Crocodile's Toothache
Oh the Crocodile
Went to the dentist
And sat down in the chair,
And the dentist said, 'Now tell me, sir,
Why does it hurt and where?'
And the Crocodile said, 'I'll tell you the truth.
I have a terrible ache in my tooth.'
And he opened his jaws so wide, so wide,
That the dentist he climbed right inside,
And the dentist laughed, 'Oh, isn't this fun?'
As he pulled the teeth out, one by one.
And the Crocodile cried, 'You're hurting me so!
Please put down your pliers and let me go.'
But the dentist just laughed with a Ho Ho Ho,
And he said, 'I still have twelve to go --
Oops, that's the wrong one, I confess.
But what's one crocodile's tooth, more or less?'
Then suddenly the jaws went snap,
And the dentist was gone right off the map.
And where he went one could only guess...
To North or South or East or West...
He left no forwarding address.
But what's one dentist more or less?
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Related quotes
How the Revolution Started
The bearded amoeba
Quietly smoked his pipe.
The servant came in
And said:
The crocodile is ready
But the president cannot make today
The apple pie.
The bearded amoeba
Quietly smoked his pipe.
Yes, the dentist is in Venice
To make the root canal,
The servant said.
The crocodile was looking
At the sky.
Then suddenly
An angry cat
Began to puff and pant.
An orchestra was playing
In a distant café.
The bearded amoeba
Quietly smoked his pipe.
It is time to start the revolution
Mao said,
Rising from a chair.
A portrait of Lenin
Began to shine
On the wall.
poem by Paul Hartal
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Dentist Chair (Fun Poem 99)
Everyone hates the dentist
some much more than me.
Just the thought of the drill
and the light in your eyes
puts the chills up me.
One of my worst encounters
of the dentist chair came in the 1960’s
when a cold in a tooth made my face swell
on one side like a melon
and I could only drink through a straw.
They knocked me out to remove the tooth.
Having no recovery room
they put me back in the waiting room
and sat me in a chair out there.
It was the dawn of the plastic moulded ones
and the one I sat on was so slippery
I kept slipping down.
I mumbled aloud about the dentist being no good.
Some of his patients took one look at me
and decided I was right, then made a hasty exit
from the waiting room.
With the side of my face swollen to the size of a melon
I can understand why.
Another encounter with a dentist
was quite a few years later.
A different dentist with a wholly different approach.
He was having his waiting room decorated
and I was the only one there.
He came in with a Cheshire grin across his face.
“Mr Harris, do you mind if this gentleman
takes out your teeth today? ”
Being I and thinking it was a student,
I said I didn’t mind.
The dentist then said, “He is my interior decorator.”
The smile still implanted on his face.
I nearly ran out of there.
Now the third tale concerns my wife
and she fears the dentist even more than me.
She had an appointment
and when we arrived,
the surgery was closed for lunch.
We went for a little walk
and all the cars we passed had dents in the side.
“See that.” I said.
“Yes.” She replied.
“That’s what the dentist does
when he can’t get his own way.”
As we approached, a corner
there was a church on the other side.
“Why don’t you nip in there for a quick pray
that the dentist doesn’t come back? ”
She thumped me I wonder why.
As we walked back to the surgery I assured her,
that everything was going to be OK.
They calm you as soon as you walk in.
She looked at me suspiciously and asked how?
They have a big mallet just above the door
and bop you on the head as you walk in.
Your teeth fall out in the process
and the job is done.
Now I wonder why she has never asked me
to go to the dentist with her again.
1 April 2009
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
The Dentist Appointment
On Thursday morning, I have to see the Dentist;
Cancelling the appointment, I am trying to resist.
I just don't know if I will be able to do it;
I don't know if I can put myself through it.
To help myself relax, and help allay my fears.
I am planning to plug my iPod into my ears
If, with my favourite music, my ears are filled,
It will drown out the sound of the dreaded drill.
Whenever I think about it, I feel extremely tense.
The relief I'll feel, when it's over, will be immense.
In the pit of my stomach, I get bouts of butterflies;
A few times, in secret, I've even had a little cry.
On my last trip to the Dentist, my eyes sprung a leak,
And my fingers gripped tightly to the edge of my seat.
The needle which they use, feels me with such fright,
So I'll lie there tomorrow, and shut my eyes really tight.
On Thursday morning, I'm the first one in the chair;
I'm hoping that this will make it a tad easier to bear.
But what if, the situation, I really just cannot face?
What if, away from the surgery, I then quickly race?
My Dentist does his real best to put me at ease;
He is really friendly, and looks slightly Chinese.
But, if I keep myself calm, and be really brave,
My teeth, my Dentist, will then be able to save.
poem by Angela Wybrow
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
A dentist's assistant named Jule
saw a blister appear on his tool.
Said the dentist 'don't fret
it's the girl that you met
from the Queensland Venereal School.'
quote by by Herbert Nehrlich
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
Vote! | Copy!
Theses officers were good friends, so it must have been a terrible argument, because the one who played chess with my father was so angry that he walked over to the dentist's house and got the dentist out of bed and shot him.
quote by Bruno Schulz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Bored with TV
Bennie bought a baby crocodile
and took it home in a carrier bag.
He let it roam about the house,
but the crocodile made him sad.
When they watched T.V. together
tears fell from the crocodile’s eyes.
He thought his friend was unhappy
and this made poor Bennie cry.
He carried it to the vet’s clinic
and told them about his fears.
They told him that it was natural
for crocodiles to shed tears.
Feeling relieved and much happier
they sat to watch T.V. again.
The crocodile went to the bathroom
and flushed himself down the drain.
poem by Orlando Belo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.
Put you energy into music. If it fails you, you can become an accountant or a dentist. And then if you become a dentist or an accountant, it's too late to become a musician afterwards.
quote by Peter Tork
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
All Beguiling
The crocodile is smiling,
life is all beguiling while
reading the true story of
the greatest cataclysm to
shape our civilization
Moses, Tutankhamun and
The Atlantis Myth, told in
ACT OF GOD by Graham
Phillips - crocodile in pink
with magic wand in purple
On the crocodile computer,
affixed to the screen; purple
fairy wings bewitching the
rest of the office also
This is a day of magic, the
crocodile found a book on
the crumbling foundations
that shook our civilization…
Graham Phillips “ACT OF GOD” 1998 Pan Books
poem by Margaret Alice
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Just My Luck (Fun Poem 73)
I went to the dentist
for the first time in twenty years.
Sat in the waiting room
waiting to get my call.
Finally, it came
and I reluctantly went in,
hand shaking and nervous as can be
and was surprised to find
the dentist looked
like she had just walked out of the centrefold
of a Playboy magazine.
She was blonde
and dropp dead gorgeous.
Instead of a man looking like,
he had just walked out of a rugby scrum.
Trust little old me to gets this beauty.
I sat in the chair
took out my false teeth
knowing she wouldn’t want to see them
and opened my mouth wider
so she could have a peek inside.
“I’m going to have to take an X-ray at those.”
“No problem.” I replied.
After the X-rays were taken,
she asked me what pills I was on.
“The one you put in your shoe to make you go limp.”
I replied jokingly.
Sadly she didn’t get the joke I’m afraid.
However, because of the pills, I was on
and the way the tooth
was embedded in my gum.
I have to go to the hospital
to have the darn thing out.
Just my luck.
Here I get the prettiest dentist
to fool around with my teeth
and she then refers me to the hospital.
Doesn’t that just take the cake.
Just my luck.
There is a small consolation when I go.
They will knock me out
and I won’t see who is pulling out my teeth.
25 April 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
I put a bullet into the back of the crocodile's neck just behind the head, thus killing it. If a crocodile is hit in any other part of its anatomy it disappears into the water and is irrecoverable.
quote by Louis Leakey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
On The Blackberry Tree
On the black-berry tree
I have left my lungs and heart
On crocodile's back
When I started my journey
in to the sea.
I have not show my
Disregard to anybody
Surrounded me
And my co-villagers
All support me
And the crocodile
Never seen as before.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Crocodile
Crocodile
No you wont make me jealous
That she left me for him
Scene one standing
Crushed on landing
You may have walked out
But Ill swallow up my fate
Scene two sitting
Man in kitchen
Bit cold and lifeless like
The burger on my plate
But theres one emotion Im afraid of
Hear him scratching gently to be fed
I cant stand it when he sits there smiling
I dont want him nesting in my head
Crocodile
No you wont make me jealous
That she left me for him
Get away
Crocodile
No you wont make me jealous
Im not letting you in
Scene three lying (through his backteeth)
Speared and dying (bitten beneath)
Ill crawl the wall to hand there
Skinned and stuffed with drink
But theres one emotion Im controlling
Green eyed monster with his jaws spread wide
(but hes your pet now
You cant run away and hide)
I cant stand it when he sits there crying
I dont want to throw myself inside
Crocodile
Getaway
(crocodile
With the jaded jealous smile)
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Cindy Perl, Thanks for Nothing
Thanks for nothing, Cindy Perl.
After five long years of dating-
Movies, concerts, masticating-
You decided David Tepper’s not for you.
You needed one who'd make you smile
And provide for your lifestyle.
So you went and wed a dentist-
Good for you.
All that Tepper’s managed since
is Four Billion more or le$$.
He has a mansion in the Hamptons
by the shore.
Cindy, you backed the wrong horse-
But don’t go getting a divorce.
Your dentist fills your cavities
For you
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in line, or sitting in the dentist's chair.
quote by Augusten Burroughs
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
The Toad And The Crocodile
“Good morning, ” said Toad, as she rested on a lily pad burping bubbles.
“Good morning, ” said Crocodile, looking disturbed and troubled.
“I don’t suppose, ” said Toad “that you saw two toads pass by this way? ”
“Let me think…” said Crocodile “oh yes, I saw them earlier today.”
A tear rolled down the cheek of the crocodile and splashed into the pond.
“Why are you crying Crocodile, what could’ve possibly gone wrong? ”
“I’m sorry, ” said Crocodile, “I’m an emotional old crocodile and often cry.”
“What a shame, ” said Toad, “you say my husband and daughter passed by? ”
“Oh… I didn’t realise they were your family, they were so nice,
I gave them a helping hand and some very good advice.”
“Thanks for your time and trouble; you’re a very considerate crocodile,
so unlike the ones I’ve heard about that live in the Nile.
Can you remember which direction they went, ” said Toad full of hope.
“I can, ” said Crocodile, “they slid down a very slippery slope.”
“But did they seem alright, I mean did they look safe and well? ”
“Yes they did, but I don’t really know, it was hard to tell.”
“Why do you say that, is there something that you’re not telling me? ”
“I’m sorry you’re quite right, I shouldn’t keep you from your family.
When they asked for help they were being chased by a ferocious lion,
so I suggested that they came aboard and hid until it had gone.”
“Wonderful, so where are they now? ” She said with a puzzled stare.
“Why, they’re having tea with everyone else that’s hiding in there.”
“Would it be possible to speak with them before I burst into tears? ”
“Of course I’ll open my mouth, so you can tell them you’re here.”
She shouted their names, as the crocodile’s mouth opened wider and wider.
“They’re not coming, ” said Crocodile; “they’re enjoying the cakes and cider.”
Toad began to cry, which made her burp louder, as she sadly walked away.
“Where are you going, ” said the crocodile, “your family is not here to stay.
Would you like to come aboard and join in with the others having a good time?
Come on Toad, I’ll open the doors; hurry now before I change my mind.”
Toad cautiously hopped forward and took a giant leap down the crocodiles throat,
she landed in a dark place where she heard noises and two other toads croak.
“Is that you husband” she said, “why didn’t you come out when I shouted you? ”
“The crocodile wouldn’t open the doors, ” he said “what more could I do? ”
“Well, we can’t just sit here and do nothing we’ve got to try and jump free,
let’s hope we can burp enough to give him wind; come on, on my count of three.”
For ages the toads burped and jumped about trying to fill the crocodile with air,
then a rumbling turned into an eruption and they were burped out of there.
Before the crocodile had noticed the toads were sitting a safe distance away,
“Hello friend crocodile, ” said mother toad, “we’re sorry we couldn’t stay.”
poem by Orlando Belo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
quote by Johnny Carson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Life Becomes An Experience Of Wild Delight
I’m convinced that the karma I have to carry,
laid upon me by the Western heritage while
being born in Africa, where maize is the staple
and I’m allergic up to suffocating; is the result
of negative levels of consciousness inherited
from many previous lifetimes living in abject
misery – now is my chance to raise the vibrations –
this crocodile-mind driving me to seek knowledge
and information at the speed of a Grand Prix,
might help to raise my state of consciousness
From its normal level of three, where life seems
meaningless, through level four where life seems
futile at times, to level five with its bubbly feeling
of happiness; and level six – the magical state where
life becomes an experience of wild delight - I have
to acquiesce to the Nile-Crocodile and its anti-social
demands; when Alice wants to go out and socialize;
when Cinderella dreams of beautiful gowns, pumpkin
coaches and footmen; the Nile-Crocodile simply
says no; when the little Alien comes down
From the rafters and demands to have some fun -
the Nile-Crocodile threatens to eat him; the crocodile
mind insists upon seeing the physical world as a
wooden illusion of Maya; saying that masked people
playing charades are wearying beyond expression;
that a good book is the only thing between the
crocodile mind and reptilian suicide...
poem by Margaret Alice
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!
Doctor Junk
Dr. junk the dentist man
Fills your teeth with what he can
Airplane wings and corset stays
And when hes done hell let you pay
In paper clips or inner tubes
Or anything thats slightly used
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
Dr. junk the dentist has
An office full of colored glass
A garden with a paddle wheel
And funny plants for eye appeal
And though he watches them with care
Ive never seen them growing there
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
Eccentric things
Dr. junk the dentist built
A junky castle up on stilts
Junk within and junk throughout
And tv in the chimney spout
And fourteen levels to each floor
And now hes adding fourteen more
Hes not really crazy
Only nuts ... and bolts
And rusty rings make him do
The strangest things
song performed by by Joni Mitchell
Submitted by Lucian Velea
Vote! | Copy!
Crocodile Tears
Crocodile tears, empty and hollow
The display of emotions shallow
Fake flag waving in the wind
A ‘friend' driving the dagger in
While tears flow down his cheeks
Trying to convince you, things ain't what they seem
Giving the lame excuse for the end
When truth is, real friends stay friends.
................
You, bawling out loud while pointing the finger
Forgetting about the man in the mirror
Telling with tears in your eyes, how you feel alone
When right now, the fault is really your own
Telling how all your friends walked away
But i wonder if they actually would've stayed?
If you hadn't pushed them away
You, telling how much it hurts to do this
"that it didn't end this way, i wish, i wish."
That it's fate, or the inevetible, so it seems
But you're the one pulling the strings
You made the choice to end it all
So stop bawling and shut up, cause it was your call.
You say it hurts and you don't want to
But you still do it, no matter what, don't you?
Spare me your tears, your crocodile tears
I want someone i can trust, one i can believe
You can dry your crocodile tears
Every time you try in vain to explain
My unflinching answer will always be the same
Twasn't me who walked away, i was here to stay
And if you're wondering where I am one day
I'll still be standing at that exact same place
But otherwise, shut your mouth, dry your eyes
If i wanted lies, there are plenty out there to buy
So let's be one hundred percent clear
I don't buy crocodile tears
poem by Joses Tirtabudi
Submitted by Poetry Lover
Vote! | Copy!