Thigh Way (Song Parody of 'My Way')
to the tune of 'MY Way'
And now, my weigh-ins near
and my poor scale faces destruction
I've cheated, had some LITE beers
then gotten quotes for liposuction
I've eaten way past full
and then had one more for the highway
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way!
Bagettes, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention
I love my salty snacks
but that's what gave me hypertension
I planned each 3 course meal
at greasy spoons along the highway
Ive gotten old
I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
Yes there were times when I was blue
Ice cream in quarts, I would go through
but through it all, despite the gout
I'd eat it in, or take it out
I ate it all, - and I'm not tall
don't diet my way
I've lunched, I've wined and dined
I've had my failed attempts at losing
but now my jeans just split
and it no longer seems amusing.
To think I ate it all
and may I say not in a shy way
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
For what is a meal without cake for desert
and JOGGING IS DANGEROUS - a guy could get hurt
I ate the foods I truly craved
and never once was fashion's slave
The weight-in shows, I need new clothes
don't diet my way!
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Grapefruit Diet
Whos that waddlin down the street
Its just me cause I love to eat
Fudge and twinkies and deviled ham
Whos real flabby? yes, I am!
Every picture of mes
Gotta be an aerial view
Now my doctor tells me
Theres just one thing left to do
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Throw out the pizza and beer
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Oh, get those jelly donuts out of here
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Might seem a little sever
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Im gettin tired of my big fat rear
Blow, fatty!
Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce
Made sumo wrestlers look like kate moss
Walked down an alley and I got stuck
I got more rolls than a pastry truck
When Im all done eating
I eat a little more
When I leave a room
First I gotta grease the door
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Cant have another eclair
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
I gotta decrease my derriere
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
No more pie now
No more creme brulee
Lay off the gravy
And souffle
No french fri-yi-yies now
No ice cream parfait
Mr. cheese nacho
Stay away
Oh I think Id sell my soul
For a triple patty melt
But I need a boomerang
When I put on my belt
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Lay off the 3 musketeers
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Until my big booty disappears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Eat em till theyre comin out of my ears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
cause I havent seen my feet in years
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
I think Im about ready for a quarter pounder with extra cheese
I need a side order of onion rings
And dont forget to super-size that
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Put Yourself On a Diet of Love
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
To strengthen and not weaken.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
Through the week and over the weekend...
No matter who may think you're freaking!
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
Recognize the benefit,
Of a happiness exisiting.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
Only you can testify of Sunlight on the horizon.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
To strengthen and not weaken.
And declare your peace of mind,
Has come to satisfy your needs.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
You will find a peace of mind,
Has no time to search for enemies.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
You will find a peace of mind,
Has no time to search for enemies.
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Through the week and over the weekend...
To strengthen and not weaken,
Your needs.
You will find a peace of mind,
Has no time to search for enemies.
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
You will find a peace of mind,
With a remedy you found to please!
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Eat up all you want to eat!
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Feel the lightness in your feet!
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Eat up all you want to eat!
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Feel the lightness in your feet!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Hindu Diet Principle
Finally figured out why diets never work
for me: I follow Hindu principles when
starting a new regime, at first a new con-
vert's Medieval fervour for new food, free
from cholesterol, caffeine and sugar - no
chocolates, cakes and bread, only green
tea, fruits, salads, almonds, honey and
yogurt - then comes the backlash
A passionate desire for forbidden stuff,
my old diet, a pantheon of gluttony gods
crawl back and I eat the old illegal foods
and the new healthy things - devoted to
all culinary deities I just assimilate the
new within the old and eat TWICE as
much as before, paying my respects
to all the gods dreamt into existence
In this universe - honouring ALL foods
regardless of oil, fat, sugar, cholesterol
and wheat content - every new diet is a
new addition to the diet I love - thus I'm
worse off than I were before the new
regime kicked off; should I market
the lovely Hindu diet principle?
poem by Margaret Alice Second
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Each of us should take personal responsibility for our diet, and our children's diet, and the government's role should be to make certain it provides the best information possible to help people stay healthy.
quote by James Talent
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Must Go On A Diet!
Yes, I must go on a diet! I really, really must!
Yes, it's true I'd loathe to try it, but if I don't, I'll bust!
I know it's hip, this losing weight, to join a gym and such,
But exercise, I'd simply hate, as I don't like it much...
My belly's not worth looking at, it bulges now and then...
I'd merely roll, flat on the mat and not get up again...
I'll make a stand and walk it off, at double time, I guess!
Who cares if others stare and scoff, if I weigh less and less?
I've never run a marathon and know I never will.
I'd simply say, I can't go on! No stamina or skill...
I'll walk the streets or buy a bike, until my belly's right...
I'll give up all the cakes I like, chew carrots day and night!
I'll switch to fruits and vegetables... I'll do the best I can,
I'll overcome all obstacles to look like Peter Pan!
Ta-ta to sweet treats, smokes and beers! I'll live temptation free!
Who knows? It may take months! Or years! Or decades! Goodness me!
Too late to talk me out of it! My mind's made up, my friend...
I'll get this weight off, bit by bit, on that you can depend!
I'll tone up muscles here and there... I'll fight the flab each day!
Before and after! Please compare... The diet's worked O.K.!
poem by Denis Martindale
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Slim Fast DIE(t) Or Jared’s Subway DIE(t)
What is the world getting to?
People have been killed for Scarsdale Diet,
People have died on the operating table during stomach stapling,
People can die after they have gone the bariatric routes
People have underwent liposuction,
People have spent gobs of money on diet books,
Bally’s fees, diet pills to improve their health and looks.
The answer is, not being on The Biggest Loser,
You have to kill someone in Bentonville, Arkansas,
That’s all.
Broderick Lloyd Laswell
(sounds rather Thurston Howellish) ,
Is suing the Department of Corrections for their food that he gets for his meals.
He weighed at one time 413 lbs. now he is down to skeletal 308 lbs.
What is the big deal?
Broderick is in jail for a murder charge,
He is also suing to get hot dishes,
If he gets convicted of first degree murder and his appeals have been expired,
Then he will gladly get the dish,
for which he wishes,
If that is his wish, he will get,
barring any vindication,
Then he will have a cocktail of sorts,
an after drink called a lethal injection.
(4-28-2008)
poem by Joe Rosochacki
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A Glutton's Lament
Why did I have that last slice of cake
When I'd already eaten enough?
I'm doubled up now with acute tummy ache
And I'm feeling so horribly rough!
Why, when I'd had much more than my share
Did I wolf down that trifle so quick?
I'd eaten my meal, and the leftovers there.
Now I'm think that I'm gonna be sick!
Why, oh why, did I have treacle tart
With custard piled on inches high!
It feels like my abdomen's coming apart
And I'm sure that I'm going to die! ! !
Was it only last week that I said I would quit:
I'd give up the binge-ing and diet?
Well, I'm going to start now, to get myself fit! !
Yes,
Next week, I'll certainly try it! ! ! !
poem by Dawn Ferrett
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Diet Coke
I'm a diet coke addict and not ashamed of my plight.
I must admit I guzzle each and every morning, noon and night.
Whether via bottle, can or glass I really don't care
As my taste buds are hypnotized by this enchanting fare.
As for my daily intake I have no idea of the amount.
I'm too busy chugging this elegant elixir to bother with a count.
Though one word of caution to those who imbibe regular coke:
Best you switch to delightful diet and not become one of those heavy folk.
poem by Gregory Huyette
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Piece of cake (Oooo, that sounds good!)
My diet's not working
It's easy to see
And my waist isn't
Getting any smaller
So in a splash of perspiration
I'm overwhelmed with inspiration
Instead of losing weight
I'll just grow taller!
poem by David Whalen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Have Fat Enough!
There comes a time when you look fat,
'Cos fat is what you are,
You've broken chairs each time you sat
And things have gone too far!
You need to diet! Yes, you do!
You need to flee the flab...
You simply grew and grew and grew,
Ate all that you could grab!
Well, now's a good time, change your weighs!
Don't squash the scales again!
If you get thin, you'll earn the praise,
So think thin until then!
So ask a Doctor who knows best,
Yes, you, just take your time...
Like Amy Pond who's so well dressed,
So thin she looks sublime!
It's up to you! Yes, you, not me!
My diet's going well...
Just be the best that you can be,
As thin as Tinkerbell!
That said, obsession's not advised...
So check your ideal weight...
'Cos someday soon you'll be surprised,
'Cos someday... You'll look great!
Denis Martindale, copyright, August 2011.
Is this poem meant to deliberately offend?
Is this poem meant to accidentally offend?
No. It's meant to remind us of one lady who
finally had to admit it, 'I have had enough! '
So the poem was called, I Have Fat Enough!
This poem is based on the website feedback
read on myspecialk-dot-co-dot-uk by the dieters
who want less not more. They have all known
that they should diet, so they decided to try it...
The rest is history: yes, his story and her story.
P.S. Doctor Who's assistant is Amy Pond,
who is played by the actress Karen Gillan.
poem by Denis Martindale
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Take Care of Love
Who are your friends in your search for intimacy sublime?
But who are real loved ones needing much more of your time?
When do you check your bank for your supply of funds?
But when do you check your love to see if it still runs?
Where do you store your valuables like diamonds and such?
But where do you keep your love and is there very much?
How often do you service your car to be sure it runs well?
But how often is your service of love just a hollow shell?
How often do you eat a balanced, healthy diet of food?
But how often is your diet of love remorsefully rude?
How often do you take a vacation from your world of spills?
But how often do you spill love and replace it with chills?
How often do you labor hard for that promotion at work?
But how often is your labor of love anything but a shirk?
How often do you look in the mirror and what do you really see?
For happiness, take care of love, and let all other things be!
poem by Gregory Huyette
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This cream will help one's nature strengthen and grow, The diet gives support in my decline.
Plus Size
Are u a plus size girl?
Now dun be mad, girl
Just stating a fact, girl
Not that you overeat, girl
Sometimes it could be, girl
A medical condition, girl
Stuck in that position, girls
Being a woman, girls
Juggling career, family, girls
Going into menopause, girls
Can play havoc, girls
To our weight, girls
Hormones at play, girls
Or lack of it, girls
Plus size is in, girls
Throw the diet in the bin, girls
Sexy curves, girls
See Mad Men, girls
See Marilyn Monroe, girls
See Adele, girls
See dropp Dead Diva, girls
See Glee, girls
Watching diet's a pain, girls
So what if we gain, girls
Nobody, nobody but you, girls
Decides what you, girls
Want to be and do, girls
Key is Attitude, girls
Be cool. Peace out!
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
Far too many times over the next 12 to 15 years, it was brought to my attention that people who followed my exercise guidelines exactly but ignored their diet, their weight and their cigarette smoking had heart attacks at age 55.
quote by Kenneth H. Cooper
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hiroshima
Oh! The mushroom cloud
Oppenhiemer takes solace
In my Bhagwad Gita and
Quotes Lord Krishna
I have become death
The destroyer of Universe
The Emperor when told -
The old wooden palace
Reduced to cinders- Asks
What about my old Elm tree
For a palace can be built in a month
It takes a hundred years for
An Elm to fully grow
We will surrender says the Emperor
Why - asks the Diet
I cannot see the slaughter of -
My people.
Young army hotheads-thinking
Emperor has been ill advised
Ask the General to follow -
The Code of the Japanese Soldier
And overthrow the Emperor and the Diet
Sayeth the General-
You talk of the Code of the Japanese Soldier
The Japanese Soldier has but one code -
'He always obeys his Emperor'.
And commits
Harakiri
poem by Satbir Bakshi
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Don't Eat More Eat Less
I weigh myself every day,
But it's all to no avail,
Despite countless diets I can say,
I was always doomed to fail.
Each day I only eat three meals,
Breakfast a sandwich then dinner,
If you only knew just how that feels,
You wouldn't class me as a sinner.
Yes I have the occasional snack,
But it's not a meal as such,
A chocolate biscuit gets me flak,
But to me it's not that much.
I take some sweets to calm me down,
The odd one I'm allowed,
Packets that is but don't you frown,
With will power I am endowed.
I really love my crisps and juice,
Jelly babies I can't resist,
I totally adore my chocolate mousse,
My desserts I've never missed.
Alcohol I'm told is perfectly fine,
If it's taken in moderation,
So I drink a daily bottle of wine,
It keeps me in total sedation.
I endeavour to exercise every day,
But it really is a crime,
All that sumptuous food leads me astray,
For activity I can't make the time.
When I jumped on to my weight machine,
All I could hear were haunting wails,
Was it from some ghostly Queen,
No it was coming from my scales.
It's the weight of all those clothes I wear,
It has nothing to do with me,
They make me look the shape of a pear,
That's just fallen from a tree.
One day I'll reach my perfect size,
I'll not predict where or when,
But when I do you'll hear my cries,
I've reached a perfect ten.
Diets have cost me thousands of pounds,
But I should have smelled a rat,
For the thing to me that most confounds,
It's in money not in fat.
Every one tells you the same,
It's the basis of every diet,
It's a con by any other name,
Boil your food don't fry it.
It doesn't matter whether you boil or fry,
Or the type of food you eat,
These special diets are all a lie,
They're all guilty of deceit.
Here's the greatest diet of them all,
It's been around for thousands of years,
The simplicity of it will enthrall,
It won't leave your pockets in tears.
The answer's there it's in your face,
Truth is it's beyond belief,
It's one which we can all embrace,
without giving out cash relief.
What is the answer I hear you ask,
You must relieve us from our stress,
The solution to our thankless task,
'' Don't Eat More Eat Less ''
Feed Me Love
Feed me love!
That's it.
All of those other promises,
To nourish my diet...
Has not left my appetite encouraged,
One bit!
Feed me some love as a main course.
Do not tease me with it as if it is dessert!
Whatever you say it will do for me,
I want that fed to me as an entrée first.
Feed me with it to quench my thirst.
Do not tease the love I hunger and deserve.
Feed me love!
That's it.
All of those other promises,
To nourish my diet...
Has not left my appetite encouraged,
One bit!
Feed me love,
And fill me up with it!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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On a Diet Denying
Tell me this...
Since I admit,
I am quite curious.
If it is not for me you live to crave...
How can you manage to live each day,
On a diet denying,
My love and the nourishment you get...
When you know it is yours,
To have whenever you want it...
With nothing to me you have to prove.
Tell me this...
Since I admit,
I am quite curious.
How can you manage to live each day,
On a diet denying,
My love and the nourishment you get...
From it!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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As Regular As Possible
Of course I can be rude and inconsiderate.
And I know it is difficult for you to believe,
Since I seem to be so...
Full of life,
Love!
And...
Myself.
No!
I did not say,
Full of 'that'!
I said...
Myself.
I make attempts,
To watch my diet,
And stay as regular as possible.
Now...
You are the one being rude.
And inconsiderate of my sensitivities.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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