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Strange Restaurant

I said, 'I'll take the T-bone steak.'
A soft voice mooed, 'Oh wow.'
And I looked up and realized
The waitress was a cow.
I cried, 'Mistake--forget the the steak.
I'll take the chicken then.'
I heard a cluck--'twas just my luck
The busboy was a hen.
I said, 'Okay no, fowl today.
I'll have the seafood dish.'
Then I saw through the kitchen door
The cook--he was a fish.
I screamed, 'Is there anyone workin' here
Who's an onion or a beet?
No? Your're sure? Okay then friends,
A salad's what I'll eat.'
They looked at me. 'Oh,no,' they said,
'The owner is a cabbage head.'

poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Steak Number 3

[parody of mistake no. 3 by culture club]
The first steak I ordered,
It wasnt very hot.
I had to send it back,
Let em have one more shot.
But the second steak I ordered,
Well it was lousy too.
Now I really hate to say it,
But theres one thing that you gotta do.
Make me steak number three, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make me steak number three.

song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Creep In Him...

The waitress was fooled by the creep
who orders steak and says
that her steak is shit and throws the plate
to the floor
creating a scene in the restaurant
and...
then runs away.

poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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No gain without pain

Christmas shopping.
Again, the pain,
a thought so stark
will I even get
into the car park?
I only needed
to nip in,
a quick purchase
to make.
T'was deer steak
I wanted.
Oh dear, it's raining.
So I made a quick dash
oh, that was rash,
no deer steak
just rain
and a beef steak
to boot.
So I'll stay mute
about Christmas shopping.

poem by George BernardBloodyShaw
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Food glorious food for Friend Thad

The hunger pangs I feel are real.
My stomachs growling to be fed,
This is no quiet mute appeal
refuses to be quieted.
Nouveau cuisine just will not do
no pretty pictures on a plate
I really need something to chew
some prime beef steak to masticate.
My stomach clearly understands
exactly what it wants and needs
Expects me to obey its commands
and as always it succeeds.
A T bone steak with some French fries
My stomach usually satisfies.

poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Alimony

Alimony alimony I work till my fingers are bloody and boney
Me oh my oh goodness sake I'm paying for my mistake
She calls it alimony alimony yeah you single men may think it's funny
Till one of these days you're gonna wake and find you're payin' for your mistake

Pom pom I walk around ragged like a low-down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
It's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it
Alimony alimony I thought I bought steak and it was all baloney
My heart and back are both about to break from payin' for my mistake yeah
[ harmonica ]
Yeah I walk around ragged like a low down bum
I can't afford to weigh myself or buy a stick of gum
Why it's the same old story with a little more blues in it
I'm payin' for it while someone else is usin' it
Alimony alimony thought I bought steak and it was just baloney
And every penny that I make goes to payin' for my mistake

Oh yeah payin' for my mistake every Wednesday
Yeah aw come on baby y'know it's your mistake too yeah
They took all the furniture and everything come on
Why maybe we could sorta pitch in and work it out y'know
I mean I could get a third job if that's what you want I mean
What about sellin' my blood y'know

poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Pick It Up Or Be Gone

Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Don't try to imitate,
Homemade cake.
Oh no.
And don't ever try to duplicate,
A delicious taste.
Or...
Butter up faked mashed potatos.

Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
Oooow.
Pick it up or be gone.
Yeah.
Pick it up or be gone.
Now...
Pick it up or be gone!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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4. Shopping and Chopping

Have you got pigs liver?
Said a lady in my shop
No I said politely
But I have a nice pork chop

Could I have some kidney?
With a half a pound of steak
To make a lovely gravy
With the pie she was to bake

The scales shows two and sixpence
Three bob a little more
She didn’t want the piece of steak
I’d just dropped on the floor

I parcelled up her purchase
And placed it with her shopping
Put the money in the till
Then went back to my chopping

poem by David Threadgold (2008)
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Enough of the Questions

Am I understanding this correctly?
Trillions of dollars are being borrowed...
And/or created,
To keep the feeding of those greedy?
And this will promote a healthy economy?

Okay...
So once this hole is filled,
The same folks are going to ensure it doesn't happen again?

My mama was an expert at using that very same approach.
She would open up a can of beans...
Serve it to us and say,
'The steak and mash potatos will be coming soon.
Eat this while you wait.
And don't worry about not having enough.
I've got more from where that came from! '

~What about the steak, ma? ~

'It's coming!
I didn't say what day.
But when it comes...
You will know about it!
Enough of the questions.
Eat! '

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Beans Taste Fine

Now a friend of mine, way back in Chicago
You know, he finally made his pile.
Well he got himself a mansion on Butler and Sheff
An' he was livin' in the latest style;
But I run into him, he was eatin' in a greasy spoon
While parkled in front was his big limousine.
I said, 'Buddy, you've got so much money
How come youre in here, eatin' beans?'
An' he said
'After you've been havin' steak for a long time,
Beans, beans taste fine.
An' after you've been drinkin' champagne and brandy
You gonna settle for wine.'
He said 'The world is funny, and people are strange,
And man is a creature of constant change, and
After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.'
Now, you know I ran into another friend of mine
In a rowdy old Clark Street Bar.
I said, 'Friend, is it true what I heard about you?
I heard you married a beautiful 18-year-old shapely movie star,
Yet here you sit, tryin' to make out with some barfly
Who's too old and ugly to be true.'
He said, 'Shelley, you're still a very young man
So sit down. I'll explain it all to you.
He said
'After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.
An' after you've been drinkin' champagne and Chivas Regal
You gonna settle for Thunderbird wine.'
He said 'The world is funny, and people are strange,
And man is a creature of constant change, and
After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.'

poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Can’t Sleep

I couldn’t sleep at Big Bear Lake,
I ate a cheese steak and a chocolate cake,
boy that was a big mistake.
I kept tossing and turning in bed all night,
until the sun came out and was really bright.
I knew the next I would be on stage in front
of a hundred or more,
I didn’t know what was in store.
Would my act be too kiddy for the comic bunch,
I usually performed in front of kids before lunch.
The act did get some laughs and photos were shot,
of me and Melodie on stage where it was hot.
Hot with lights shining down on us,
we both story told a tale without a fuss.
Now I wrote this poem which I thought would be short and sweet,
it was a fun and interesting time at Big Bear Lake
I just can’t have cheese steak and chocolate cake.
Written By Suzae Chevalier on November 25,2011

poem by Christina Sunrise
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A Dogs Life

(words & music by sid wayne - ben weisman)
If I had my life to live over
I know just what Id like to be
A pampered pet of a rich brunette
Sitting on my mamas knee
Someone to love me
Someone to care
Rubberduck dubble little fingers through my hair
I need a dogs life
What a life, thats good enough for me
Thats good enough for me
If I had a bone to be picking
A picking chicken or a steak
Curled up there in an easy chair
Man, that wont be hard to take
Ill always be faithful
Thats what Id be
Never bite a hand that feeds me, no siree
Just lead a dogs life
What a life
Thats good enough for me
Thats good enough for me
Id find me a pink little poodle
And lose my noodle over her
I chase her round all over town
Just to ruffle up her fur
Nuzzle her muzzle
A hole in her paw
Greatest case of puppy lovin you ever saw
Its called a dogs life
What a life
Thats good enough for me
You heard me say it now
Thats good enough for me
Thats good enough for me

song performed by by Elvis Presley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Soul Food

My old boy from the point
But I'm from Southwest and every
Now and then I get put to the test
But I can't be stopped
Cause I gotta come true ain't go no gun
But I got my crew
Didn't come fro no beef cause I don't eat steak
I got a plate of soul food chicken

song performed by by Goodie Mob from Soul Food
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Food Of Love

What would you like for supper,
Some steak, with chips and peas,
Maybe, a nice brewed cuppa,
Or me, with lips that please.

You could have something spicy,
Like a curry or sweet and sour,
But these can be a bit spicy
And not good, at this late hour.

Perhaps a glass of beer, or shandy,
Or a brandy to fill the gap,
But, of course, that might make you randy,
Hey! Have that as your nightcap!

There's me, I'm sweet and slender,
And tender like the steak,
And if you put me in a blender,
A fantastic meal, I'd make.

There's food enough for your pleasure,
So don't say you aren't well fed,
When you start to realise I'm a treasure,
You could have 'hot crumpet' in your bed!

poem by Ernestine Northover
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Wrapped In Plastic

Guilt is a snake we beat with a rake
To grow in our kitchen in the pies we bake
Feed it to us to squirm in our bellies
Twisting our guts make our spines to jelly
Stay, don't want to go now
Drove the children from their chores
Handcrafted housewives into whores
Fear of the beast is calling it near
Creating what we're hating, it's only fear that is here
Stay, don't want to go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
I'm only as deep as the self that i dig
I'm only as sick as the stick in the pig
Thin and so white, thin and so white
Daddy tells the daughter
While mommy's sleeping at night
To wash away sin you must take off your skin
The righteous father wears the yellowest grin
Don't wanna go now
Stay, don't wanna go now, stay, don't wanna go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic

song performed by by Marilyn Manson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Steak n Sabre

I was sitting at a table
Down at the steak n sabre
With cain and abel
The circumstance was a different kind of world
We were laughing and drinking
The universe was shrinking
I was thinking, man, thats a different kind of world
Down at the steak n sabre
Like trobarianders
Dont you understand thats a different kind of world
I was swimming in bali
When I got swallowed
By something hollow
We were going down to a different kind of world
Where they talk like plato
And sweet potatoes growing all around in a different kind of world
Right down in the shallows
And the wind it blows
Dont you know thats a different kind of world

song performed by by Frank Black
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sha La La

Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
Walking out quite late one night
Not feeling happy or feeling down
In the dark I stumbled over something on the ground
As I got to my feet
I heard a strange voice singing low
Shout out a song I wont forget
Until my dying day I know
She said
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
When I heard her singing
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
First my impulse was to run
But then the magic caught my ear
An unforgettable refrain
A song for all the year
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
Well then I heard her singing
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
In despair I cried out loudly
Begging for her to come out
Suddenly has it began
The sha la song died out
At last I realized who had sung it
Quite amazed I turned to see
The tall trees waving me goodbye
The sha la song and me
They sought me
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
And then I heard her singing
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la
Sha, la, la

song performed by by Rick Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Saw The Light

(wally bryson/eric carmen)
Good friends
Book ends
Solitaire for two
Till she was leaving
I never really knew
When I looked in her eyes
I saw the light
I realized all along it was her
When I looked in her eyes
I saw the light
I realized
Theres a knock on the door
Then youre home forever more
And now that youre here
There is nothing to fear
When I looked in her eyes
I saw the light
I realized all along it was her
When I looked in her eyes
I saw the light
I realized all along it was her.
When I looked in her eyes
I saw the light
I realized all along it was her

song performed by by Eric Carmen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Click Your Heels Until Your Feet Numbs

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'Pretend it's steak.'

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'Pretend that and vegetables,
Are on your plate.'

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'Now 'see' yourself not homeless.
See yourself in a mansion,
High upon the hill!

Dance among the flowers scenting.
Go ahead,
Pick a few of those blooming daffodils.

Don't be discouraged,
By your sightings of those who have not!
Look upon them as the true victims.
And ignoring them will speed up your visions.
To forget you are jobless,
Helpless and your teeth rot!

Remember this,
Keep your need to greed wished.
Click your heels until your feet numbs.
And your deceit and thieving ways...
On this land 'will' return.
And those days of gluttony,
For you and everyone...
Will finally to all,
Someday come.

Close your eyes...
Repeat.
And pass me the pepper,
Gravy.
And salt to throw over my shoulder to toss!
Repeat,
With me...

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'That's it,
Pretend it's steak.'

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'That's it.
Now,
Let's pretend that and vegetables,
Are on our plates.'

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'Now 'see' yourself not homeless.
See yourself in a mansion,
High upon the hill!

Dance among the flowers scenting.
Go ahead,
Pick a few of those blooming daffodils.
Remember this,
Keep your need to greed wished.
Click your heels until your feet numbs.
And those days of gluttony,
For you and everyone...
Will finally to all,
Someday come.'

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'That's it,
Pretend it's steak.'

It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.

'That's it.
Now,
Let's pretend that and vegetables,
Are on our empty plates.'

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Art of Conversation (Fun Poem 126)

In today’s society something is missing,
the art of conversation.
Nearly everyone forty and under
has a phone in their hand,
call It a mobile or a cell
it doesn’t matter which.
They use it twenty-four seven
not only for talking, but texting.
You see them in a restaurant
texting the person opposite only a foot away.
They say they do it because of the noise
and the noise they refer to is other phones ringing.
However, they don’t realise just how silly they look.
What could take a few minutes
takes more minutes to text.
Sometimes they even forget what they are eating
and pop their phone in their mouth.
A phone doesn’t taste as nice as a juicy sirloin steak.
When they order their phone,
they could order different colours.
Brown like gravy,
red like tomato sauce,
yellow like mustard
and put them all on their steak
like a deck of cards,
then shuffle them as they wait
for the next text to arrive.
Silly yes and maybe one day
they’ll look around at everyone
fiddling with their phones
and realize just how funny they look
and the art of conversation
may come back again.
Fingers crossed that might happen
and instead of them thinking to themselves
that I’m never alone with a phone.

(9 July 2011)

poem by David Harris
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What Max Wanted

What do you want from me?
Max's wife said

and he looked by her
at the waitress

at the cafe
who was walking

with some order
behind his wife's back

and he noticed
the cute ass as she moved

the way she swayed
and the hands

holding the tray
huh? What is it

you want from me?
his wife repeated

her eyes peering at him
taking in

that aspect of him
as he turned his head

look said Max
following the waitress

to the table across the way
his eyes slowly

undressing her
his mind making up scenes

like in some movie
you say come on Honey

let's go out for a meal
and talk

and what are you doing
looking elsewhere

and not talking
his wife said

spittle on her lower lip
Max looked back

at his wife and said
oh yes sure

I was thinking
of the Picasso print

we saw the other day
you know that one

we both liked
and you said you'd like it

for your birthday
well maybe

I ought to get it
what do you think?

And the waitress
looked over at Max

as she went by
and he saw

a whole new ball game
in her eyes

and caught the cheek
and ear

and was sure
he captured some aspect

of her perfume
and his wife said

Picasso?
That Picasso?

are you sure Max?
and she went into a daze

and smiled
and Max imagined himself

and the waitress
and sex games

and a party
going wild.

poem by Terry Collett
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