Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
quote by Jimmy Demaret
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Golf Writer (To Kevin)
The golf writer has become famous for a while the toast of the town
But a few locals with him not happy they feel that he has put them down
It's that he has a humorous streak in him and with his words he does not mean offence
Some people in their feelings precious and they lack a bit in common sense,
The golf writer is a nice fellow he likes a good laugh and a beer
His humor comes out in his writing he is a creator of cheer
He never does take life too seriously devoted to family and wife
One might call him happy go lucky he does his best to enjoy life
There ought to be more people like him some do take life too seriously
So down to earth and so very witty and few are as generous as he
So many look forward to his golf column and such witty articles he write
Though always one to feel offended in humor some do feel some slight,
Around the town well known and well liked his best to please others he try
He is such a likeable fellow and he would not harm a fly.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I don't like going to the mall. I'm not really like the other girls. I just like to go out on the golf course and play. Golf is fun and feels really good.
quote by Michelle Wie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I just picked up golf, it was good, give me a chance to play golf.
quote by Abdullah Ahmad Badawi
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You know the way I play golf, it's a good I do these things for charities.
quote by Joe Mantegna
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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For A Round Of Golf
For leisure the game that so many do play
For a round of golf 'tis a beautiful day
By the wide slow flowing river that crawls to the sea
Men and women practice their strokes before their evening tea.
As a boy I believed hobby golfers had easy jobs
And that those who enjoyed golf were well to do snobs
But such antiquated thinking not relevant today
As all kinds of classes the game of golf play.
A beautiful day for a beautiful game
For most hobby golfers with no aspirations to fame
After work they go to the golf course in the evening sun
And play the eighteen holes for the sake of fun.
Of the praises of golf everybody doesn't sing
But for the participants a game without physical contact can be such a fun thing
In the golf course by the river that to the sea crawl
The crack of the iron on the stone hard golf ball.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.
I don't enjoy good food. I don't enjoy flashy cars. I don't care if I live in a dump. I don't enjoy good clothes. This is the best I've dressed in months.
quote by Jack Kevorkian
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf is the only sport that a professional can enjoy playing with his friends.
quote by Chi Chi Rodriguez
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The only way to enjoy golf is to be a masochist. Go out and beat yourself to death.
quote by Howard Keel
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I move around and play different golf courses. I just enjoy it.
quote by Darrell Royal
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Scales Of Life Balance
Everything I did
when I was at school
was worthwhile at the time.
Even when I would take
the piss out of the teachers
Even when I was being bullied
I tried hard.
Sometimes I would play truant
with my friends
and we would hang around
the golf course and smoke hash
and drink Buckfast tonic wine
or Carlsberg special brew.
When I left school and
started work, that's when everything
went wrong for me, well not
everything, there were also good
things that happened.
Good, bad
Bad, good
Mostly good though
Everything balanced out in the end.
poem by Andrew Matthews
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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You're Up Chuck
Chuck had gone to a medium
To communicate with the dead.
No particular one had come
To mind to talk to, but instead,
Chuck, an avid golfer, did want
To find out if he could still play
Golf, after he'd gone on to haunt.
The medium had this to say,
'Good news, bad news. The good news is
'A great course is waiting for you, '
'To hone your skills as a golf whiz.'
'Hit those shots eternally true.'
'The bad news is that you are due'
'To tee off this Monday at 2.'
I can't wait to be that age and hanging out with a bunch of people hanging out all day playing golf and going to the beach, all my own age. We'd be laughing and having a good time and getting loopy on our prescription drugs. Driving golf carts around. I can't wait.
quote by Cameron Diaz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.
quote by Andy Rooney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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An Ageing Golfer's Dream
His great dream in his fifties is to emulate his son
Who was lucky enough to score a hole in one
Which is something in golf that is quite rare indeed
Where many do fail few can hope to succeed
A far better golfer than his son it is said
By those in the know who rate the ageing golfer ahead
Of anyone else in the local golf club
I only say here what I hear in the pub
From the local amateur golfers who enjoy their weekend game
Who play for the love of it not for the fame
As a golfer the young man in his twenties with his dad can't compare
For the father indeed is a far better player
But the father has yet to hit a hole in one
And on that score alone 'tis one up for the son.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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What It Is They Do
Some folks enjoy doing things.
While other folks 'are' what they enjoy doing!
Some folks enjoy cooking.
And then there are cooks.
Some folks enjoy singing.
And then there are those who sing.
Some folks enjoy writing.
I know I do,
And I've been told I am a writer.
Some folks have no problem,
Producing what they do.
And others will say they don't have the time.
Although they waste it telling folks,
What it is they do...
And yet nothing of that,
Ever gets done!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I enjoy Augusta. I enjoy its challenges. There's no other golf course like this anywhere. Its greens and its challenges on and around the greens are just super, super tough. So the greens are fun to play in sort of a morbid way.
quote by Ben Crenshaw
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Enjoy Yourself
Written: stock aitken waterman
Intro:
Enjoy it, enjoy it
1:
Never let life
Get you down
When your head is spinning
Feet wont touch the ground
For in this world
The good time you cant plan
Youd better take your chances while you can
Chorus:
Dont wait til tomorrow
When you should be living today
Enjoy it, enjoy it
Before too long its too late
Dont throw the good times away
Enjoy it, enjoy it (repeat)
2:
Dont break up
Inside
When everythings too much
Dont run and hide
For nothing comes to those who will not try
You may just as well have kissed
Your dreams goodbye
Chorus:
3:
For nothing comes to those who hesitate
Grab your dreams before it gets too late
Chorus:
(repeat & fade)
song performed by by Kylie Minogue
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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