The Creep In Him...
The waitress was fooled by the creep
who orders steak and says
that her steak is shit and throws the plate
to the floor
creating a scene in the restaurant
and...
then runs away.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Creep Hymn
The creep
Goes to a restaurant
And order the food to eat at the restaurant
But when the food comes he eats a little bit of the food
Just so he can taste it
And he tells everybody very loud that the food that he order
Taste like shit
And then he takes the plate and throws it on the floor
But he lives the restaurant without pay
The waitress from the restaurant looks everywhere for him in the Restaurant
Sorry waitress he is gone out of the door
And he run away so that you couldn't catch him
poem by Aldo Kraas
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Steak Number 3
[parody of mistake no. 3 by culture club]
The first steak I ordered,
It wasnt very hot.
I had to send it back,
Let em have one more shot.
But the second steak I ordered,
Well it was lousy too.
Now I really hate to say it,
But theres one thing that you gotta do.
Make me steak number three, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Strange Restaurant
I said, 'I'll take the T-bone steak.'
A soft voice mooed, 'Oh wow.'
And I looked up and realized
The waitress was a cow.
I cried, 'Mistake--forget the the steak.
I'll take the chicken then.'
I heard a cluck--'twas just my luck
The busboy was a hen.
I said, 'Okay no, fowl today.
I'll have the seafood dish.'
Then I saw through the kitchen door
The cook--he was a fish.
I screamed, 'Is there anyone workin' here
Who's an onion or a beet?
No? Your're sure? Okay then friends,
A salad's what I'll eat.'
They looked at me. 'Oh,no,' they said,
'The owner is a cabbage head.'
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Food glorious food for Friend Thad
The hunger pangs I feel are real.
My stomachs growling to be fed,
This is no quiet mute appeal
refuses to be quieted.
Nouveau cuisine just will not do
no pretty pictures on a plate
I really need something to chew
some prime beef steak to masticate.
My stomach clearly understands
exactly what it wants and needs
Expects me to obey its commands
and as always it succeeds.
A T bone steak with some French fries
My stomach usually satisfies.
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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4. Shopping and Chopping
Have you got pigs liver?
Said a lady in my shop
No I said politely
But I have a nice pork chop
Could I have some kidney?
With a half a pound of steak
To make a lovely gravy
With the pie she was to bake
The scales shows two and sixpence
Three bob a little more
She didn’t want the piece of steak
I’d just dropped on the floor
I parcelled up her purchase
And placed it with her shopping
Put the money in the till
Then went back to my chopping
poem by David Threadgold (2008)
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No gain without pain
Christmas shopping.
Again, the pain,
a thought so stark
will I even get
into the car park?
I only needed
to nip in,
a quick purchase
to make.
T'was deer steak
I wanted.
Oh dear, it's raining.
So I made a quick dash
oh, that was rash,
no deer steak
just rain
and a beef steak
to boot.
So I'll stay mute
about Christmas shopping.
poem by George BernardBloodyShaw
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Wrapped In Plastic
Guilt is a snake we beat with a rake
To grow in our kitchen in the pies we bake
Feed it to us to squirm in our bellies
Twisting our guts make our spines to jelly
Stay, don't want to go now
Drove the children from their chores
Handcrafted housewives into whores
Fear of the beast is calling it near
Creating what we're hating, it's only fear that is here
Stay, don't want to go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
I'm only as deep as the self that i dig
I'm only as sick as the stick in the pig
Thin and so white, thin and so white
Daddy tells the daughter
While mommy's sleeping at night
To wash away sin you must take off your skin
The righteous father wears the yellowest grin
Don't wanna go now
Stay, don't wanna go now, stay, don't wanna go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
song performed by by Marilyn Manson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pick It Up Or Be Gone
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Don't try to imitate,
Homemade cake.
Oh no.
And don't ever try to duplicate,
A delicious taste.
Or...
Butter up faked mashed potatos.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
Oooow.
Pick it up or be gone.
Yeah.
Pick it up or be gone.
Now...
Pick it up or be gone!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Cattle Food
AN ELDERLY NATIVE WENT VISITING AT A CITY, AND ON HIS ARRIVAL, HIS HOST QUICKLY TOOK HIM TO AN EXPENSIVE RESTAURANT FOR A WELCOME MEAL!
WHAT WILL BE YOUR ORDER TODAY SIR? A WAITRESS ASKED THE CITIZEN AND HE REPLIED, MY USUAL WOULD BE IN ORDER! AND THE WAITRESS TURNED TO THE ELDERLY NATIVE AND SAID, SIR! WHAT WOULD BE YOUR ORDER? AND THE NATIVE REPLIED, MY USUAL WOULD BE IN ORDER!
THE WAITRESS ASSUMING THAT THEY BOTH WANTED THE CITIZEN'S USUAL PLATE OF VEGETABLE SALAD, WALKED OFF TO GET THE FOOD.
ON HER RETURN WITH THE FOOD, THE CITIZEN IMMEDIATTELY BEGAN TO EAT HIS FOOD, WHILE THE ELDERLY NATIVE SAT FROWNING AT THE PLATE OF SALAD PLACED BEFORE HIM, AFTER A WHILE, HE ASKED HIS HOST, DEAR FRIEND, WAS YOURS WELL COOKED? MINE LOOKS AS IF IT WASN'T EVEN COOKED AT ALL!
poem by Overlord Don Manuel Ihcakeyno
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Enough of the Questions
Am I understanding this correctly?
Trillions of dollars are being borrowed...
And/or created,
To keep the feeding of those greedy?
And this will promote a healthy economy?
Okay...
So once this hole is filled,
The same folks are going to ensure it doesn't happen again?
My mama was an expert at using that very same approach.
She would open up a can of beans...
Serve it to us and say,
'The steak and mash potatos will be coming soon.
Eat this while you wait.
And don't worry about not having enough.
I've got more from where that came from! '
~What about the steak, ma? ~
'It's coming!
I didn't say what day.
But when it comes...
You will know about it!
Enough of the questions.
Eat! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Aunt Ching Chang Chung's Shark fin soup!
I like that spicy odour
As same as the wonderful taste.
That's why I peep every other day
To Shanghai bamboo Restaurant!
Migrated Aunt established here
Long ago it seems and her eldest daughter
Chung Chang's nasal song of the yin & yang
Sometimes bit annoying.
And I saw on the wall a photograph hangs,
I asked; 'Is that Comrade Mao Tse-tung? '
'O no that's my step father! '
'Where's he now? '
She replied with a Cantonese smile;
'He still watches the Chinese Great Wall! '
I left the restaurant while Aunt's cutting Pork ribs
For the steak grill.
And I think of the poet with a breath of fresh air
Tu Fu! I respect him at all.
poem by Nimal Dunuhinga
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The Art of Conversation (Fun Poem 126)
In today’s society something is missing,
the art of conversation.
Nearly everyone forty and under
has a phone in their hand,
call It a mobile or a cell
it doesn’t matter which.
They use it twenty-four seven
not only for talking, but texting.
You see them in a restaurant
texting the person opposite only a foot away.
They say they do it because of the noise
and the noise they refer to is other phones ringing.
However, they don’t realise just how silly they look.
What could take a few minutes
takes more minutes to text.
Sometimes they even forget what they are eating
and pop their phone in their mouth.
A phone doesn’t taste as nice as a juicy sirloin steak.
When they order their phone,
they could order different colours.
Brown like gravy,
red like tomato sauce,
yellow like mustard
and put them all on their steak
like a deck of cards,
then shuffle them as they wait
for the next text to arrive.
Silly yes and maybe one day
they’ll look around at everyone
fiddling with their phones
and realize just how funny they look
and the art of conversation
may come back again.
Fingers crossed that might happen
and instead of them thinking to themselves
that I’m never alone with a phone.
(9 July 2011)
poem by David Harris
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The Food Of Love
What would you like for supper,
Some steak, with chips and peas,
Maybe, a nice brewed cuppa,
Or me, with lips that please.
You could have something spicy,
Like a curry or sweet and sour,
But these can be a bit spicy
And not good, at this late hour.
Perhaps a glass of beer, or shandy,
Or a brandy to fill the gap,
But, of course, that might make you randy,
Hey! Have that as your nightcap!
There's me, I'm sweet and slender,
And tender like the steak,
And if you put me in a blender,
A fantastic meal, I'd make.
There's food enough for your pleasure,
So don't say you aren't well fed,
When you start to realise I'm a treasure,
You could have 'hot crumpet' in your bed!
poem by Ernestine Northover
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Soul Food
My old boy from the point
But I'm from Southwest and every
Now and then I get put to the test
But I can't be stopped
Cause I gotta come true ain't go no gun
But I got my crew
Didn't come fro no beef cause I don't eat steak
I got a plate of soul food chicken
song performed by by Goodie Mob from Soul Food
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Click Your Heels Until Your Feet Numbs
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'Pretend it's steak.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'Pretend that and vegetables,
Are on your plate.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'Now 'see' yourself not homeless.
See yourself in a mansion,
High upon the hill!
Dance among the flowers scenting.
Go ahead,
Pick a few of those blooming daffodils.
Don't be discouraged,
By your sightings of those who have not!
Look upon them as the true victims.
And ignoring them will speed up your visions.
To forget you are jobless,
Helpless and your teeth rot!
Remember this,
Keep your need to greed wished.
Click your heels until your feet numbs.
And your deceit and thieving ways...
On this land 'will' return.
And those days of gluttony,
For you and everyone...
Will finally to all,
Someday come.
Close your eyes...
Repeat.
And pass me the pepper,
Gravy.
And salt to throw over my shoulder to toss!
Repeat,
With me...
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'That's it,
Pretend it's steak.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'That's it.
Now,
Let's pretend that and vegetables,
Are on our plates.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'Now 'see' yourself not homeless.
See yourself in a mansion,
High upon the hill!
Dance among the flowers scenting.
Go ahead,
Pick a few of those blooming daffodils.
Remember this,
Keep your need to greed wished.
Click your heels until your feet numbs.
And those days of gluttony,
For you and everyone...
Will finally to all,
Someday come.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'That's it,
Pretend it's steak.'
It 'is' the greatest.
It 'is' the greatest.
'That's it.
Now,
Let's pretend that and vegetables,
Are on our empty plates.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Steak n Sabre
I was sitting at a table
Down at the steak n sabre
With cain and abel
The circumstance was a different kind of world
We were laughing and drinking
The universe was shrinking
I was thinking, man, thats a different kind of world
Down at the steak n sabre
Like trobarianders
Dont you understand thats a different kind of world
I was swimming in bali
When I got swallowed
By something hollow
We were going down to a different kind of world
Where they talk like plato
And sweet potatoes growing all around in a different kind of world
Right down in the shallows
And the wind it blows
Dont you know thats a different kind of world
song performed by by Frank Black
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Found My Way
you cook so well
and i am so
anticipating about
the new menu
on the white
porcelain plate
beside the
silver spoon
and fork
and the corrugated
knife fit for
the medium rare
steak
more rice please
more lemonades
and lots of
lettuce for the
salad
a ripe mango
and alligator
pear
on a platter
lady, you found your
way into
my belly.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Facing What Could Have Been Done
By the time a maturity awakens,
In the minds of those seduced to stay asleep...
An existence of truth that has always been available,
Will be as useless as those wishing to eat steak...
Carved up on a plate,
And with a readiness to satiate...
But without neither real or false teeth.
And although it may be 'gummed'...
The act of facing what could have been done,
Is a pointless one.
Since there is no point,
In turning back a clock.
If the ticking of the tock of it...
Has long come to a stop!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Draw on and through old tales
When that from Babeh babble blows away
and Samson out of Sam springs, interplay
between life's actors surely may be seen
and happy time for authors set the scene
your restaurant will be so widely known
that never shall the noisy telephone
ever stop ringing, pleading for a place
to entry gain, participitate with grace
in tales, once told, which will impression make
more lasting that a well cooked Bison steak.
For what's at stake attending table talk
is more than cooking books or midnght walk
with lover 'neath some moonlight soon forgotten
as life blooms, dies, then fades, its corpus rotten.
Draw on and through old tales to menu make
creative writing never, Sam, foresake.
(20 September 2011)
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Beans Taste Fine
Now a friend of mine, way back in Chicago
You know, he finally made his pile.
Well he got himself a mansion on Butler and Sheff
An' he was livin' in the latest style;
But I run into him, he was eatin' in a greasy spoon
While parkled in front was his big limousine.
I said, 'Buddy, you've got so much money
How come youre in here, eatin' beans?'
An' he said
'After you've been havin' steak for a long time,
Beans, beans taste fine.
An' after you've been drinkin' champagne and brandy
You gonna settle for wine.'
He said 'The world is funny, and people are strange,
And man is a creature of constant change, and
After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.'
Now, you know I ran into another friend of mine
In a rowdy old Clark Street Bar.
I said, 'Friend, is it true what I heard about you?
I heard you married a beautiful 18-year-old shapely movie star,
Yet here you sit, tryin' to make out with some barfly
Who's too old and ugly to be true.'
He said, 'Shelley, you're still a very young man
So sit down. I'll explain it all to you.
He said
'After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.
An' after you've been drinkin' champagne and Chivas Regal
You gonna settle for Thunderbird wine.'
He said 'The world is funny, and people are strange,
And man is a creature of constant change, and
After you've been havin' steak for a long time
Beans, beans taste fine.'
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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