The Night Before Larry Was Stretched
The night before larry was stretched
Oh, the night before larry was stretched
Well the boys they all paid him a visit
A bit in their sacks too they fetched
For they sweated their duds till they ris it
For larry was always the lad
When a boy was condemned to the squeezer
Would fence all the duds that he had
For to help his poor friend to a sneezer--
-- and warm his ol gob fore he died
Well the boys they came crowding in fast
And they threw all their stools round about him
Six glims round his trap-case was placed
For he couldnt be well-waked without them
When one of them asked, could he die
Without having duly repented?
Said larry, thats all in me eye
And first by the clergy invented--
--for to get a fat bit for themselves
Oh and Ill be cut up like a pie:
And me nob from me body be parted.
Youre in the wrong box, then, says i,
For blast me if theyre so hard-hearted
A chalk on the back of your neck
Is all that jack catch dares to give you
Then mind not such trifles affect
Oh why should the likes of them grieve you? --
--and now boys, come tip us the deck.
Well the cards being called for they played
Until larry found one of them cheated
A point in his napper was made
For the boy hed been easily heated
Oh, hold me the hokey, you thief!
Ill scuttle your knob with me dodle!
You cheat me because Im in grief
Ah, but soon Ill demolish your noddle--
--and leave you your claret to drink
Then the clergy came in with his book
And he spoke him so smooth and so civil
Larry tipped him kill-sour look
And he pitched his big wig to the devil
Then sighing he threw back his head
For to get a sweet drop of the bottle
And dutiful sighing he said,
Oh the hempt twill be soon round me throttle--
--and choke me poor windpipe to death.
Oh then sure its the best way to die
Oh the dead are no better the living
For now when the gallows is high
Our journey is shorter to heaven.
But what harasses larry the most
And makes his soul poor melancholy
Is he thinks of the time when his ghost
It will come in a sheet to sweet molly--
--oh sure, itll kill her alive
So moving, these last words he spoke
We all vented our tears in a shower
For me own part I thought me heart broke
For to see him cut down like a flower
On his travels we watched him next day
The throttler I thought I could kill him
But larry not one word did say
Nor change did he come to king william--
--and then did his color grow white.
When he came to the old dublin chit
He was tucked up so neat and so pretty
The rumbler jugged off from his feet
And he died with his face to the city
He kicked too, but that was all pride
For soon you might see twas all over
Soon after the noose was untied
In darkness we waked him in clover--
--and sent him to take his ground sweat
Oh, the night before larry was stretched
Well the boys they all paid him a visit
A bit in their sacks too they fetched
For they sweated their duds till they ris it
For larry was always the lad
When a boy was condemned to the squeezer
Would fence all the duds that he had
For to help his poor friend to a sneezer--
--and warm his ol gob fore he died
--and warm his ol gob fore he died
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Happy Birthday Daddy Larry
86 years old,
Today my Daddy Larry...
Would have celebrated on this day.
He and I had a unique relationship.
We weren't particularly close.
And yet,
A closeness existed.
He and I were so much alike.
But he never did scold me,
Since my mother Edna did that...
To keep my steps on a path walking right.
When I was young,
My daddy was called Lawrence.
I was then Larry junior...
With my own presence known.
Then when I became of age,
He wanted to be called 'Larry'.
And I thought, 'How could he do this to me?
Moving in to claim 'my' territory.
I became Lawrence 'S'...
Back in 1971.
And when I discovered on his birth certificate,
He was Lawrence 'A'?
I had not known that up until that day.
And AS I grew...
Knowing my daddy would soon pass away?
I told him I loved him.
And he looked at me as if to say,
'I wish I had more time! '
That was back in 1988,
Days before my Daddy Larry...
Would from us pass away.
And on this day, December 11th 2010...
I miss my daddy very much.
With a more understanding of him,
And who he was.
Feeling his presence is near.
And we are closer now than ever.
Just because...
That is the way it is!
Happy Birthday, Daddy Larry!
Dedicated to the memory:
Lawrence Pertillar, Senior...
My father.
'Miss you, daddy.'
Love,
Lawrence ('Larry') ...lol
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Remember Larry
Say, do you remember that guy larry next door
Well, he always was the neighborhood clown
Like the time he pulled my pants off
And he took those color pictures
And posted copies all over town
Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn
Or those wacky prank phone calls from midnight till dawn
What a crazy kid larry was, always foolin around
Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
Say, do you remember when I lost all my hair
cause lar gave me that nair shampoo
And hey, how bout the day he put ben gay inside my jockstrap
And filled my toothpaste tube up glue
All those wedgies he gave
All those shoestrings he tied
All those brownies he made with the ex-lax inside
Oh, lar, I swear, it was a laugh a minute with you
Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
You know I couldnt help but laugh
Even though he treated me like slime
Remember when he cut my car in half?
Well, he really got me good that time!
Say, do you remember when I broke in larrys house
Late at night and tied his mouth with a rag
Then I dragged him by his ankles to the middle of the forest
And stuffed him in a big plastic bag
If the cops ever find him, who knows what theyd say
But Im sure if ol lar were still with us today
He would have to agree with me
It was a pretty good gag
Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
No matter how I try
Oh, I remember larry
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Larry O’Toole
You've all heard of Larry O'Toole,
Of the beautiful town of Drumgoole;
He had but one eye,
To ogle ye by—
Oh, murther, but that was a jew'l!
A fool
He made of de girls, dis O'Toole.
'Twas he was the boy didn't fail,
That tuck down pataties and mail;
He never would shrink
From any sthrong dthrink,
Was it whisky or Drogheda ale;
I'm bail
This Larry would swallow a pail.
Oh, many a night at the bowl,
With Larry I've sot cheek by jowl;
He's gone to his rest,
Where's there's dthrink of the best,
And so let us give his old sowl
A howl,
For 'twas he made the noggin to rowl.
poem by William Makepeace Thackeray
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Sailor's Mourner
"Gawd!" said a gal o' the Barbary Coast —
She was dancin' wi' me —
"Is it true, lad, that Larry, young Larry, was lost
From his ship out at sea?"
An' I says to her, "Aye! 'Tis true sure enough
That poor Larry was drowned."
An' "Gawd," said the gal o' the Coast, "but it's tough!
An' the poor boy home-bound!"
The fiddles they played on the Barbary shore
An' the dancers' feet flew,
An' "Gawd," said the gal, the young Barbary whore
"'Tis too bad that it's true!"
She trembled her lip, an' she dropped a salt tear
On paint an' on powder;
An' the crimps they came round wi' the foam on the beer,
An' the laughter grew louder.
"There's a new dance is startin'," says I to her then;
"Will ye dance it wi' me?"
An' the fiddles tuned up, an' we danced once again,
An' forgot the cold sea.
poem by Bill Adams from Wind in the Topsails (1931)
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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I'd visit the near future, close enough that someone might want to talk to Larry Niven and can figure out the language; distant enough to get me decent medical techniques and a ticket to the Moon.
quote by Larry Niven
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Flick-Knife Incident
After the argument
'Helen said'. 'Granny said'.
'Paul said'. 'Granny said'.
'Larry asked'.
Granny,
Who is Mrs Devereux,
Pulled out a flick-knife.
'! ', 'Helen said'.
'Helen asked'. Granny (lengthily replied) .
'Helen asked'. Granny (abruptly replied) .
'Helen asked'. 'Her grandmother said'.
'Larry said'. 'Paul said'.
'Larry asked', 'Does Declan know? '
'Granny said'.
'Larry said', 'I must go and tell.'
Lily 'addressed Paul'.
'Larry said'. 'Mrs Devereux said'. 'Paul said'.
'Lily said', 'Declan's getting sick...'
'Paul asked'. 'Helen said'. 'Paul said'.
Enough said.
poem by Douglas Scotney
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Larry Brown thought Steve Francis was a Larry Brown type of player.
quote by Isaiah Thomas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Need A Smile For Xmas... A Joke
This guy Larry at the dance had no partner
His friend said 'You should get a girl'
'How Harry how' my memory ain't so good'
'Go to the pub and see if there is any girls,
You know all the dances you'll be fine'
Larry goes to a pub and sitting at the bar is
The most beautiful gorgeous Angelina Jolie type
Girl all alone.He sits next to her trembling and says,
'Do I come here often'
poem by Ken e Hall
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Shi'Ann
Man...
I love my greatniece.
One of three sisters,
Born in the middle.
And can be sometimes sweet...
Bossy AND opinionated.
Like her mom and dad,
Grandparents...
T'ana and Allahna too.
We wont include Aunt Shayla...
She of course turns it on at will!
When things are not going the way
As Ms Shay says they should,
She gives us all eyes that can kill!
But my Shi'Ann,
Is the one that fits the bill!
You once asked me one day...
'Uncle Larry, write about me,
And what will you say? '
I will say my greatniece ShiAnn is grand.
She's terrific with a heart of gold!
And what Shi'Ann does...
Will be in the way,
Only Shi'Ann can...
Making sure others obey!
Dedicated:
To my greatniece Shi'Ann Pertillar
'Love you...'
Uncle Larry
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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My first choice was to work it out with Larry Brown. I needed Larry and I gave him 50 million bucks. This is a situation that I'm in and I'll handle it and I'll make it work.
quote by Isaiah Thomas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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George Foreman is easier and has the bigger name and have you noticed that Foreman never calls me out or ever mentions my name? He is afraid of me like most fighters are and most people want to forget about Larry Holmes, like he never ever existed.
quote by Larry Holmes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Moneygoround
Robert owes half to grenville
Who in turn gave half to larry
Who adored my instrumentals
And so he gave half to a foreign publisher
She took half the money that was earned in some far distant land
Gave back half to larry and I end up with half of goodness knows what
Oh can somebody explain why things go on this way
I thought they were my friends I cant believe its me, I cant believe that Im so green
Eyes down round and round lets all sit and watch the moneygoround
Everyone take a little bit here and a little bit there
Do they all deserve money from a song that theyve never heard
They dont know the tune and they dont know the words
But they dont give a damn
Theres no end to it Im in a pit and Im stuck in it
The money goes round and around and around
And it comes out here when theyve all taken their share
I went to see a solicitor and my story was heard and the writs were served
On the verge of a nervous breakdown I decided to fight right to the end
But if I ever get my money Ill be too old and grey to spend it
Oh, but life goes on and on and no one ever wins
And time goes quickly by just like the moneygoround
I only hope that Ill survive
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Infestants
Infested life with dreams that wakened
Is like day once dawn has breakened.
Impossibilities come forth from void,
Imaginations: girled or boyed?
Creativity that was girled
Results in princess stories terled.
Creativity from bored boys minds
Releases stories from confinds,
But think of little children Sneed,
Lauren, Larry, catastrophed
By blandness once forced down their throats
From sleeping as they counted goats.
May Lauren Sneed soon find her prince
Among the many contestints.
And Larry Sneed, his place is fine
Between madness and genius - Boyderline.
poem by Liam O'Brien
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My fans know the name Larry Holmes and that he always gave it his all.
quote by Larry Holmes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Curb Your Inner Larry
When humor is combined with inconsideration,
as it so often is in “Curb
Enthusiasm, ” men are like a hostile nation,
Arabs versus Jews and Serb
against the Croat. If you’re trying to be funny,
suppress your cruel proclivity
to sound embittered. Sweeten words like honey
to show your sensitivity.
Ignore the fact that being rude is lots of fun. Your hon-
esty is not a Stradivari
which people might enjoy to hear you playing on,
so always curb your inner Larry.
Martin Miller writes about the reunion of Larry David with the cast o the Seinfelds on a forthcoming episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm (LA Times, October 3,2009) : :
He knows he has issues. When asked about Dr. Phil's brief appearance on 'Curb's' second episode this season, he declares: 'I like him. I would definitely go to Dr. Phil if I could. You know what? I'm putting this out there right now that if he would take me, I'm going. Does he still have patients? I don't know if my problems are big enough for what he's used to.' A more immediate problem surfaces, and Dr. Phil is nowhere in sight. Larry spots something in his salad.”Is that a scallion? ' he frowns. 'I've got a date tonight.'
When informed he's probably one of the most eligible bachelors in town, he laughs. 'I wouldn't go that far, ' he said. You're rich, you're famous - you got a great sense of humor. 'Women don't like the humor when it's combined with inconsideration and insensitivity, ' he corrects. In real life, to some, his actions may be taken for inconsideration and insensitivity, but in the world of 'Curb' it's always hilarious and, to Larry, completely authentic. 'This show is the only chance that I have to be honest about anything, ' Larry said. 'Your life generally is so dishonest. Your dealings with your fellow human beings are so dishonest, everything is so dishonest, to have this opportunity to be honest is very refreshing to me.' Later, in the parking lot, the farewells are said. No handshake. 'Yeah, this was fun, ' Larry said
10/3/09
poem by Gershon Hepner
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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If vaudeville had died, television was the box they put it in.
quote by Larry Gelbart
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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When I Discovered My Given Name
When I discovered my given name 'is' Lawrence...
(Named after my father.
Who on 'his' birth certificate says Lawrence 'A'.
And I'm suppose to be a junior with no 'A' attached.
Go figure!)
...and not 'Larry' as I am still called by family members,
And very close friends.
People who 'knew' me became upset,
When I began calling myself 'Lawrence'.
Saying I thought I was better than the others.
And that I was not 'real' OR down-to-Earth!
'Does this sound a bit crazed?
I wanted to call myself by my 'real' name...
And folks who didn't have my name,
Became upset!
Pure insanity...
Isn't it? '
There's more...
But my parents did not name me Larry.
They named me Lawrence.
And my father everyone called Lawrence...
Decided he was going to be called 'Larry'.
I'm not going to say he was a jealous man.
That's a different story!
And I decided to become as REAL as possible!
Even adopting an African name, Suhuba...
Of the Yoruban language.
Meaning 'laurel' or of the Sun.
And 'that' made some folks furious.
Family members became outraged...
Because I sought 'identity'.
And I was accused of wanting to be 'white'.
These are the same folks who call for unity of all kinds!
But they don't know 'who' they are to unify.
And 'why' or for what!
That's how ignorant some environments,
And the people can be!
Divided into segments of conditioned realities.
God bless 'em!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Taking Off The Edge
(larry cordle/larry shell)
I been down on my luck
I been down on my knees
Well I been downtown
And I been down on the farm
I cant be satisfied
But Im gonna have to find
A way to kick back and
Take off the edge
Now theres a little gal I know
Just south of tupelo
Her hair is dark and her legs are long and tan
She rubs my back just right
Till way up in the night
She knows how to
Take off the edge
Ive been laid up with the flu
Laid off a time or two
Ive been uptight
And Ive been up a creek
Im gonna take my bamboo pole
And head out to the fishing hole
Dont you know it helps to
Take off the edge
Now theres a little gal I know
Just south of tupelo
Her hair is dark and her legs are long and tan
She rubs my back just right
Till way up in the night
She knows how to
Take off the edge
Now its morning once again
Oh, lord I just punched in
And I cant hardly wait till quitting time
Gonna get that big brown jug
All I need is a little slug
Just another way to
Takin off the edge
Now theres a little gal I know
Just south of tupelo
Her hair is dark and her legs are long and tan
She rubs my back just right
Till way up in the night
Well she knows how to
Take off the edge
Oh she sure knows how to
Take off the edge
song performed by by John Michael Montgomery
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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“Lucky Larry” (A Tale of Lost Love)
It was 'High Mesa' country,
A place between two worlds,
Once explored by Hernan Cortes,
During his quest for fame & fortune;
Larry stumbled onto a hidden temple,
He entered...
Deep within stood an altar of stone,
An eerie glow filled the chamber,
Atop the altar two orbs hovered,
Reaching for the one nearest,
Eager hands encircled a golden orb,
He filled at once with feelings of love
A vision flashed through his mind;
Two young lovers stood before him,
But he saw only the beautiful maiden,
Auburn hair, bottomless brown eyes,
A smile that made Angels’ blush,
Pulling the orb close to his chest,
It happened…
As if a fine mist, the orb disappeared within him,
Ignoring the second orb he ran from the temple,
He must have the body of this precious soul,
For God had smiled this day on “Lucky Larry”
Within a short time he found, wooed & they wed
Larry knew not, he’d broken a sacred bond;
Abandoned forever…the second soul,
Left to wander aimlessly, sad & lonely,
His only comfort…
Was knowing that when his body released him,
Twin-souls would reunite once again,
In a place between two worlds.
poem by Ray Lucero
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I don't think there is anything owed to us. You've got to go out and work hard for every round win.
quote by Larry Dixon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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