get ripples.
Muscles toning,
Strength training.
If you like Aerobics,
Not for the phobic,
High on impact,
and very compact.
And in conclusion
A needed inclusion
The right motivation
To get into action.
Too Late
Well, its too late for walking in the middle,
Too late to try.
Yes, its too late for sitting in the balance,
No more middle line.
Oh, its too late for walking on fences,
Time to choose your side.
Yes, its too late for flirtin with the darkness,
Make up your mind.
Oh, the time has come for making a decision,
And you say youve found the light.
But the talk is cheap when I see the way youre living,
Walking in the night.
Well, its too late for walking in the middle,
Too late to try.
Yes, its too late for sitting in the balance,
No more middle line.
Oh, its too late for thinking you can walk the middle line...
Better get wise.
You may think that you can live by your feelings,
Different every night.
But an emotional religion will crumble at our feet,
If were made to stand and fight.
Well, its too late for walking on fences,
Time to choose you side.
Yes, its too late for flirtin with the darkness,
Make up your mind.
Well, its too late for thinking you can walk the middle line...
Better get wise.
Well, its too late for walking in the middle,
Too late to try.
Yes, its too late for sitting in the balance,
No more middle line.
Oh, its too late for walking on fences,
Time to choose your side.
Yes, its too late for flirtin with the darkness,
Please make up your mind.
Well, its too late for walking in the middle,
Too late to try.
Yes, its too late for sitting in the balance,
No more middle line.
Oh, its too late for walking on fences,
Time to choose your side.
Yes, its too late for flirtin with the darkness,
Please make up your mind.
song performed by by Amy Grant
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hindu Diet Principle
Finally figured out why diets never work
for me: I follow Hindu principles when
starting a new regime, at first a new con-
vert's Medieval fervour for new food, free
from cholesterol, caffeine and sugar - no
chocolates, cakes and bread, only green
tea, fruits, salads, almonds, honey and
yogurt - then comes the backlash
A passionate desire for forbidden stuff,
my old diet, a pantheon of gluttony gods
crawl back and I eat the old illegal foods
and the new healthy things - devoted to
all culinary deities I just assimilate the
new within the old and eat TWICE as
much as before, paying my respects
to all the gods dreamt into existence
In this universe - honouring ALL foods
regardless of oil, fat, sugar, cholesterol
and wheat content - every new diet is a
new addition to the diet I love - thus I'm
worse off than I were before the new
regime kicked off; should I market
the lovely Hindu diet principle?
poem by Margaret Alice Second
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Bouquet of words
Don't ask me what is friend?
What is love? Where it lies in?
Well definition, most of us confused
With the sweet of love juice
As love has chain to fuse
Grab this love that i lend
Love is not only for a lover
Love also made for a friend
and great love for God
Beautiful loves are broad
Dear, love of friend...
like the blessing rain
to fall on dry and hot desert
then raise a nice feeling
grow green, life in desert
sweet, beautiful and blessed...
A True friend, a true hand to lend
Sweet and thick like honey
Nothing with money
Hate to hate
Love to love
Not love to hate
Or hate to love
Losing a friend
Losing an element of light
Losing a different sight
Still can see with normal light
But missing core of value inside
A True friend
Share one color in life canvas
Surround by true friends
Finished a priceless of life canvas
With multiple colors trend
Simply, deeply thanks to say
You are my good friend ever
Makes everyday is a beautiful day
We stay in field of innocent forever
: : : : : : : : : : : : : : Theme: Friendship: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
Re.edited and a 2nd version of love and friend,
Dedicated 'To all my friends here'
........................................ .............................................
poem by Unwritten Soul
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This Weight
This weight is weighing on my heart
This weight is tearing us apart
This weight is weighing on my soul
And it just wont leave me alone
You know Im talking about this weight
You know Im talking about this weight
In the neighboorhood people watching me
Got to move to protect my sanity
Anonymity is all I want you see
You may think its mediocrity, but
You know Im talking about this weight
You know Im talking ahout this weight
And this hollywood aint no good
I would rather be like robin hood
If I could only loose this...
You know Im talking about this weight
You know Im talking about this weight
And this hollywood aint no good
I would rather be like robin hood
If I could only loose this...
You know Im talking about this weight
You know Im talking about this weight
In the very first it was rock and roll
Set me free in body and soul
But this weight is just bringing me down
Its never satisfied every time I go to town
You know Im talking about this weight....
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I H@tE yOu! !
I hate it when you spoil my day,
I hate you when you walk away.
I hate the way you look at me,
I hate you when you say sorry.
I hate the way you at me stare,
I hate the way you touch my hair.
I hate it when you vanish my pain,
I hate it when you make me smile again.
I hate the way you at me scream,
I hate the way you sit and dream.
I hate the way you shout,
I hate it when you walk out.
I hate the way you look into my eyes,
I hate it when you speak all lies.
I hate the way you look at my face,
I hate you when you don't call at my place.
I hate it when you don't come home,
I hate you when you leave me all alone.
And i hate to break this to you,
But i gotta tell you what is true.
I don't hate you the way i should,
And i don't think i ever could! ! !
poem by Tanvi Damle
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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