No gain without pain
Christmas shopping.
Again, the pain,
a thought so stark
will I even get
into the car park?
I only needed
to nip in,
a quick purchase
to make.
T'was deer steak
I wanted.
Oh dear, it's raining.
So I made a quick dash
oh, that was rash,
no deer steak
just rain
and a beef steak
to boot.
So I'll stay mute
about Christmas shopping.
poem by George BernardBloodyShaw
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
4. Shopping and Chopping
Have you got pigs liver?
Said a lady in my shop
No I said politely
But I have a nice pork chop
Could I have some kidney?
With a half a pound of steak
To make a lovely gravy
With the pie she was to bake
The scales shows two and sixpence
Three bob a little more
She didn’t want the piece of steak
I’d just dropped on the floor
I parcelled up her purchase
And placed it with her shopping
Put the money in the till
Then went back to my chopping
poem by David Threadgold (2008)
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Steak Number 3
[parody of mistake no. 3 by culture club]
The first steak I ordered,
It wasnt very hot.
I had to send it back,
Let em have one more shot.
But the second steak I ordered,
Well it was lousy too.
Now I really hate to say it,
But theres one thing that you gotta do.
Make me steak number three, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
Make me steak number three, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make me steak number three.
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Food glorious food for Friend Thad
The hunger pangs I feel are real.
My stomachs growling to be fed,
This is no quiet mute appeal
refuses to be quieted.
Nouveau cuisine just will not do
no pretty pictures on a plate
I really need something to chew
some prime beef steak to masticate.
My stomach clearly understands
exactly what it wants and needs
Expects me to obey its commands
and as always it succeeds.
A T bone steak with some French fries
My stomach usually satisfies.
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I'll Eat The Fish
I use to like it well done not rare.
Prepared tenderly as if one cared.
I had to have my steak well cooked and baked.
I use to slice it into pieces split,
With fried potatoes...
And some wine to slowly sip.
But when I changed my diet I got into fish.
And I discovered baked fish was quite delicious.
That was it.
And today there is no beef for me,
I'll eat the fish!
I use to slice my beef into tiny pieces split.
But when I changed my diet I got into the fish.
That was it.
That was it.
And today there is no beef for me I will eat the fish!
That is it for me...
Today I'm on the fish!
I use to like it well done not rare.
Prepared tenderly as if one cared.
I had to have my steak well cooked and baked.
I use to slice it into pieces split,
With fried potatoes...
And some wine to slowly sip.
But today there is no beef for me I will eat the fish!
That is it for me...
Today I'm on the fish!
Today there is no beef for me I will eat the fish!
That is it for me...
Today I'm on the fish!
Even fish sticks,
Will be eaten very quick.
I will handled eating up those fish sticks very quick.
Especially if they're deep fried and battered!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Christmas At The Big-K
At Christmas she went to K Mart
Which wasn’t very smart.
She got in the way
Of a mob that day
And was floored by a shopping cart.
Shopping sucks at Christmas time
Even at the five and dime.
Try shopping on line
And you will be fine
And you won’t be the victim of a crime
Or what’s more you won’t miss your Miller time.
poem by George Hunter
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The Creep In Him...
The waitress was fooled by the creep
who orders steak and says
that her steak is shit and throws the plate
to the floor
creating a scene in the restaurant
and...
then runs away.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Coming Up To X-mas
Christmas is near,
Crowds of rush everywhere,
Panicking to get all shopping done,
Not missing out you and I,
Christmas is near,
Not far away,
Decorations and lights everywhere,
Presents under the tree,
Waiting to be opened,
By you and everyone,
All the excitment building up,
wondering what you have for christmas,
When you open your presants,
your face just lights up,
you got what you wanted.
Are you ready for christmas?
another christmas poem
poem by StaceyLeigh Olner
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Wrapped In Plastic
Guilt is a snake we beat with a rake
To grow in our kitchen in the pies we bake
Feed it to us to squirm in our bellies
Twisting our guts make our spines to jelly
Stay, don't want to go now
Drove the children from their chores
Handcrafted housewives into whores
Fear of the beast is calling it near
Creating what we're hating, it's only fear that is here
Stay, don't want to go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
I'm only as deep as the self that i dig
I'm only as sick as the stick in the pig
Thin and so white, thin and so white
Daddy tells the daughter
While mommy's sleeping at night
To wash away sin you must take off your skin
The righteous father wears the yellowest grin
Don't wanna go now
Stay, don't wanna go now, stay, don't wanna go now
Come into our home, won't you stay?
I know the steak is cold but it's wrapped in plastic
song performed by by Marilyn Manson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Shopping
Were buying and selling your history
How we go about it is no mystery
We check it with the city, then change the law
Are you looking forward?
Now you want some more
Were s-h-o-pp-i-n-g, were shopping
Its easy when you got all the information
Inside help, no investigation
(no investigation, investigation)
No questions in the house, no give and take
Theres a big bang in the city
Were all on the make
Were s-h-o-pp-i-n-g, were shopping
Were s-h-o-pp-i-n-g, were shopping
Our gain is your loss, thats the price you pay
I heard it in the house of commons: everythings for sale
Were shopping
Were shopping
Were s-h-o-pp-i-n-g, were shopping
Were s-h-o-pp-i-n-g, were shopping
Ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah
Ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah ah, ah ah
Were s-h-o-pp-i-n-g, were shopping
Were s-h-o-pp-i-n-g, were shopping
(were shopping
Were shopping
Were shopping
Were shopping
Were shopping)
song performed by by Pet Shop Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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This Christmas That's My Wish
And I think of Christmas,
Through the year.
Of falling snow,
And flying deer.
Hearing jingle bells...
And carols of noël.
And with each gift I pick and choose...
There comes this special wish,
That happiness will lift all smiles...
And no one's dream is missed!
This is Christmas!
There is such a joy in me!
I still see Santa Claus...
Rushing quick with deliveries.
And I know it's getting near that time...
When snow and hope appears.
As laughter fills the smiling eyes,
Of every child I'm near.
This is Christmas!
And there is such a joy in me!
I still see Santa Claus...
Rushing quick with deliveries.
And I think of Christmas,
Through the year.
Of falling snow,
And flying deer.
Hearing jingle bells...
And carols of noël.
And with each gift I pick and choose...
There comes this special wish,
That happiness will lift all smiles...
And no one's dream is missed!
This Christmas...
That's my wish!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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David O's thrifty shopping advice
Christmas shopping to me
is like a walk in the park
The method I use is
So easy and slick
But it is best done
late after dark
And requires no money
this simple trick
You simply go out
And do some window shopping
With a mask, a bag,
And a brick
poem by David Whalen
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Funny Chrismas!
Funny Christmas, thats what I'm s'posed to be writing about here?
Well, I don't really know what to write about that will make it funny.
What is funny about Christmas?
Santa is just a big ol' fat jolly man who just sits around eating cooking and drinking milk all year. Whats funny about that?
The reindeer are just deer who can supposedly fly. I don't get it.
What is funny about Christmas?
Is it the fact that we are s'posed to act happy and pretend we're having fun when we're really not?
I don't really get it can you explain it to me please?
What is funny about Christmas?
I don't really even believe in the whole 'Christmas celebration' thing.
I don't understand why people think that its funny either. Can you tell me?
What is funny about Christmas?
poem by Courtney Mayer
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All alone on Christmas
The cold wind is blowing,
An the streets are getting dark,
I’m looking for you everywhere,
An I don’t know were to start.
The Christmas songs are playing in the street,
People window shopping down in the town,
I walk and see the snow beneath my feet,
It must be Christmas time again right here,
Every year I get a little lonely around this time,
Do people still find love at Christmas?
Tell me, were do lonely hearts go?
Well, no-one ought to be all alone on Christmas
My childhood dreams are a thing in the past,
Nothing to find or nothing to hope for,
Everything will not last,
Do Christmas dreams ever come true?
I’m all grown up but I’m the same you’ll see,
I’m looking for because I still believe,
I know I have been good this year,
Can’t you stay with me right here?
This Christmas will always be the same,
For everyone to still believe,
That were do lonely hearts go,
Because no-one ought to be all alone on Christmas,
All alone on Christmas.
24/12/08
poem by Paul Prescott
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Pick It Up Or Be Gone
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Don't try to imitate,
Homemade cake.
Oh no.
And don't ever try to duplicate,
A delicious taste.
Or...
Butter up faked mashed potatos.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's given.
Pick it up or be gone.
What's there.
Pick it up or be gone.
The steak.
Or the rake.
Or the keys,
To open the gate!
Now...
Pick it up or be gone.
Oooow.
Pick it up or be gone.
Yeah.
Pick it up or be gone.
Now...
Pick it up or be gone!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Merry Christmas (Wherever You Are)
(Jerry Laseter/Mack Vickery)
I had no reason for shopping this season
But I hung your stocking today
It makes me feel better
Though were not together
Youll always be in my heart
Merry Christmas, wherever you are
Since it was Christmas
I thought you might call
Or have you stopped thinkin about me at all
Itd be a perfect white Christmas
A storybook picture
If I could just share it with you
Though youre not here with me
Ive got your memories
They keep me goin sweetheart
Merry Christmas wherever you are
--- Instrumental ---
Though youre not here with me
Ive got your memories
Youll always be in my heart
Merry Christmas wherever you are
Merry Christmas wherever you are...
song performed by by George Strait
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Deck The Halls
Christmas comes just once a year (i got a baby doll)
With all its yuletide joy and cheer (i got a football)
But there's one thing i'd like to say...
Is that i hate christmas day (i got a rock!)
It's time for everybody to have a christmas party
Everyone but me i'll step outside boycott your office party
No secret santa for me
Mistletoe makes me sneeze anyway
Cuz i don't wanna go, where happy days are snow
I'd rather stay where frosty melts in the sun
July 4 parade
A lynchburg lemonade
An alcohol a day by the pool in the sun (now everybody sing)
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
'tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas i'm glad it only comes one time a year
Its time for everybody to head out christmas shopping
Everyone but me i'll stay inside
No presents under your tree that have a nametag for me
And it makes my gifts so easy to hide i don't wanna go where shopping lines are slow
I rather stay at home with the frosty cold one
A bud on ice in may, a lazy summer day
An alcohol a day by the pool in the sun (now everybody sing)
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
'tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas i'm glad it only comes one time a year
It was the night before christmas and all through the house
All the creatures was chillin like flint drinkin stout
I woke from my sleep, heard 'here comes the boom'
I knew that santa would be comin' soon
On dascher on donner, commit, on blitzen
I yelled 'shut up ya'll,' but they wouldn't listen
And then he came down with his belly of jello
He says "where the ladies at cuz i'm a real jolly fellow"
Then he gave me a wink and was quick out of sight
Merry christmas to all, and to all a super deeky duper fly night
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
'tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas i'm glad it only comes one time a year
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
'tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas i'm glad it only comes one time a year
Cuz i hate christmas, i'm glad it only comes one time a year
Cuz i hate christmas, i'm glad it only comes one time a year
song performed by by Zebrahead
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Food Of Love
What would you like for supper,
Some steak, with chips and peas,
Maybe, a nice brewed cuppa,
Or me, with lips that please.
You could have something spicy,
Like a curry or sweet and sour,
But these can be a bit spicy
And not good, at this late hour.
Perhaps a glass of beer, or shandy,
Or a brandy to fill the gap,
But, of course, that might make you randy,
Hey! Have that as your nightcap!
There's me, I'm sweet and slender,
And tender like the steak,
And if you put me in a blender,
A fantastic meal, I'd make.
There's food enough for your pleasure,
So don't say you aren't well fed,
When you start to realise I'm a treasure,
You could have 'hot crumpet' in your bed!
poem by Ernestine Northover
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Deck The Halls (i Hate Christmas) (w-intro)
Christmas comes just once a year (I got a baby doll)
With all its yuletide joy and cheer (I got a football)
But theres one thing Id like to say...
Is that I hate christmas day (I got a rock!)
Its time for everybody to have a christmas party
Everyone but me Ill step outside boycott your office party
No secret santa for me
Mistletoe makes me sneeze anyway
Cuz I dont wanna go, where happy days are snow
Id rather stay where frosty melts in the sun
July 4 parade
A lynchburg lemonade
An alcohol a day by the pool in the sun (now everybody sing)
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas Im glad it only comes one time a year
Its time for everybody to head out christmas shopping
Everyone but me Ill stay inside
No presents under your tree that have a nametag for me
And it makes my gifts so easy to hide I dont wanna go where shopping lines are slow
I rather stay at home with the frosty cold one
A bud on ice in may, a lazy summer day
An alcohol a day by the pool in the sun (now everybody sing)
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas Im glad it only comes one time a year
It was the night before christmas and all through the house
All the creatures was chillin like flint drinkin stout
I woke from my sleep, heard here comes the boom
I knew that santa would be comin soon
On dascher on donner, commit, on blitzen
I yelled shut up yall, but they wouldnt listen
And then he came down with his belly of jello
He says "where the ladies at cuz Im a real jolly fellow"
Then he gave me a wink and was quick out of sight
Merry christmas to all, and to all a super deeky duper fly night
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas Im glad it only comes one time a year
Chorus
Deck the halls with bells of holly
tis the season to be jolly but,
I hate christmas Im glad it only comes one time a year
Cuz I hate christmas, Im glad it only comes one time a year
Cuz I hate christmas, Im glad it only comes one time a year
song performed by by Zebrahead
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Enough of the Questions
Am I understanding this correctly?
Trillions of dollars are being borrowed...
And/or created,
To keep the feeding of those greedy?
And this will promote a healthy economy?
Okay...
So once this hole is filled,
The same folks are going to ensure it doesn't happen again?
My mama was an expert at using that very same approach.
She would open up a can of beans...
Serve it to us and say,
'The steak and mash potatos will be coming soon.
Eat this while you wait.
And don't worry about not having enough.
I've got more from where that came from! '
~What about the steak, ma? ~
'It's coming!
I didn't say what day.
But when it comes...
You will know about it!
Enough of the questions.
Eat! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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