The only way to enjoy golf is to be a masochist. Go out and beat yourself to death.
quote by Howard Keel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Dangerous
Dangerous
You can see them on the corners
They are short and tall (and tall)
And everybody warns us
They are over the wall (over the wall)
They are every color, every race
They are fat and thin (and thin)
They are hanging out in every place
And they are thinking in (thinking in) (? )
Dangerous
We are all over the city
Dangerous
cause weve got nothing to do
Decadence in dark blue pants
Beating on the beat
(? ) 45s
Its where the thick boys meet (thick boys meet)
Dangerous
cause were down and dirty
Dangerous
And were looking for you
Everybody knows
That when that bad man shows
were gonna beat that beat that someone to death
were gonna beat that someone to death
were gonna beat that beat that someone to death
were gonna beat that someone to death
Everybody knows
That when that whistle blows
were gonna beat that beat that someone to death
were gonna beat that someone to death
were gonna beat that beat that someone to death
were gonna beat that someone to death
Theyre after us
Thats everyone
Theyre looking after (? )
They are down at (? ) having fun
The dont know wrong from right
Dangerous
We are all over the city
Dangerous
cause weve got nothing to do
Were not talking me and you
These are the (? )
Dangerous
We are all over the city
Dangerous
cause weve got nothing to do
Dangerous
cause were down and dirty
Dangerous
And were looking for you
song performed by by Heaven 17
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tiger Woods
He is many times over a multi millionaire
And arguably the World's greatest ever golf player
The golfer most young golfers would love to emulate
The legendary sports star and a golfing great
'Tis true Tiger Woods is the golfer to beat
In every golf tournament in which he compete
For many years now the World's number one
So many golf majors the great champ has won
The golfer who has proved himself in every test
That's why by so many he is rated as the best
Professional golfer in the World of today
By millions beyond the borders of the U S of A
The World's number one golfer for many years now
Though to the father of time he eventually must bow.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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For A Round Of Golf
For leisure the game that so many do play
For a round of golf 'tis a beautiful day
By the wide slow flowing river that crawls to the sea
Men and women practice their strokes before their evening tea.
As a boy I believed hobby golfers had easy jobs
And that those who enjoyed golf were well to do snobs
But such antiquated thinking not relevant today
As all kinds of classes the game of golf play.
A beautiful day for a beautiful game
For most hobby golfers with no aspirations to fame
After work they go to the golf course in the evening sun
And play the eighteen holes for the sake of fun.
Of the praises of golf everybody doesn't sing
But for the participants a game without physical contact can be such a fun thing
In the golf course by the river that to the sea crawl
The crack of the iron on the stone hard golf ball.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
quote by Jimmy Demaret
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.
Beat It
They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and the words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it
You better run, you better do what you can
Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad
Just beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
They're out to get you, better leave while you can
Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man
You wanna stay alive, better do what you can
So beat it, just beat it
You have to show them that you're really not scared
You're playing with your life, this ain't no truth or dare
They'll kick you, then they beat you
Then they'll tell you it's fair
So beat it, but you wanna be bad
song performed by by Unseen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf is the only sport that a professional can enjoy playing with his friends.
quote by Chi Chi Rodriguez
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I move around and play different golf courses. I just enjoy it.
quote by Darrell Royal
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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One Beat Away
One beat away from all I own
One beat away from where I've grown
One beat away from all the stars
One beat away from Jupiter or Mars
Let that beat stay away for awhile
So I may still see your smile.
One beat away from all my pride
One beat away from by your side
One beat away from songs I love
One beat away from the skies above
Let that beat not come around
So I may hear your breathing sound.
One beat away from quiet prayer
One beat away from all we share
One beat away from all this pain
One beat away, I can't remain.
Let my memory stay with you.
Ah! sweet love, I say adieu.
poem by Edwina Reizer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Golf Writer (To Kevin)
The golf writer has become famous for a while the toast of the town
But a few locals with him not happy they feel that he has put them down
It's that he has a humorous streak in him and with his words he does not mean offence
Some people in their feelings precious and they lack a bit in common sense,
The golf writer is a nice fellow he likes a good laugh and a beer
His humor comes out in his writing he is a creator of cheer
He never does take life too seriously devoted to family and wife
One might call him happy go lucky he does his best to enjoy life
There ought to be more people like him some do take life too seriously
So down to earth and so very witty and few are as generous as he
So many look forward to his golf column and such witty articles he write
Though always one to feel offended in humor some do feel some slight,
Around the town well known and well liked his best to please others he try
He is such a likeable fellow and he would not harm a fly.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We Must
We must enjoy
everyday we got
as death comes quickly
and we depart.
We must savour
every minute we have,
enjoy all the beauties
each second brings
before death
comes knocking on our door.
6 February 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
quote by Andy Rooney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's Death Again
It's Death again - He's always there -
Watching, waiting - e'er the stare!
Every time I look behind
Or reach to pull the window blind,
I catch a glimpse of grubby hood -
A little clue to where he stood;
The glint of light that caught the scythe.
Perhaps if I could pay a tithe…
But O! no use, he'll never go.
The adamant phantom; don't you know
He will but wait until it's time
For me to hear His fateful chime? -
The toll that claims my destiny,
To Hail: 'You're next, it has to be…'
Copyright © Mark R Slaughter 2009
The Reign of Death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
Death death death death death death death
poem by Mark R Slaughter
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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An Ageing Golfer's Dream
His great dream in his fifties is to emulate his son
Who was lucky enough to score a hole in one
Which is something in golf that is quite rare indeed
Where many do fail few can hope to succeed
A far better golfer than his son it is said
By those in the know who rate the ageing golfer ahead
Of anyone else in the local golf club
I only say here what I hear in the pub
From the local amateur golfers who enjoy their weekend game
Who play for the love of it not for the fame
As a golfer the young man in his twenties with his dad can't compare
For the father indeed is a far better player
But the father has yet to hit a hole in one
And on that score alone 'tis one up for the son.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President.
quote by Lyndon B. Johnson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I enjoy Augusta. I enjoy its challenges. There's no other golf course like this anywhere. Its greens and its challenges on and around the greens are just super, super tough. So the greens are fun to play in sort of a morbid way.
quote by Ben Crenshaw
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Death is only.....
Death is only the beginning
It is the start of all creation
Death is only the end
It is mankinds damnation.
Death is only your friend
The only one you can count on
Death is only a bully
The only one you can't beat on
No matter how you look at it
Death is only death.
poem by Tressa Carliss
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I love swimming, tennis, and I am taking up golf. I am not serious about it, I just go to the range and practice. Other than that, I enjoy going to the movies and hanging out with my friends.
quote by Mila Kunis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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