If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Paintings are like a beer, only beer tastes good and it's hard to stop drinking beer.
quote by Billy Carter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Chug-a-lug
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Gary likes a girls tight black pants
Larry knows he doesnt stand a chance
Carl says hurry up and order it quick
Dave gets out to chase that chick
Dennis wonders whats under the hood
A big chrome tach and it sounds real good
I go down to the root beer stand
And drink up all that I can
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Brians still glued to the radio
Louies lookin out the rear window
Guys got around to orderin fries
But root beers my best buy
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Beer Bong
If I want some beer
I don't want to hear
About how I missed the show
Because I drink to slow
So pass me the beer bong
It wont take very long
For me to put down
This torpedo to the ground
Because drinking beer is to slow
Beer bong is the way to go
To go to go
Don't drink to slow!
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Beer Song
If I want some beer I dont want to hear about how I missed the show
Because I drink to slow so pass me the beer bong it wont take very long
For me to put down this torpedo to the ground because drinking beer is too
Slow beer bong is the way to go to go to go dont drink too slow !
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I do like beer, but lately I've started drinking non-alcoholic beer and I like the taste of it and I don't get the alcohol, so that's a good alternative also.
quote by Mike Ditka
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Miss Ol' What's Her Name
I miss her complainin’
Makes me cry in my beer
I’m so miserable without her
It’s as if she’s still here
My pickup and coon dog
Give me a lil’ cheer
And my ma getting’ out of prison
And me drinkin’ more beer
Catchin’ some ol’ catfish
Makes me wish she were near
To clean em’ and cook em’
And bring me more beer
I miss her cute lil’ ol’ mustache
That hides the wart on her chin
I miss her high piercing voice
Tho It gets under my skin
Miss the smell of her foot fungus powder
Miss havin’ her bring me more beer
I’m so miserable without her
It’s as if she were still here
My dirty shorts and socks can just lay there
But dang! I hate getting’ my own beer
And I’m so dang miserable without her
It’s as if she were still here
So there’s one more thing to me
That’s become crystal clear
And it’s that I’ve got to teach
Ol’ Blue to fetch my beer
And there’s one more thing
That’d make me miss her less so
That’d would be to teach ol’ Blue
To play the 5 string banjo
I miss her so badly
She fills my thoughts so
Whoa! I just heard a squirrel!
Gotta git my gun (and another beer)
Gotta go!
poem by David Whalen
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I never had one beer. If I bought a six-pack of beer, I kept drinking till all six beers were gone. You have to have that kind of understanding about yourself. I haven't had a drink now in 12 years.
quote by Samuel L. Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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House Of The Gods
Finally found a place they could never reach
Sipping singha beer on pattaya beach
Singha beer dont ask no questions
Singha beer dont tell no lies
Singha beer dont ask no questions
Singha beer dont tell no lies
Theres a guy next to me wont tell me his name
Buys me mekong whiskey just the same
Singha beer dont ask no questions
Singha beer dont tell no lies
Singha beer dont ask no questions
Singha beer dont tell no lies
Im just a wally
Hanging out on pattaya beach
Im just a wally
Hanging out on pattaya beach
Met a girl said shes really going to blow my mind
She says she dont mean sex and I say alright
Turns out shes a bloke, tries to give me head
I have to run out screaming to the street instead
Shes just a wally
Hanging out on pattaya beach
Im just a wally
Hanging out on pattaya beach
Singha beer dont ask no questions
Singha beer dont tell no lies...
In the house of the gods
Where no mongrels preach
I watched the sun going down
On pattaya beach
Im just a wally
Hanging out on pattaya beach
Im just a wall
Hanging out on pattaya beach
song performed by by Pogues
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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We're basically after Joe's beer money, and Joe likes his beer, so you better make sure that what you give him is at least as pleasurable to him as having his six-pack of beer would be.
quote by Jerry Pournelle
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cold Beer, Women and Music
I like cold beer on a hot day
I like hot women on a cold day
I like music on a hot or cold day
I like to have cold beer in my pad
I like to have my women scantily clad
I like to have my music not bad
I like my cold beer enshrouded
I like my women endowed
I like my music loud
I like my cold beer in my right hand
I like my women tanned
I like my music close at hand
I like cold beer to unwind
I like women to dine
I like music to remind
I like cold beer with women
I like women with cold beer
I like cold beer and women with music
poem by Bill Kamen
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Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into.
quote by Don Marquis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Path To Rightousness
SOME FRIENDS WERE SEATED AT A BEER PARLOUR DRINKING BEER! ALL OF A SUDDEN A MAN WALKED IN AND SAID, MERRY MEN! A LIQUOR CONTEST IS ABOARD!
HOORAY! SHOUTED THE JOLLY FELLOWS! JUST THEN A PREACHER WALKED IN WITH HIS HOLY SCRIPTURES AND SHOUTED OUT FOR ALL TO HEAR, WIDE IS THE PATH THE LEADS TO DESTRUCTION! REPENT OF THY ALCHOHOLIC WAYS AND FOLLOW THE PATHS OF RIGHTOUSNESS!
JUST THEN A WELL KNOWN WHORE WALKED INTO THE PARLOUR AND ON SIGHTING THE PREACHER, SHE QUICKLY SEIZED HIM BY HIS BELT!
THE SURPRISED FELLOWS ALL CAME TOGETHER AND ENQUIRED OF HER, SAYING, WHAT BE THY PROBLEM THAT YOU TROUBLE THIS RIGHTOUS MAN? AND SHE REPLIED, HE HAS REFUSED TO PAY ME FOR MY SERVICES, THRICE I HAVE ALLOWED HIM MY PLEASURES ON CREDIT, BUT ALAS! TODAY HE MUST PAY!
THE STUNNED FELLOWS ALL BECAME SILENT AND WENT BACK TO THEIR BEER DRINKING!
poem by Overlord Don Manuel Ihcakeyno
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Drunken Dancing Fish
An old man fishing
Sat all day in his boat
Drinking beer
Watching the bobber float
Perhaps it was the alcohol
Or the rocking to and fro
But he swore he saw
A fish come up and dance a do si do!
So quickly
It was gone
But the staggering effect of it
Like a hangover, lingered on long
He sold the boat
And gave up beer
Now he drinks ginger ale
And only hunts deer
poem by Smoky Hoss
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Cider on beer, never fear; beer upon cider, makes a bad rider.
Strong Beer
“What do you think
The bravest drink
Under the sky?”
“Strong beer,” said I.
“There’s a place for everything,
Everything, anything,
There’s a place for everything
Where it ought to be:
For a chicken, the hen’s wing;
For poison, the bee’s sting;
For almond-blossom, Spring;
A beerhouse for me.”
“There’s a prize for every one
Every one, any one,
There’s a prize for every one,
Whoever he may be:
Crags for the mountaineer,
Flags for the Fusilier,
For English poets, beer!
Strong beer for me!”
“Tell us, now, how and when
We may find the bravest men?”
“A sure test, an easy test:
Those that drink beer are the best,
Brown beer strongly brewed,
English drink and English food.”
Oh, never choose as Gideon chose
By the cold well, but rather those
Who look on beer when it is brown,
Smack their lips and gulp it down.
Leave the lads who tamely drink
With Gideon by the water brink,
But search the benches of the Plough,
The Tun, the Sun, the Spotted Cow,
For jolly rascal lads who pray,
Pewter in hand, at close of day,
“Teach me to live that I may fear
The grave as little as my beer.”
poem by Robert Graves
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A Son Of A Gun
I wish I had a barrel of rum
and sugar three hundred pound.
I’d put it in the College bell
and stir it ‘round and ‘round.
Let ev’ry honest fellow
drink his glass of hearty cheer,
For I’m a student of old Dartmouth
and a son of a gun for beer.
I’m a son of a, son of a, son of a,
son of a gun for beer.
I’m a son of a, son of a, son of a,
son of a gun for beer,
Like ev’ry honest fellow I like my whiskey clear.
For I’m a student of Old Dartmouth
and a son of a gun for beer.
And if I had a daughter, sir,
I’d dress her up in green;
I’d put her on the campus
just to coach the freshman team.
And if I had a son, sir,
I’ll tell you what he’d do
He’d yell, ‘To Hell with Harvard!’
like his Daddy used to do.
(Chorus)
poem by Anonymous Americas
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.
quote by Brendan Behan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No Beer, No Work
The shades of night was fallin’ slow
As through New York a guy did go
And nail on ev’ry barroom door
A card that this here motter bore:
'No beer, no work.'
His brow was sad, his mouth was dry;
It was the first day of July,
And where, all parched and scorched it hung,
These words was stenciled on his tongue:
'No beer, no work.'
'Oh, stay,' the maiden said, 'and sup
This malted milk from this here cup.'
A shudder passed through that there guy,
But with a moan he made reply:
'No beer, no work.'
At break of day, as through the town
The milkman put milk bottles down,
Onto one stoop a sort of snore
Was heard, and then was heard no more—
'No beer, no work.'
The poor old guy plumb dead was found
And planted in the buryin’ ground,
Still graspin’ in his hand of ice
Them placards with this sad device:
'No beer, no work.'
poem by Ellis Parker Butler
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Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.
quote by Henry Lawson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Beer And Bones
I ain't nothin' but beer and bones
Honey since I lost you
I ain't ate a bite
Since the night
That you said we're through
I walked to that jukebox to play
A few sad country songs
I heard someone say
Hey that old boy
Ain't nothin' but beer and bones
I got to work this morning
Early this afternoon
Yeah my boss man nudged me
Said son I need to talk to you
You used to make me money
But lately I been taking a loss
Well he smelled my breath
Gave me what was left
Of the day off
I ain't nothin' but beer and bones
Honey since I lost you
I ain't ate a bite
Since the night
That you said we're through
I walked to that jukebox to play
A few sad country songs
I heard someone say
Hey that old boy
Ain't nothin' but beer and bones
Well I wish I could go home
And rest my weary head
But I know I'll just stay here
And have another beer instead
That little waitress asked me
Honey could you use some help
I said I thank you miss
I'll have to get through this
By my dang self
I ain't nothin' but beer and bones
Honey since I lost you
I ain't ate a bite
Since the night
That you said we're through
I walked to that jukebox to play
A few sad country songs
I heard someone say
Hey that old boy
Ain't nothin' but beer and bones
I heard someone say
Hey that old boy
Ain't nothin' but beer and bones
song performed by by John Michael Montgomery
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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