I am not qualified to talk about the diet. Simply because I am not a dietician.
quote by Mark Spitz
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Qualified
I got a beat up piece of paper - It's a message from a king
He says - I got to get you out of here
He say - I got to let you in
'Cos I've been down the darkest road there is - I've seen the other side
I got a licence to go - Straight through your pain
Ain't no big deal - 'Cos I'm qualified - Yeah I'm qualified
Qualified in fear and pain - I'm qualified in lies and shame
I'm qualified with a broken heart
You knock me down - I get back up again
'Cos' I'm qualified
I'm qualified - To get your love
I'm qualified - To know what you're thinking of
I'm qualified - in broken dreams
I can save you from where you've been
'Cos I'm qualified
I'm qualified to make you smile
I'm qualified to save your pain
Qualified to give a real good time
Qualified to make your sun shine
song performed by by Chris Rea
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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What is qualified? What have I been qualified for in my life? I haven't been qualified to be a mayor. I'm not qualified to be a songwriter. I'm not qualified to be a TV producer. I'm not qualified to be a successful businessman. And so, I don't know what qualified means.
quote by Sonny Bono
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Grapefruit Diet
Whos that waddlin down the street
Its just me cause I love to eat
Fudge and twinkies and deviled ham
Whos real flabby? yes, I am!
Every picture of mes
Gotta be an aerial view
Now my doctor tells me
Theres just one thing left to do
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Throw out the pizza and beer
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Oh, get those jelly donuts out of here
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Might seem a little sever
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Im gettin tired of my big fat rear
Blow, fatty!
Well, I used to live on chocolate sauce
Made sumo wrestlers look like kate moss
Walked down an alley and I got stuck
I got more rolls than a pastry truck
When Im all done eating
I eat a little more
When I leave a room
First I gotta grease the door
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Cant have another eclair
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
I gotta decrease my derriere
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
No more pie now
No more creme brulee
Lay off the gravy
And souffle
No french fri-yi-yies now
No ice cream parfait
Mr. cheese nacho
Stay away
Oh I think Id sell my soul
For a triple patty melt
But I need a boomerang
When I put on my belt
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Lay off the 3 musketeers
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Until my big booty disappears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
Eat em till theyre comin out of my ears
Grapefruit diet (diet!)
cause I havent seen my feet in years
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
Im on a grapefruit diet
I think Im about ready for a quarter pounder with extra cheese
I need a side order of onion rings
And dont forget to super-size that
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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In Positions That Remain Ignored
Let's not talk about him being qualified.
Let's discuss the qualifications of those...
Who have been totally ineffective,
In positions that remain ignored...
By those who maintain control.
And allow those who claim they 'are' qualified...
To play games with semantics.
As fantasies are sustained...
On stages lit for images,
And captivating dramatics.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Must Go On A Diet!
Yes, I must go on a diet! I really, really must!
Yes, it's true I'd loathe to try it, but if I don't, I'll bust!
I know it's hip, this losing weight, to join a gym and such,
But exercise, I'd simply hate, as I don't like it much...
My belly's not worth looking at, it bulges now and then...
I'd merely roll, flat on the mat and not get up again...
I'll make a stand and walk it off, at double time, I guess!
Who cares if others stare and scoff, if I weigh less and less?
I've never run a marathon and know I never will.
I'd simply say, I can't go on! No stamina or skill...
I'll walk the streets or buy a bike, until my belly's right...
I'll give up all the cakes I like, chew carrots day and night!
I'll switch to fruits and vegetables... I'll do the best I can,
I'll overcome all obstacles to look like Peter Pan!
Ta-ta to sweet treats, smokes and beers! I'll live temptation free!
Who knows? It may take months! Or years! Or decades! Goodness me!
Too late to talk me out of it! My mind's made up, my friend...
I'll get this weight off, bit by bit, on that you can depend!
I'll tone up muscles here and there... I'll fight the flab each day!
Before and after! Please compare... The diet's worked O.K.!
poem by Denis Martindale
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I Can I Do I Do I Do
I have believed
with good reason;
for an observed
justified qualified;
period of time now.
That Those That Can Do!
That Those That Can’t! Just Talk About It...
Those that can
write
produce
create
enrich
this world
with wonder
of vision realized
Those that can’t
are critics...
have you noticed?
Some critics
are really
acidic?
Those that can’t
just talk
talk
talk
talk
about it
what they will do
When they are happy
in the mood
the time
is right
talk talk
but never do
The time is
always now
the time
to do to do
There is that
which is written
to enlighten...
There is that
which is written
to entertain...
Rarely
are they
one
and the
same
Critic
don’t be
at cross
purposes...
Be an artist
of critique
empower
to believe...
poem by Terence George Craddock
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Vacant Space
this is the vacant space
of my room, you may come
this is the vacant hour
you may barge and talk simply talk
this is the vacant lot of my being
you may build your home
this is vacant
fill it with space, drag your hours here,
start watering the roses in your garden
beside your house
this is a vacant hole in my ear
talk simply talk
i am always listening
this is my vacant line, please fill in the missing
word
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Missing Link
So there you are
The missing link of my life
I was having something
Blank in my mind
And things do not fit
Nothing fits to this “”it”
A square pig
In a hole,
A fish on a hill
A chicken on the sea
A snail in the city
A fan on the freezer
Me to nowhere
You somewhere
For a time I was walking
Without a direction
Without anything in my mind
Things simply do not fit
And there you are
Standing not looking also for
Something specific
And we found ourselves
We fit
We simply talk without bumps
In our throats
We simply enjoy each other’s company
You laugh at my jokes
And I like the way you talk
We fit, now we must live together
I am the thread to your needle’s eye
We fit, you and I
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Skin & Bone
Fat flabby annie was incredibly big
She weighed just about sixteen stone
And then a fake dietician went and put her on a diet
Now she looks like skin and bone.
Do the meditation and yoga
And shes thrown away the good food guide
And shes given up the alcohol and pizzas
And the pies and now she looks as if shes ready to die,
You cant see her walk by.
Dont eat no mashed potatoes,
Dont eat no buttered scones
Stay away from carbohydrates
Youre gonna look like skin and bone.
Living on the edge of starvation
And she says shes got no appetite
And her father and her mother
And her sisters and her brothers
Couldnt see her when she walked by
She looked like skin and bone.
Dont eat no mashed potatoes,
Dont eat no buttered scones
Stay away from carbohydrates
Youre gonna look like skin and bone.
She used to be so cuddly,
She used to be so fat,
But oh what a sin cos shes oh so thin
That she lost all the friends that she had,
She looks like skin and bone
If you look flabby
And you feel overweight,
And you wanna lose a couple of stone,
Take a crash course diet do your daily exercises
And youll look like skin and bone.
Come on rattle them bones,
Put your hands up to the ceiling,
Bend your hips and touch your toes,
Do your daily exercises,
Youre gonna look like skin and bone,
Dont eat no mashed potatoes, etc.
song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Put Yourself On a Diet of Love
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
To strengthen and not weaken.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
Through the week and over the weekend...
No matter who may think you're freaking!
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
Recognize the benefit,
Of a happiness exisiting.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
Only you can testify of Sunlight on the horizon.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
To strengthen and not weaken.
And declare your peace of mind,
Has come to satisfy your needs.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
And recognize the meaning of forgiveness.
You will find a peace of mind,
Has no time to search for enemies.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
You will find a peace of mind,
Has no time to search for enemies.
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Through the week and over the weekend...
To strengthen and not weaken,
Your needs.
You will find a peace of mind,
Has no time to search for enemies.
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Get rid of nitpick nibbling.
You will find a peace of mind,
With a remedy you found to please!
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Eat up all you want to eat!
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Feel the lightness in your feet!
So...
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Eat up all you want to eat!
Put yourself on a diet of love.
Feel the lightness in your feet!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Thigh Way (Song Parody of 'My Way')
to the tune of 'MY Way'
And now, my weigh-ins near
and my poor scale faces destruction
I've cheated, had some LITE beers
then gotten quotes for liposuction
I've eaten way past full
and then had one more for the highway
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way!
Bagettes, I've had a few, but then again, too few to mention
I love my salty snacks
but that's what gave me hypertension
I planned each 3 course meal
at greasy spoons along the highway
Ive gotten old
I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
Yes there were times when I was blue
Ice cream in quarts, I would go through
but through it all, despite the gout
I'd eat it in, or take it out
I ate it all, - and I'm not tall
don't diet my way
I've lunched, I've wined and dined
I've had my failed attempts at losing
but now my jeans just split
and it no longer seems amusing.
To think I ate it all
and may I say not in a shy way
I've gotten old, I've gotten fat
don't diet my way
For what is a meal without cake for desert
and JOGGING IS DANGEROUS - a guy could get hurt
I ate the foods I truly craved
and never once was fashion's slave
The weight-in shows, I need new clothes
don't diet my way!
poem by John F. McCullagh
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Like It Here (part Two)
i like it here
i speak my lines i deliver them and there is no one to listen
how do i know you listening?
but even if i know you are there
it does not really matter
i am here only to speak
and i do not want to hear you talking back
i like it here
this place is simply perfect
for my circumlocution
my monologue
the way i speak to the moon
when the stars are so silent and unminding
the way i talk to the river when it simply passes by its banks
the way i talk to a stone, a tree, a pole, a cloud,
the way i talk to a glass one day whose water i have all drank
the way i talk to a horse, a dog, a cat,
or even to a pillow all wet with my tears.
i like this monologue.
i burst and then i live anew
for another day
tomorrow.
yes, i like it too
talking to your picture that i keep many years ago.
black and white and scented
with moth balls.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Who Is Having The Fun Here?
What are you doing?
'Give me a few seconds.
Someone has me on hold.'
On hold?
'Yes.
I've been waiting for a couple of minutes,
For someone to explain to me...
Why they believe I am not qualified.'
Qualified?
To do what?
'Qualified to have intelligence.
Because of my...
Well,
You know...
The obvious.'
Why don't you hang up the telephone?
You don't have to prove that to anyone.
'I know this.
I just want to know how long it takes them,
To respond with an answer.'
But...
Don't you know what that response will be?
'Of course I do.
But who is having the fun here? '
Checkmate!
I suggest you concentrate on the game.
It is no fun beating you when you are distracted.
'Gee...
I didn't realize they had me on hold that long.
You are right.
I should hang up before I prove my stupidity.'
Naw!
You?
You're too intelligent.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Undress
The river undress
Qualified and with sea
The mountain undress
Qualified and touch sky.
About me face shy
With so many dress
No road no direction
To see and go by.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
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Each of us should take personal responsibility for our diet, and our children's diet, and the government's role should be to make certain it provides the best information possible to help people stay healthy.
quote by James Talent
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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As If They Are Exquisite Gifts
She may not have been qualified,
To be their church organist...
For the many years she did it.
But she sure proved she was qualified,
To raise four successful kids...
In more ways than one.
And that church still sits,
Where snobs and the self righteous...
Visit as if they are exquisite gifts.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Those Who Annoint Themselves Qualified
What institutions do you have left,
That are steadfast and valid?
Hmmm,
Well...
The only ones that seem,
To have stood the test of time...
Are your 'mental institutions'.
However...
I do question their validity.
Since those who annoint themselves qualified,
To determine 'who' has mental issues...
Are the very ones responsible for the cause.
Happening at such alarming rates.
And I am glad you have asked me that question.
It just occurred to me...
Those who annoint themselves qualified,
To determine 'who' has mental issues...
Do so to keep themselves employed.
And...
Advocated for reasons why additional funding is needed,
To keep rehabilitation programs updated.
With the hiring of more qualified personnel a recommendation.
How clever.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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I Have Fat Enough!
There comes a time when you look fat,
'Cos fat is what you are,
You've broken chairs each time you sat
And things have gone too far!
You need to diet! Yes, you do!
You need to flee the flab...
You simply grew and grew and grew,
Ate all that you could grab!
Well, now's a good time, change your weighs!
Don't squash the scales again!
If you get thin, you'll earn the praise,
So think thin until then!
So ask a Doctor who knows best,
Yes, you, just take your time...
Like Amy Pond who's so well dressed,
So thin she looks sublime!
It's up to you! Yes, you, not me!
My diet's going well...
Just be the best that you can be,
As thin as Tinkerbell!
That said, obsession's not advised...
So check your ideal weight...
'Cos someday soon you'll be surprised,
'Cos someday... You'll look great!
Denis Martindale, copyright, August 2011.
Is this poem meant to deliberately offend?
Is this poem meant to accidentally offend?
No. It's meant to remind us of one lady who
finally had to admit it, 'I have had enough! '
So the poem was called, I Have Fat Enough!
This poem is based on the website feedback
read on myspecialk-dot-co-dot-uk by the dieters
who want less not more. They have all known
that they should diet, so they decided to try it...
The rest is history: yes, his story and her story.
P.S. Doctor Who's assistant is Amy Pond,
who is played by the actress Karen Gillan.
poem by Denis Martindale
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Pause 6
pause
silence
more silence
it is my belief that in times of our silence
when we pause a little bit
from so much talk
and (nonsense)
we simply let God pass
and we pause some more sensing this air of holiness this divinity
that is simply
not found in ourselves
malice sometimes gets shamed
and we are silenced
but i know with our caliber, it will not be for long
we talk again
unceasingly as though the words in this world will be out
and there is no more word
left for tomorrow
(oh, what a lot of nonsense!)
let us pause again, i am a little bit tired
for once let us be silent and be happy within the confines
of our soul
leave me alone
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Talk To Me
When I see you, girl you turn my head, you make me dizzy
I get a good vibration
When I look into your big blue eyes, I start to quiver and shake
I get a strange sensation
When you walk by me you strut around, you make me crazy, I get no relaxation
Talk to me, talk to me, all I want is a little conversation
Talk to me, talk to me, all I want is a little conversation, talk to me
People tell me that you run around and that youre no good
You got a bad reputation
I dont care what all the people say, you know they talk too much
Its a fascination
All I wanna do is talk to you and maybe go out, and form some kind of relation
So talk to me, talk to me, all I want is a little conversation
Talk to me, talk to me, all I want is a little conversation
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, talk to me - why dont you
Talk to me - cmon and talk to me
I just wanna talk to you
Girl I wish you knew the way I felt, you think Im silly, that its infatuation
So we better get together soon, because I need you girl
I cant stand the frustration, so
Talk to me, talk to me, all I want is a little conversation
Talk to me, talk to me, all I want is a little conversation
Talk to me, talk to me, all I want is a little conversation
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me, talk to me - why dont you
Talk to me - cmon and talk to me
Talk to me, talk to me, talk to me - I just wanna talk to you
(repeats out)
song performed by by Kiss
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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