I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different.
quote by Kurt Vonnegut
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Breakfast Of The Old Farts
the old farts
did meet for breakfast
of coffee and cookies
and fish and rice
and a pomelo and camote chunks
and they all fart
and part and meet again
only to fart some more
this lunchtime.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Thieves Look Holy
To fart is, of course, unpleasant.
To fart silently is to steal
The wind and escape as a thief.
A thief fights thieves to hide his thefts.
(26.06.2011)
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Brown Study from the Lowlands
My fart's in the Lowlands, my fart is not here,
My fart's in the Lowlands disgracing I fear -
embracing the oh dear, hear three in a row!
my fart's in the Lowlands, no place else to blow.
Farewell to the colon[y]'s whale of a gale,
the column of calor, one gale won from whale;
wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
my fart blows from private parts, I'm treasure trove cove.
Farewell from gust mounting high in the air;
Hello to disgust leading on to despair,
Hello ivy league bladderwort fount in puds;
Hello to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.
My fart's in the Lowlands, my fart is not here,
My fart's in the Lowlands disgracing I fear -
embracing the oh dear, three more in a row!
my fart blows from Lowlands, so little to show.
[c] Jonathan Robin parody Robert Burns My Heart's in the Highlands 1 July 2008 robi3_1781_burn3_0004 PXX_MXX
My Heart's In The Highlands
Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the North,
The birth-place of Valour, the country of Worth;
Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.
My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer;
A-chasing the wild-deer, and following the roe,
My heart's in the Highlands wherever I go.
Farewell to the mountains high covered with snow;
Farewell to the straths and green valleys below;
Farewell to the forests and wild-hanging woods;
Farewell to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.
My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer;
A-chasing the wild-deer, and following the roe,
My heart's in the Highlands wherever I go.
Robert Burns - written 1789
tune- 'Failte na Miosg.'
poem by Jonathan Robin
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Silly; Gross: Fart!
Having just exclaimed 'what can I write about? ' I heard a muffled noise,
...followed by a pungent cheesy smell which FEW of your ilk enjoys.
Now farts have gotten a bad reputation....along with burps and belches.
In our society they are THINGS...which a more 'polite' person often squelches.
And I'd say I'm one of the 'more polite'...in my normal daily life; that is except when I'm alone...with my loving, understanding WIFE.
Why even my wife farts on rare occasions.....Don't let her know I've told.
But she generally does it behind a CLOSED door. Unlike me, …she's not so bold.
So 'FART' is what I'll write about tonight, .... stretched out in this chair.
You'll excuse me please if I let one loose...though it MAY foul the air.
Farts come in at least four varieties. I'm sure you all know THAT.
I could break it down to sub-varieties, but I'll KEEP those in my hat.
First there are farts that are quiet and smelly. Not my cup of tea.
At least one should make some noise....so others won't HAVE TO SAY 'not ME'.
Then there are those quiet but NOT smelly; I think women mostly do those.
They give off nothing obnoxious….. to offend your ears or nose.
There are noisy farts that are also smelly. Some would say they're WORST OF ALL.
There are noisy farts that are NOT smelly, ...some like a bugle call.
I've heard of 'farting posts'....used in competitions, ....and
I've heard of using cigarette lighters...to ignite fart emissions.
I've been around dogs that fart and I guess some cows do too.
Probably lots of species fart (now and then) ...not just a FEW.
I believe what's behind all farts...is simply what we.....eat.
If you eat too much or the 'wrong thing'....you MAY be blown....OFF your feet.
Personally that's never happened to me. I'm not lying; ....it's really TRUE.
No 'Captain Ahab' has ever said of me: 'My god! There he blew! '
poem by Bri Edwards
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O L D F A R T H O O D
No, of course I don’t…
I mean, who’d want to be
a mere two scornful words
in a stand-up comic’s
patronising patter…
‘The other day, at the ticket office,
there was this old fart in front of me…’
…just you wait, young man,
until your sciatica, arthritis and rheumatism
feel the cold and wet today; your
toupée (always good for a visual laugh)
has blown off, your dentures have
just cracked into a plastic cleft palate,
the battery’s just gone in your hearing aid,
and you left your walking stick
by your seat in the bus or tube in panic
when you couldn’t find that place
no longer there, where you used
to spend a penny…
and you’re hoping to clear up
with that immigrant ticket clerk
(not the best job for him, surely?)
which of the wildly variant twelve fare systems would apply
to the ticket to visit your married daughter, where
you might or might not stay the night…
no of course I don’t…
but the camera, which never lies,
has lost patience with me..
its expensive self-focus system
registers ‘old fart’ – quite possibly
uses some built-in stock image…
and even if some prestigious
occasion requires a photo credit
and one goes to a ‘studio photographer’
of ever-increasing price,
hoping they’ll catch some firmness
of a feature, some line of wise concern,
an eye betokening a life well lived,
some profile signifying gravitas…
but no…often now,
I see my face above some article
in an in-flight or a waiting-room magazine,
read it in self-congratulation or self-disdain,
think, I don’t remember writing that…
then realise, it’s by some other
identical old fart, grinning vacantly,
ingratiatingly, shapeless of any feature,
devoid of any mystery of shadow,
hoping that the editor
will remember these wise words of age..
but no… so here’s
one old fart
issuing another…
poem by Michael Shepherd
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My philosophy of dating is to just fart right away.
quote by Jenny McCarthy
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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At my age, you sort of fart your way into a role.
quote by Donald Sutherland
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I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.
quote by Harold Ramis
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Jerry Ford is so dumb he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.
quote by Lyndon B. Johnson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Buddha-death
Buddha-death:
the moonflower's face,
the snake gourd's fart
poem by Masaoka Shiki
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Oh American Stapling
Don't think you are word smart
let the holy cow, on your face fart,
You are just an american dirt
who has brains under the skirt
poem by Vikram G. Aarella
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There was an old fart from Turin
who's bottom was always tootin'
needless to say
he took off one fine day
and ended up landing at Luton.
quote by by Ruth Walters
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December 30
At 1:30 in the morning a fart
smells like a marriage between
an avocado and a fish head.
I have to get out of bed
to write this down without
my glasses on.
poem by Richard Brautigan
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If I fail, the film industry writes me off as another statistic. If I succeed, they pay me a million bucks to fly out to Hollywood and fart.
quote by George A. Romero
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Truck backs up - old pond
croaky exhaust mimics fart
frog glares in disgust
haiku by Dónall Dempsey
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Perhaps it is a metaphor?
Oh man I want to fart,
Perhaps I had one too many tarts,
I am too lazy to walk to the bathroom.
I will instead use a corner close to me
A natural thing is inconvenient, just like Pee.
Perhaps a metaphor?
poem by Nicholas Abaddon
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