Just My Luck (Fun Poem 73)
I went to the dentist
for the first time in twenty years.
Sat in the waiting room
waiting to get my call.
Finally, it came
and I reluctantly went in,
hand shaking and nervous as can be
and was surprised to find
the dentist looked
like she had just walked out of the centrefold
of a Playboy magazine.
She was blonde
and dropp dead gorgeous.
Instead of a man looking like,
he had just walked out of a rugby scrum.
Trust little old me to gets this beauty.
I sat in the chair
took out my false teeth
knowing she wouldn’t want to see them
and opened my mouth wider
so she could have a peek inside.
“I’m going to have to take an X-ray at those.”
“No problem.” I replied.
After the X-rays were taken,
she asked me what pills I was on.
“The one you put in your shoe to make you go limp.”
I replied jokingly.
Sadly she didn’t get the joke I’m afraid.
However, because of the pills, I was on
and the way the tooth
was embedded in my gum.
I have to go to the hospital
to have the darn thing out.
Just my luck.
Here I get the prettiest dentist
to fool around with my teeth
and she then refers me to the hospital.
Doesn’t that just take the cake.
Just my luck.
There is a small consolation when I go.
They will knock me out
and I won’t see who is pulling out my teeth.
25 April 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Dentist Chair (Fun Poem 99)
Everyone hates the dentist
some much more than me.
Just the thought of the drill
and the light in your eyes
puts the chills up me.
One of my worst encounters
of the dentist chair came in the 1960’s
when a cold in a tooth made my face swell
on one side like a melon
and I could only drink through a straw.
They knocked me out to remove the tooth.
Having no recovery room
they put me back in the waiting room
and sat me in a chair out there.
It was the dawn of the plastic moulded ones
and the one I sat on was so slippery
I kept slipping down.
I mumbled aloud about the dentist being no good.
Some of his patients took one look at me
and decided I was right, then made a hasty exit
from the waiting room.
With the side of my face swollen to the size of a melon
I can understand why.
Another encounter with a dentist
was quite a few years later.
A different dentist with a wholly different approach.
He was having his waiting room decorated
and I was the only one there.
He came in with a Cheshire grin across his face.
“Mr Harris, do you mind if this gentleman
takes out your teeth today? ”
Being I and thinking it was a student,
I said I didn’t mind.
The dentist then said, “He is my interior decorator.”
The smile still implanted on his face.
I nearly ran out of there.
Now the third tale concerns my wife
and she fears the dentist even more than me.
She had an appointment
and when we arrived,
the surgery was closed for lunch.
We went for a little walk
and all the cars we passed had dents in the side.
“See that.” I said.
“Yes.” She replied.
“That’s what the dentist does
when he can’t get his own way.”
As we approached, a corner
there was a church on the other side.
“Why don’t you nip in there for a quick pray
that the dentist doesn’t come back? ”
She thumped me I wonder why.
As we walked back to the surgery I assured her,
that everything was going to be OK.
They calm you as soon as you walk in.
She looked at me suspiciously and asked how?
They have a big mallet just above the door
and bop you on the head as you walk in.
Your teeth fall out in the process
and the job is done.
Now I wonder why she has never asked me
to go to the dentist with her again.
1 April 2009
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Crocodile's Toothache
Oh the Crocodile
Went to the dentist
And sat down in the chair,
And the dentist said, 'Now tell me, sir,
Why does it hurt and where?'
And the Crocodile said, 'I'll tell you the truth.
I have a terrible ache in my tooth.'
And he opened his jaws so wide, so wide,
That the dentist he climbed right inside,
And the dentist laughed, 'Oh, isn't this fun?'
As he pulled the teeth out, one by one.
And the Crocodile cried, 'You're hurting me so!
Please put down your pliers and let me go.'
But the dentist just laughed with a Ho Ho Ho,
And he said, 'I still have twelve to go --
Oops, that's the wrong one, I confess.
But what's one crocodile's tooth, more or less?'
Then suddenly the jaws went snap,
And the dentist was gone right off the map.
And where he went one could only guess...
To North or South or East or West...
He left no forwarding address.
But what's one dentist more or less?
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Dentist’s
Your mouth hurts inside for the pain comes from the teeth,
Pain is destructive to the teeth, its gums are bleeding;
Must we learn further help and admiration, or just weep?
First, the aching stops and then the dentist stops,
We all feel murdered, but why?
Firstly, mouths are meant for munching, fully chomping
The food residing in the head, feeding the brain as fast as it can;
We are not dentists, but full doctors, but full nurses,
As hospitals go, we stand firm on our teeth chattering away in the cold.
We felt absurd knowing your teeth.
The main worry was when it made me squirm, and then burn,
Too late, the drill was performed, with too much work,
And that was purity and goodness in the process,
For me, for me, and for those who call themselves the dentist.
We do find teeth a chore, always to be restored.
poem by Naveed Akram
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Problem With Teeth
The problem with teeth that are false
Is they don't always ride out their course
They shift when you're eating
Or fly loose at a greeting
Some marriages end with divorce!
The problem with teeth that are false
Is that they won't always lie
In a mouth half their size
And can drive a sane man up the wall
The problem with teeth that are false
Is they don't always ride out life's course
In on a hospital stay they get 'put away'
Until you can't find them at all!
And when they do finally arrive
It's on a woman whose barely alive
Though's she's making a terrible din
But when she smiles she possesses your grin
And it's hard to reclaim them
Because she's renamed them
But the teeth that you've got won't fit in! ! .
The problem with teeth that are false
Is that they rarey survive in life's course
So it's better to brush and religiously floss
So you don't have to lose them at all!
yvette smith
poem by Yvette Smith
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Expert Dentist Dr Joseph
There is a dentist on Palm Beach,
who really knows how to fix your teeth.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph is his name,
your teeth will never be the same,
because 'Expert Dentistry' is his game.
His Star treatment makes you feel grand,
when his office picks you up in a limousine not a van,
driving you to his dentist office by ocean and sand.
Photos of Dr. Josephs, family and staff I did take,
to display past patients smiles real great.
By promoting his business in Palm Beach Today.
showing how he can prevent tooth decay.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph also is a generous soul,
he gave me a big tip at the Italian Bistro.
Just one more thing you should know,
he is an expert so listen his “Tooth Talk” radio show.
Written on Feb.16th 2011 by Christina Sunrise
poem by Suzae Chevalier
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Expert Dentist Dr Joseph
There is a dentist on Palm Beach,
who really knows how to fix your teeth.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph is his name,
your teeth will never be the same,
because 'Expert Dentistry' is his game.
His Star treatment makes you feel grand,
when his office picks you up in a limousine not a van,
driving you to his dentist office by ocean and sand.
Photos of Dr. Josephs, family and staff I did take,
to display past patients smiles real great.
By promoting his business in Palm Beach Today.
showing how he can prevent tooth decay.
Dr. Mitchell Joseph also is a generous soul,
he gave me a big tip at the Italian Bistro.
Just one more thing you should know,
he is an expert so listen his “Tooth Talk” radio show.
Written on Feb.16th 2011 by Christina Sunrise
poem by Christina Sunrise
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Dental Poem
Natural teeth are best for men;
See the dentist now and then;
Don’t eat more of sugar stuff;
Don’t chew tobacco or puff!
Brush your teeth, both morn and night;
Wear your dentures, smooth and light;
Floss your teeth to rid off food;
Keep your oral hygiene good.
Extract teeth that hurt the cheek;
Let gums not bleed nor turn weak;
Rinse your mouth after a café;
Keep your God-given teeth safe.
Do not drink hot tea / coffee;
Do not eat sweets like toffee;
Let your breath be fresh and free;
Keep your teeth strong and healthy!
Copyright by Dr John Celes 9-9-‘10
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Dentist Appointment
On Thursday morning, I have to see the Dentist;
Cancelling the appointment, I am trying to resist.
I just don't know if I will be able to do it;
I don't know if I can put myself through it.
To help myself relax, and help allay my fears.
I am planning to plug my iPod into my ears
If, with my favourite music, my ears are filled,
It will drown out the sound of the dreaded drill.
Whenever I think about it, I feel extremely tense.
The relief I'll feel, when it's over, will be immense.
In the pit of my stomach, I get bouts of butterflies;
A few times, in secret, I've even had a little cry.
On my last trip to the Dentist, my eyes sprung a leak,
And my fingers gripped tightly to the edge of my seat.
The needle which they use, feels me with such fright,
So I'll lie there tomorrow, and shut my eyes really tight.
On Thursday morning, I'm the first one in the chair;
I'm hoping that this will make it a tad easier to bear.
But what if, the situation, I really just cannot face?
What if, away from the surgery, I then quickly race?
My Dentist does his real best to put me at ease;
He is really friendly, and looks slightly Chinese.
But, if I keep myself calm, and be really brave,
My teeth, my Dentist, will then be able to save.
poem by Angela Wybrow
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Theses officers were good friends, so it must have been a terrible argument, because the one who played chess with my father was so angry that he walked over to the dentist's house and got the dentist out of bed and shot him.
quote by Bruno Schulz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The dentist thing
I. The evening that I bite right through a molar
The evening that I bite right through a molar
with the nerve lying open,
in a thousand years I do not want over again
and then suddenly I am without an appetite
it feels as if I am loosing my senses,
to put it mildly
while I neatly put down my eating utensils
and the next morning I go without breakfast
but that night that thing
pains and beats
and no clove oil, Syndols or R10’s help
to stop that pain
and it feels as if I can jump up and down
and I am overwhelmed with pain.
II. I cannot close a eye
I cannot close an eye
even if I do anything to lie down
or do whatever to be sleeping
and far too slowly the minutes and hours tick past.
Then I sit in front of the computer and stare
and write a poem
where the devil tells me not to spare God
and I have no humility
but I write a song of praise
a poem that I call early spring
letting my pain, my song, my life there cling to Him
where I glorify the awesomeness of His creation and salvation
and send that dark might on its way,
waiting right through the night on the morning light.
III. At daylight I find no opening at a dentist
At daylight I find no opening at a dentist,
everyone is booked full,
and I drive to and thro
and my molar is broken right through.
Even the dentistry department
of the community clinic is closed
and it’s as if everything is hampering me
and in the new town I feel miserable
when a black old lady outside the library
tells me about another dentist
and with my motorbike I break the speed limit
while that awful tooth troubles me
and when I quickly run into that dentistry rooms,
there’s a booking open.
IV. There I am taught why children hate dentists
There I am taught why children
hated dentists and are afraid of them
and wish that I were somewhere else
when he switches on the searchlight and with his knowledge
grabs needles, pliers and drills
and uses a thing that almost sucks my breath away
notching a hole into that teeth with a drill
with my mouth stretched open and my head bend back
and that teeth is impacted into the jawbone,
whereupon he brakes piece by piece out with a pair of pliers,
takes a scalpel and before I can stop him
cuts and stabs a hole into my mouth
saying very nonchalant that the rest can swear out
and my bleeding mouth aches a long while after this.
poem by Gert Strydom
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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When I Walked Into
the waiting room
at the dentist’s
there was only one seat open…
i took it,
grabbed a copy of Newsweek
and tried to hide my face.
but,
before i even
opened the magazine
this guy on my right
starts talking:
“…used to play guitar once…
years ago,
when i was a kid.
i was pretty good at it, too! ”
knowing it was useless,
i put down the magazine
and turned toward him.
he was
an ordinary kind of guy…
maybe 50.
“it was a great way
to pick up women.
i met all sorts of women
when i was playing guitar.
that’s how i met my wife.”
just then they called my name
and i stood up.
he reached for my magazine
and said:
“yep, it’s been years
since i played guitar.
now i play
second fiddle.”
poem by John Yamrus
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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With Teeth
But she will not let you go
But this time Im not coming back
She will not let you go
But this time Im not coming back
Keeps holding on
She will not let you go
Keeps holding on and on
She will not let you go
No, no, no, no, no!
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
I cannot go through this again /x8
No, no, no, no, no!
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
Youve finally found the place where you belong
It comes on strong
She makes you hard
The rules have changed, the line begins to blur
To what you were
Wave goodbye
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
And it runs deeper than you dare to dream it could be
The black seal
She makes you better than anything youve tried
Its in her kiss
She comes along
She gets inside
song performed by by Nine Inch Nails
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dentistry And Reflections
The dentist and Reflections
Up there in the continuous darkness of the universe
I saw a streak of light... a dying comets last hurrah.
Bedroom very dark couldn’t sleep too much death
for one night. Got up and read an article that plants
speak to each other. “Warning a heavy footed man
is coming your way.” “Duck a lawn mower is at large.”
Amputated roses and tulips chafes in a vase kept
alive for a few days... admire beauty in death agony.
Carrots screaming in distress when pulled from soil...
good for your health, dieticians says.
Everything we like, what we eat are, hurting plants
and animals. Which, reminds me I’ve an appointment
with my dentist tomorrow, gardener of my glum teeth,
he will speak softly as he pulls up out another tooth.
poem by Oskar Hansen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Doctor Junk
Dr. junk the dentist man
Fills your teeth with what he can
Airplane wings and corset stays
And when hes done hell let you pay
In paper clips or inner tubes
Or anything thats slightly used
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
Dr. junk the dentist has
An office full of colored glass
A garden with a paddle wheel
And funny plants for eye appeal
And though he watches them with care
Ive never seen them growing there
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
Eccentric things
Dr. junk the dentist built
A junky castle up on stilts
Junk within and junk throughout
And tv in the chimney spout
And fourteen levels to each floor
And now hes adding fourteen more
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
song performed by by Joni Mitchell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When life is kicking others in the teeth, Become a dentist.
quote by Kevin Meyers
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lighter (Fun Poem 128)
I am heading home tomorrow
a little lighter than when I came.
I had a candy yesterday
and as I bit into it
one of my teeth cracked.
Now I am going back lighter
and one tooth less
than when I came.
Looks like a trip to the dentist,
oh what a shame.
(15 July 2011)
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Sarsparilla and Janice and You.
You walked with Janice
to Baldwin's the Herbalist
at the corner of Elephant
and Walworth Road
she wore her blue patterned dress
and red beret
and white socks
and red sandals
and in her small purse
she had money
her gran gave her
to buy sarsaparilla
in a half pint glass
and you
in your cowboy shirt
and jeans and plimsolls
with your holster
and six shooter
in the belt
around your waist
and clutching money
your mother'd given you
for doing a few chores
Gran would never let me
go on my own
Janice said
but when I said
you were going
Gran said all right
but no sweets
they rot your teeth
I like the liquorice sticks
you can buy there
you said
they make your teeth white
or so my mum said
Janice looked at your gun
in the holster
and said
you can protect me
from outlaws with your gun
sure
you replied
she smelt of lavender
and toothpaste from tins
and she moved nearer to you
and her arm touched yours
as you walked along
here we are
she said
and opened the door of Baldwin's
and you both went in
and went to the counter
and asked the man
for two half pints
of sarsaparilla
and when he poured them
and you each paid him
you stood by the window
with your glasses
and sipped
and looked
at the passing traffic
and people
you feeling like Wyatt Earp
in the saloon
and Janice looking out
as if she feared
outlaws would be coming
pretty soon.
poem by Terry Collett
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She Looked Old
That damned tooth gave me truckloads of curry
and I had to reluctantly go
to the dentist, her name was Doc Murray
in the town of Antonio.
She was old and her hair gray and thinning,
lots of wrinkles and spots of old age
and her teeth showed no beauty while grinning
but the name had my recall engage.
I had BEEN in a class with a Murray
many years ago, back in Chicago,
once I dated her when in a hurry
and we watched the old film Doc Shivago.
Though unsure because she was so old,
I now queried the lady like this:
'May I be, my dear doctor so bold
since you triggered me to reminisce?
Back then, in the windy city
were you part of Lake Michigan High? '
To myself I said 'gee, what a pity,
she is ancient and life passed her by.'
Then she answered, that ugly fat horse:
' Yes I was, and what class did you teach? '
What a dragon she was and, with force,
she let out a most terrible screech.
'I remember you now, what a riot
it's your age, you look ancient my friend! '
I confess I was destined to try it
use the drill on her mouth in the end.
poem by Herbert Nehrlich
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A dentist's assistant named Jule
saw a blister appear on his tool.
Said the dentist 'don't fret
it's the girl that you met
from the Queensland Venereal School.'
quote by by Herbert Nehrlich
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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I Really Mish My Teesh
I always looked after them whilst growing up,
Until I was about twelve years old,
Now at night they are stored in a cup,
The very thought of that leaves me so cold.
I started adulthood with 32 teeth,
All perfect in every way,
White on top, the same underneath,
Not one of them showed signs of decay.
I brushed them on occasion if I felt the need,
But mostly I left them alone,
Mainly after a bevy or perhaps a feed,
Main thing is they were all my own.
Dental hygiene was there but it wasn't great,
But so what, they weren't that bad,
Despite all the warnings I have to now state,
My attitude was totally mad.
I kept being told I had really bad breath,
But I never took heed of the link,
When they said in truth it smells of death,
I blamed it on the fags and the drink.
I ignored the warnings they were under attack,
A decision I would live to regret,
Before I knew it they were covered in plaque,
With oral problems I was now beset.
I kept getting toothache time and again,
It's an affliction that is truly ill gotten,
How did I manage to stand that pain,
Knowing it was my teeth, which were rotten.
The sweet things the booze and the cigarettes,
Had left my teeth in tatters,
It's entirely my fault as nobody forgets,
Looking after them should be all that matters.
I could no longer smile, as I felt so ashamed,
My teeth were worn out and black,
My gums were sore and terribly inflamed,
Too far gone to find a way back.
I couldn't enjoy my food any more,
Cold drinks were a thing of the past,
Eating anything had became such a chore,
I now wish I had made my teeth last.
Ailments are many when you choose not to brush,
Yet they can all be avoided with ease,
By cleaning every day you will keep them plush
You'll avoid the risk of disease.
Visit the dentist; it's never too late,
They will help you to keep your teeth pure,
Don't listen to those who say, its just fate,
When they're gone there's no miracle cure.
Your adult teeth are the last ones you'll get,
Make sure they stay healthy and clean,
If you treat them well you can safely bet,
You will keep them totally pristine.
It's easy to avoid future dental strife,
All you need do is take care,
You must accept that your teeth are for life,
Look after them and they'll always be there.
I watch them lying in a glass every night,
While I lie hear and suck on my quiche,
Being unable to chew will never feel right,
‘' I Really Mish My Teesh ‘'