En.Citatepedia^®.ro

Hole in one record
Broken thirteen times, no more,
Golf balls lost in woods.

haiku by Ken e Hall
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Golf 'N' Me

Golf and me are not to be I’ve tried it many times,
I slipped I fell and heard folk yell and even hit a old brass bell
At hole’s I crossed when ball was lost

Then shortly after leaving Tee I let those pass who Tee long after me
While colleagues wait quiet patiently for me to find a perfect swing
And make the day worthwhile thing

Then suddenly success it’s been I find my swing and hit the green
A putters what you need right now until I seem to miss somehow
Again to find the missing ball oh why do I bother at all?

The driving range would sort me out or so the experts all would shout
Yet many balls I’d bash and hit just went their own way, not ahead
The many times I failed to hit a single net or hole or flag

Yes golf and me are not to be and now we all know why
So shoes that crimp and made me limp, the single glove and strange shape clubs

I waive them all goodbye!
Copyright © 2007 Ray Feasey

poem by Ray Feasey
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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041310e Sometimes It Could Happened

there's this group of trees by golf course
it collects lost flyballs; home for geese
nobody wants to crass stagnant water
so their balls is stranded there forever
sometimes i go there to pick good ones
some i keep, some i hit it back to them

one day there's an old man playing
he politely ask me if i could find his
lost balls, so i ask what is brand name
he said, ' it could be anything, my son'
i reach into my pocket and throw some
he said, ' thanks, i lost all my balls today'

poem by Manonton Dalan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My doctor asked me how many golf balls I had hit in my career. I'm lying there in bed calculating somewhere between four and five million golf balls I had hit to do that on my body.

quote by Greg Norman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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As a kid, I might have been psycho, I guess, but I used to throw golf balls in the trees and try and somehow make par from them. I thought that was fun.

quote by Tiger Woods
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ariel Tiger Woods Play Off

Tiger Woods golf superstar, sex scandal entrepreneur
boasts as winner, of 14 major, golf championships
dominant golf superstar, and sex scandal entrepreneur
allegedly has,14 women, mistress confessionals

but rocker rookie Peterpan, is a less discrete man
boasting to have stroked, more birdies in the hand
his reputation surpasses, Tiger Woods for mistresses
his video proofs run reckless, regardless of consequences

Ariel Peterpan boasts,25 videos, with Indonesian female celebrities
surpassing Tiger Woods, by conquering a harem, of 25 celebrities
Luna Maya and Cut Tari, among videoed conquered, concubine cream
how many women, did Ariel Peterpan not record, falling on his sword?

poem by Terence George Craddock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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IT's THE GOLF BALL OR ME

TIGER TIGER IN THE WOODS

Hit the ball as U should

Ere the Golf Stick skidded

And U in the Woods ended

Tiger Tiger your fame spread far and wide

Many a wallop in joy you with your family cried

Alas your 'misses' your family dread

And many a tear dropp you dead

Tiger Tiger in the Woods the time has come

When Your Wife has given you ultimatum

It's either me or GOLF you choose

And mend your ways or both your loose

'On my terms' if U want the kids and me

Coz I love you so much honey

I am not to touch the GOLF BALL

NOT for LOVE or for MONEY....

TIGER TIGER IN THE WOODS.

poem by Intensive KS1
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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051310N you learn from person you meet

i'm watching a gentleman from tee
how he swing his golf clubs today
he goes left and right; searching
two landed on lake; three on tree
he could have lost six or more; easy
he is doing good; very courageous

i gave him some of my orphan balls
when he passed me; he's inviting me
i told him ' i have to practice more'
he looks at me; smiled and walk away
unknown to him i've been playing regularly
i hope he won't lost anymore balls today

poem by Manonton Dalan
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031910e Put In The Hole

i open my trunk and break out my club
pick out six balls and neatly line it up
stretch, bend, touch my toes for a few
practice swinging to upgrade my tempo
line up my feet to the center of the lake
recoil, release, impact, flew and wake

it landed to where it's not intended to be
good distance, slice, went out of the way
nice i would rather have bad shots now
blame not my club, i did what cause that
i know somebody is there watching me
maybe behind those windows, i see

i'm here to remind what should be done
relax, get out, get your golf bag have fun
i know you're winter rusty, so is everybody
so what if you'll lost few balls or hit a tree
you're just thinking of one thing, put in hole
yes, drive it, chip it, putt it and hear it growl

poem by Manonton Dalan
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Hang Down Your Head Kelly Tilghman

This time tomorrow
Reckon where I'll be
Down in some lonesome valley
Hangin' from a white oak tree (The Kingston Trio)

Kelly thought she was being cute,
Kelly thought she had made a funny,
Golf Central would not fire her,
As she is a woman,
Not being Rush, Imus, Jimmy the Greek Snyder,
They were men.
She is of course blonde, so is Caitlin Upton,
Maybe that explains the fact,
Golf Central would not fire her.
She stated that the only way the upcoming golfer would defeat Tiger Woods,
If they would beat him up, like Tonya Harding did to Nancy Kerrigan,
Further more they should 'lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley.'
If the KKK would have been paying her I would understand,
But if, not she could have been playing bedroom course,
She could have been playing on the course where there is easy “lay” on the turf,
She was a caddy to Arnold Palmer,
She could have kissed his balls while he ventured out the first ho’,
That would make his putter stand up.
Golf Central still would not fire her.

(1-13-2008)

poem by Joe Rosochacki
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I have a story that’ll

I have a story that’ll

bury Tiger Woods
under 6 feet of sand.
It’s the wishful thinking

of any golfer
to eagle their balls
in Alice’s hole.

But I wonder if anybody
wants their balls
to shrink fast enough

in the time they fly
from the golfing club
to birdie Wonderland.

~~~
Alex Nodopaka Apr©2010
AD Something

poem by Alex Nodopaka
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We Dug A Hole

His head is a big black hole
full of big black things
and it sucks so hard
you could never against the mud
Sugar plum, no ones ever seen anything come
ouch, what a travesty, what a sad fate
someone get a band-aid please
we gotta get this guy a machine for his cranium
I mean I don't need
maybe I don't hear what i need
this never really goes anywhere
We dug a hole
And put our heads in it
We dug a hole
We dug a hole
And put our heads in
This winter they come too quick and broad
with not enough hot spiced cider or cinnamon toast
you never think you know this but when you got a dead start
sucking up both times in your brain
things start to change
and for the record let me say
its not his fault that things never change
the summer is always too short
and still they broke up for a guy with a black hole in his head
and you'll never meet him anyway
We dug a hole
And put our heads in it
We dug a hole
We dug a hole
And put our heads in it
We dug a hole
(We dug a hole)

song performed by by Ok Go
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

quote by Mark Twain
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I had very low expectations. Honestly, I think I had 11 rounds of golf the entire year in before this tournament, and I had hit balls maybe four or five times.

quote by Trent Dilfer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Transgressions

Ode to Tiger Woods, my hero no more

I must confess
I had these transgressions on the golf course
I knew the rules going in
And I went in swinging from the heels
I putted around
Played with my balls
Even kissed them for good luck
I laid up when I should have used my driver
Now these transgressions won’t get me out of the woods (sic)
And I don’t want them publicized
That would make me look like I was playing in the rough
Every now and then I use my long iron very well
It brings an ah! from the crowd
My woody is my best friend, has got me out of many a jam
Now I feel like I’m in a sand trap
And don’t want to hit a tree with my next shot
Yes I’m sorry for of these transgressions
But I’ll just keep my scorecard in my back pocket

poem by Alfred Ramos
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Golf Tees Lament

Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head

Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants

Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat

Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys

Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.

Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.

Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?

Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails

Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats

But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!

poem by Larry Buddin
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And the wind shall say: "Here were decent godless people. Their only monument the asphalt road. And a thousand lost golf balls".

quote by T.S. Eliot
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I love to play golf, and that's my arena. And you can characterize it and describe it however you want, but I have a love and a passion for getting that ball in the hole and beating those guys.

quote by Tiger Woods
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Got You By The Balls

Hey mister businessman
Head of the company
Are you looking for a lady
One who likes to please?
Hey mister businessman
This one likes to tease
With a special service
In french quantities
But she wont sacrifice
What you want tonight
She wont come across
Unless theres money in her hand
And shes calling all the shots
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
Hey mister businessman
High society
She can play the school girl
And spank you all you please
But she wont sacrifice
What you want tonight
She wont come across
Unless theres money in her hand
She dont go overtime
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
(kiss your balls goodbye)
Hang it left, hang it right,
Got you by the balls
Got your shorts, got your curlies
Got you - by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
Yeah, yeah
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls

song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Thirteen Years

Thirteen years of pencils and paper
Thirteen years of “I'll do it later”
Thirteen years of homework and classes
Thirteen years of fails and passes

Thirteen years have gone by so fast
And it's finally our year of last
Thirteen years of enemies and friends
Our memories that will never end

Thirteen years of growing up
Relying off of chance and luck
Changing our hair and our clothes
Making our decisions based off shows

Thirteen years preparing for our lives
For our future successful tries
For our almost guaranteed mistakes
And the friends we are sure to make

Thirteen years and now thirteen more
Traveling from shore to shore
Separating from our family and friends
Moving on and on again and again

Good Luck to us all, wherever we go
May we always have pride, and let it show
For our origins of HHS
Class of 2011 will always be the best!

poem by Cheylee Miller
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You know, when I was a young boy I used to play baseball in my back yard or in the street with my brothers or the neighborhood kids. We used broken bats and plastic golf balls and played for hours and hours.

quote by Robin Yount
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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