You can't blame a dentist for looking down at the mouth.
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Crocodile's Toothache
Oh the Crocodile
Went to the dentist
And sat down in the chair,
And the dentist said, 'Now tell me, sir,
Why does it hurt and where?'
And the Crocodile said, 'I'll tell you the truth.
I have a terrible ache in my tooth.'
And he opened his jaws so wide, so wide,
That the dentist he climbed right inside,
And the dentist laughed, 'Oh, isn't this fun?'
As he pulled the teeth out, one by one.
And the Crocodile cried, 'You're hurting me so!
Please put down your pliers and let me go.'
But the dentist just laughed with a Ho Ho Ho,
And he said, 'I still have twelve to go --
Oops, that's the wrong one, I confess.
But what's one crocodile's tooth, more or less?'
Then suddenly the jaws went snap,
And the dentist was gone right off the map.
And where he went one could only guess...
To North or South or East or West...
He left no forwarding address.
But what's one dentist more or less?
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A dentist's assistant named Jule
saw a blister appear on his tool.
Said the dentist 'don't fret
it's the girl that you met
from the Queensland Venereal School.'
quote by by Herbert Nehrlich
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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Theses officers were good friends, so it must have been a terrible argument, because the one who played chess with my father was so angry that he walked over to the dentist's house and got the dentist out of bed and shot him.
quote by Bruno Schulz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dentist Chair (Fun Poem 99)
Everyone hates the dentist
some much more than me.
Just the thought of the drill
and the light in your eyes
puts the chills up me.
One of my worst encounters
of the dentist chair came in the 1960’s
when a cold in a tooth made my face swell
on one side like a melon
and I could only drink through a straw.
They knocked me out to remove the tooth.
Having no recovery room
they put me back in the waiting room
and sat me in a chair out there.
It was the dawn of the plastic moulded ones
and the one I sat on was so slippery
I kept slipping down.
I mumbled aloud about the dentist being no good.
Some of his patients took one look at me
and decided I was right, then made a hasty exit
from the waiting room.
With the side of my face swollen to the size of a melon
I can understand why.
Another encounter with a dentist
was quite a few years later.
A different dentist with a wholly different approach.
He was having his waiting room decorated
and I was the only one there.
He came in with a Cheshire grin across his face.
“Mr Harris, do you mind if this gentleman
takes out your teeth today? ”
Being I and thinking it was a student,
I said I didn’t mind.
The dentist then said, “He is my interior decorator.”
The smile still implanted on his face.
I nearly ran out of there.
Now the third tale concerns my wife
and she fears the dentist even more than me.
She had an appointment
and when we arrived,
the surgery was closed for lunch.
We went for a little walk
and all the cars we passed had dents in the side.
“See that.” I said.
“Yes.” She replied.
“That’s what the dentist does
when he can’t get his own way.”
As we approached, a corner
there was a church on the other side.
“Why don’t you nip in there for a quick pray
that the dentist doesn’t come back? ”
She thumped me I wonder why.
As we walked back to the surgery I assured her,
that everything was going to be OK.
They calm you as soon as you walk in.
She looked at me suspiciously and asked how?
They have a big mallet just above the door
and bop you on the head as you walk in.
Your teeth fall out in the process
and the job is done.
Now I wonder why she has never asked me
to go to the dentist with her again.
1 April 2009
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Just My Luck (Fun Poem 73)
I went to the dentist
for the first time in twenty years.
Sat in the waiting room
waiting to get my call.
Finally, it came
and I reluctantly went in,
hand shaking and nervous as can be
and was surprised to find
the dentist looked
like she had just walked out of the centrefold
of a Playboy magazine.
She was blonde
and dropp dead gorgeous.
Instead of a man looking like,
he had just walked out of a rugby scrum.
Trust little old me to gets this beauty.
I sat in the chair
took out my false teeth
knowing she wouldn’t want to see them
and opened my mouth wider
so she could have a peek inside.
“I’m going to have to take an X-ray at those.”
“No problem.” I replied.
After the X-rays were taken,
she asked me what pills I was on.
“The one you put in your shoe to make you go limp.”
I replied jokingly.
Sadly she didn’t get the joke I’m afraid.
However, because of the pills, I was on
and the way the tooth
was embedded in my gum.
I have to go to the hospital
to have the darn thing out.
Just my luck.
Here I get the prettiest dentist
to fool around with my teeth
and she then refers me to the hospital.
Doesn’t that just take the cake.
Just my luck.
There is a small consolation when I go.
They will knock me out
and I won’t see who is pulling out my teeth.
25 April 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.
Put you energy into music. If it fails you, you can become an accountant or a dentist. And then if you become a dentist or an accountant, it's too late to become a musician afterwards.
quote by Peter Tork
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sonnet: Why Blame?
Why blame the eagle for its swoop on mice?
Why blame the tiger for hunting its prey?
Why blame the drug-peddler for playing dice?
Why blame the donkey when it can but bray?
Why blame the wind that makes the branches sway?
Why blame the snake for its poison-fangs?
Why blame the sun for a hot summer’s day?
Why blame the police for the thieving gangs?
Why blame the night for being dark and cold?
Why blame the devils when they will tempt man?
Why blame our fate when we are getting old?
Why blame the Maker for how Man began?
Why blame the circumstances for our sins?
Why blame the tongue, whenever our words mince?
7-30-2002
poem by John Celes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Dentist Appointment
On Thursday morning, I have to see the Dentist;
Cancelling the appointment, I am trying to resist.
I just don't know if I will be able to do it;
I don't know if I can put myself through it.
To help myself relax, and help allay my fears.
I am planning to plug my iPod into my ears
If, with my favourite music, my ears are filled,
It will drown out the sound of the dreaded drill.
Whenever I think about it, I feel extremely tense.
The relief I'll feel, when it's over, will be immense.
In the pit of my stomach, I get bouts of butterflies;
A few times, in secret, I've even had a little cry.
On my last trip to the Dentist, my eyes sprung a leak,
And my fingers gripped tightly to the edge of my seat.
The needle which they use, feels me with such fright,
So I'll lie there tomorrow, and shut my eyes really tight.
On Thursday morning, I'm the first one in the chair;
I'm hoping that this will make it a tad easier to bear.
But what if, the situation, I really just cannot face?
What if, away from the surgery, I then quickly race?
My Dentist does his real best to put me at ease;
He is really friendly, and looks slightly Chinese.
But, if I keep myself calm, and be really brave,
My teeth, my Dentist, will then be able to save.
poem by Angela Wybrow
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Sonnet: Such Blaming is Futile
Why blame poor Death when it does its duty?
Why blame the land for becoming desert?
Why blame Nature for unleashing fury?
Why blame dame Luck for being so inert?
Why blame the Sun for scorching summer’s heat?
Why blame the winter for its freezing cold?
Why blame the Wind for turning land less neat?
Why blame women for asking diamonds, gold?
Why blame the Sky for not bringing the Rain?
Why blame the Air for becoming so foul?
Why blame the nerves for sensation of pain?
Why blame the devils for your sinful soul?
Why blame the Stars for good or bad life brings?
Why blame your God for bad turn of some things?
poem by John Celes
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I have bad breath
I have very bad breath
It smells like decay and death
People say it makes them sick
As it also smells like garlic
People shirk away, Ok I get the hint
I will have to suck on yet another mint
When people face me, they look away
Looks like I'm gonna have to invest in some mouth spray
People face me and wince
Looks like I will need to buy mouth rinse
I think the smell comes from rotten caries
Or from my bad gum disease
What ever it is, people won't come near me
I am rejected from society
Looks like I won't be missed
Until I get myself to the dentist
poem by Katherine Shaw
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Dentist’s
Your mouth hurts inside for the pain comes from the teeth,
Pain is destructive to the teeth, its gums are bleeding;
Must we learn further help and admiration, or just weep?
First, the aching stops and then the dentist stops,
We all feel murdered, but why?
Firstly, mouths are meant for munching, fully chomping
The food residing in the head, feeding the brain as fast as it can;
We are not dentists, but full doctors, but full nurses,
As hospitals go, we stand firm on our teeth chattering away in the cold.
We felt absurd knowing your teeth.
The main worry was when it made me squirm, and then burn,
Too late, the drill was performed, with too much work,
And that was purity and goodness in the process,
For me, for me, and for those who call themselves the dentist.
We do find teeth a chore, always to be restored.
poem by Naveed Akram
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Blame It On You
Shes got pizzazz
Like a razzmatazz
Id like to slide it in
But where do I begin
Wastes all my money
Spends all my time
I aint got no luck
Cant change her mind
Chorus:
Blame it on you
I cant stand up
Blame it on you
Im keepin my mouth shut
Blame it on you
I cant see straight
Blame it on you
Uh-oh, too late
I want a little reaction
How bout a kiss or two?
She said, jump back honey,
I said, no can do.
Why do you always make a fool out of me?
I cant get no nookie
Just plain to see
Wastes all my money
Spends all my time
I aint got no luck
Cant change her mind
Chorus:
Blame it on you
I cant get no sleep
Blame it on you
Im in six feet deep
Blame it on you
Well I guess its true
Blame it on you
Yes, I do
I blame this whole damn mess, honey
Right on you
Solo
Now listen little girl, let me explain
Why you got me in such a terrible way
First verse
Pre-chorus
Chorus out
song performed by by Poison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cindy Perl, Thanks for Nothing
Thanks for nothing, Cindy Perl.
After five long years of dating-
Movies, concerts, masticating-
You decided David Tepper’s not for you.
You needed one who'd make you smile
And provide for your lifestyle.
So you went and wed a dentist-
Good for you.
All that Tepper’s managed since
is Four Billion more or le$$.
He has a mansion in the Hamptons
by the shore.
Cindy, you backed the wrong horse-
But don’t go getting a divorce.
Your dentist fills your cavities
For you
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Toast to the Men
Here's to the men! Since Adam's time
They've always been the same;
Whenever anything goes wrong,
The woman is to blame.
From early morn to late at night,
The men fault-finders are;
They blame us if they oversleep,
Or if they miss a car.
They blame us if, beneath the bed,
Their collar buttons roll;
They blame us if the fire is out
Or if there is no coal.
They blame us if they cut themselves
While shaving, and they swear
That we're to blame if they decide
To go upon a tear.
Here's to the men, the perfect men!
Who never are at fault;
They blame us if they chance to get
The pepper for the salt.
They blame us if their business fails,
Or back a losing horse;
And when it rains on holidays
The fault is ours, of course.
They blame us when they fall in love,
And when they married get;
Likewise they blame us when they're sick,
And when they fall in debt.
For everything that crisscross goes
They say we are to blame;
But, after all, here's to the men,
We love them just the same!
poem by Edgar Albert Guest
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Doctor Junk
Dr. junk the dentist man
Fills your teeth with what he can
Airplane wings and corset stays
And when hes done hell let you pay
In paper clips or inner tubes
Or anything thats slightly used
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
Dr. junk the dentist has
An office full of colored glass
A garden with a paddle wheel
And funny plants for eye appeal
And though he watches them with care
Ive never seen them growing there
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
Eccentric things
Dr. junk the dentist built
A junky castle up on stilts
Junk within and junk throughout
And tv in the chimney spout
And fourteen levels to each floor
And now hes adding fourteen more
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
song performed by by Joni Mitchell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Put The Blame On Me
(words & music by twomey - wise - blagman)
If they say we were doin wrong
If they say we were out too long
Well, you can say
My arms were just too strong
Put the blame, put the blame on me
Felt so good when I held you tight
Couldnt stop when we kissed goodnight
So if they tell us we dont heave the right
Put the blame, put the blame on me
What I feel is deep inside
This is real and I wont hide
Go ahead, use my name
Ill be proud to take the blame
You just did what I made you do
You love me and I love you
So if the way they talk can bother you
Put the blame, put the blame on me
song performed by by Elvis Presley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Say My Coco Broke Your Molar
You say my coco broke your molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And the dentist you say is expensive.
Now you run from me gone.
But you alone broke your own molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And you want me to moan and groan.
Now you run from me gone.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
You say my coco broke your molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And the dentist you say is expensive.
Now you run from me gone.
But you alone broke your own molar.
Now you run from me gone.
And you want me to moan and groan.
Now you run from me gone.
You ran from me and now you're gonna,
Pay because you know you're wrong.
Since you alone broke your own molar.
And you know that it was all wrong.
To blame my coco for your harm.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The dentist thing
I. The evening that I bite right through a molar
The evening that I bite right through a molar
with the nerve lying open,
in a thousand years I do not want over again
and then suddenly I am without an appetite
it feels as if I am loosing my senses,
to put it mildly
while I neatly put down my eating utensils
and the next morning I go without breakfast
but that night that thing
pains and beats
and no clove oil, Syndols or R10’s help
to stop that pain
and it feels as if I can jump up and down
and I am overwhelmed with pain.
II. I cannot close a eye
I cannot close an eye
even if I do anything to lie down
or do whatever to be sleeping
and far too slowly the minutes and hours tick past.
Then I sit in front of the computer and stare
and write a poem
where the devil tells me not to spare God
and I have no humility
but I write a song of praise
a poem that I call early spring
letting my pain, my song, my life there cling to Him
where I glorify the awesomeness of His creation and salvation
and send that dark might on its way,
waiting right through the night on the morning light.
III. At daylight I find no opening at a dentist
At daylight I find no opening at a dentist,
everyone is booked full,
and I drive to and thro
and my molar is broken right through.
Even the dentistry department
of the community clinic is closed
and it’s as if everything is hampering me
and in the new town I feel miserable
when a black old lady outside the library
tells me about another dentist
and with my motorbike I break the speed limit
while that awful tooth troubles me
and when I quickly run into that dentistry rooms,
there’s a booking open.
IV. There I am taught why children hate dentists
There I am taught why children
hated dentists and are afraid of them
and wish that I were somewhere else
when he switches on the searchlight and with his knowledge
grabs needles, pliers and drills
and uses a thing that almost sucks my breath away
notching a hole into that teeth with a drill
with my mouth stretched open and my head bend back
and that teeth is impacted into the jawbone,
whereupon he brakes piece by piece out with a pair of pliers,
takes a scalpel and before I can stop him
cuts and stabs a hole into my mouth
saying very nonchalant that the rest can swear out
and my bleeding mouth aches a long while after this.
poem by Gert Strydom
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The Biggest One
The water running down that pipe
Looks like a snake to me
By docs sugar bowl my coffee gets cold
Because I dont want to see that
Ive got no one to blame but my fat self
Ive got no one to blame but my fat self
Im the biggest one
Im the biggest one
Ive got no one to blame but my fat self
Should have changed that stupid lock
Should have thrown away the key
No, no, not i, I will survive
Right down here on my knees cause
Ive got no one to blame but my fat self
Ive got no one to blame but my fat self
Im the biggest one
Im the biggest one
Ive got no one to blame but my fat self
song performed by by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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