A dentist's assistant named Jule
saw a blister appear on his tool.
Said the dentist 'don't fret
it's the girl that you met
from the Queensland Venereal School.'
quote by by Herbert Nehrlich
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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Related quotes
Crocodile's Toothache
Oh the Crocodile
Went to the dentist
And sat down in the chair,
And the dentist said, 'Now tell me, sir,
Why does it hurt and where?'
And the Crocodile said, 'I'll tell you the truth.
I have a terrible ache in my tooth.'
And he opened his jaws so wide, so wide,
That the dentist he climbed right inside,
And the dentist laughed, 'Oh, isn't this fun?'
As he pulled the teeth out, one by one.
And the Crocodile cried, 'You're hurting me so!
Please put down your pliers and let me go.'
But the dentist just laughed with a Ho Ho Ho,
And he said, 'I still have twelve to go --
Oops, that's the wrong one, I confess.
But what's one crocodile's tooth, more or less?'
Then suddenly the jaws went snap,
And the dentist was gone right off the map.
And where he went one could only guess...
To North or South or East or West...
He left no forwarding address.
But what's one dentist more or less?
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Theses officers were good friends, so it must have been a terrible argument, because the one who played chess with my father was so angry that he walked over to the dentist's house and got the dentist out of bed and shot him.
quote by Bruno Schulz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dentist Chair (Fun Poem 99)
Everyone hates the dentist
some much more than me.
Just the thought of the drill
and the light in your eyes
puts the chills up me.
One of my worst encounters
of the dentist chair came in the 1960’s
when a cold in a tooth made my face swell
on one side like a melon
and I could only drink through a straw.
They knocked me out to remove the tooth.
Having no recovery room
they put me back in the waiting room
and sat me in a chair out there.
It was the dawn of the plastic moulded ones
and the one I sat on was so slippery
I kept slipping down.
I mumbled aloud about the dentist being no good.
Some of his patients took one look at me
and decided I was right, then made a hasty exit
from the waiting room.
With the side of my face swollen to the size of a melon
I can understand why.
Another encounter with a dentist
was quite a few years later.
A different dentist with a wholly different approach.
He was having his waiting room decorated
and I was the only one there.
He came in with a Cheshire grin across his face.
“Mr Harris, do you mind if this gentleman
takes out your teeth today? ”
Being I and thinking it was a student,
I said I didn’t mind.
The dentist then said, “He is my interior decorator.”
The smile still implanted on his face.
I nearly ran out of there.
Now the third tale concerns my wife
and she fears the dentist even more than me.
She had an appointment
and when we arrived,
the surgery was closed for lunch.
We went for a little walk
and all the cars we passed had dents in the side.
“See that.” I said.
“Yes.” She replied.
“That’s what the dentist does
when he can’t get his own way.”
As we approached, a corner
there was a church on the other side.
“Why don’t you nip in there for a quick pray
that the dentist doesn’t come back? ”
She thumped me I wonder why.
As we walked back to the surgery I assured her,
that everything was going to be OK.
They calm you as soon as you walk in.
She looked at me suspiciously and asked how?
They have a big mallet just above the door
and bop you on the head as you walk in.
Your teeth fall out in the process
and the job is done.
Now I wonder why she has never asked me
to go to the dentist with her again.
1 April 2009
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Put you energy into music. If it fails you, you can become an accountant or a dentist. And then if you become a dentist or an accountant, it's too late to become a musician afterwards.
quote by Peter Tork
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.
The Dentist Appointment
On Thursday morning, I have to see the Dentist;
Cancelling the appointment, I am trying to resist.
I just don't know if I will be able to do it;
I don't know if I can put myself through it.
To help myself relax, and help allay my fears.
I am planning to plug my iPod into my ears
If, with my favourite music, my ears are filled,
It will drown out the sound of the dreaded drill.
Whenever I think about it, I feel extremely tense.
The relief I'll feel, when it's over, will be immense.
In the pit of my stomach, I get bouts of butterflies;
A few times, in secret, I've even had a little cry.
On my last trip to the Dentist, my eyes sprung a leak,
And my fingers gripped tightly to the edge of my seat.
The needle which they use, feels me with such fright,
So I'll lie there tomorrow, and shut my eyes really tight.
On Thursday morning, I'm the first one in the chair;
I'm hoping that this will make it a tad easier to bear.
But what if, the situation, I really just cannot face?
What if, away from the surgery, I then quickly race?
My Dentist does his real best to put me at ease;
He is really friendly, and looks slightly Chinese.
But, if I keep myself calm, and be really brave,
My teeth, my Dentist, will then be able to save.
poem by Angela Wybrow
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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There was an old granny named Flo
she came down with gangrene on her toe,
so she went to the dentist
who was known as adventist
and he said 'it's a tooth for a toe.'
quote by by Herbert Nehrlich
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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I always wanted to be a dentist from the time I was in high school, and I was accepted to dental school in the spring of 1972. I was planning to go, but after the Olympics there were other opportunities.
quote by Mark Spitz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Somewhere Up In Queensland
He's somewhere up in Queensland,
The old folks used to say;
He’s somewhere up in Queensland,
The people say to-day.
But Somewhere (up in Queensland)
That uncle used to know—
That filled our hearts with wonder,
Seems vanished long ago.
He’s gone to Queensland, droving,
The old folks used to say;
He’s gone to Queensland, droving,
The people say to-day.
But “gone to Queensland, droving,”
Might mean, in language plain,
He follows stock in buggies,
And gets supplies by train.
He’s knocking round in Queensland,
The old folks used to say;
He’s gone to Queensland, roving,
His sweetheart says to-day.
But “gone to Queensland, roving”
By mighty plain and scrub,
Might mean he drives a motor-car
For Missus Moneygrub.
He’s looking for new country,
The old folks used to say;
Our boy has gone exploring,
Fond parents say to-day.
“Exploring” out in Queensland
Might only mean to some
He’s salesman in “the drapery”
Of a bush emporium.
To somewhere up in Queensland
Went Tom and Ted and Jack;
From somewhere up in Queensland
The dusty cheques come back:
From somewhere up in Queensland
Brown drovers used to come,
And someone up in Queensland
Kept many a southern home.
Somewhere up in Queensland,
How many black sheep roam,
Who never write a letter,
And never think of home.
For someone up in Queensland
How many a mother spoke;
For someone up in Queensland
How many a girl’s heart broke.
poem by Henry Lawson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Cindy Perl, Thanks for Nothing
Thanks for nothing, Cindy Perl.
After five long years of dating-
Movies, concerts, masticating-
You decided David Tepper’s not for you.
You needed one who'd make you smile
And provide for your lifestyle.
So you went and wed a dentist-
Good for you.
All that Tepper’s managed since
is Four Billion more or le$$.
He has a mansion in the Hamptons
by the shore.
Cindy, you backed the wrong horse-
But don’t go getting a divorce.
Your dentist fills your cavities
For you
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor Junk
Dr. junk the dentist man
Fills your teeth with what he can
Airplane wings and corset stays
And when hes done hell let you pay
In paper clips or inner tubes
Or anything thats slightly used
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
Dr. junk the dentist has
An office full of colored glass
A garden with a paddle wheel
And funny plants for eye appeal
And though he watches them with care
Ive never seen them growing there
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
Eccentric things
Dr. junk the dentist built
A junky castle up on stilts
Junk within and junk throughout
And tv in the chimney spout
And fourteen levels to each floor
And now hes adding fourteen more
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
song performed by by Joni Mitchell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Just My Luck (Fun Poem 73)
I went to the dentist
for the first time in twenty years.
Sat in the waiting room
waiting to get my call.
Finally, it came
and I reluctantly went in,
hand shaking and nervous as can be
and was surprised to find
the dentist looked
like she had just walked out of the centrefold
of a Playboy magazine.
She was blonde
and dropp dead gorgeous.
Instead of a man looking like,
he had just walked out of a rugby scrum.
Trust little old me to gets this beauty.
I sat in the chair
took out my false teeth
knowing she wouldn’t want to see them
and opened my mouth wider
so she could have a peek inside.
“I’m going to have to take an X-ray at those.”
“No problem.” I replied.
After the X-rays were taken,
she asked me what pills I was on.
“The one you put in your shoe to make you go limp.”
I replied jokingly.
Sadly she didn’t get the joke I’m afraid.
However, because of the pills, I was on
and the way the tooth
was embedded in my gum.
I have to go to the hospital
to have the darn thing out.
Just my luck.
Here I get the prettiest dentist
to fool around with my teeth
and she then refers me to the hospital.
Doesn’t that just take the cake.
Just my luck.
There is a small consolation when I go.
They will knock me out
and I won’t see who is pulling out my teeth.
25 April 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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One of my sensory problems was hearing sensitivity, where certain loud noises, such as a school bell, hurt my ears. It sounded like a dentist drill going through my ears.
quote by Temple Grandin
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Girl Named Paige
A girl named Paige
With eyes and a face so bright
A girl named Paige
Came into my dreary life
My life, so dark
So full of strife
A girl named Paige
About her I was told
To keep me away until I was old
A girl named Paige
A lesson she did teach
For me to keep sight of my reach
A girl named Paige
Broke my heart
As my world fell apart
A girl named Paige
Perfectly took the part
While adding another fool to her cart
A girl named Paige
Shook my whole world
My eyes were on no other girl
A girl named Paige
Fooled me into loving her
While she secretly lusted another, and another
A girl named Paige
Caused me endless pain
Of this, I'm not ashamed
A girl named Paige
Made me go insane
This girl is love's bane
A girl named Paige
Caused me to do so much
To love her such
A girl named Paige
Made my heart bleed
The woe of pain it did heed
A girl named Paige
I'll never be the same
In that group, she came
A girl named Paige
I loved a whole whole lot
A feeling she returned, did not
A girl named Paige
Others showed me how she was
She screws around just because
A girl named Paige
Has had several boyfriends
She shares between her and her best friend
A girl named Paige
Is sleeping around
Like her mother, she's been around town
A girl named Paige
Has 4 sisters
If you see her vermin family, you surely won't miss her
A girl named Paige
I felt so much emotion
Caused so much devastation
A girl named Paige
Fooled me she loved me so
She can't fool anyone no more
A girl named Paige
Has no future for her
She'll be working as a stripper
A girl named Paige
Will have a horrible existence
For her whole being is full of pestilence
A girl named Paige
Makes you love
A false gift from above
A girl named Paige
Should be gone from this world
She gives a bad name to all other girls
For Paige G.
With love, Joseph
poem by Joseph Shofner
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I'd rather go to the dentist... but I'm going.
quote by Phil Gramm
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dentistry And Reflections
The dentist and Reflections
Up there in the continuous darkness of the universe
I saw a streak of light... a dying comets last hurrah.
Bedroom very dark couldn’t sleep too much death
for one night. Got up and read an article that plants
speak to each other. “Warning a heavy footed man
is coming your way.” “Duck a lawn mower is at large.”
Amputated roses and tulips chafes in a vase kept
alive for a few days... admire beauty in death agony.
Carrots screaming in distress when pulled from soil...
good for your health, dieticians says.
Everything we like, what we eat are, hurting plants
and animals. Which, reminds me I’ve an appointment
with my dentist tomorrow, gardener of my glum teeth,
he will speak softly as he pulls up out another tooth.
poem by Oskar Hansen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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You can't blame a dentist for looking down at the mouth.
I was never afraid of anything in the world except the dentist.
quote by Taylor Caldwell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Dentist’s
Your mouth hurts inside for the pain comes from the teeth,
Pain is destructive to the teeth, its gums are bleeding;
Must we learn further help and admiration, or just weep?
First, the aching stops and then the dentist stops,
We all feel murdered, but why?
Firstly, mouths are meant for munching, fully chomping
The food residing in the head, feeding the brain as fast as it can;
We are not dentists, but full doctors, but full nurses,
As hospitals go, we stand firm on our teeth chattering away in the cold.
We felt absurd knowing your teeth.
The main worry was when it made me squirm, and then burn,
Too late, the drill was performed, with too much work,
And that was purity and goodness in the process,
For me, for me, and for those who call themselves the dentist.
We do find teeth a chore, always to be restored.
poem by Naveed Akram
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Expert Dentist Dr Joseph
There is a dentist on Palm Beach,
who really knows how to fix your teeth.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph is his name,
your teeth will never be the same,
because 'Expert Dentistry' is his game.
His Star treatment makes you feel grand,
when his office picks you up in a limousine not a van,
driving you to his dentist office by ocean and sand.
Photos of Dr. Josephs, family and staff I did take,
to display past patients smiles real great.
By promoting his business in Palm Beach Today.
showing how he can prevent tooth decay.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph also is a generous soul,
he gave me a big tip at the Italian Bistro.
Just one more thing you should know,
he is an expert so listen his “Tooth Talk” radio show.
Written on Feb.16th 2011 by Christina Sunrise
poem by Suzae Chevalier
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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