My doctor asked me how many golf balls I had hit in my career. I'm lying there in bed calculating somewhere between four and five million golf balls I had hit to do that on my body.
quote by Greg Norman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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041310e Sometimes It Could Happened
there's this group of trees by golf course
it collects lost flyballs; home for geese
nobody wants to crass stagnant water
so their balls is stranded there forever
sometimes i go there to pick good ones
some i keep, some i hit it back to them
one day there's an old man playing
he politely ask me if i could find his
lost balls, so i ask what is brand name
he said, ' it could be anything, my son'
i reach into my pocket and throw some
he said, ' thanks, i lost all my balls today'
poem by Manonton Dalan
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Got You By The Balls
Hey mister businessman
Head of the company
Are you looking for a lady
One who likes to please?
Hey mister businessman
This one likes to tease
With a special service
In french quantities
But she wont sacrifice
What you want tonight
She wont come across
Unless theres money in her hand
And shes calling all the shots
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
Hey mister businessman
High society
She can play the school girl
And spank you all you please
But she wont sacrifice
What you want tonight
She wont come across
Unless theres money in her hand
She dont go overtime
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
(kiss your balls goodbye)
Hang it left, hang it right,
Got you by the balls
Got your shorts, got your curlies
Got you - by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
Yeah, yeah
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
She got you by the balls
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Licking Balls in Velvet Fingers of Grass
Oh verdancy! Dear verdancy!
Oh vast expanse of space!
You want Zen?
Where've you been?
This is the time, the place!
Bring your picnic basket
and hard-boiled eggs aplenty
Swing your arms up toward
the clouds
Oh there are so many!
~~~
Now, I've had Women
'Kick' my balls
And make my lil nub quiver.
But, I've had Men
'Lick' my balls
And make the back net shiver.
Actually...
When I lose my balls
I feel rather free
I live on a rubber mat:
I'm a drivin' range
Golf ball
T
poem by Jeffrey Philip Clegg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Big Balls
Im ever upper class high society
Gods gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say Ive got
The biggest balls of all
Chorus:
Ive got big balls
Ive got big balls
And theyre such big balls
Dirty big balls
And hes got big balls
And shes got big balls
But weve got the biggest balls of them all
And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody cums and cums again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says Ive got
Great balls of fire
Chorus
Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when theyre held for pleasure
Theyre the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
Its my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night
Chorus
And Im just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...
Ball sucker
song performed by by AC-DC
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Your Masters Are Paid Millions
Masters of small spinning balls
golf balls tennis balls baseballs
basket balls foot balls
are worth millions
should be paid millions
each year for services
services to society
services to local global community
but police nurses teachers
should be paid menial wages
such are not main players
players of great glory games
what is their service
service to the community worth
is it really worth so little
let me entertain you
while you watch watch watch
watch a poor police person take a bribe
watch a poor nurse sell some work drugs
watch a teacher change careers
poem by Terence George Craddock
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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051310N you learn from person you meet
i'm watching a gentleman from tee
how he swing his golf clubs today
he goes left and right; searching
two landed on lake; three on tree
he could have lost six or more; easy
he is doing good; very courageous
i gave him some of my orphan balls
when he passed me; he's inviting me
i told him ' i have to practice more'
he looks at me; smiled and walk away
unknown to him i've been playing regularly
i hope he won't lost anymore balls today
poem by Manonton Dalan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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043010b Beautiful Patch Of Land
grounds keeper cut grass today
birds were busy chasing insects
displaced from communal grass
vegetarians busy themselves
looking for seeds that has fallen
newly cut grass is refreshing
it's really wide you can put
a nine holes golf course on it
it's a sanctuary for geese, ducks
they also planted lots of trees
it's a jogging area; relaxing place
me, i practice chipping golf balls
poem by Manonton Dalan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
quote by Henny Youngman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
quote by Mark Twain
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hole in one record
Broken thirteen times, no more,
Golf balls lost in woods.
haiku by Ken e Hall
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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As a kid, I might have been psycho, I guess, but I used to throw golf balls in the trees and try and somehow make par from them. I thought that was fun.
quote by Tiger Woods
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Big Ball's In Cowtown (feat. Asleep At The Wheel)
George Straight & Ricky Skaggs & Asleep At The Wheel
(Big balls in cowtown, yeah.)
(Come on fiddle.. yeah... sure)
Working on the railroad, sleeping on the ground,
Eating saltine crackers, ten cents a pound.(ha)
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - well dance around.
(Ehhhh, come here ma, the hogs done got me).
--- Instrumental ---
(yea...) (mind if I sing one George)
Ill go to cowtown, Ill dance around.
Board up your windows - big balls in town.
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - well dance around.
--- Instrumental ---
Put on your new shoes, put on you gown.
Shake off them sad blues - big balls in town.
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - well dance around.
(Come on Ricky, fiddle now.)
--- Instrumental ---
Everybodys smiling, you cant find a frown. (ha)
Girls are all happy cause big balls in town. (that's right)
Chorus:
Big balls in cowtown - well all go down.
Big balls in cowtown - (yeah...a)
Big balls in town... (Haa...)
song performed by by George Strait
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Will Take You To Crabhouse
two parallel roads
sandwich by pines
long can't see end
golf balls astray
lying on needles
same in deep pond
house by riverbank
candle lit windows
veranda, both sides
love overlooking green
at water edge of pain
swirling; lofting wind
poem by Manonton Dalan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I had very low expectations. Honestly, I think I had 11 rounds of golf the entire year in before this tournament, and I had hit balls maybe four or five times.
quote by Trent Dilfer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dynamite Satchel Of Pain
Lets write a song, baby
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
Now sit your ass in the chair and I'll tell you my name,
My daddy always told me that he didn't wanna hear me complain,
That's why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
I hope this song will explain,
Just why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
Well I was born in the back of a truck on the fourth of july,
I was raised by a Portuguese ninja who taught me to fly,
A business man pulled over and he asked if I needed a ride,
I had to eat that business man for lunch cos I wanted his tie,
Damn I look good in that tie,
Air born Portuguese ninja eats man for his tie,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My daddy always told me that he didn't wanna hear me complain,
That's why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain.
song performed by by Wheatus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dynomite Satchel Of Pain
Lets write a song, baby
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
Now sit your ass in the chair and I'll tell you my name,
My daddy always told me that he didn't wanna hear me complain,
That's why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
I hope this song will explain,
Just why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
Well I was born in the back of a truck on the fourth of july,
I was raised by a Portuguese ninja who taught me to fly,
A business man pulled over and he asked if I needed a ride,
I had to eat that business man for lunch cos I wanted his tie,
Damn I look good in that tie,
Air born Portuguese ninja eats man for his tie,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My daddy always told me that he didn't wanna hear me complain,
That's why my balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain,
My balls are bigger than a dynamite satchel of pain.
song performed by by Wheatus
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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And the wind shall say: "Here were decent godless people. Their only monument the asphalt road. And a thousand lost golf balls".
quote by T.S. Eliot
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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