Larry O’Toole
You've all heard of Larry O'Toole,
Of the beautiful town of Drumgoole;
He had but one eye,
To ogle ye by—
Oh, murther, but that was a jew'l!
A fool
He made of de girls, dis O'Toole.
'Twas he was the boy didn't fail,
That tuck down pataties and mail;
He never would shrink
From any sthrong dthrink,
Was it whisky or Drogheda ale;
I'm bail
This Larry would swallow a pail.
Oh, many a night at the bowl,
With Larry I've sot cheek by jowl;
He's gone to his rest,
Where's there's dthrink of the best,
And so let us give his old sowl
A howl,
For 'twas he made the noggin to rowl.
poem by William Makepeace Thackeray
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Related quotes
I Remember Larry
Say, do you remember that guy larry next door
Well, he always was the neighborhood clown
Like the time he pulled my pants off
And he took those color pictures
And posted copies all over town
Or the time that he dumped toxic waste on my lawn
Or those wacky prank phone calls from midnight till dawn
What a crazy kid larry was, always foolin around
Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
Say, do you remember when I lost all my hair
cause lar gave me that nair shampoo
And hey, how bout the day he put ben gay inside my jockstrap
And filled my toothpaste tube up glue
All those wedgies he gave
All those shoestrings he tied
All those brownies he made with the ex-lax inside
Oh, lar, I swear, it was a laugh a minute with you
Boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
You know I couldnt help but laugh
Even though he treated me like slime
Remember when he cut my car in half?
Well, he really got me good that time!
Say, do you remember when I broke in larrys house
Late at night and tied his mouth with a rag
Then I dragged him by his ankles to the middle of the forest
And stuffed him in a big plastic bag
If the cops ever find him, who knows what theyd say
But Im sure if ol lar were still with us today
He would have to agree with me
It was a pretty good gag
Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
Oh boy, what a joker
What a funny, funny guy
Ill never forget about larry
No matter how I try
No matter how I try
Oh, I remember larry
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Need A Smile For Xmas... A Joke
This guy Larry at the dance had no partner
His friend said 'You should get a girl'
'How Harry how' my memory ain't so good'
'Go to the pub and see if there is any girls,
You know all the dances you'll be fine'
Larry goes to a pub and sitting at the bar is
The most beautiful gorgeous Angelina Jolie type
Girl all alone.He sits next to her trembling and says,
'Do I come here often'
poem by Ken e Hall
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Happy Birthday Daddy Larry
86 years old,
Today my Daddy Larry...
Would have celebrated on this day.
He and I had a unique relationship.
We weren't particularly close.
And yet,
A closeness existed.
He and I were so much alike.
But he never did scold me,
Since my mother Edna did that...
To keep my steps on a path walking right.
When I was young,
My daddy was called Lawrence.
I was then Larry junior...
With my own presence known.
Then when I became of age,
He wanted to be called 'Larry'.
And I thought, 'How could he do this to me?
Moving in to claim 'my' territory.
I became Lawrence 'S'...
Back in 1971.
And when I discovered on his birth certificate,
He was Lawrence 'A'?
I had not known that up until that day.
And AS I grew...
Knowing my daddy would soon pass away?
I told him I loved him.
And he looked at me as if to say,
'I wish I had more time! '
That was back in 1988,
Days before my Daddy Larry...
Would from us pass away.
And on this day, December 11th 2010...
I miss my daddy very much.
With a more understanding of him,
And who he was.
Feeling his presence is near.
And we are closer now than ever.
Just because...
That is the way it is!
Happy Birthday, Daddy Larry!
Dedicated to the memory:
Lawrence Pertillar, Senior...
My father.
'Miss you, daddy.'
Love,
Lawrence ('Larry') ...lol
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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The Night Before Larry Was Stretched
The night before larry was stretched
Oh, the night before larry was stretched
Well the boys they all paid him a visit
A bit in their sacks too they fetched
For they sweated their duds till they ris it
For larry was always the lad
When a boy was condemned to the squeezer
Would fence all the duds that he had
For to help his poor friend to a sneezer--
-- and warm his ol gob fore he died
Well the boys they came crowding in fast
And they threw all their stools round about him
Six glims round his trap-case was placed
For he couldnt be well-waked without them
When one of them asked, could he die
Without having duly repented?
Said larry, thats all in me eye
And first by the clergy invented--
--for to get a fat bit for themselves
Oh and Ill be cut up like a pie:
And me nob from me body be parted.
Youre in the wrong box, then, says i,
For blast me if theyre so hard-hearted
A chalk on the back of your neck
Is all that jack catch dares to give you
Then mind not such trifles affect
Oh why should the likes of them grieve you? --
--and now boys, come tip us the deck.
Well the cards being called for they played
Until larry found one of them cheated
A point in his napper was made
For the boy hed been easily heated
Oh, hold me the hokey, you thief!
Ill scuttle your knob with me dodle!
You cheat me because Im in grief
Ah, but soon Ill demolish your noddle--
--and leave you your claret to drink
Then the clergy came in with his book
And he spoke him so smooth and so civil
Larry tipped him kill-sour look
And he pitched his big wig to the devil
Then sighing he threw back his head
For to get a sweet drop of the bottle
And dutiful sighing he said,
Oh the hempt twill be soon round me throttle--
--and choke me poor windpipe to death.
Oh then sure its the best way to die
Oh the dead are no better the living
For now when the gallows is high
Our journey is shorter to heaven.
But what harasses larry the most
And makes his soul poor melancholy
Is he thinks of the time when his ghost
It will come in a sheet to sweet molly--
--oh sure, itll kill her alive
So moving, these last words he spoke
We all vented our tears in a shower
For me own part I thought me heart broke
For to see him cut down like a flower
On his travels we watched him next day
The throttler I thought I could kill him
But larry not one word did say
Nor change did he come to king william--
--and then did his color grow white.
When he came to the old dublin chit
He was tucked up so neat and so pretty
The rumbler jugged off from his feet
And he died with his face to the city
He kicked too, but that was all pride
For soon you might see twas all over
Soon after the noose was untied
In darkness we waked him in clover--
--and sent him to take his ground sweat
Oh, the night before larry was stretched
Well the boys they all paid him a visit
A bit in their sacks too they fetched
For they sweated their duds till they ris it
For larry was always the lad
When a boy was condemned to the squeezer
Would fence all the duds that he had
For to help his poor friend to a sneezer--
--and warm his ol gob fore he died
--and warm his ol gob fore he died
song performed by by Elvis Costello
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Flick-Knife Incident
After the argument
'Helen said'. 'Granny said'.
'Paul said'. 'Granny said'.
'Larry asked'.
Granny,
Who is Mrs Devereux,
Pulled out a flick-knife.
'! ', 'Helen said'.
'Helen asked'. Granny (lengthily replied) .
'Helen asked'. Granny (abruptly replied) .
'Helen asked'. 'Her grandmother said'.
'Larry said'. 'Paul said'.
'Larry asked', 'Does Declan know? '
'Granny said'.
'Larry said', 'I must go and tell.'
Lily 'addressed Paul'.
'Larry said'. 'Mrs Devereux said'. 'Paul said'.
'Lily said', 'Declan's getting sick...'
'Paul asked'. 'Helen said'. 'Paul said'.
Enough said.
poem by Douglas Scotney
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My first choice was to work it out with Larry Brown. I needed Larry and I gave him 50 million bucks. This is a situation that I'm in and I'll handle it and I'll make it work.
quote by Isaiah Thomas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Larry Brown thought Steve Francis was a Larry Brown type of player.
quote by Isaiah Thomas
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I'd visit the near future, close enough that someone might want to talk to Larry Niven and can figure out the language; distant enough to get me decent medical techniques and a ticket to the Moon.
quote by Larry Niven
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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George Foreman is easier and has the bigger name and have you noticed that Foreman never calls me out or ever mentions my name? He is afraid of me like most fighters are and most people want to forget about Larry Holmes, like he never ever existed.
quote by Larry Holmes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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When I Discovered My Given Name
When I discovered my given name 'is' Lawrence...
(Named after my father.
Who on 'his' birth certificate says Lawrence 'A'.
And I'm suppose to be a junior with no 'A' attached.
Go figure!)
...and not 'Larry' as I am still called by family members,
And very close friends.
People who 'knew' me became upset,
When I began calling myself 'Lawrence'.
Saying I thought I was better than the others.
And that I was not 'real' OR down-to-Earth!
'Does this sound a bit crazed?
I wanted to call myself by my 'real' name...
And folks who didn't have my name,
Became upset!
Pure insanity...
Isn't it? '
There's more...
But my parents did not name me Larry.
They named me Lawrence.
And my father everyone called Lawrence...
Decided he was going to be called 'Larry'.
I'm not going to say he was a jealous man.
That's a different story!
And I decided to become as REAL as possible!
Even adopting an African name, Suhuba...
Of the Yoruban language.
Meaning 'laurel' or of the Sun.
And 'that' made some folks furious.
Family members became outraged...
Because I sought 'identity'.
And I was accused of wanting to be 'white'.
These are the same folks who call for unity of all kinds!
But they don't know 'who' they are to unify.
And 'why' or for what!
That's how ignorant some environments,
And the people can be!
Divided into segments of conditioned realities.
God bless 'em!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Allanah Rae
My dear Allanah,
Great niece I love.
Forgive Uncle Larry,
For not knowing how to spell your name,
Right!
Well...
Most of your life.
Your parents are too creative!
And this poem tonight I write for you,
I'm hoping you and I remain close and tight!
Aiight?
Give me five!
Upside.
Down low.
Too slow!
Hahahaha...
Remember you had said to me,
'Wassup with this?
You can't write me a poem? '
Allanah,
I thought I did?
One day you too will grow older.
And hopefully me you will forgive.
Hmmm...
So what shall I say?
I always say you are great.
And that is true.
Although you get a little bored with school.
So did I.
Uncle Larry did too.
I loved math.
Even though I didn't understand it.
Until I earned a dollar!
Hollah...
Did you enjoy your trip to Florida?
I heard you had cried before boarding the plane.
That's strange.
My first trip I sipped on scotch,
Mixed with ginger ale.
I'm glad you are young.
So you can not do the same.
You will prevail as things change.
Tell your sisters T'Ana and Chi'Ann,
I am 'still' their biggest fan!
Since you know how nosy they are.
But 'you' Allanah 'is' my Star.
Or is that 'are'?
I love the way you dance and sing.
But whatever you choose to do,
I know you'll go far!
Like me you enjoy doing most everything.
Hey...
Why not become a psychiatrist?
And,
I'm not trying to say nothing else about it!
So here it is.
The poem I promised I would write.
And everyday I want you to say your prayers at night.
Remember your wishes and dreams can come true.
And also remember,
Uncle Larry loves you!
You are my 'Rae'.
Dedicated To:
My Great Niece Allanah Rae Pertillar
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Curb Your Inner Larry
When humor is combined with inconsideration,
as it so often is in “Curb
Enthusiasm, ” men are like a hostile nation,
Arabs versus Jews and Serb
against the Croat. If you’re trying to be funny,
suppress your cruel proclivity
to sound embittered. Sweeten words like honey
to show your sensitivity.
Ignore the fact that being rude is lots of fun. Your hon-
esty is not a Stradivari
which people might enjoy to hear you playing on,
so always curb your inner Larry.
Martin Miller writes about the reunion of Larry David with the cast o the Seinfelds on a forthcoming episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm (LA Times, October 3,2009) : :
He knows he has issues. When asked about Dr. Phil's brief appearance on 'Curb's' second episode this season, he declares: 'I like him. I would definitely go to Dr. Phil if I could. You know what? I'm putting this out there right now that if he would take me, I'm going. Does he still have patients? I don't know if my problems are big enough for what he's used to.' A more immediate problem surfaces, and Dr. Phil is nowhere in sight. Larry spots something in his salad.”Is that a scallion? ' he frowns. 'I've got a date tonight.'
When informed he's probably one of the most eligible bachelors in town, he laughs. 'I wouldn't go that far, ' he said. You're rich, you're famous - you got a great sense of humor. 'Women don't like the humor when it's combined with inconsideration and insensitivity, ' he corrects. In real life, to some, his actions may be taken for inconsideration and insensitivity, but in the world of 'Curb' it's always hilarious and, to Larry, completely authentic. 'This show is the only chance that I have to be honest about anything, ' Larry said. 'Your life generally is so dishonest. Your dealings with your fellow human beings are so dishonest, everything is so dishonest, to have this opportunity to be honest is very refreshing to me.' Later, in the parking lot, the farewells are said. No handshake. 'Yeah, this was fun, ' Larry said
10/3/09
poem by Gershon Hepner
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O'Toole And McSharry
In the valley of the Lachlan, where the perfume from the pines
Fills the glowing summer air like incense spreading;
Where the silent flowing river like a bar of silver shines
When the winter moon it pallid beams is shedding;
In a hut on a selection, near a still and silent pool,
Lived two mates, who used to shear and fence and carry;
The one was known near and far as Dandy Dan O'Toole
And the other as Cornelius McSharry.
And they'd share each other's blankets, and each other's horses ride,
And go off together shearing in the summer;
They would canter on from sunrise to the gloaming, side by side,
While McSharry rode the Barb and Dan the Drummer.
And the boys along the Lachlan recognised it as a rule
From Eugowra to the plains of Wanandarry,
That if ever love was stronger than McSharry's for O'Toole
'Twas the love O'Toole extended to McSharry.
And their love might have continued and been constant to the end
And they might have still been affable and jolly,
But they halted at a shanty where the river takes a bend,
And were waited on by Doolan's daughter, Polly.
Now, this pretty Polly Doolan was so natty, neat and cool
And so pleasant that they both agreed to tarry,
For she winked her dexter eyelid at susceptible O'Toole,
While she slyly winked the other — at McSharry.
So they drank her health in bumpers till the rising of the moon,
And she had them both in bondage so completely
That each time they talked of going she said, "Must you go so soon?"
And they couldn't go, she smiled at them so sweetly.
Dan O'Toole grew sentimental and McSharry played the fool,
Though they each had sworn an oath they'd never marry,
Yet the self-same dart from Cupid's bow that vanquished Dan O'Toole
Had gone through the heart of honest Con McSharry.
Then McSharry thought if Dandy Dan got drunk and went to bed,
He (McSharry) could indulge his little folly,
And Dan thought if McSharry once in drunken sleep lay spread,
He could have a little flirt with pretty Polly;
So they kept the bottle going till they both were pretty full,
And yet each rival seemed inclined to tarry;
The precise amount of pain-killer it took to fill O'Toole,
Was required to close the optics of McSharry.
So the rivals lost their tempers and they called each other names
And disturbed the Doolan children from their pillows,
And when Doolan came and told them that he wouldn't have such games,
They must go and fight it out beneath the willows.
So they went beneath the willows, near a deep and shady pool,
With as much inside as each of them could carry,
And McSharry started thumping the proboscis of O'Toole,`
And O'Toole retaliated on McSharry.
And they fought till they were winded, and yet neither had the best,
Though from each of them the blood was freely flowing;
And they paused at last to breathe awhile and take a moment's rest,
But O'Toole's two eyes with rage were fairly glowing;
Then without a moment's warning he charged forward like a bull,
And before poor Con had time to run or parry,
With a terrible momentum the big head of Dan O'Toole
Went bump! into the stomach of McSharry.
And when the force of the concussion laid McSharry out quite still
With his feet above his head among the bushes,
While O'Toole, with the momentum, cannoned madly down the hill
And fell plump in the lagoon among the rushes.
Like a weedy river-god he climbed the far side of the pool,
And he did not for one single moment tarry,
For the curse of Cain was in the brain of Dandy Dan O'Toole,
Who felt certain he had settled poor McSharry.
Now, while Dan O'Toole was stealing through the still and silent night,
And his aching brain with pain-killer was throbbing,
McSharry lay and listened, till his heart stood still with fright,
And he eased his guilty soul with silent sobbing.
For he heard his boon companion falling headlong in the pool,
And he thought he was as dead as poor old Harry,
And McSharry mourned the drowning of poor Dandy Dan O'Toole,
While O'Toole was sadly weeping for McSharry.
And the valley of the Lachlan never more will know the men
That were once so loving, frolicsome and frisky,
For OToole cleared out to Queensland and was never seen again,
While McSharry started south and took to whisky.
And McSharry, in his nightmare,often sees that fatal pool,
And the pricks of guilty conscience tries to parry;
While away among the back-blocks wanders Dandy Dan O'Toole,
Always flying from the ghost of Con McSharry.
poem by Thomas E. Spencer
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My fans know the name Larry Holmes and that he always gave it his all.
quote by Larry Holmes
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ms Shay
Thirty-one years old...
Wow how time has passed.
With looks of a teen-ager!
'Now Shayla...
You and I know that ain't gon' last! '
But you have a timeless beauty,
And what's greater is your heart that's pure.
You have Kamara and Kevin...
Two wonderful children you raise.
They reflect your terrificness,
And you deserve the praise.
I wont mention your cooking...
Because someone else might be reading this,
And looking!
But I will say this...
I've heard you cook a mean pot of grits!
You know Uncle Larry likes to tease...
Especially you, my beautiful niece!
And when all is said and done...
I want the world to know,
How magnificent you have become!
I am so proud of you, 'Ms Shay'
And I am wishing you a glorious,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Dedicated to My Niece:
Ms Shayla Louise Dixon
On her birthday
August 21st 2007
'Love you, My precious one! '
Uncle Larry
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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I'm having as much fun today as I did when I made $55 a week, because it is as much fun.
quote by Larry King
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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“Lucky Larry” (A Tale of Lost Love)
It was 'High Mesa' country,
A place between two worlds,
Once explored by Hernan Cortes,
During his quest for fame & fortune;
Larry stumbled onto a hidden temple,
He entered...
Deep within stood an altar of stone,
An eerie glow filled the chamber,
Atop the altar two orbs hovered,
Reaching for the one nearest,
Eager hands encircled a golden orb,
He filled at once with feelings of love
A vision flashed through his mind;
Two young lovers stood before him,
But he saw only the beautiful maiden,
Auburn hair, bottomless brown eyes,
A smile that made Angels’ blush,
Pulling the orb close to his chest,
It happened…
As if a fine mist, the orb disappeared within him,
Ignoring the second orb he ran from the temple,
He must have the body of this precious soul,
For God had smiled this day on “Lucky Larry”
Within a short time he found, wooed & they wed
Larry knew not, he’d broken a sacred bond;
Abandoned forever…the second soul,
Left to wander aimlessly, sad & lonely,
His only comfort…
Was knowing that when his body released him,
Twin-souls would reunite once again,
In a place between two worlds.
poem by Ray Lucero
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Kleenex would have made a mint today.
quote by Larry Harvey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Films were never in my budget. Didn't occur to me till much later. I hoped for a long, good life, which I've had and I'm having as an actor. I didn't expect the rest.
quote by Peter O'Toole
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Sailor's Mourner
"Gawd!" said a gal o' the Barbary Coast —
She was dancin' wi' me —
"Is it true, lad, that Larry, young Larry, was lost
From his ship out at sea?"
An' I says to her, "Aye! 'Tis true sure enough
That poor Larry was drowned."
An' "Gawd," said the gal o' the Coast, "but it's tough!
An' the poor boy home-bound!"
The fiddles they played on the Barbary shore
An' the dancers' feet flew,
An' "Gawd," said the gal, the young Barbary whore
"'Tis too bad that it's true!"
She trembled her lip, an' she dropped a salt tear
On paint an' on powder;
An' the crimps they came round wi' the foam on the beer,
An' the laughter grew louder.
"There's a new dance is startin'," says I to her then;
"Will ye dance it wi' me?"
An' the fiddles tuned up, an' we danced once again,
An' forgot the cold sea.
poem by Bill Adams from Wind in the Topsails (1931)
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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