Before long, I'll have my own channel - I'll be like Barney.
quote by David Hasselhoff
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Related quotes
Channels
Channel 1's no fun.
Channel 2's just news.
Channel 3's hard to see.
Channel 4 is just a bore.
Channel 5 is all jive.
Channel 6 needs to be fixed.
Channel 7 and Channel 8-
Just old movies, not so great.
Channel 9's a waste of time.
Channel 10 is off, my child.
Wouldn't you like to talk a while?
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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T.v. Dinner
Someone channel surfin:
Channel 1: where'd ya get the beauty scar tough guy, eatin pussy
Channel 2: yeah, that's a naughty, naughty, naughty, no-no baby, baby, baby
Channel 3: this guy is really hot
Channel 4: gosh it's hot
Channel 5: it looks and feels natural, just like a part of you
Channel 6: the trouble with you is, your alergic to motown bellisle, bellisle
Channel 7: lsd
Channel 8: man, it's a real shame when people be throwin away a perfecty good white bot like that
song performed by by Kid Rock
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Am Channeling Poe
Once upon a midnight dreary
'I've heard that before.'
I am channeling Poe.
'You don't have to channel po' no 'mo.
I think you have been very successful.
I make a suggestion you channel some dough,
So you can pay me back the money you owe.'
You have no sympathy for artists at all,
Do you?
'Why should I have sympathy,
For somebody channeling po'?
Do you know how many people
Right outside that door,
That have painted that picture too long.
Now...
IF you can channel up some fish and grits,
I'll give you all the sympathy you want.'
Are you here to bug me or what?
'You go right ahead.
Channel up all the 'po' you want.
I aint into it.
I know a few folks,
Who are not painting those kinds of pictures.
You told me earlier
You were home alone writing! '
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Mainly, I thought of Barney as a kid. You can always look into the faces of kids and see what they're thinking, if they're happy or sad. That's what I tried to do with Barney.
quote by Don Knotts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.
quote by Yakov Smirnoff
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nora, the Maid of Killarney
Down by the beautiful Lakes of Killarney,
Off times I have met my own dear Barney,
In the sweet summer time of the year,
In the silvery moonlight so clear,
I've rambled with my sweetheart Barney,
Along the green banks of the Lakes of Killarney.
The Lakes of Killarney are most lovely to be seen
In the summer season when nature's face is green,
Especially in the beautiful silvery moonlight,
When its waters do shine like silver bright;
Such was the time when me and my Barney
Went to walk by the purty Lakes of Killarney.
My Barney was beautiful, gallant, and gay,
But, alas, he has left me and gone far away,
To that foreign country called Amerikay;
But when he returns we will get married without delay,
And again we will roam by the Lakes of Killarney,
Me and my sweetheart, charming Barney.
And until he returns I will feel rather sad,
For while walking with Barney I always felt glad;
May God send him home again safe to me,
And he will fill my sad heart with glee,
While we walk by the Lakes of Killarney.
I dreamt one night I was walking with Barney,
Down by the beautiful Lakes of Killarney,
And he said, "Nora, dear Nora, don't fret for me,
For I will soon come home to thee;
And I will build a nice cabin near the Lakes of Killarney,
And Nora will live happy with her own dear Barney."
But, alas, I awoke from my beautiful dream,
For, och, if was a most lovely scene;
But I hope it will happen some unexpected day,
When Barney comes home from Amerikay;
Then Barney will relate his adventures to me,
As we walk by the silvery Lakes of Killarney.
We will ramble among its green trees and green bushes,
And hear the sweet songs of the blackbirds and thrushes,
And gaze on its lovely banks so green,
And its waters glittering like crystal in the moonlight's sheen;
Och! how I long to be walking with Barney,
Along the green banks of the Lakes of Killarney.
Of all the spots in Ireland, Killarney for me,
For 'twas there I first met my dear Barney:
He was singing, I remember, right merrily;
And his singing filled my heart with glee,
And he said, "Nora, dear Nora, will you walk with me,
For you are the prettiest girl I ever did see."
"Now, Barney," I said, "you are just mocking me,
When you say no other girl like me you can see";
Then he said, "Nora, you are the only girl I do love,
And this I do swear by the saints above,
I will marry you, dear Nora, without delay,
When I come home from Amerikay."
But when Barney landed in Amerikay,
He courted another girl without dismay,
And he married her in the month of May,
And when I heard it I fainted away;
So maidens beware of such men as Barney,
Or else they will deceive ye with their flattering blarney.
poem by William Topaz McGonagall
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Snifter
After working hard all day
In the office,
How much worse on homeward way
My old cough is!
Barney's Bar is gaily lit,
Let me stop there;
Just to buck me up a bit
Have a drop there.
As I stand beside the screen
Hesitating,
I have thought of how Noreen
Will be waiting;
Baby Patsy in her lap
Gay and laughing,
While at Barney's foaming tap
I am quaffing.
Barney's Bar is mighty bright,
Looks so cheery.
Wonder what I'll drink tonight?
Gee! I'm weary.
Will I have Scotch or Rye?
Bourbon maybe . . .
Then I see with mental eye
Wife and baby.
So I say 'tis malted milk
I'll be skoffin';
Sooth my throttle sleek as silk,
Ease my coughin' . . .
Say, I love them two to death,
Sure they miss me:
With no whisky on my breath
How they'll kiss me!
poem by Robert William Service
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Let’s Annoy Dad
I have a plan, I have a plan
I said as I washed my paw
Dad will come home and we'll all want some grub
He'll just walk by our dishes
And say, 'No yet.'
If we do it, right
He'll give us some grub
Maybe even some crunchies as well
The two boys raised their heads
'How’s all this going to happen? ' Arthur asked.
'If we annoy dad, I'm sure he'll give in.'
I replied with a grin.
'How do you suppose we annoy him? ' Arthur asked again.
'First I take his pencil and get him out of his chair
And he'll follow me.
We'll plant a toy mouse
So he can tred on. Barney can cry
Say look at my wagger
Dad being soft will give him a cuddle.
He will then give him some treats.
Knowing Dad, he will give us all treats.
Nipping away, I planted the mouse.
Barney curled up and lay to one side.
I pinched Dad’s pencil and ran.
Dad stepped on the mouse and stopped.
Barney cried on queue.
Dad reached down, picked him up,
gave him a cuddle.
Barney sang as he tickled him under his chin.
He carried him to the bed and put him down.
“There you go Barney, ” and stroked him again.
I dropped the pencil and fled down the stairs.
Dad picked up his pencil, ignoring me,
went back to his writing his poetry.
The plan didn't work the way I expected.
No treats, no crunchies, no nothing.
The boys looked at me as I entered the room.
“So much for your plan.” Barney said.
“Watch how mine goes and learn.”
Jumping off the bed, he went in Dad’s room.
He sat beside Dad, raised a shredder to his knee.
Dad moved him away gently time and again.
Finally Dad gave in, came down stairs.
He picked up our dished one, two and three.
Went to the cupboard where crunchies are kept.
Brought out a tin and put mush in each dish
Food at last.
I must remember how Barney did it.
Might just work for me.
Instead of pinching his pencils, I might sit on Dad's knee.
If Barney can show a shredder and get meal.
Maybe I can annoy Dad that way too.
I will wait until tomorrow. Then try the ploy.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Saturday Mornings
Wake it up it's 7a.m and ya know
get the milk fill the bowl with cereal
get the remote and turn on the television
first channel I see is channel 11
watching my cartoons early in the morning
it might look wack but this is not boring
I mean watching some Yu-Gi-Oh at channel 5
wash my face to feel more alive
take a shower after my show
getting fresh, out the house and off to SoHo.
poem by How Anonymous
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We are busy planning the launch of the channel. I am busy planning all kinds of events that go on the channel without me. I have started producing a sound for the channel.
quote by Howard Stern
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I had been out there long enough. I had not seen my family for four years.
quote by Barney Ross
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Channel
I am Channel and you are Coco,
So i want you back to fulfil my dreams;
And together we will be called 'Coco-Channel';
For love is the key about this unity.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Swimmer
I have to pass thi channel by swimming
And you to accord mark
whether and how far I have
Completed within the stipulated
Time within the prescribed line.
I have to pass this channel
With a sportsman spirit
That I have it.
poem by Gajanan Mishra
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Somewhere In The Sun
Stuck here in a hoilday inn, near Austin Texas
Seen all the road that I want to see
Got to hate the snow, even cancelled the show
Makes me long for where I really want to be
Oh I wish I was there tonight on Jost Van Dyke
Sipping on some Foxy's Firewater rum
Or kickin' back with Ivan
With all my friends down in the islands
Wouldn't take much for me to up and run
To another life somewhere in the sun
Got cold fajitas and only one channel on the TV
Andy and Barney on Nick at Nite
Seen an ad for Mexico, God I really want to go
Anywhere out of mind and out of sight
Oh I wish I was there tonight on Jost Van Dyke
Sipping on some Foxy's Firewater rum
Or kickin' back with Ivan
With all my friends down in the islands
Wouldn't take much for me to up and run
To another life somewhere in the sun
Here's a toast to you on the coast and the sailors out at sea
Drink your ales, hoist your sails
Ride the winds and think of me, 'cause
Oh I wish I was there tonight on Jost Van Dyke
Sipping on some Foxy's Firewater rum
Or kickin' back with Ivan
With all my friends down in the islands
Wouldn't take much for me to up and run
To another life somewhere in the sun
song performed by by Kenny Chesney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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This bill is the legislative equivalent of crack. It yields a short-term high but does long-term damage to the system and it's expensive to boot.
quote by Barney Frank
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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No News Is Good News
All alone we follow blindly
Force fed primetime
Previewed nightly
Why should anybody
Leave the safety of their homes
I wonder why
Only disasters flood the headlines
Other peoples miser are on
For the next three hours
Commercial free
And I cant take much more of this
We're all so wrapped up in it
Nothing will change
But the channel
So I turn it off
I see billboards on the horizon
I can imagine what they'll tell me
What to wear
What to drink
Where to eat
Its so easy not to think for yourself any more
So naive
You dont do anything anymore
And I cant take much more of this
We're all so wrapped up in it
Nothing will change
But the channel
We all give in
We all complain
We sit and wait for things to change
We're waiting
All along we follow blindly x 2
And i cant take much more of this
We're all so wrapped up in it
Nothing will change
But the channel x 2
So i turn it off
song performed by by New Found Glory
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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In the greatest confusion there is still an open channel to the soul. It may be difficult to find because by midlife it is overgrown, and some of the wildest thickets that surround it grow out of what we describe as our education. But the channel is always there, and it is our business to keep it open, to have access to the deepest part of ourselves.
quote by Saul Bellow
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Funnel's hole
channel every entrance, push to the limit
and burst without hesitation all has to be
intact before the time of reckoning
shall we stop for everything and prepared
for nothing for if we begin the end is the
beginning of every start, and certainly the one
who displayed first will start the end
let no man stumble with me and let each
imperfection stand without me, is the word
is enough to show you the way, for as soon
as the race begin every beginning has to
obey to the rule
the hole is small but the funnel is huge
enough to fit, have anyone bring a stock
for the race is long and dusty; not everybody
enjoy the prize but each one is contested
one has to run to win and everyone wish to
get the tail, the channel is good and the way
is puzzling, be alert to make a win
the game is over, please let yourself be
summoned...
poem by Antonio Liao
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Bedrock Anthem
Sometimes I feel
Like I need a vacation
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna go
To the city of cavemen
The city of bedrock
Id be a flinstone
Now Ill tell you why...
Well, Ive got Ive got a woman named wilma
Well, Ive got Ive got a baby named pebbles
Well, Ive got Ive got a doggy named dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino
Well, Ive got a little buddy, barney rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of barney rubble
Hes a midget but he makes a lot of trouble
Doesnt like to shave, he got caveman stubble
Me and barney, loyal order water buffalo
Lodge brothers, loyal order water buffalo
Theres a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand poo-bah always gotta run the whole show?
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric knowhow
Betty and barney got a baby named bamm-bamm
Little pebbles is his number one fan
Hes the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off if he shakes your hand
Got a car, gonna push it with my feel now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in cant be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow
Wanna chill with a sabretooth tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first rolling stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Dont know what it means but I say it anyhow
Luck me, workin down in the gravel put
Movin rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. slate gets mad and he throws a fit
Pull the birdies tail, everybody knows its time to quit
I realize Im living in the stone age
No fax, no cellular phone-age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age
Liftin heavy boulders every day for my wage
Barney rubble, laughin like a hyena
Barney rubble, what a little weiner
Wheres wilma? anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bubba Hyde
Barney works down at the a&p
He drives a baby blue a.m.c.
Aint missed of day of work in 13 years
Hes a fire department volunteer
Hes got a yard thats always just been mowed
Collected stamps since he was 10 years old
Youve never seen a more regular guy
But when the sun goes down on friday night
Chorus
Slaps on his hai karate after shave
Puts on his elvis jacket custom-made
Gets in his patent leather zebra boots
Fires up his super sport malibu
He burns the rubber cross the county line
A honky tonkin fool till closing time
You ought to see him metamorphosize
From barney jekyll into bubba hyde
Monday morning its a suit and tie
Attention shoppers theres a two-for-one buy
Tuesday afternoon he mans the wheel
Makes his round in the bookmobile
Hes got a wednesday night canasta game
Thursdays the tourney at the bowling lanes
His friends would freak out if they only knew
The party animal he turns into
Chorus
You oughta see him metamorphosize
From barney jekyll into bubba hyde
song performed by by Diamond Rio
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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