A politician is an arse upon which everybody has sat except a man
quote by E.E. Cummings
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A politician is an arse upon which everyone has sat except a man.
quote by e.e. cummings
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I could be a bit of a pain in the arse. Since I've come out of my cancer, I must say I intend to be even more of a pain in the arse.
quote by Harold Pinter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Theory of Naas
In times of yore in Ireland
The jokes came thick and fast
About the town of Naas.
They changed the way they said it.
Instead of rhyming Naas with arse
They rhymed it with a face-
Sounds like the queen says 'nice'.
Irish jokers agreed to wipe
Anal-rhyming with old Naas.
Till Joyce-he couldn't stop himself,
Insinuating smarty-arse.
Why did Joyce call the guy Athy
When he could have called him Naas?
On a map of Kildare
Two towns at a glance
Rhyme with what's found
In a character's pants.
Young Dedalus shared a sickroom
With a guy nicknamed 'a thigh'.
'an arse' it could have equally been.
Why not? I'll give it a try:
First thoughts were Joyce were a shy man
Then I guessed his mind too high class.
The truth of it is he was tickled
By the sounds of Athy and of Naas:
Just to mention Athy to an Ireman
Brings on a thought of an arse.
poem by Douglas Scotney
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I Am No Politician
I am no politician.
I am direct.
Every blemish and flaw I have,
I accept without regret.
I am not trying to win your approval
To represent your requests.
Nor will I disappoint you...
With deceit to later confess.
I am no politician.
Seeking a way to line my pockets.
I find that disgusting!
And I observe those who can not stop it!
Your quality of life...
With standards you behold.
Isn't my fault at all!
That your best interests,
They have sold!
You selected them to dismiss me.
To keep me and mine in check!
You elected them to suppress my dignity.
To keep my indentity distressed.
You chose them to divide and conquer.
By rules and laws
They clearly defied...
You now regret!
Why me...
You despise?
I am no politician!
My priorities are my happiness.
Not to masquerade with pretentions...
For purposes to make promises,
With intentions to forget.
I am no politician...
To trap you like prey.
And dangle you to capture...
As I make arrangements with others,
To take away the safety from your nests.
To portray in false charades.
I am no politician.
So voice your anger,
To those you believed...
Would come to your aid.
While on your knees you plead.
I am no politician!
I sleep at night.
In peace and at rest!
I am no politician...
Nor a hypocrite you will find,
Who will say something other
Than what is on my mind!
You can bet,
With respect...
I am direct.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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A politician is a man who understands government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead for 15 years.
quote by Harry S. Truman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The reality is an indispensable start for the skilful politician. The awkward politician turns it into a terminus.
aphorism by Hasier Agirre, translated by Dan Costinaş
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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No man can be a politician, except he be first a historian or a traveller; for except he can see what must be, or what may be, he is no politician.
quote by James Harrington
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pre-Ulyssean Dilemma
Why did Joyce call the guy Athy
When he could have called him Naas?
On a map of Kildare
Two towns, at a glance,
Rhyme with what's found
In a character's pants.
Young Dedalus shared a sickroom
With a guy nicknamed 'a thigh'.
'An arse' it could have equally been.
Why not? I'll give it a try.
First thoughts were Joyce were a shy man;
Then I guessed his mind too high class.
The truth of it is, he was tickled
By the towns of Athy and of Naas.
Just to mention Athy to an Ireman
Brings on a joke of an arse.
poem by Douglas Scotney
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Orang-Utan
A large ape disappeared from a Zoo
And he has been to one of his friends a former retired politician.
He complains his friend that he wants to extract a tooth.
They went to a dentist and extracted the tooth.
Then the ape said 'I want to see an ophthalmologist.'
On the way the politician said' Don't spend so much money and I have my old spectacles which I used for my whole political career.'
'Better buy a new one that is much corrupted.' Ape replied angrily.
I dedicate this poem to Mr.Nadarajah.Raviraj a popular Sri Lankan/Tamil politician and his bodyguard who were Assassinated in the broad daylight today by unidentified gunmen. The Government has already called the Scotland Yard Police for the Investigation.
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Politician
Chorus
Mr. politician please dont deceive us.
Mr. politician youre there to relieve us.
Just how can we tell, mister,
When to believe in you.
Oh wont you tell me oh who were lookin out for?
Mr. politician could be perfect but people its doubtful.
We want a leader wholl fight for the people.
We want somebody to take us to the steeple.
Wed like to point him out to you people,
But dont look now.
Chorus
We want a leader of the people,
We want him honest, not deceitful.
We want an angel in the public eye,
And we wont give it up lord until we die.
Chorus
song performed by by Grand Funk Railroad
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Life Through A Lens
Talking movies all the time
Life spent on a silver screen
Days spent on computer games
Living through a TV
No need to leave the house
You can do it all online
Sit on your fat arse all day
Getting bigger all the time
No need to go and socialise
Can meet new friends online
No need to get a lover
Cos cyber sex is fine
Life is getting easier
Your muscles wear away
Sitting on your arse all day
Watching your life turn grey.
(C) Copyright Victoria Hughes August 2005
poem by Victoria Hughes
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Their Arse From Their Elbow
There are certain people
I have met quite a few,
who could tell you every aspect
of the job you do.
When they sit down to do it
and a problem arises there,
because its not in the textbook
they read so confidently,
they haven’t got a clue
of how to handle it
or really what to do.
They don’t know
their arse from their elbow
when a situation like that appears.
As we walk through life
we gain knowledge with every step we take.
However, there are some people
who read a textbook,
and take tests on it.
Then think they know everything
there is to know.
When in fact they cannot even distinguish
their arse from their elbow.
They have no experience
of what real life is,
only what a textbook says.
One day when they
put the textbook down
and start learning about the real things in life.
We all might have a better place to live.
Let us hope the sooner the better.
10 March 2008
poem by David Harris
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He Knows I'd Love To See Him
I have lived
In the arse of the world
Oh, he knows, he knows
He knows i'd love
To see him happy
(or as close as is allowed)
I've lived
In the arse of the world ...
Oh, he knows, he knows
He knows i'd love
To see him happy
(or as close as possible)
As close as possible
As close as possible
As close as is allowed
Oh ...
My name still conjours up deadly deeds
And a bad taste in the mouth
And the police - they actually know me
They said :
"you're just another person in the world
You're just another fool with radical views
You're just another who has maddening views
You want to turn it on its head
By staying in bed !"
I said : "i know i do"
I said : "i know i do"
I said : "i know i do
song performed by by Morrissey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Epitah on the Politician Himself
Here richly, with ridiculous display,
The Politician's corpse was laid away.
While all of his acquaintance sneered and slanged
I wept: for I had longed to see him hanged.
Another on the Same
This, the last ornament among the peers,
Bribed, bullied, swindled and blackmailed for years:
But Death's what even Politicians fail
To bribe or swindle, bully or blackmail.
On Another Politician
The Politician, dead and turned to clay,
Will make a clout to keep the wind away.
I am not fond of draughts, and yet I doubt
If I could get myself to touch that clout.
On Yet Another
Fame to her darling Shifter glory gives;
And Shifter is immortal while he lives.
Epitah Upon Himself
Lauda tu Ilarion audacem et splendidum,
Who was always beginning things and never ended 'em.
poem by Hilaire Belloc
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Mars Landing Party
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une prsence ambige,
Une prsence inconnue,
Jusqua ce que jen peux plus,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une prsence ambige,
Une prsence inconnue,
Jusqua ce que jen peux plus,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Embrasse - moi, mets ton doigt dan mon cul,
Une prsence ambige,
Une prsence inconnue,
Jusqua ce que jen peux plus,
Translation
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I cant take it anymore,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I cant take it anymore,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
Kiss me, put your finger up my arse,
An ambiguous presence,
An unknown presence,
Until I cant take it anymore,
song performed by by Placebo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Common Soldier & the Politician
In times of problems and peril
The politician comes wagging his tail
Praying the soldier would bail him out
And he does so without fail.
Once the peril is over
Lives are lost and medals won
The widow is patted on her back
And the politician's job is done
Then starts the silent battle
Then starts the difficult fight
The soldier's family lives on unsung
Through the lonely night
The politician spends a charmed life
And on his dying day
People who forgot men of steel
Applaud the man of clay
I wonder if there'd be wars
If politicians had to lead the charge
If our ministers became the soldiers
And the PM became the Sarge
Kishore Asthana
poem by Kishore Asthana
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A Politician’s Plane crash-land in Wonderland
The plane landed in an emergency.
The politician was surprised in the air port as lot of women with garlands greeted him.
A woman said “You are the first delegate politician who visited our country.”
“Really is it? How do you know I was in the plane? ” He replied.
“Our radar says when a corrupted human being lands to our country.”
He was taken to Quarantine and found positive to HIV virus.
In wonderland there is a remedy for the infection and they gave an injection the patient forgets his past.
He was surprised by seeing this magical country.
The citizen is very happy and there are no jails, Courts, Police, Armed forces, sick people and all are well off.
For the first time in Wonderland’s history they made a special jail for this politician and he was sentenced to jail lifetime.
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Purgatory
They are in queer,
A thief, doctor, murderer, king & queen, liar,
politician and etc.,
A soldier is questioning them about their past sins
before they enter the two pathways.
One is to heaven and the other to hell.
'I theft a bible' thief replied.
'then you can go to the right path'
'I did hundred abortions' doctor said.
'turn to left'
'we did adultery' king and queen replied.
'left please'
'I killed a politician' murderer said.
'right ahead and the liar can go back.
'before you go to the left path visit the pathologist for an aid test'
soldier shouted to the politician.
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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One cannot sit in two saddles having one arse/bottom only.