Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.
quote by Harvey Penick
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Golf Tees Lament
Golf tees on my dresser
Golf tees in my bed
Golf tees on my pillows
Where they poke me in my head
Golf tees in my closet
Falling from my shirts and pants
Golf tees along the baseboards
Just like army ants
Golf tees in the carpet
And underneath my feet
Golf tees lined up on the mantle
Oh, they look so neat
Golf tees in my couch
And in my back and thighs
When I sit and watch TV
I feel those little guys
Golf tees in the kitchen
In Jurassic coffee mugs
Sometimes when I pass them
They look like prehistoric bugs.
Golf tees in the bathtub
Like sailors on plastic ships
Golf tee in her make-up
Like little bald q-tips.
Golf tees in the attic
Golf tees in the shed
Golf tees, golf tees everywhere
I wonder where they bred?
Golf tees out the backdoor
Like Hansel-and-Gretel’s trails
Golf tees in the flowerbeds
Among the mulch and snails
Golf tees in my car
And underneath the mats
Golf tees in the backseat
Like little baseball bats
But when I am at the golf course
I ask my partner, like a louse…
“May I borrow some of your tees? ”
I left mine at the house!
poem by Larry Buddin
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The majority of people who buy homes in golf course communities don't play golf. Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
quote by Ed McMahon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fruit Nut
Tending my fruit, tending my fruit
Ah youve got to have a hobby
A man must have a shed to keep him sane
Spraying my buds, spraying my buds
Got to keep away diseases
I mix the poisons and the wife dont complain
Some people say
That I am out of my tree
Or just a strawberry fool
Someday theyll see
til then Ill blow you a raspberry
cos apples and pears are me
So Im tending my fruit
And I dont give a hoot
cos it keeps me sane, it keeps me sane
Some people say
That I am out of my tree
Or just a strawberry fool
Someday theyll see
til then Ill blow you a raspberry
cos apples and pears are me
So Im tending my fruit, tending my fruit
Ah youve got to have a hobby
A man must have a shed to keep him sane
To keep him sane, to keep him sane, to keep him sane
Oh the wife cant complain
To keep him sane, to keep him sane, yeah keeps him sane
Yeah to keep him sane, to keep him sane, yeah it keeps him sane
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Fruit Nut
Tending my fruit, tending my fruit
Ah youve got to have a hobby
A man must have a shed to keep him sane
Spraying my buds, spraying my buds
Got to keep away diseases
I mix the poisons and the wife dont complain
Some people say
That I am out of my tree
Or just a strawberry fool
Someday theyll see
til then Ill blow you a raspberry
cos apples and pears are me
So Im tending my fruit
And I dont give a hoot
cos it keeps me sane, it keeps me sane
Some people say
That I am out of my tree
Or just a strawberry fool
Someday theyll see
til then Ill blow you a raspberry
cos apples and pears are me
So Im tending my fruit, tending my fruit
Ah youve got to have a hobby
A man must have a shed to keep him sane
To keep him sane, to keep him sane, to keep him sane
Oh the wife cant complain
To keep him sane, to keep him sane, yeah keeps him sane
Yeah to keep him sane, to keep him sane, yeah it keeps him sane
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Twisted Words
We use words to our advantage, you and me
Calling ourselves crazy and sane alternately.
If crazy means crazy as we define it, we are sane definitely
But if sane is sane as the world describes it, we'll be crazy happily!
poem by Shipra Agarwal
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Extraordinary
You think that I go home at night
Take off my clothes, turn out the lights
But I burn letters that I write
To you, to make you love me
Yeah, I'd drive naked through the park
And run the stop sign in the dark
Stand in the street, yell out my heart
To you, to make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
You may not believe in me
But I believe in you
So I still take the trash out
Does that make me too normal for you?
So dig a little deeper, cause
You still don't get it yet
See me lickin' my lips, need a primitive fix
And I'll make, I'll make you love me
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
See me jump through hoops for you
You stand there watching me performing
What exactly do you do?
Have you ever thought it's you that's boring?
Who the hell are you?
I am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me
I am extraordinary, I am just your ordinary
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
Supergoddess
Average every day sane psycho
Average every day sane psycho
song performed by by Liz Phair
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Clubs For Lonely People
Wouldn't it be enough
To have magic golf clubs
For lonely people
That would get them friends ample
Whenever they went to play
Using those golf clubs any given day?
I am free to dream
Of a simple magical scheme
To solve a hard to fathom,
Serious problem.
poem by Lonely People Champion
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The difference between mad people and sane people... is that sane people have variety when they talk-story. Mad people have only one story that they talk over and over.
quote by Maxine Hong Kingston
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Aladdin Sane
Watching him dash away, swinging an old bouquet - dead roses
Sake and strange divine uh-hu-hu-uh-hu-hu youll make it
Passionate bright young things, takes him away to war - dont fake it
Sadden glissando strings
Uh-hu-hu-uh-hu-hu - youll make it
Wholl love aladdin sane
Battle cries and champagne just in time for sunrise
Wholl love aladdin sane
Motor sensational, paris or maybe hell - (Im waiting)
Clutches of sad remains
Waits for aladdin sane - youll make it
Oooh wholl love aladdin sane
Millions weep a fountain, just in case of sunrise
Oooh wholl love aladdin sane
Well love aladdin sane
Love aladdin sane
Oooh wholl love aladdin sane
Millions weep a fountain, just in case of sunrise
Oooh wholl love aladdin sane
Well love aladdin sane
Well love aladdin sane
Oooh wholl love aladdin sane
Millions weep a fountain, just in case of sunrise
Oooh wholl love aladdin sane
Well love aladdin sane
Wholl love aladdin sane
See the lights shine oh so bright on broadway
song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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For A Round Of Golf
For leisure the game that so many do play
For a round of golf 'tis a beautiful day
By the wide slow flowing river that crawls to the sea
Men and women practice their strokes before their evening tea.
As a boy I believed hobby golfers had easy jobs
And that those who enjoyed golf were well to do snobs
But such antiquated thinking not relevant today
As all kinds of classes the game of golf play.
A beautiful day for a beautiful game
For most hobby golfers with no aspirations to fame
After work they go to the golf course in the evening sun
And play the eighteen holes for the sake of fun.
Of the praises of golf everybody doesn't sing
But for the participants a game without physical contact can be such a fun thing
In the golf course by the river that to the sea crawl
The crack of the iron on the stone hard golf ball.
poem by Francis Duggan
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Shock And Terror
the psychotic dress the senseless feature
it terrifies every living creature
predictability is wearing thin
groundbreaking practice for the preacher
clowns mortified by my expression
breathing new life into invention
and gagging the maggots with a weary hand
has failed to leave any impression
the shock and terror keeps me sane
the shock and terror keeps me sane
does anybody feel the same?
the shock and terror keeps me sane
up now for seven days and wired
the concept of sleep is way too tired
and I've dialed in a plan to reinstate
your sense of humor has expired
the shock and terror keeps me sane
the shock and terror keeps me sane
does anybody feel the same?
the shock and terror keeps me sane
song performed by by Cky from Infiltrate - Destroy - Rebuild
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The usual comment from psychologists and psychiatrists was that it's best not to encourage people to look at their dreams because they are liable to stir up problems for themselves.
quote by Henry Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I can't wait to be that age and hanging out with a bunch of people hanging out all day playing golf and going to the beach, all my own age. We'd be laughing and having a good time and getting loopy on our prescription drugs. Driving golf carts around. I can't wait.
quote by Cameron Diaz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Death of Their Realities
Where are they?
All of them are late.
'We left them arguing,
With the psychiatrists! '
About what?
'They insist upon a cure.
Demanding it!
They've been conditioned to believe,
Anything is possible! '
But they are going to miss the funeral.
And soon we will leave for the burial ceremony.
'They are in denial.
Not one of them will listen.
They have refused to put down their weapons.
And hold the psychiatrists and everyone in the building,
As hostages!
The Chief of police has already declared the area as 'toxic'!
And even he is at a loss.
This has never been encountered before.
He now regrets his being the grand marshall,
At the last parade when he appeared as The Wizard of Oz.'
It is unfortunate they can not accept,
The death of their realities.
'Yeah...
This looks as if it will be a very long standoff.
They request an appearance of Superman,
Since many of them say they have proof...
They are citizens visiting from Gotham City.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Golf Writer (To Kevin)
The golf writer has become famous for a while the toast of the town
But a few locals with him not happy they feel that he has put them down
It's that he has a humorous streak in him and with his words he does not mean offence
Some people in their feelings precious and they lack a bit in common sense,
The golf writer is a nice fellow he likes a good laugh and a beer
His humor comes out in his writing he is a creator of cheer
He never does take life too seriously devoted to family and wife
One might call him happy go lucky he does his best to enjoy life
There ought to be more people like him some do take life too seriously
So down to earth and so very witty and few are as generous as he
So many look forward to his golf column and such witty articles he write
Though always one to feel offended in humor some do feel some slight,
Around the town well known and well liked his best to please others he try
He is such a likeable fellow and he would not harm a fly.
poem by Francis Duggan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mad People
It has been said
That mad people talk to themselves
The person who said this, made sure he said it
To a room full of people
Who apparently were engaged in some interesting conversations
With the four walls
Who all appeared to be listening
Because no one heard them reply
It has been said by the sane
That mad people scream and cry and repeat themselves
Over, and over again
This was said several tines over by the man who declared he was sane
It was said that mad people have lost their head
Go for weeks sometimes days unwashed unfed
Without sleep
The man who was sane denied his insomnia
His lack of dress sense and personal hygiene
And poor dietary intake
Siting that he was suffering from an acute attack
Of water on the brain
Which was relieved by standing on his head
Not making his bed
Going for days sometimes weeks unwashed and unfed
When asked about 'Care in the Community? '
He said he didn't care, and appeared to be talking to somebody
That wasn't there
'Mad people! ' he screamed
'They all should be locked up, and throw away the keys'
At that point, I left him quite still, in his padded cell
Safe and locked in to ponder these famous words
'If man is born free, why is he still in chains? '
poem by Yvette Smith
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Brain
Lord giveth the brain
To be sane
Which we all
Have profaned.
Made amongst us
Few insane
Mirrored reflection
For the sane.
But this brain
Of the sane
Has become
A source of bane.
Boon!
For him
Who
Lacks the brain.
No I, No my
No boundaries
To restrict
The flight.
Oh brain
Why
Thou has
This animal tamed.
poem by Sanjay Mehta
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Blues Is a Losing Gain
Blues is a losing game to find one happy.
Blues is a losing gain to find the same people sane.
And...
Blues is a losing game,
To find one happy.
And blues is a losing gain...
To find the same people sane.
You nestle dreams,
To find them in delusion.
But you have no faith inside,
To get and go...
To leave.
Flee away from that concrete molding.
Blues is a losing game to find one happy.
Blues is a losing gain to find the same people sane
And...
Blues is a losing game,
To find one happy.
And blues is a losing gain...
To find the same people sane.
Your dreams are nestled inside...
Delusion.
And you still find holding on,
To your truth that has gone...
To delusions held onto.
Your dreams are nestled inside...
Delusion.
And you still find holding on,
To your truth that has gone,
To delusions held onto.
And,
Blues is a losing game.
And,
Blues is a losing game.
And,
Blues is a losing game.
To find one happy.
And blues is a losing gain...
To find the same people sane.
Blues is a losing gain...
To find the same people sane.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Perhaps it is better to be un-sane and happy, than sane and un-happy. But it is the best of all to be sane and happy. Whether our descendants can achieve that goal will be the greatest challenge of the future. Indeed, it may well decide whether we have any future.
quote by Arthur C. Clarke
Submitted by Catalin Popescu
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I was out on the golf course, a guy came riding out in a golf cart and said, Did you know that Elvis died? And I just said, Well, there you go. It was like I had kinda been expecting it.