Golf 'N' Me
Golf and me are not to be I’ve tried it many times,
I slipped I fell and heard folk yell and even hit a old brass bell
At hole’s I crossed when ball was lost
Then shortly after leaving Tee I let those pass who Tee long after me
While colleagues wait quiet patiently for me to find a perfect swing
And make the day worthwhile thing
Then suddenly success it’s been I find my swing and hit the green
A putters what you need right now until I seem to miss somehow
Again to find the missing ball oh why do I bother at all?
The driving range would sort me out or so the experts all would shout
Yet many balls I’d bash and hit just went their own way, not ahead
The many times I failed to hit a single net or hole or flag
Yes golf and me are not to be and now we all know why
So shoes that crimp and made me limp, the single glove and strange shape clubs
I waive them all goodbye!
Copyright © 2007 Ray Feasey
poem by Ray Feasey
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Related quotes
Take A Bow!
When you're feeling way above 'par',
And your golf ball is travelling far,
With a 'birdie' to give you a start,
Golfing is an art.
When an 'eagle' soars high in the sky,
As within a deep 'bunker' you try,
To extricate neatly your ball,
Golfing is the call.
When your 'club' just doesn't impel
Your first 'shot' to go very well,
You can't always 'iron' out the fault,
Golfing is difficult.
Now the 'swing' that keeps the ball rolling,
Will need some careful controlling, .
But then down the 'fairway' it flies,
Golfing is exercise.
When you 'angle' your ball at the 'flag',
And you suddenly encounter a snag,
Once the ball goes straight in the 'hole',
Golfing is your goal.
If you're 'putting' well, out on the green,
And your 'stroke' is one worth being seen,
Then go on my friend, take a bow,
Golfing is a WOW!
poem by Ernestine Northover
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Game of Golf
Golf is my brothers passion, my sister-in laws as well
From where l'm standing Oh! my word it looks like a game from hell
Legs astride back is bent and the arms down all stretched out
Now it's time to hit the ball and give it one good clout
Then they do the walking and try to find the ball
If it's in the right spot then their walking tall
Will they reach the 18th hole without getting in the rough
Will it pour with rain until, they say we've had enough
Will one beat the other, will it end in tears
But then l guess if it gets that bad, they'll down a good few beers
Is it really worth though bending, stretching, hitting
No l'm sorry not for me, l'd rather just be sitting
I guess they'll go on playing, well the fresh air does them good
l'm not so sure about the rest of it, l do not think l could
Walk around in the rain, hitting putting sighing
Little white balls in the air, god, they go a flying
Through the air down the green and in a tiny hole
Only to take it out again, is this really reaching a goal
You'll find them every weekend playing on the green
Wearing funny clothes and shoes, like you never seen
They'll push on round the golf course, until they reach the end
In and out of all them holes, they're clearly round the bend.
poem by Dianne Anderson
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Bell Upon Organ
It's all very well,
Said the Bell,
To be the big Organ below!
But the folk come and go,
Said the Bell,
And you never can tell
What sort of person the Organ will blow!
And, besides, it is much at the mercy of the weather
For 'tis all made in pieces and glued together!
But up in my cell
Next door to the sky,
Said the Bell,
I dwell
Very high;
And with glorious go
I swing to and fro;
I swing swift or slow,
I swing as I please,
With summons or knell;
I swing at my ease,
Said the Bell:
Not the tallest of men
Can reach up to touch me,
To smirch me or smutch me,
Or make me do what
I would not be at!
And, then,
The weather can't cause me to shrink or increase:
I chose to be made in one perfect piece!
poem by George MacDonald
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Licking Balls in Velvet Fingers of Grass
Oh verdancy! Dear verdancy!
Oh vast expanse of space!
You want Zen?
Where've you been?
This is the time, the place!
Bring your picnic basket
and hard-boiled eggs aplenty
Swing your arms up toward
the clouds
Oh there are so many!
~~~
Now, I've had Women
'Kick' my balls
And make my lil nub quiver.
But, I've had Men
'Lick' my balls
And make the back net shiver.
Actually...
When I lose my balls
I feel rather free
I live on a rubber mat:
I'm a drivin' range
Golf ball
T
poem by Jeffrey Philip Clegg
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Fishing or Golf, Take your Pick
Do you golf? I've been asked this question a great deal
But I answer with a smile, "Hey, a golf ball won't make a meal."
If you use your driver or iron, whatever your whim
I reply, "I would rather try to teach a worm to swim."
Some argue, you get exercise by walking from hole to hole
You can't do that sitting in a boat holding a pole.
No matter if you golf or fish, both cost a lot of dough
And both result in making your wife a fishing or golf widow.
One can't be sure which sport is really the best
Until you have tried both, passed the inevitable test.
So, if you can worm your way through all this confusion
You might fish around and land a sound conclusion.
This won't decrease your drive nor will you be less on the ball
By weighing the pros and cons for each sport overall.
Golfing has some prestige whereas fishing does not
So pick your choice, determine your own lot.
You can't make a mistake whichever one you choose
Cause after all, what have you got to lose
So my friends, if we don't always agree
Fish around for your solution, it may fit you to a tee.
poem by Jr. William B. Booth
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The Golf Ball and the Loan
[After Longfellow.]
I drove a golf-ball into the air;
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.
I lent five shillings to some men,
They spent it all, I know not when,
For who is quick enough to know
The time in which a crown may go?
Long, long afterward, in a whin
I found the golf-ball, black as sin;
But the five shillings are missing still!
They haven't turned up, and I doubt if they will.
poem by Robert Fuller Murray
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Hole in one record
Broken thirteen times, no more,
Golf balls lost in woods.
haiku by Ken e Hall
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Ball & Chain
I've been on this roller coaster just too many times
And always it seems like
The blind keep on leading the blind
Tried to get them on the 'phone
Tried to find my way back home
Tned and failed, and tried and failed, again
But baby i don't want you 'cos you look so good
I don't want you 'cos i know i should
I don't want you to come in f rom the rain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Ah just lately i've been roaming from town to town
I've been setting them up, setting them up
And i've been knocking them down
I was born to live, it seems, a fugitive dream
Make things always better than they seem
And i stop and start, and stop and start
And stop and start again
Baby i don't want you for your money
I don't want you 'cos i love you honey
I don't want you to ease this memory pain
No, i want you to be my ball and chain
Yes, i want you to be my, be my ball and chain
When i see you in the garden once again
Baby you'll be standing in the summer rain
Laugh and cry and say what it's all about
You can even jump and shout
And you'll smile and say how are you again
I don't want you 'cos i'm so blue
I don't want you 'cos you know what to do
I don't want you because all my love seems in vain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
Be my ball and chain, be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
I want you.....ball and chain, etc.
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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031010 Green Moments
i'm almost kneeling to the green
tracing the undulation and grain
i set my ball and look one more
from four sides and with prayer
did a couple of practice swing
got the tempo and putt went in
roll is when you hold your breathe
in silence talking to your ball begging
to break to follow follow path to cup
as tension builds up inside of me
so focus, it's me and my golf ball
nobody else, then yess...growwl(silent)
poem by Manonton Dalan
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The Art of Deception
It’s not a game
like any other game
where a golf ball travels the distance
and being putted into a hole
it is only a small white ball
being lured into a hole
dark and full of deception
have you ever wondered
why the ball is never black?
the hands that hold the putter
take a firm grip in a certain art form
there is positional assurance
before teeing
and these very hands
network with the mind
in continuance they play
vicariously with the heart
and when the world
is minding its own course
and waiting for another PGA tournament,
the greenery is overshadowed
like a transgressor
the golfer becomes an infidel
drunk like a kite in the wind
moaning in apology
with numbness on his lips
making a hiatus
wider than the golf course
how to fine tune this art
with family blunted by fame?
and fortune?
and deception?
poem by Leonard Dabydeen
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031910b Yellow Birds On The Green
i see. group of tiny yellow birds
gatherings seeds at the green
they hop, hop and start to sing
they never scratch the ground
they just eat what they can find
bobbing their heads in rhyme
a golf ball landed at the fringe
two went hop hop to investigate
and came back with message
time to disappear by the trees
they're up there quick, grooming
some offer to help, maybe courting
after the ball is putted to the cup
flag is raise to flirt with breeze
they came down picking seeds
they don't bother fading laughs
playful ones want a piggy back
only to be bitten and wing whack
poem by Manonton Dalan
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Triumph
Why am I full of joy although
It drizzles on the links?
Why am I buying Veuve Cliquot,
And setting up the drinks?
Why stand I like a prince amid
My pals and envy none?
Ye gods of golf! Today I did
A Hole in One.
I drove my ball to heaven high,
It over-topped the hill;
I tried to guess how it would lie,
If on the fairway still.
I climbed the rise, so sure I'd hit
It straight towards the green:
I looked and looked,--no trace of it
Was to be seen.
My partner putted to the pin,
Then hoarse I heard him call;
And lo! So snug the hole within
Gleamed up my ball.
Yea, it was mine. Oh what a thrill!
What dandy drive I'd done
By luck,--well, grant a little skill,
I'd holed in one.
Say that my score is eighty odd,
And though I won't give up,--
Say that as round the course I plod,
I never win a cup.
Say that my handicap's nineteen,
And of my game make fun,
But holler: 'On the seventh green
HE HOLED IN ONE.'
poem by Robert William Service
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051310N you learn from person you meet
i'm watching a gentleman from tee
how he swing his golf clubs today
he goes left and right; searching
two landed on lake; three on tree
he could have lost six or more; easy
he is doing good; very courageous
i gave him some of my orphan balls
when he passed me; he's inviting me
i told him ' i have to practice more'
he looks at me; smiled and walk away
unknown to him i've been playing regularly
i hope he won't lost anymore balls today
poem by Manonton Dalan
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Ball Chain
Ive been on this roller coaster just too many times
And always it seems like
The blind keep on leading the blind
Tried to get them on the phone
Tried to find my way back home
Tned and failed, and tried and failed, again
But baby I dont want you cos you look so good
I dont want you cos I know I should
I dont want you to come in f rom the rain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Ah just lately Ive been roaming from town to town
Ive been setting them up, setting them up
And Ive been knocking them down
I was born to live, it seems, a fugitive dream
Make things always better than they seem
And I stop and start, and stop and start
And stop and start again
Baby I dont want you for your money
I dont want you cos I love you honey
I dont want you to ease this memory pain
No, I want you to be my ball and chain
Yes, I want you to be my, be my ball and chain
When I see you in the garden once again
Baby youll be standing in the summer rain
Laugh and cry and say what its all about
You can even jump and shout
And youll smile and say how are you again
I dont want you cos Im so blue
I dont want you cos you know what to do
I dont want you because all my love seems in vain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
I want you to be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
Be my ball and chain, be my ball and chain
Oh, be my ball and chain
I want you.....ball and chain, etc.
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
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Sounds From The Baseball Field
Batter in the home place,
That was nobly done;
Try and get the first base-
Run!
Run
! RUN!
Ah, there, short stop, will you miss?
Hear the people cheer and hiss,
Hear them yell and shout.
Twinkling legs and flying feet-
(Oh, I wonder who will beat!)
Faster, faster, out!
Umpire, umpire, go along;
That was wrong, sir, that was wrong.
Pitcher pitches, four balls,
'Take your base, my man.'
Toward the second now he crawls-
'Steal it if you can.'
Oh, the ball has gone so high,
Can they catch it on the fly?
Ah, there is no doubt,
He will get his third, I vow-
Pshaw! the ball has got there now,
'Two men out!'
Umpire, umpire, that was wrong;
Go along, sir, go along.
One man on the first base,
Not a single run.
Boys are warming to the race-
Now look out for fun.
Pitcher's arm maybe is tired;
Batter sudden seems inspired,
Grounds the ball to win.
Run there, run there, run your best,
I am screaming with the rest
'Two men in!'
Umpire, umpire, go away;
Dead wrong, dead wrong, sir, I say.
What's the matter now, pray?
Taking breath, that's all;
But the restless people say
'Play ball, play ball.'
One ball, two strikes, two balls-'Foul.'
Umpire calls, and people howl:
'What is he about?'
Run, run, run, run, Run,
Run
, RUN!
Half the inning now is done,
'Three men out!'
Umpire, umpire, go along;
You are always, always wrong.
poem by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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Swing It
(jon-jon/babyface/r.phillips)
Oh yeah
Hey hey
I wanna know, do you have style?
The kind of style that makes a woman want to lose her mind
And I wanna know when you make it worth my time
Will it be like all the rest wont give you best, just fall behind
coz I wanna know what turns you on
And you keep the loving strong
coz with me you dont have to ask
coz Im the woman thatll give you what you need
Tell me
Do you think you can swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
Do you think you can swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
Theres not a thing that I wont do
Once I find a man that gives me love its kind of cool
Take any night by candlelight
I wanna be to you the one you never had before
coz I wanna know what turns you on
And you keep the loving strong
coz with me you dont have to ask
coz Im the woman thatll give you what you need
Tell me, tell me, tell me
Do you think you can swing a little time with me
Swing it, come on
Ill be all that you need
Do you think you can swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
Do you think you can swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
Do you think you can swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
Do you think you can swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
coz I wanna know what turns you on
Oh baby, keep it strong
You dont have to ask
coz Im the woman thatll give you what you need
Tell me
Swing it, swing it, swing it with me
Come on baby
Swing it, swing it, swing it with me
Do you, do you
Swing it, swing it, swing it with me
Do you
Do you think that you could swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Do you swing it
Do you think that you could swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
Do you think that you could swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Do you think that you could swing a little time with me
Swing it, swing it
Ill be all that you need
Swing it, swing it, swing it
You can do it
song performed by by Diana Ross
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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On The Golf Course At Dawn
On the golf course at dawn:
No one else but groundskeepers raking bunkers
and the red-orange fox’s fur
reflecting the sun.
Dew still dressing the greens.
After my ball glides past the hole,
I still see its path through the dew.
Crisp contentment in the air.
Quiet. A more than decent life.
poem by S. Michael Kozubek
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Like No Other Day I Ever Knew
Today I find I am missing you,
Like no other day I ever knew.
I don't even wish to memorize,
All the lines and times...
I apologized,
No.
Today I find that I am missing you.
And all the things together we've been through.
What I miss most is your quick smile.
And holding hands as we walked for miles...
And,
Today I find I am missing you,
Like no other day I ever knew.
I miss the kissing and the innocence.
Then we married and it ended in bitterness.
Today I find I am missing you,
Like no other day I ever knew.
I don't even wish to memorize,
All the lines and times...
I apologized,
No.
I want to keep this feeling real.
Hoping one day you will find me true.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into a even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
quote by Winston Churchill
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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