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I have a story that’ll

bury Tiger Woods
under 6 feet of sand.
It’s the wishful thinking

of any golfer
to eagle their balls
in Alice’s hole.

But I wonder if anybody
wants their balls
to shrink fast enough

in the time they fly
from the golfing club
to birdie Wonderland.

~~~
Alex Nodopaka Apr©2010
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poem by Alex Nodopaka
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Goddess Durga

Astride on her tiger
in menstrual throes

She feels she has a
Tiger in her tank

But her retinue trumpets
that he lost his woodies

and that she should club
her Wood

~~~
Alex Nodopaka Mar©2010
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poem by Alex Nodopaka
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Take A Bow!

When you're feeling way above 'par',
And your golf ball is travelling far,
With a 'birdie' to give you a start,
Golfing is an art.

When an 'eagle' soars high in the sky,
As within a deep 'bunker' you try,
To extricate neatly your ball,
Golfing is the call.

When your 'club' just doesn't impel
Your first 'shot' to go very well,
You can't always 'iron' out the fault,
Golfing is difficult.

Now the 'swing' that keeps the ball rolling,
Will need some careful controlling, .
But then down the 'fairway' it flies,
Golfing is exercise.

When you 'angle' your ball at the 'flag',
And you suddenly encounter a snag,
Once the ball goes straight in the 'hole',
Golfing is your goal.

If you're 'putting' well, out on the green,
And your 'stroke' is one worth being seen,
Then go on my friend, take a bow,
Golfing is a WOW!

poem by Ernestine Northover
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I don’t know if God plays ball

soccer or foosball or bacci ball.
Well, I’m a Frenchman and
boules is the name of my game.

Being on the ball is like playing
with Gigi little girls. When God
created Eve I wonder did He

have in mind dirty old men
and did He mean putting man
behind the eight ball

and did He know that eons later
round the corner of the square ball
someone hooks up with

a hooded guy who sells 3.5 grams
of meth and coke and damn,
that 8 ball is already gone!

I wish I had another!
I start singin’ a tune, I don't drink
brass monkey, like to be funky

and my name ain’t Eazy-E
your 8 ball junkie.
We did an eight ball of blow and

danced until next morning.
I ain’t never goin’ out
With an eight-ball Chiquita

Cuz I got balls and I ain’t
givin’ her mine and
she ain’t playin’ with mine.

I wish God had more balls
and my brain marinate
in mothballs.

~~~
Alex Nodopaka Aug©2010
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poem by Alex Nodopaka
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Is there a Tiger in the Woods? or 7 and counting Over Par or Green, Green, Green They Say on the Far Side of the Hill

I was about to not do an observation on the indiscretions of Tiger Woods,
After all, I was with many faults myself.
But being his pubic, uhhm, public image it warrants what people think,
Of his 'coulds', 'woulds' and 'shoulds'.
What a Thanksgiving meal the Woods' had.
After which, at 2: 30 in the Friday morning,
Tiger hit tree, not with a golf ball, but with his Cadillac Escalade.
To add insult to injury, he got into the rough by plowing into a fire hydrant.
That was only the tip of iceberg, so to speak, an continuing charade in a parade.
Tiger Woods wants to be in seclusion right now.
Impossible!
With many women claiming to be his mistresses,
-one in each 'port',
Make that 'tournament'.
The TODAY Show featured a breaking story,
about a woman from Tiger's home,
- that had to go to the hospital for the public knowledge and entertainment.
How many women did Tiger 'birdie'?
7 and counting, Prancer, Dancer, Comet and Cupid-forgive me, wrong story,
(Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Kalika Moquin, Holly Sampson, Cori Rist, Mindy Lawton, and Jamie Jungers) .
According to Johnny Carson's interview with Jack Nicholas,
A prolific golfer by name,
--did Tiger encounter the same?
Jack Nicholas was being interviewed by Johnny Carson. He asked if there was anything that Mrs. Nicholas did to help her husband. 'She kisses my golf balls before every game.' And Carson answered, 'Doesn't that make your putter flutter? '
Tiger gets $100 million dollars of endorsements per year.
So much for 'skins' game with hardly a cheer.
One should be on the 'fairway' in his or her mind.
Not a sand trap, or in the water, he had appeared to be near-sighted, almost blind.
So much for the Merry Christmas in the Woods' household.
Tiger is going to get coal in his stocking is what I'm told.

12-8-09

poem by Joe Rosochacki
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Tiger Woods

He is many times over a multi millionaire
And arguably the World's greatest ever golf player
The golfer most young golfers would love to emulate
The legendary sports star and a golfing great
'Tis true Tiger Woods is the golfer to beat
In every golf tournament in which he compete
For many years now the World's number one
So many golf majors the great champ has won
The golfer who has proved himself in every test
That's why by so many he is rated as the best
Professional golfer in the World of today
By millions beyond the borders of the U S of A
The World's number one golfer for many years now
Though to the father of time he eventually must bow.

poem by Francis Duggan
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Got You By The Balls

Hey mister businessman
Head of the company
Are you looking for a lady
One who likes to please?
Hey mister businessman
This one likes to tease
With a special service
In french quantities
But she wont sacrifice
What you want tonight
She wont come across
Unless theres money in her hand
And shes calling all the shots
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
Hey mister businessman
High society
She can play the school girl
And spank you all you please
But she wont sacrifice
What you want tonight
She wont come across
Unless theres money in her hand
She dont go overtime
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
(kiss your balls goodbye)
Hang it left, hang it right,
Got you by the balls
Got your shorts, got your curlies
Got you - by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
Yeah, yeah
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls

song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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031910e Put In The Hole

i open my trunk and break out my club
pick out six balls and neatly line it up
stretch, bend, touch my toes for a few
practice swinging to upgrade my tempo
line up my feet to the center of the lake
recoil, release, impact, flew and wake

it landed to where it's not intended to be
good distance, slice, went out of the way
nice i would rather have bad shots now
blame not my club, i did what cause that
i know somebody is there watching me
maybe behind those windows, i see

i'm here to remind what should be done
relax, get out, get your golf bag have fun
i know you're winter rusty, so is everybody
so what if you'll lost few balls or hit a tree
you're just thinking of one thing, put in hole
yes, drive it, chip it, putt it and hear it growl

poem by Manonton Dalan
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Big Balls

Im ever upper class high society
Gods gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say Ive got
The biggest balls of all
Chorus:
Ive got big balls
Ive got big balls
And theyre such big balls
Dirty big balls
And hes got big balls
And shes got big balls
But weve got the biggest balls of them all
And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says Ive got
Great balls of fire
Chorus
Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when theyre held for pleasure
Theyre the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
Its my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night
Chorus
And Im just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...
Ball sucker

song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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On The Tiger Woods Affair

In the sporting World his is the most photographed face
And in golf he is the one who does take pride of place
His marriage in trouble not an unusual case
But he is not the first male to have fallen from grace.

The man with many mistresses in his life
Tiger Woods the World's number one golfer unfaithful to his wife
But before rushing to condemn him it may be best to recall
That all humans are flawed and he's human after all.

Known throughout the World in every village, city and town
To be a marvellous golfer his claim to renown
A golfing billionaire millions his praises do sing
And that women should fall for him a natural thing.

People created their false image of him as one morally clean
But he is only human you know what I mean
When beautiful young women offer themselves to you it is hard to say no
That all humans make mistakes is something we all know.

Tiger Woods the World's number one golfer is not a public foe
And like everyone else he deserves a fair go
The marriage infidelities of many famous people by the media made known
But peoples personal lives should remain as their own.

poem by Francis Duggan
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The M & M Candy Telephone

The device is switched to mute.
Not a sound comes from
the Raisin Bran guys except
for the pre-programmed
visual message on the LCD screen.

When the receiver flashes
instead of ringing
the Venus de Milo deodorant statue
doesn't move an arm
to pick up the handset.

~~~
Alex Nodopaka Feb©2010
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poem by Alex Nodopaka
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Big Ball's In Cowtown (feat. Asleep At The Wheel)

George Straight & Ricky Skaggs & Asleep At The Wheel
(Big balls in cowtown, yeah.)
(Come on fiddle.. yeah... sure)
Working on the railroad, sleeping on the ground,
Eating saltine crackers, ten cents a pound.(ha)
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - well dance around.
(Ehhhh, come here ma, the hogs done got me).
--- Instrumental ---
(yea...) (mind if I sing one George)
Ill go to cowtown, Ill dance around.
Board up your windows - big balls in town.
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - well dance around.
--- Instrumental ---
Put on your new shoes, put on you gown.
Shake off them sad blues - big balls in town.
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - well dance around.
(Come on Ricky, fiddle now.)
--- Instrumental ---
Everybodys smiling, you cant find a frown. (ha)
Girls are all happy cause big balls in town. (that's right)
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - (yeah...a)
Big balls in town... (Haa...)

song performed by by George Strait
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hang Down Your Head Kelly Tilghman

This time tomorrow
Reckon where I'll be
Down in some lonesome valley
Hangin' from a white oak tree (The Kingston Trio)

Kelly thought she was being cute,
Kelly thought she had made a funny,
Golf Central would not fire her,
As she is a woman,
Not being Rush, Imus, Jimmy the Greek Snyder,
They were men.
She is of course blonde, so is Caitlin Upton,
Maybe that explains the fact,
Golf Central would not fire her.
She stated that the only way the upcoming golfer would defeat Tiger Woods,
If they would beat him up, like Tonya Harding did to Nancy Kerrigan,
Further more they should 'lynch Tiger Woods in a back alley.'
If the KKK would have been paying her I would understand,
But if, not she could have been playing bedroom course,
She could have been playing on the course where there is easy “lay” on the turf,
She was a caddy to Arnold Palmer,
She could have kissed his balls while he ventured out the first ho’,
That would make his putter stand up.
Golf Central still would not fire her.

(1-13-2008)

poem by Joe Rosochacki
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Meaning of Sight

These old eye-balls only know what they have seen,
dreams at night, and in the the daytime,
daydreams, so many times,
expectations unfulfilled.

These old eye-balls only know what they have seen,
too many things within a life,
too much left, when more was needed,
and it never was delivered.

These old eye-balls only know what they have seen,
as the epic left the thought of what it means,
upon the thinking and wishing of the hoping,
upon the losses of the winners desperate scenes.

These old eye-balls end up losing light today,
but, at least they sent the messages to thoughts,
and those remain there in the mind,
where almost anyone can find,
the extra - special meaning that they brought.

poem by Barry Van Allen
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An Ageing Golfer's Dream

His great dream in his fifties is to emulate his son
Who was lucky enough to score a hole in one
Which is something in golf that is quite rare indeed
Where many do fail few can hope to succeed
A far better golfer than his son it is said
By those in the know who rate the ageing golfer ahead
Of anyone else in the local golf club
I only say here what I hear in the pub
From the local amateur golfers who enjoy their weekend game
Who play for the love of it not for the fame
As a golfer the young man in his twenties with his dad can't compare
For the father indeed is a far better player
But the father has yet to hit a hole in one
And on that score alone 'tis one up for the son.

poem by Francis Duggan
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As a kid, I might have been psycho, I guess, but I used to throw golf balls in the trees and try and somehow make par from them. I thought that was fun.

quote by Tiger Woods
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Transgressions

Ode to Tiger Woods, my hero no more

I must confess
I had these transgressions on the golf course
I knew the rules going in
And I went in swinging from the heels
I putted around
Played with my balls
Even kissed them for good luck
I laid up when I should have used my driver
Now these transgressions won’t get me out of the woods (sic)
And I don’t want them publicized
That would make me look like I was playing in the rough
Every now and then I use my long iron very well
It brings an ah! from the crowd
My woody is my best friend, has got me out of many a jam
Now I feel like I’m in a sand trap
And don’t want to hit a tree with my next shot
Yes I’m sorry for of these transgressions
But I’ll just keep my scorecard in my back pocket

poem by Alfred Ramos
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Stone Fog

i think
she is your alter ego
someone you pine for

the dizziness
is your inebriation with her
and may be due

to atmospheric pressure
differentials
she comes and goes

like a fog sculpture
or a De Chirico muse
without a shadow

she's pure fog
with consciousness
and a heart of stone

~~~

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poem by Alex Nodopaka
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Ace of Hearts

I ain’t goin’ nowhere
And that frickin’ raven
Ain’t gonna make me write
No Poe poem

Nor this goddam bridge
Ain’t goin’ nowhere either
Not even straddling
Sarah Palin’s arse to Russia

poem by Alex Nodopaka
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Dynomite Satchel Of Pain

Lets write a song, baby
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
Now sit your ass in the chair and I'll tell you my name,
My daddy always told me that he didn't wanna hear me complain,
That's why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
I hope this song will explain,
Just why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
Well I was born in the back of a truck on the fourth of july,
I was raised by a Portuguese ninja who taught me to fly,
A business man pulled over and he asked if I needed a ride,
I had to eat that business man for lunch cos I wanted his tie,
Damn I look good in that tie,
Air born Portuguese ninja eats man for his tie,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My daddy always told me that he didn't wanna hear me complain,
That's why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain.

song performed by by Wheatus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dynamite Satchel Of Pain

song performed by by Wheatus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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En.Citatepedia®.ro

I have a story that’ll

Related quotes

Goddess Durga

Take A Bow!

I don’t know if God plays ball

Is there a Tiger in the Woods? or 7 and counting Over Par or Green, Green, Green They Say on the Far Side of the Hill

Tiger Woods

Got You By The Balls

031910e Put In The Hole

Big Balls

On The Tiger Woods Affair

The M & M Candy Telephone

Big Ball's In Cowtown (feat. Asleep At The Wheel)

Hang Down Your Head Kelly Tilghman

The Meaning of Sight

An Ageing Golfer's Dream

Transgressions

Stone Fog

Ace of Hearts

Dynomite Satchel Of Pain

Dynamite Satchel Of Pain

En.Citatepedia^®.ro