Gargoyles
Pet gargoyles grunt and snore and cough,
But sadly you can't turn them off!
The belch and wheeze and sneeze and spit,
I cannot bear the thought of it!
They slurp and burp, they howl and growl,
They moan and groan; they smell so foul!
Gargoyles gargle, and pass lots of gas,
Their gas it smells like sassafras!
If you get a gargoyle have no fear...
From their FARTS you can make root-beer!
poem by ToddMichael St. Pierre
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Steaming broccoli soup,
Roasted garlic, chopped green chives;
Slurp, slurp, burp, burp, burp…
haiku by Mamta Agarwal
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Chug-a-lug
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Gary likes a girls tight black pants
Larry knows he doesnt stand a chance
Carl says hurry up and order it quick
Dave gets out to chase that chick
Dennis wonders whats under the hood
A big chrome tach and it sounds real good
I go down to the root beer stand
And drink up all that I can
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Brians still glued to the radio
Louies lookin out the rear window
Guys got around to orderin fries
But root beers my best buy
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Grizzly Bear
Yeah they call me Grizzly Bear got long black grizzly hair
Walk down the street and everybody stop and stare
Ohohoh well I'm wild and wooly and free
And so you'd better not mess with me
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl growl like a grizzly bear
They say there go Grizzly Bear got no clothes to wear
They say I'm all hung up bein' nowhere
Yeah but the girls they love my clows and my great big chompin' jaws
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl and growl like a grizzly bear
Well now I can't be chained and I can't be tamed and they can't kill my desire
So baby gimme a hug I'll be your bearskin rug
And I'll lie in front of your fire on winter
Baby if you dare why don't you come on down to my lair
And if you got some money to share I'll be waitin' for you there
Hey you know I'm gonna on strong and we can hug'n mate the whole week long
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl a growl like a grizzly bear
[ piano ]
(Yeah watch out baby here I come again)
They call me Grizzly Bear they say I'm kooky and square
They can say anything they want about me I don't care I don't care
Because I'm takin' it day by day and I'm livin' my own sweet way
Lemme tell you that I howl yowl a growl like a grizzly bear
Like grizzly bear yeah I really rip and tear I really get my share
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Silly; Gross: Fart!
Having just exclaimed 'what can I write about? ' I heard a muffled noise,
...followed by a pungent cheesy smell which FEW of your ilk enjoys.
Now farts have gotten a bad reputation....along with burps and belches.
In our society they are THINGS...which a more 'polite' person often squelches.
And I'd say I'm one of the 'more polite'...in my normal daily life; that is except when I'm alone...with my loving, understanding WIFE.
Why even my wife farts on rare occasions.....Don't let her know I've told.
But she generally does it behind a CLOSED door. Unlike me, …she's not so bold.
So 'FART' is what I'll write about tonight, .... stretched out in this chair.
You'll excuse me please if I let one loose...though it MAY foul the air.
Farts come in at least four varieties. I'm sure you all know THAT.
I could break it down to sub-varieties, but I'll KEEP those in my hat.
First there are farts that are quiet and smelly. Not my cup of tea.
At least one should make some noise....so others won't HAVE TO SAY 'not ME'.
Then there are those quiet but NOT smelly; I think women mostly do those.
They give off nothing obnoxious….. to offend your ears or nose.
There are noisy farts that are also smelly. Some would say they're WORST OF ALL.
There are noisy farts that are NOT smelly, ...some like a bugle call.
I've heard of 'farting posts'....used in competitions, ....and
I've heard of using cigarette lighters...to ignite fart emissions.
I've been around dogs that fart and I guess some cows do too.
Probably lots of species fart (now and then) ...not just a FEW.
I believe what's behind all farts...is simply what we.....eat.
If you eat too much or the 'wrong thing'....you MAY be blown....OFF your feet.
Personally that's never happened to me. I'm not lying; ....it's really TRUE.
No 'Captain Ahab' has ever said of me: 'My god! There he blew! '
poem by Bri Edwards
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Learning
I'm learning to say thank you.
And I'm learning to say please.
And I'm learning to use Kleenex,
Not my sweater, when I sneeze.
And I'm learning not to dribble.
And I'm learning not to slurp.
And I'm learning (though it sometimes really hurts me)
Not to burp.
And I'm learning to chew softer
When I eat corn on the cob.
And I'm learning that it's much
Much easier to be a slob.
poem by Judith Viorst
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Homomatopoia
Hiss,
Grunt,
roar
Gibber
growl
screech
Humm
drone
buzz
chirp
whistle
tweet
boom
yelp
cry
Bell
bark
squawk
woof
howl
quack
croak
cackle
cluck
hum
scream
chatter
pipe
sing
roar
oink
coo
moo
groan
trill
whinny
pansy
fop
shush
Roark!
poem by Jerome Moore
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Dumb
Gabriel whispered in mine ear
His archangelic poesie.
How can I write? I only hear
The sobbing murmur of the sea.
Raphael breathed and bade me pass
His rapt evangel to mankind;
I cannot even match, alas!
The ululation of the wind.
The gross grey gods like gargoyles spit
On every poet's holy head;
No mustard-seed of truth or wit
In those curst furrows, quick or dead!
A tithe of what I know would cleanse
The leprosy of earth; and I -
My limits are like other men's.
I must live dumb, and dumb must die!
poem by Aleister Crowley
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A COMPLICATED SONG
Parody of "Complicated" by Avril Lavigne
Uh huh... extra cheese
Uh huh, uh huh... save a piece for me
Pizza party at your house
I went just to check it out
19 extra larges - what a shame
No one came
Just us, eatin' all alone
You said, "Take the pizza home"
"No sense lettin' all this go to waste"
So then I faced
Pizza all day
And every day
This cheese 'round the clock
Is gettin' me blocked
And I sure don't care
For irregularity
Tell me
Why'd you have to go and make me so constipated?
'Cause right now I'd do anything to just get my bowels evacuated
In the bathroom... I sit and I wait and I strain
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain
Oh, should I take the laxatives or have my colon irrigated?
No no no
I was feelin' pretty down
Till my girlfriend came around
We're just so alike in every way
I gotta say
In fact, I just thought I might
Pop the question there that night
I was kissing her so tenderly
But woe is me
Who would have guessed
Her family crest
I'd suddenly spy
Tattooed on her thigh
And son-of-a-gun
It's just like the one on me
Tell me
How was I supposed to know we were both related?
Believe me, if I knew she was my cousin we never would have dated
What to do now? Should I go ahead and propose
And get hitched and have kids with eleven toes
And move to Alabama where that kind of thing is tolerated?
No no no
I had so much on my mind
I thought maybe I'd unwind
Try out that new roller coaster ride
And the guide
Said not to stand
But that's a demand
That I couldn't meet
I got on my feet
And stood up instead
And knocked off my head, you see
Tell me
Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?
This really is a major inconvenience , oh man, I really hate it
Such a drag now... Can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't snore
I can't belch or yodel anymore
Can't spit or blow my nose or even read Sports Illustrated
Oh no
Why'd I have to go and get myself all mutilated? (Yeah yeah)
I gotta tell ya, life without a head kinda makes me irritated
What a bummer
Can't blink, I can't cough, I can't sneeze
But my neck is enjoyin' a pleasant breeze now
Haven't been the same since my head and I were separated
No no no
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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spit to God
how foolish of you
to spit to God
who lives in the sky
the spit returns
back to you
who lives on
earth below
and you smell
as foul as your
own dried spittle.
spit to God &
you spit on your face.
as you hate me
shall you hate yourself
you get hurt so badly
and i am so sorry.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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But Gargoyles, bar none, is the most fun I've ever had in life.
quote by Keith David
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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In fact, I have never met anyone who didn't like Gargoyles.
quote by Keith David
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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And it has some weight, I mean, the whole history of the gargoyles, that's some wonderful stuff.
quote by Keith David
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Am.... (Rotting Wood)
i am...
the old man smell of rotting wood,
the stagnant pool of water,
devoid of life!
the smell of young lust,
and the stink of love over years.
i am the children raised,
and the empty room.
i am the mistakes made,
and the chances long gone.
i am the moments of joy,
that no one can steal.
i am the prayer of the doubter,
the honesty of the naked moment.
i am the naked body of an old man,
where sparrows build nests!
i am the turn of the wheel,
the hum of the beat.
i am the hunger that races
through the darkness by moonlight.
i am the magic and the mystical,
the simple and the plain.
i am the hoot of the owl,
the stranger at the door.
i am the knowing without knowing;
i am dirty, and sweaty,
and covered with sap.
i am the words hidden,
in the growl and the howl....
i am the ghost, and the remembrance,
the touch that made you tremble.
i am the moan in your mirror,
the shadow dancing by your grave!
poem by Eric Cockrell
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Walking Ahead.....
early mind so fresh, telling
new ideas
with new, way of how to
win a living
sweet fresh of saliva; fresh
smell, true
deodorant of an early
morning fumes,
a style that
need not a gargle
with eyes half awake, the
heart that makes
a break, and
the body wet, take a
little burp for a little dandy
step by steps move
your feet
ahead, forward
with hands in fit, distance
squeeze and jump for
sweat
looks what you see
your
path make its way
i'am moving
on ahead of you
poem by Antonio Liao
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Sometimes the beauty of the world is so overwhelming, I just want to throw back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle, and I don't care who hears me, because I am beautiful.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I bid farewell, to my reflection in the well
Looking for a lease on life,
I turn and turn around.
I thought I was not lost,
but neither am I found.
I thought that I was safe,
within this barrier,
Then I did not realise,
I fell prey to my own fear.
The fear of unpredictability,
the fear of the unknown.
The fear I thought had quelled,
and yet had even grown.
In finding what I thought I wanted,
I lost myself indeed.
Now I need to lose again,
in order to succeed.
What shall come to pass,
only time will tell.
But now I bid farewell,
to my reflection in the well.
No Beer, No Work
The shades of night was fallin’ slow
As through New York a guy did go
And nail on ev’ry barroom door
A card that this here motter bore:
'No beer, no work.'
His brow was sad, his mouth was dry;
It was the first day of July,
And where, all parched and scorched it hung,
These words was stenciled on his tongue:
'No beer, no work.'
'Oh, stay,' the maiden said, 'and sup
This malted milk from this here cup.'
A shudder passed through that there guy,
But with a moan he made reply:
'No beer, no work.'
At break of day, as through the town
The milkman put milk bottles down,
Onto one stoop a sort of snore
Was heard, and then was heard no more—
'No beer, no work.'
The poor old guy plumb dead was found
And planted in the buryin’ ground,
Still graspin’ in his hand of ice
Them placards with this sad device:
'No beer, no work.'
poem by Ellis Parker Butler
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Howl
There is a hatred that's in my soul
I feel it strong in this world that I prowl
This anger and terror I must let go
So at the moon; I will howl, I will howl.
I will grit my teeth and shout in anger
When anyone tries to hurt or offend me
That is who I am and it makes me stronger
There is an animal that wants to be free.
Perspiration comes quickly to my head and face
So that hostility I remove it with soap and a towel
But that coming of anger I cannot erase
So at the moon; I will howl, I will howl.
I cannot control my ideals or a bad thought
The loathing of others I wish never was born
But being used and hurt I never had sought
As in my mind and soul that is a prickly thorn.
In disgust I walk with my two fists clinched
And when I speak it comes out in a growl
From my temper I run as though being pinched
So at the moon; I will howl, I will howl.
poem by Randy McClave
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Shanghai Jar
Standing in a Shanghai Jar
water trickles down my nose
debris falls upon my head
mud builds up around my toes.
My clothes are sodden, caked with mould,
water splashes round my knees.
The air is misty damp and cold,
I cough and splutter, wheeze and sneeze.
What am I doing in this zone
holed up in this dreadful pot?
This is my own my very own
though why or how I have forgot.
Outside, the sun spins through the heavens.
The stars, like gold dust, fill up space.
The cosmic wind slides through the void.
Somewhere, out there, my own true face?
poem by Brian Taylor
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Take It Over
I know death is taking me over
There is no fun in asking for any cover
It was not this before and never be so
I will pack all my belongings and go
How will that become possible?
Through out life you love had kept me thirsty
You smiled there waiting for an easy entry
Longed for such occasion shrouded under mystery
But what is happening to me?
Why I feel confined and not free?
What smells bad from your lovely talk?
Why my feet crumble and refuse to walk?
Oh God, am I going to be cheated?
Is all these things smell foul or related?
The gentle touch forced me to retaliate
The lovely atmosphere was about to vitiate
Nothing was going to be very good
I sensed her talk as poisoned food
It had no delicious touch and fragrance but a foul smell
Oh it was casting doom and not spelling well
My lips went dry in anticipation
It was dangerous participation
I must say no to overtures
As it might spell doom for sure
Fear grips me for closing eyes
I may see wrong and hear lies
What if I can’t come out of embrace?
Bad consequences and danger in such case
I forgot about romantic death
I shivered and wanted shower or bath
I was sweating with compete fear
How much agony and pain I have to bear?
I pushed him back and turned at wall
It was out right refusal for bad call
I slammed the door and showed the exit
The scene was dreadful and can’ be considered as fit
poem by Hasmukh Amathalal
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