The Trumpet
A friend fell and smashed up his teeth and jaw,
And ended up in 'casualty' what's more,
The surgeon came to sew up his damaged face,
And put his teeth and jaw back into place.
He asked the surgeon, if he would be able to play the trumpet,
No problem at all, the surgeon said, superbly, that I can bet.
Oh, how amazing, said my friend, Gosh, I must tell my wife,
Because, I've never ever played a trumpet, in my life.
poem by Ernestine Northover
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Like A Surgeon
I finally made it through med school
Somehow I made it through
Im just an intern
I still make a mistake or two
I was last in my class
Barely passsed at the institute
Now Im trying to avoid, yah Im trying to avoid
A malpractise suit
Hey, like a surgeon
Cuttin for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Organ transplants are my line
Better give me all your gause nurse
This patients fading fast
Complications have set in
Dont know how long hell last
Let me see, that i.v.
Here we go - time to operate
Ill pull his indsides out, pull his insides out
And see what he ate
Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Heres a waiver for you to sign
Woe, woe, woe
Its a fact - Im a quack
The disgrace of the a.m.a.
cause my patients die, yah my patients die
Before they can pay
Like a surgeon, hey
Cuttin for the very first time
Like a surgeon
Got your kidneys on my mind
Like a surgeon, ooh like a surgeon
When I reach inside
With my scalpel, and my forceps, and retractors
Oh oh, oh oh, woe, oh
Ooh baby, yah
I can hear your heartbeat
For the very last time
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Swinging the Lead
Said the soldier to the Surgeon, "I've got noises in me head
And a kind o' filled up feeling after every time I'm fed;
I can sleep all night on picket, but I can't sleep in my bed".
And the Surgeon said,
"That's Lead!"
Said the soldier to the Surgeon, "Do you think they'll send me back?
For I really ain't adapted to be carrying a pack
Though I've humped a case of whisky half a mile upon my back".
And the Surgeon said,
"That's Lead!"
"And my legs have swelled up cruel, I can hardly walk at all,
Bur when the Taubes come over you should see me start to crawl;
When we're sprinting for the dugout, I can easy beat 'em all".
And the Surgeon said,
"That's Lead!"
So they sent him to the trenches where he landed safe and sound,
And he drew his ammunition, just about two fifty round:
"Oh Sergeant, what's this heavy stuff I've got to hump around?"
And the Sergeant said,
"That's Lead!"
poem by Andrew Barton Paterson
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A Butcher Was Called for The Surgeon İnterview
'Yes, Thank you very much for your interest
About the Surgeon vacancy,
But we're sorry to inform you
That your application has been rejected.'
'Why Sir? '
'They agreed that both of you cut
With your sharp instruments
And take everything out for biopsy.
But the difference they say
A Surgeon fix everything as earlier
And you throw half of the gadgets into trash bin! '
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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Something About The Trees
I remember what my father told me:
There is an age when you are most yourself.
He was just past fifty then,
Was it something about the trees that make him speak?
There is an age when you are most yourself.
I know more than I did once.
Was it something about the trees that make him speak?
Only a single leaf had turned so far.
I know more than I did once.
I used to think he'd always be the surgeon.
Only a single leaf had turned so far,
Even his body kept its secrets.
I used to think he'd always be the surgeon,
My mother was the perfect surgeon's wife.
Even his body kept its secrets.
I thought they both would live forever.
My mother was the perfect surgeon's wife,
I can still see her face at thirty.
I thought they both would live forever.
I thought I'd always be their child.
I can still see her face at thirty.
When will I be most myself?
I thought I'd always be their child.
In my sleep it's never winter.
When will I be most myself?
I remember what my father told me.
In my sleep it's never winter.
He was just past fifty then.
Submitted by Jt
poem by Linda Pastan
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The Widow
I don't think men of eighty odd
Should let a surgeon operate;
Better to pray for peace with God,
And reconcile oneself to Fate:
At four-score years we really should
Be quite prepared to go for good.
That's what I told my husband but
He had a hearty lust for life,
And so he let a surgeon cut
Into his innards with a knife.
The sawbones swore: "The man's so fat
His kidneys take some getting at."
And then (according to a nurse),
They heard him petulantly say:
"Adipose tissue is curse:
It's hard to pack them tripes away."
At last he did; sewed up the skin,
But left, some say, a swab within.
I do not doubt it could be so,
For Lester did not long survive.
But for mishap, I think with woe
My hubby might still be alive.
And while they praise the surgeon's skill,
My home I've sold--to pay his bill.
poem by Robert William Service
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And my dad wanted me to play the trumpet because that's what he liked. His idol was Louis Armstrong. My dad thought my teeth came together in a way that was perfect for playing the trumpet.
quote by Jackson Browne
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bad El Ess Dee
surgeon general's warning
dont eat this
seek guidance if you can
reject the fist
seek therapy if you can
just try to vomit
seek god if there is one
just try to remember
theres something extra in your pocket
call it profit
who cares how you got it
its there
smile loser
surgeon general's warning
know your acid dealer
High Tea in Knightsbridge
Oh Henrietta
My dear friend,
Where would we be
Without your sense
Of humour?
I must say
You have the best
Plastic surgeon,
He's taken years
Off you.
Tea?
poem by Harriet James
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Had Surgery
The small throat, the larger stomach, all this concern
With the wrong certain structure so made of me.
The surgeon has a guile, a patience too dear, but I
Am patient, a patient of well-being so well cooked.
The small throat has been enlarged and the stomach enticed
To cook me the food of luxury, the plastic relish of society.
This religion I follow of a surgeon in surgery shall last
For a life-time, forming more years onto my life tonight.
A doctor is blessed for the guilt he does not own,
A doctor planned me a retreat from life, and the time.
poem by Naveed Akram
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With Teeth
But she will not let you go
But this time Im not coming back
She will not let you go
But this time Im not coming back
Keeps holding on
She will not let you go
Keeps holding on and on
She will not let you go
No, no, no, no, no!
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
I cannot go through this again /x8
No, no, no, no, no!
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
Youve finally found the place where you belong
It comes on strong
She makes you hard
The rules have changed, the line begins to blur
To what you were
Wave goodbye
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
With teeth
And it runs deeper than you dare to dream it could be
The black seal
She makes you better than anything youve tried
Its in her kiss
She comes along
She gets inside
song performed by by Nine Inch Nails
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I’m Proud Of Having A NORMAL Delivery
Child birth,
Which one is healthier;
And happier?
Is it natural delivery
or Ceasarian delivery?
One is (self) delivered,
another is (surgeon's help) to be delivered;
One is delivery by individual and self,
Another is a procedure carried out by surgeon
through Caesarian section;
A mother once said, I heard,
This is my child
I delivered this child;
I felt the pain,
enjoyed the pain,
with trembling of my thighs;
I am proud of having a NORMAL delivery,
It is a pleasant experience for everybody.
poem by V.K. Kanniappan
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A Scene at the Doctors Office
At the doctors office
I was scared to hear his words,
His words to me about you;
Made me lose my manhood
And I cried for you my wife,
And you where going to face
The surgeon's knife,
For you I knelt and prayed,
Hoped you came home
with a new life.
poem by Efe Benjamin
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Thats Why I Call You My Friend
(toshifumi hinata/john bettis/peterasher/diana ross)
Time after time
And any time at all
I could turn to you
With my back to the wall
And you would always give to me
All I asked of you
Thats why I call you my friend
You will be my friend
Now till my life is ended
So many tears
That you have turned to smiles
I cant believe we survived
All the endless miles
Two hearts broken together
Will heal into one
Thats why I call you my friend
You will be my friend
Now till my life is ended
Sweet love and tenderness
All our hopes and dreams
Will take us through the hard times
Let winter come
As cold as it will be
My arms are open wide
You can just run to me
As warm as any summer
I am here for you
Thats why I call you my friend
You will be my friend
Now till my life is ended
As friend
song performed by by Diana Ross
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Problem With Teeth
The problem with teeth that are false
Is they don't always ride out their course
They shift when you're eating
Or fly loose at a greeting
Some marriages end with divorce!
The problem with teeth that are false
Is that they won't always lie
In a mouth half their size
And can drive a sane man up the wall
The problem with teeth that are false
Is they don't always ride out life's course
In on a hospital stay they get 'put away'
Until you can't find them at all!
And when they do finally arrive
It's on a woman whose barely alive
Though's she's making a terrible din
But when she smiles she possesses your grin
And it's hard to reclaim them
Because she's renamed them
But the teeth that you've got won't fit in! ! .
The problem with teeth that are false
Is that they rarey survive in life's course
So it's better to brush and religiously floss
So you don't have to lose them at all!
yvette smith
poem by Yvette Smith
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Now Just Remember Your Own Words 'Just a Friend
The number of times I have told you
The amount of times I've asked you
The existence of a preexisting condition.
Like a mental case
Just a friend
Nothing more to show
The tease of the week
but just a friend
Always and forever just a friend
But where did you go
If that was so
Walk away only to come back tomorrow
In tears of sorrow
Hate your mom cause she tries to help
Standing on your own
And all alone
Just pick up the phone
But you won't
Got to entertain tonight
Got move on with show
And then you their yet again
Just a friend
Then why do you want to dance
I know you
I know where you want it
I know the way you want it
Just a friend
Back off man
A kick to the nuts
Dropping to your knees with a what the (You Fill In The Blanks)
Just a friend
A dangerous game is being played
With every word you say
Big brother I've been and never will be
Not to you
You just don't get it
Just a friend
But just a piece of (You Fill In The Blanks) to those
Taking off all your cloths
Acting like hoe
Screwing everyone I know
Just a friend
Then expect me to defend
Your name
Your honor
Your dignity
Your kid
Just a friend
What do you just not get
This is a very bad trip
With every slip
I'm getting so distant
So very awkward
The scene of this crime has ended
It ended with those words 'Just A Friend'
I'm sorry girl but now you have just mistaken.
I'm sorry girl but now it is I'm in love with your friend.
I can't even ever go down that road ever again.
Now Just Remember Your Own Words 'Just A Friend'
poem by Ace Of Black Hearts
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Sex And The Medical Profession
Sex and the Medical Profession
I’m sitting in my car waiting for my wife who is at mass
I find it impossible to believe in any religion, but I say
nothing it is important for my wife to believe in a merciful
god. Paris, and agony, my wife prayed but did call
an ambulance. Battling doctors, how young they are, I felt
like a low paid, reluctant actor in a hospital drama, one
who has to play the nurse when he really wanted to be
the famous heart transplant surgeon.
The doc asked if I smoked. No! She looked sullen since
I didn’t, it is so easy to blame the fag. I said I had smoked
15 years ago, she looked relieved and told me to keep up
the good, work: she removed the catheter a lovely pee
Is better than sex, if temporarily, now I feel like making
love, my wife tells I’m deluded, I say nothing but bid my
time, keep a blanket in my car in case I should meet
someone who is equally barmy.
poem by Oskar Hansen
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The Haughty Actor
AN actor - GIBBS, of Drury Lane -
Of very decent station,
Once happened in a part to gain
Excessive approbation:
It sometimes turns a fellow's brain
And makes him singularly vain
When he believes that he receives
Tremendous approbation.
His great success half drove him mad,
But no one seemed to mind him;
Well, in another piece he had
Another part assigned him.
This part was smaller, by a bit,
Than that in which he made a hit.
So, much ill-used, he straight refused
To play the part assigned him.
THAT NIGHT THAT ACTOR SLEPT, AND I'LL ATTEMPT
TO TELL YOU OF THE VIVID DREAM HE DREAMT.
THE DREAM.
In fighting with a robber band
(A thing he loved sincerely)
A sword struck GIBBS upon the hand,
And wounded it severely.
At first he didn't heed it much,
He thought it was a simple touch,
But soon he found the weapon's bound
Had wounded him severely.
To Surgeon COBB he made a trip,
Who'd just effected featly
An amputation at the hip
Particularly neatly.
A rising man was Surgeon COBB
But this extremely ticklish job
He had achieved (as he believed)
Particularly neatly.
The actor rang the surgeon's bell.
"Observe my wounded finger,
Be good enough to strap it well,
And prithee do not linger.
That I, dear sir, may fill again
The Theatre Royal Drury Lane:
This very night I have to fight -
So prithee do not linger."
"I don't strap fingers up for doles,"
Replied the haughty surgeon;
"To use your cant, I don't play ROLES
Utility that verge on.
First amputation - nothing less -
That is my line of business:
We surgeon nobs despise all jobs
Utility that verge on.
"When in your hip there lurks disease"
(So dreamt this lively dreamer),
"Or devastating CARIES
In HUMERUS or FEMUR,
If you can pay a handsome fee,
Oh, then you may remember me -
With joy elate I'll amputate
Your HUMERUS or FEMUR."
The disconcerted actor ceased
The haughty leech to pester,
But when the wound in size increased,
And then began to fester,
He sought a learned Counsel's lair,
And told that Counsel, then and there,
How COBB'S neglect of his defect
Had made his finger fester.
"Oh, bring my action, if you please,
The case I pray you urge on,
And win me thumping damages
From COBB, that haughty surgeon.
He culpably neglected me
Although I proffered him his fee,
So pray come down, in wig and gown,
On COBB, that haughty surgeon!"
That Counsel learned in the laws,
With passion almost trembled.
He just had gained a mighty cause
Before the Peers assembled!
Said he, "How dare you have the face
To come with Common Jury case
To one who wings rhetoric flings
Before the Peers assembled?"
Dispirited became our friend -
Depressed his moral pecker -
"But stay! a thought! - I'll gain my end,
And save my poor exchequer.
I won't be placed upon the shelf,
I'll take it into Court myself,
And legal lore display before
The Court of the Exchequer."
He found a Baron - one of those
Who with our laws supply us -
In wig and silken gown and hose,
As if at NISI PRIUS.
But he'd just given, off the reel,
A famous judgment on Appeal:
It scarce became his heightened fame
To sit at NISI PRIUS.
Our friend began, with easy wit,
That half concealed his terror:
"Pooh!" said the Judge, "I only sit
In BANCO or in Error.
Can you suppose, my man, that I'd
O'er NISI PRIUS Courts preside,
Or condescend my time to spend
On anything but Error?"
"Too bad," said GIBBS, "my case to shirk!
You must be bad innately,
To save your skill for mighty work
Because it's valued greatly!"
But here he woke, with sudden start.
He wrote to say he'd play the part.
I've but to tell he played it well -
The author's words - his native wit
Combined, achieved a perfect "hit" -
The papers praised him greatly.
poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
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To A Friend..
A friend that is unique
A friend that is one of a kind
A friend that is perfect
A type of friend who is hard to find
A friend that is sweet
A friend that is perpetually fair
A friend that you know
Will always be there
A friend with an amazing spirit
A friend with a striking heart
A friend that is trustworthy
A friend that is smart
A friend that assuages your pain
A friend that can dry your tears
A friend with unrestricted love
A friend that can alleviate your fears
A friend with an exquisite smile
That could never be ignored
A friend that’s never been hurtful
A friend that is easily adored
A friend that is respectful
A friend who is loved by all
A friend that is relied upon
A friend to never let fall
A friend you can talk to
Her compassion is known by a glistening glow
Just by sparking her remarkable light
The whole world will know
What a great and amazing person she is
A friend I shall never forget
She is the greatest ever been known
Best of all the friends I’ve ever met…
poem by Marria Attar
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Today My Friend Died
Today my friend died,
I still cant believe my eyes.
It seems like my world has ended.
Today my friend died,
the cute face and sweet smile,
keeps flashing in front of my eyes.
Today my friend died,
my first and last best friend.
She was waiting for this day,
as she had only sorrows and troubles with her.
Today my friend died,
the friend who cared about me,
the friend who solved my problem,
the friend who always fought with life.
Today my friend died,
and I think,
I am filled with problems with no solution,
a human with no confidence,
today I am here with no hope,
I am here today without happiness.
Today my friend died,
she has stepped into my life,
as a spirit of mine.
I cannot express how important she is to me.
Today my friend died,
I recall my memories with her,
and cry....
poem by Afreen Khan
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TreeAddicted
TreeAddicted
TreeAddicted
The Surgeon made a house call to the tree housed near the Golf coarse was the bark and dry to the touch of the famous tree doctor Guss. Well the neighbor hood watch complained again he cant see the clock the one they call Big Bend, your leaves and your trunk are hanging over you are addicted again. Sap. My professional opinion is pinion sap is blocking your membrains you need a new rapp your talk is all wrong you are slurring again you seem now to be an addicted tree friend listen to eye overcame the same problem now eye am Doctoring treating the addicts like yew wont you listen and at least admit that you have a real problem dont deny it come clean now admit it dont live in your denial. The sad tree became mad now the Doctor had to step a little to the left to avoid the sap spittle from the beard of this giant Oaken Elm. Eye am the greatest tree that ever lived he began to deny it. Eye have no sap problem in fact no problem of any kind let the watch man step a little to the left of the incline then he can see the clock called the Big Bend let them eat cake let them opine let them dine and the Tree Surgeon just walked away letting the Oaken Elm tree relate to the sidewalk was trying to slink down away from the terrible fate of this tree full of sap let the minions relate to this fate stop hangging all over every time you go on a tree date with sap running down the large doubled chin marring the outfit makeing men grin look at the easy lay look at the drunken old sot full of pot full of want. Your barking and your bite in the night get you in trouble all sorts of odd fellowes will call. Cry Wolf let them harm all the other trees now. Get sober stop using the sap. Get a clean outfit get a new thinking capp.
poem by Charles Hice
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