I could be a bit of a pain in the arse. Since I've come out of my cancer, I must say I intend to be even more of a pain in the arse.
quote by Harold Pinter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Theory of Naas
In times of yore in Ireland
The jokes came thick and fast
About the town of Naas.
They changed the way they said it.
Instead of rhyming Naas with arse
They rhymed it with a face-
Sounds like the queen says 'nice'.
Irish jokers agreed to wipe
Anal-rhyming with old Naas.
Till Joyce-he couldn't stop himself,
Insinuating smarty-arse.
Why did Joyce call the guy Athy
When he could have called him Naas?
On a map of Kildare
Two towns at a glance
Rhyme with what's found
In a character's pants.
Young Dedalus shared a sickroom
With a guy nicknamed 'a thigh'.
'an arse' it could have equally been.
Why not? I'll give it a try:
First thoughts were Joyce were a shy man
Then I guessed his mind too high class.
The truth of it is he was tickled
By the sounds of Athy and of Naas:
Just to mention Athy to an Ireman
Brings on a thought of an arse.
poem by Douglas Scotney
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Pre-Ulyssean Dilemma
Why did Joyce call the guy Athy
When he could have called him Naas?
On a map of Kildare
Two towns, at a glance,
Rhyme with what's found
In a character's pants.
Young Dedalus shared a sickroom
With a guy nicknamed 'a thigh'.
'An arse' it could have equally been.
Why not? I'll give it a try.
First thoughts were Joyce were a shy man;
Then I guessed his mind too high class.
The truth of it is, he was tickled
By the towns of Athy and of Naas.
Just to mention Athy to an Ireman
Brings on a joke of an arse.
poem by Douglas Scotney
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Life Through A Lens
Talking movies all the time
Life spent on a silver screen
Days spent on computer games
Living through a TV
No need to leave the house
You can do it all online
Sit on your fat arse all day
Getting bigger all the time
No need to go and socialise
Can meet new friends online
No need to get a lover
Cos cyber sex is fine
Life is getting easier
Your muscles wear away
Sitting on your arse all day
Watching your life turn grey.
(C) Copyright Victoria Hughes August 2005
poem by Victoria Hughes
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Their Arse From Their Elbow
There are certain people
I have met quite a few,
who could tell you every aspect
of the job you do.
When they sit down to do it
and a problem arises there,
because its not in the textbook
they read so confidently,
they haven’t got a clue
of how to handle it
or really what to do.
They don’t know
their arse from their elbow
when a situation like that appears.
As we walk through life
we gain knowledge with every step we take.
However, there are some people
who read a textbook,
and take tests on it.
Then think they know everything
there is to know.
When in fact they cannot even distinguish
their arse from their elbow.
They have no experience
of what real life is,
only what a textbook says.
One day when they
put the textbook down
and start learning about the real things in life.
We all might have a better place to live.
Let us hope the sooner the better.
10 March 2008
poem by David Harris
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He Knows I'd Love To See Him
I have lived
In the arse of the world
Oh, he knows, he knows
He knows i'd love
To see him happy
(or as close as is allowed)
I've lived
In the arse of the world ...
Oh, he knows, he knows
He knows i'd love
To see him happy
(or as close as possible)
As close as possible
As close as possible
As close as is allowed
Oh ...
My name still conjours up deadly deeds
And a bad taste in the mouth
And the police - they actually know me
They said :
"you're just another person in the world
You're just another fool with radical views
You're just another who has maddening views
You want to turn it on its head
By staying in bed !"
I said : "i know i do"
I said : "i know i do"
I said : "i know i do
song performed by by Morrissey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mars Landing Party
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une prsence ambige,
Une prsence inconnue,
Jusqua ce que jen peux plus,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une prsence ambige,
Une prsence inconnue,
Jusqua ce que jen peux plus,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une prsence ambige,
Une prsence inconnue,
Jusqua ce que jen peux plus,
Translation
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I cant take it anymore,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I cant take it anymore,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I cant take it anymore,
song performed by by Placebo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pain...What is it?
Pain...What is pain?
Pain...get wrapped in the head with a baseball bat,
That could be called pain.
Pain...get kicked in the gut by a cowboy boot,
That might cause a little pain.
Pain...poke a needle in your eye,
That might cause a little pain.
Pain...get your fingers caught in a motorcycle chain,
That might cause a little pain.
Pain...jump in front of a train,
That might cause a little pain.
Pain...lose control while flyin' a plane,
That might cause a little pain.
Pain...There ain't ever no gain in pain.
poem by Axe Timson
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A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.
quote by e.e. cummings
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A politician is an arse upon which everybody has sat except a man
quote by E.E. Cummings
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Loneliness Is Like Cancer
loneliness is like cancer
you do not know the cause
it is there inside you
and you cannot see its face
and you cannot pinpoint
the cause
you cannot find the root
and its branches
but you can see its fruit
the ugliness of death
the poison that kills every nice part of you
but at the end
when everything is over
the cancer that causes you pain
can be that liberating
death is freedom
from pain and loneliness
and cancer is death
for all these
sufferings.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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What have you to hide from someone who shows you his arse?
One cannot sit in two saddles having one arse/bottom only.
My arse contemplates those who talk behind my back.
quote by Francis Picabia
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
quote by Rowan Atkinson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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for JOJI on terminal cancer
i have no courage to see her.
But i imagine that she is bald,
and in pain, and always taking
that pain relievers.
I imagine that.
Who knows, i may be wrong.
Not all cancers are painful. Perhaps.
But most cancers are painful.
That bone, that marrow,
the pain that lingers even in the
middle in the night when everyone
would be soundly sleeping with
their loved ones.
I have seen those with brain cancers
how they hit their heads on
the cemented walls
to ease the pain
those bloated stomachs
afflicted with liver cancer.
Cancer is pain. And Joji must
be suffering it by now.
She must be bald
for her locks of hair
must have fallen to the pillow
part of that
chemotherapy side effects.
But i think i know Joji.
She is a strong woman
with a sense of humor
with laughter always on
her face
she has the will to be herself
despite the sickness
till death, perhaps,
i know that she will not change
i know that she will not
let the cancer defeat her
innate goodness
her confidence to herself
her faith in God
i know that she will always
be smiling
not minding the pain
and the uncertainties.
I know that she is not
afraid.
Upon saying all these
to comfort her
in her Face-book Account,
it is me
who fears most,
for after all,
i may not be able to live
what i am
saying to her.
God! Oh God!
Have mercy upon us all!
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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for JOJI on terminal cancer (revised)
i have no courage to see her.
But i imagine that she is bald,
and in pain, and always taking
those pain relievers.
I imagine that.
Who knows, i may be wrong.
Not all cancers are painful. Perhaps.
But most cancers are painful.
That bone, that marrow,
the pain that lingers even in the
middle in the night when everyone
would be soundly sleeping with
their loved ones.
I have seen those with brain cancers
how they hit their heads on
the cemented walls
to ease the pain
those bloated stomachs
afflicted with liver cancer.
Cancer is pain. And Joji must
be suffering it by now.
She must be bald
for her locks of hair
must have fallen to the pillow
part of that
chemotherapy side effects.
But i think i know Joji.
She is a strong woman
with a sense of humor
with laughter always on
her face
she has the will to be herself
despite the sickness
till death, perhaps,
i know that she will not change
i know that she will not
let the cancer defeat her
innate goodness
her confidence to herself
her faith in God
i know that she will always
be smiling
not minding the pain
and the uncertainties.
I know that she is not
afraid.
Upon saying all these
to comfort her
in her Face-book Account,
it is me
who fears most,
for after all,
i may not be able to live
what i am
saying to her.
God! Oh God!
Have mercy upon us all!
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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If an ox doesn't know the size of his arse he won't eat an apricot stone.
Some smart man once said that on the most exalted throne in the world, we are seated on nothing but our own arse.
quote by Wendell Mayes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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