The Golf Writer (To Kevin)
The golf writer has become famous for a while the toast of the town
But a few locals with him not happy they feel that he has put them down
It's that he has a humorous streak in him and with his words he does not mean offence
Some people in their feelings precious and they lack a bit in common sense,
The golf writer is a nice fellow he likes a good laugh and a beer
His humor comes out in his writing he is a creator of cheer
He never does take life too seriously devoted to family and wife
One might call him happy go lucky he does his best to enjoy life
There ought to be more people like him some do take life too seriously
So down to earth and so very witty and few are as generous as he
So many look forward to his golf column and such witty articles he write
Though always one to feel offended in humor some do feel some slight,
Around the town well known and well liked his best to please others he try
He is such a likeable fellow and he would not harm a fly.
poem by Francis Duggan
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There Used To Be Days
There used to be days,
when i was a witty and humorous guy,
that i could make people laugh,
until they start to cry,
and i would often create stories
filled with such a humor and joy,
that everybody would ask me
how can u do it every time oh boy.
There used to be days....
Often i would tell things in such a way,
and often i would act in such a way,
that nobody could resist to laugh,
however hard they may try,
and even if it would be late for the day,
and even if i would be done for the day,
people used to hold me by hand,
and they wont let me say good bye.
There used to be days....
While i was cruising really very fast,
one day something happened that almost broke me apart,
and in those few hours of storm,
i lost whatever wit and humor i ever had,
i thought the things would improve,
but nothing happened as the days passed by,
and i the witty and humorous guy became a silent and shy guy.
but there used to be days...
now nobody laughs at my jokes,
however hard i may try,
and in such a despaired state i am,
that for myself often i cry,
But my heart says to me, keep on giving a try,
life would flip again someday,
and people would again start to laugh at my jokes,
whenever any i will say,
but till now only i can say
that there used to be days...
poem by Sunny Mittal
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
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A Walmart Parking Lot
To laugh at life
You have to have,
A perpetual sense of humor.
If you laugh,
They say,
The life you live,
Will potentially,
Last much longer.
I am sitting in the dark,
Stranded,
In a Walmart parking lot,
And finding it,
Hard to laugh.
I cannot see the humor in,
My current situation.
I am desperately in need,
Of some comic revelation.
Then suddenly,
It dawns on me.
And I can see,
My poetry,
Is witty confirmation.
With words and rhyme,
I laugh at me,
And thus embrace,
Salvation.
poem by Connie Crane
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For One His Age He's Not Learnt Much
The old fellow Bill he spoke quite loud he must have had drank a few beers
And it would seem he does not have that much between his ears
And anyone of Irish race at him would take offence
For one his age he's not learnt much and he doesn't make much sense.
Of his fellow golf club members he did not like they are Irish he did say
And these of course are put down words when used in such a way
And by putting down a few he disliked he put down a whole race
As he spoke into a microphone in a very public place.
To Bill it might have seemed a joke but such a joke can go too far
When used in a golf club rooms or tavern or in a public bar
One would think he would have more sense that he'd have reached that stage
But to him it doesn't seem to apply that wisdom comes with age.
At the Eastwood Golf Club rooms in Kilsyth he took the microphone
One who ought to have better sense he should have stayed at home
For by putting down a few he disliked he put a whole race down
And the victims of racism not always black or brown.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Art of Humor
The parody, the comic
The irony, the slapstick
The comedy, the joke
There are many names of humor
A little flirt, a bit sway
A random bait, a strike catch
A prick of crack, a needed pain
So far we go just for humor
Because it is fun, because it is crazy
Because it is refreshing, because it brings laugh
Lightening the mood, building emotion
Always use humor in a good way
The situation, the mimic
The trap, the surprise
The movement, the style
Only human could understand humor
The witty question, the innocence answer
The spontaneous expression, the awaited performance
The dilemma, the mistake
Everything could turn into humor
To tease, to distract
To criticize, to attract
To break the ice, to open the gag
Don't take humor too serious
In critical condition, in awkward moment
In relaxing time, in happy hour
In strange fact, in life experience
Do you know that God also has a sense of humor?
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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I mean, I can actually say goodbye to the game of golf, never hit another golf shot the rest of my life and I'd be happy because I can get back in life without any rotation.
quote by Greg Norman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Without A Few Good Laughs A Day
Success is only really what does matter if you go by with what most people do say
But life it would surely be very boring without a few good laughs a day
If you cannot laugh you're in trouble some even find it hard to smile
There are people with heaps of money who feel living life scarce worth-while
One has to feel sympathy for them their gift of life they don't enjoy
When they buy presents for their young child they buy the most expensive toy
Yet their money cannot make them happy they live their lives burdened by care
It Doesn't mean you will be happy when you become a millionaire
The praises of the rich and famous so many feel happy to sing
But if money could make people happy then money would buy everything
Unhappiness some people are born with and 'tis something money cannot cure
But I'd rather be wealthy and unhappy than being poor and miserable though the choice is a poor one for sure
If money could solve all of our problems then our biggest problem would be small
But money cannot buy you happiness and that's the greatest gift of all.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Mary O Dwyer
She has got a lot of charm much about her to admire
Full of good old Aussie humor likeable Mary O Dwyer
If you cannot laugh at her jokes then you need to see a shrink
Or you are a boring person slow to laugh and slow to think.
Few like her live in Wonthaggi few like her live anywhere
People of such wit and humor are and always have been rare
So kind hearted and unconceited as a friend so nice to know
One you always will remember though to your life friends come and go.
With two daughters close to their teens she was never some one's wife
But she makes the most of her lot and looks on the bright side of life
She too has her share of worries but she laughs her cares away
If she feels sad for some reason it won't last for the whole day.
If you cannot laugh with Mary then you ought to face the truth
That you are a boring person of laughter you are destitute
For she is bright and quick witted and she is free of conceit
And one of the nicest people that anyone could wish to meet.
poem by Francis Duggan
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We Are Near Life's Finish Line
I feel happy for you mister on your huge superannuation payout
You've earned it so you can relax that's what life should be about
You and your wife can dine out better now and drink more expensive wine
Yet you and I only one thing in common share we are near life's finish line.
You tell me you worked as an engineer for the local council and you earned good take home pay
But you had to provide for and raise five children that's life or so they say
Still others on less than half of your wages raise their big family
And many must live till the day they die in abject poverty.
I do wish you well mister may your retirement years be great
Though you I won't be out golfing with and I'll never be your mate
You are just a well dressed fellow with your wife walking in the park
Though your dog doesn't seem to like me and at me he always bark.
Our lifestyles seem very different but that can be said of most
And I won't be there on your birthday for your happy birthday toast
But we share one thing in common with the vegetarian kine
The Reaper for us is waiting as we are near life's finish line.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Those years on the golf course as a caddie, boy, those people were something. They were vulgar, some were alcoholics, racist, they were very difficult people to deal with. A lot of them didn't have a sense of humor.
quote by Martin Sheen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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In Many Ways
Of elite athletes, celebrities and the rich and famous the praises you will hear so many sing
But they are mortals they don't live forever for human life is a temporary thing
All I ask of life is to be happy just for the remainder of my life span
It would be nice to grow old free of sadness and die painless in my sleep a happy man
In many ways I do feel very lucky when my lot in life with others I compare
So many people poor, hungry and Homeless and Stateless in the bigger World out there
What they would give to be lucky as I am at least I have a roof above my head
So many poor and hungry and sad people who sad to say feel envious of the dead
So many poor people in refugee camps they are the people of no fixed abode
The victims of Warlords and droughts and famines their life journey has been a hard old road
'Tis sad to think of the sadness all around us the Homeless children of poverty street
Who search in rubbish bins in the dark alleys for food that others have refused to eat
In many ways I do feel very lucky so many people far worse off than me
In the bigger World out there much want and sadness and many people live in poverty.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Inn Town
Parking lot, movie screen
I cant feel anything
Cigarette, beat up tv
Cant feel anything
Now that i
I am in town
I feel fine
Fine for now
Hang around with the people
That I used to be
Hang around on a corner
Waiting to go
Have a seat
Now that i
I am in town
I feel fine
Fine for now
50 cents or a dollar 3
I dont owe you anything
Spent a life on a heart that would
Rather not feel anything
I can try
I can see
I can want it to be
I can laugh
I can feel
I can see anything without dreaming
Now that i
I am in town
I am in town
Hang around with the people
That we used to be
We hang around on a corner
Waiting to go have a seat
And I can try
I can see
I can want it to be
I can laugh
I can feel
I can say anything that seems real
Its just like a dream
I can feel
I can laugh
I can want it to still be real
Its a dream
Ive had
Its the last
Now it seems
Now that i
I am in town
I feel fine
Fine for now
Now that i
I am in town
Now that i
I am in town
song performed by by Whiskeytown
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I've Been Such A Lucky Fellow
If I should die tomorrow I've had a happy life
Never had a major accident and never known heartbreak
Never known what it's like to be really hungry and lady luck's been kind to me
And every morning after six as a free man I awake
To the pleasant sounds of Nature of Mother Nature's family
The wild birds chirping and singing on every bush and tree
And light of day is shining in through my window pane
And who would not feel happy another day to see.
I am such a lucky fellow I've had a happy life
I've never been in prison and the gift of freedom I enjoy
I could have been born in a Third World Country living in dire poverty
And though not a money millionaire few luckier than I.
I am such a lucky fellow lady luck is kind to me
And my healthy though ageing body is free of any ache or pain
And though I am not seen as wealthy or successful I have never known poverty
And I've never known of the heavy crosses of which others can complain.
poem by Francis Duggan
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The Working Man Is A Decent Man
The working man never daydreams of wearing the boss's shoes
But in the pub with his good mates he does enjoy his booze
And he enjoys their every chat of life and of football
Since politics and World affairs doesn't interest him at all.
Devoted to his family and devoted to his wife
The working man is a decent man he leads a moral life
To watch their favourite football team in action he often takes his family
So easy going and down to earth and of any cares he's free.
You never do hear him complain of how times are quite tough
That his wife and family are happy and well for him is good enough
His ancestors like him of working stock they never craved renown
They are amongst the great unsung who helped to build the town.
He gets up in the gray of dawn for work each working day
Let's hear it for the working man a rousing hip hooray
Two of his children are in primary school his youngest for school too young
In his early thirties in the prime of life one of the town's unsung.
poem by Francis Duggan
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In Life May You Be Happy
In life may you be happy and your biggest worry small
For one day the high and non achievers to the reaper's scythe must fall
And then to you it will not matter not one little bit at all
If you are one of the forgotten or others your fame recall,
In life may you be lucky and may you live free of care
And may you never know what it is like a heavy cross to bear
The happy and the carefree have never been so rare
And so many unhappy people in the bigger World out there
Though you may not be famous and your praises others may not sing
What matters if you're happy that's the most important thing
Money cannot buy you happiness ask that of the billionaire
And in a World of so many unhappy people the happy are so rare
In life may you be happy and good health may you enjoy
These are two very precious gifts that money cannot buy.
poem by Francis Duggan
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In Another’s Shoes
As a writer I sometimes
have to step in another’s shoes.
Feel all the emotions the way they would do.
Feel the love that makes them happy,
the sadness that gives them pain,
and sometimes stepping out,
of their shoes is not an easy thing to do.
Sometimes for a while,
their emotions become yours.
You cry at the sad things,
laugh at things that aren’t that funny,
and get a lump in your throat,
at watching someone else’s joy.
You do it because of what you write,
you want people to believe.
Sometimes they do believe,
and think what you are writing,
is actually happening to you.
poem by David Harris
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Please, O God of Humor
Please, O God of Humor, give me the gift of being funny
naturally funny
so I can produce poetry and verse that tickles
and makes readers laugh so much their coins roll out of their wallets;
and let the children roll on the floor when my poems are recited;
for indeed my humor is the worst online by any standard
(or lack of standard)
for when I publish poems meant to be funny
my readers never understand me
and what I thought funny, they think tragic
and what I thought was tickle-tickle material
they find pathetic and practically laughable;
I am lectured to or consoled by readers
when I attempt humor;
I am sent e-mails and spam of advice
and words of caution when I attempt to be witty;
and my 113th poem
on the funny side of social networking
brought sympathy and pity for my lack of friends
but no appreciation for what I thought was funny;
and my 213th poem on old ladies at banks
brought outrage at me for hanging out at banks to ogle at wealthy, old ladies;
my 3131th poem on religion, the Divine
and its Power-packed representatives on Planet Earth
provoked no laughter but the ire and wrath of the other God
(you know, not you the Laughing God,
but the Other One, the Only One, the Angry Jealous God)
really neither man nor beast
nor the Highest Being in heaven
truly
nobody laughs at my verse
and nobody finds my offbeat humor at all funny;
Oh please,
God of Humor,
please make my humor a little like that of
Mr Bean or Jim Carrie
so I can have a universal audience
that will laugh at anything I write
(and perhaps incidentally, I’ll make some money)
and then they’ll all say:
See what the God of Humor and Laughter has done
for that simpleton Raj who never knew what humor in poetry is…
Please God of Humor, won't you humor me?
poem by Raj Arumugam
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Paperback Writer
(LennonMcCartney)
Paperback writer
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?
It's based on a novel by a man named Lear
And I need a job, so I want to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer
It's the dirty story of a dirty man
And his clinging wife doesn't understand
His son is working for the Daily Mail
It's a steady job but he wants to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer
Paperback writer
It's a thousand pages, give or take a few
I'll be writing more in a week or two
I can make it longer if you like the style
I can change it round and I want to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer
If you really like it you can have the rights
It could make a million for you overnight
If you must return it, you can send it here
But I need a break and I want to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer
Paperback writer
Paperback writer, paperback writer
Paperback writer, paperback writer
Paperback writer, paperback writer
Paperback writer, paperback writer (fade out)
song performed by by Paul McCartney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Happy, Happy, Happy!
There's nothing wrong with me
...I'm happy
I live life to wake each day
...and be happy
i want to enjoy it in each and every way
...and be happy
I feel content to be here now
...i'm very happy
To be depressed i wouldn't know how
...because i'm happy
i walk each day with a smile on my face
...yep, because i'm happy
i don't like to cry or be sad
...because my life is happy
i think being miserable, is what makes people lives bad
...so, you guessed it, i'm happy
are you? =]
poem by Heather Coldwell
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