Let’s Annoy Dad
I have a plan, I have a plan
I said as I washed my paw
Dad will come home and we'll all want some grub
He'll just walk by our dishes
And say, 'No yet.'
If we do it, right
He'll give us some grub
Maybe even some crunchies as well
The two boys raised their heads
'How’s all this going to happen? ' Arthur asked.
'If we annoy dad, I'm sure he'll give in.'
I replied with a grin.
'How do you suppose we annoy him? ' Arthur asked again.
'First I take his pencil and get him out of his chair
And he'll follow me.
We'll plant a toy mouse
So he can tred on. Barney can cry
Say look at my wagger
Dad being soft will give him a cuddle.
He will then give him some treats.
Knowing Dad, he will give us all treats.
Nipping away, I planted the mouse.
Barney curled up and lay to one side.
I pinched Dad’s pencil and ran.
Dad stepped on the mouse and stopped.
Barney cried on queue.
Dad reached down, picked him up,
gave him a cuddle.
Barney sang as he tickled him under his chin.
He carried him to the bed and put him down.
“There you go Barney, ” and stroked him again.
I dropped the pencil and fled down the stairs.
Dad picked up his pencil, ignoring me,
went back to his writing his poetry.
The plan didn't work the way I expected.
No treats, no crunchies, no nothing.
The boys looked at me as I entered the room.
“So much for your plan.” Barney said.
“Watch how mine goes and learn.”
Jumping off the bed, he went in Dad’s room.
He sat beside Dad, raised a shredder to his knee.
Dad moved him away gently time and again.
Finally Dad gave in, came down stairs.
He picked up our dished one, two and three.
Went to the cupboard where crunchies are kept.
Brought out a tin and put mush in each dish
Food at last.
I must remember how Barney did it.
Might just work for me.
Instead of pinching his pencils, I might sit on Dad's knee.
If Barney can show a shredder and get meal.
Maybe I can annoy Dad that way too.
I will wait until tomorrow. Then try the ploy.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Mainly, I thought of Barney as a kid. You can always look into the faces of kids and see what they're thinking, if they're happy or sad. That's what I tried to do with Barney.
quote by Don Knotts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nora, the Maid of Killarney
Down by the beautiful Lakes of Killarney,
Off times I have met my own dear Barney,
In the sweet summer time of the year,
In the silvery moonlight so clear,
I've rambled with my sweetheart Barney,
Along the green banks of the Lakes of Killarney.
The Lakes of Killarney are most lovely to be seen
In the summer season when nature's face is green,
Especially in the beautiful silvery moonlight,
When its waters do shine like silver bright;
Such was the time when me and my Barney
Went to walk by the purty Lakes of Killarney.
My Barney was beautiful, gallant, and gay,
But, alas, he has left me and gone far away,
To that foreign country called Amerikay;
But when he returns we will get married without delay,
And again we will roam by the Lakes of Killarney,
Me and my sweetheart, charming Barney.
And until he returns I will feel rather sad,
For while walking with Barney I always felt glad;
May God send him home again safe to me,
And he will fill my sad heart with glee,
While we walk by the Lakes of Killarney.
I dreamt one night I was walking with Barney,
Down by the beautiful Lakes of Killarney,
And he said, "Nora, dear Nora, don't fret for me,
For I will soon come home to thee;
And I will build a nice cabin near the Lakes of Killarney,
And Nora will live happy with her own dear Barney."
But, alas, I awoke from my beautiful dream,
For, och, if was a most lovely scene;
But I hope it will happen some unexpected day,
When Barney comes home from Amerikay;
Then Barney will relate his adventures to me,
As we walk by the silvery Lakes of Killarney.
We will ramble among its green trees and green bushes,
And hear the sweet songs of the blackbirds and thrushes,
And gaze on its lovely banks so green,
And its waters glittering like crystal in the moonlight's sheen;
Och! how I long to be walking with Barney,
Along the green banks of the Lakes of Killarney.
Of all the spots in Ireland, Killarney for me,
For 'twas there I first met my dear Barney:
He was singing, I remember, right merrily;
And his singing filled my heart with glee,
And he said, "Nora, dear Nora, will you walk with me,
For you are the prettiest girl I ever did see."
"Now, Barney," I said, "you are just mocking me,
When you say no other girl like me you can see";
Then he said, "Nora, you are the only girl I do love,
And this I do swear by the saints above,
I will marry you, dear Nora, without delay,
When I come home from Amerikay."
But when Barney landed in Amerikay,
He courted another girl without dismay,
And he married her in the month of May,
And when I heard it I fainted away;
So maidens beware of such men as Barney,
Or else they will deceive ye with their flattering blarney.
poem by William Topaz McGonagall
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Snifter
After working hard all day
In the office,
How much worse on homeward way
My old cough is!
Barney's Bar is gaily lit,
Let me stop there;
Just to buck me up a bit
Have a drop there.
As I stand beside the screen
Hesitating,
I have thought of how Noreen
Will be waiting;
Baby Patsy in her lap
Gay and laughing,
While at Barney's foaming tap
I am quaffing.
Barney's Bar is mighty bright,
Looks so cheery.
Wonder what I'll drink tonight?
Gee! I'm weary.
Will I have Scotch or Rye?
Bourbon maybe . . .
Then I see with mental eye
Wife and baby.
So I say 'tis malted milk
I'll be skoffin';
Sooth my throttle sleek as silk,
Ease my coughin' . . .
Say, I love them two to death,
Sure they miss me:
With no whisky on my breath
How they'll kiss me!
poem by Robert William Service
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Rattling Boy from Dublin
I'm a rattling boy from Dublin town,
I courted a girl called Biddy Brown,
Her eyes they were as black as sloes,
She had black hair and an aquiline nose.
Chorus --
Whack fal de da, fal de darelido,
Whack fal de da, fal de darelay,
Whack fal de da, fal de darelido,
Whack fal de da, fal de darelay.
One night I met her with another lad,
Says I, Biddy, I've caught you, by dad,
I never thought you were half so bad
As to be going about with another lad.
Chorus
Says I, Biddy, this will never do,
For to-night you've prov'd to me untrue,
So do not make a hullaballoo,
For I will bid farewell to you.
Chorus
Says Barney Magee, She is my lass,
And the man that says no, he is an ass,
So come away, and I'll give you a glass,
Och, sure you can get another lass.
Chorus
Says I, To the devil with your glass,
You have taken from me my darling lass,
And if you look angry, or offer to frown,
With my darling shillelah I'll knock you down.
Chorus
Says Barney Magee unto me,
By the hokey I love Biddy Brown,
And before I'll give her up to thee,
One or both of us will go down.
Chorus
So, with my darling shillelah, I gave him a whack,
Which left him lying on his back,
Saying, botheration to you and Biddy Brown,--
For I'm the rattling boy from Dublin town.
Chorus
So a policeman chanced to come up at the time,
And he asked of me the cause of the shine,
Says I, he threatened to knock me down
When I challenged him for walking with my Biddy Brown.
Chorus
So the policeman took Barney Magee to jail,
Which made him shout and bewail
That ever he met with Biddy Brown,
The greatest deceiver in Dublin town.
Chorus
So I bade farewell to Biddy Brown,
The greatest jilter in Dublin town,
Because she proved untrue to me,
And was going about with Barney Magee.
poem by William Topaz McGonagall
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Bubba Hyde
Barney works down at the a&p
He drives a baby blue a.m.c.
Aint missed of day of work in 13 years
Hes a fire department volunteer
Hes got a yard thats always just been mowed
Collected stamps since he was 10 years old
Youve never seen a more regular guy
But when the sun goes down on friday night
Chorus
Slaps on his hai karate after shave
Puts on his elvis jacket custom-made
Gets in his patent leather zebra boots
Fires up his super sport malibu
He burns the rubber cross the county line
A honky tonkin fool till closing time
You ought to see him metamorphosize
From barney jekyll into bubba hyde
Monday morning its a suit and tie
Attention shoppers theres a two-for-one buy
Tuesday afternoon he mans the wheel
Makes his round in the bookmobile
Hes got a wednesday night canasta game
Thursdays the tourney at the bowling lanes
His friends would freak out if they only knew
The party animal he turns into
Chorus
You oughta see him metamorphosize
From barney jekyll into bubba hyde
song performed by by Diamond Rio
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bedrock Anthem
Sometimes I feel
Like I need a vacation
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna go
To the city of cavemen
The city of bedrock
Id be a flinstone
Now Ill tell you why...
Well, Ive got Ive got a woman named wilma
Well, Ive got Ive got a baby named pebbles
Well, Ive got Ive got a doggy named dino
We do a little bowling and we drink a little vino
Well, Ive got a little buddy, barney rubble
Got a neighbor by the name of barney rubble
Hes a midget but he makes a lot of trouble
Doesnt like to shave, he got caveman stubble
Me and barney, loyal order water buffalo
Lodge brothers, loyal order water buffalo
Theres a handshake everybody gotta know
How come grand poo-bah always gotta run the whole show?
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
I get by on all my prehistoric knowhow
Betty and barney got a baby named bamm-bamm
Little pebbles is his number one fan
Hes the strongest toddler in the whole land
Tear your arm off if he shakes your hand
Got a car, gonna push it with my feel now
Gonna take my family out to eat now
Jumbo ribs at the drive-in cant be beat now
Made from brontosaurus, baby, not a moo-cow
Wanna chill with a sabretooth tiger
Wear a loincloth, natural fiber
Be the first rolling stone subscriber
Got a pterodactyl for a windshield wiper
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Dont know what it means but I say it anyhow
Luck me, workin down in the gravel put
Movin rocks, on a big dinosaur I sit
Mr. slate gets mad and he throws a fit
Pull the birdies tail, everybody knows its time to quit
I realize Im living in the stone age
No fax, no cellular phone-age
Pick my teeth with a dinosaur bone-age
Liftin heavy boulders every day for my wage
Barney rubble, laughin like a hyena
Barney rubble, what a little weiner
Wheres wilma? anybody seen her?
Got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
Yabba dabba, yabba dabba dabba do now
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Salomé
The play was called Salomé, and we
Thought it was an omen when
The girl that played the leading part
Was stricken with the mumps,
So we had to get a new one, and we
Called on Mrs. Newman, who was
Thirty, going forty, and too
Large around the rump.
There was little we could choose from
In the cast, if we should lose one,
So the stand-ins were recruited from
The Geriatric Home,
There was Barney, who'd gone missing
On a trip to Little Gissing, though
His body had returned, he'd left
His faculties to roam.
Then Madge and Mavis Murray were
Recruited in a hurry to
Supply their famous curry
To the audience, at the break.
When we asked them of the Matron
She said, 'go ahead and take them! '
For the ulcers of our Patron had
Been keeping her awake.
The rehearsals were exciting, and
The changes rung like lightning
'Til the player playing Herod slipped
And fell right off the stage.
So we had to bring on Barney, who'd
Been in the British Army, but
Who didn't like the guy who played
The Prophet in the play.
They had been out there with Rommel,
One a Private, one a Colonel,
In the Regimental Journal
Barney didn't get his say.
Now he got to play King Herod who
Would see this Prophet buried
When Salomé asked the Prophet's head
Delivered on a tray.
I was worried about Barney, who
I thought a little barmy,
Then the printer spelt - 'Salami'
On the program for the play.
I was livid, I was raging,
It was so humiliating
That I almost cancelled everything
And gave the show away.
On the night they raised the curtain
Our Salomé was uncertain,
When she did the dance of seven veils
The audience had cheered.
There were only twenty seven from
The village, Little Bevington,
She'd quite forgot her underwear
And quickly disappeared.
I called for intermission while
I handled the confusion, but
The blushing Mrs. Newman wouldn't
Come back on the stage,
So she stood behind the curtain and
Called out to Barney Burton
'I only want the Prophet's head
Delivered on a tray! '
Barney seemed to quiver, almost
Like he'd lost his liver,
Then he turned toward the Prophet
And he grabbed him by the beard.
Then he pulled him right toward him
And he grabbed the Captain's sword and
Then he flashed and gashed and gored him,
I said 'Stop! ' - He never heard!
A sudden hush descended, this
Was not what we intended,
Then the sword came down to part
The Prophet from his skinny neck,
Then the head fell on the table as
The neck began to gurgle,
And the audience sat stunned until
A few began to clap.
We all were still as statues as they
Clapped and threw their hats, and so
We turned like cornered rats, and smiled,
And then we took a bow.
But then, from out the kitchen was
The clash of dish and fish in as
The Murray sisters claimed the stage -
'You want your curry now? '
The audience, long scattered, sit
At night, when people chatter, and
They talk about Salomé and
The sight they saw that night;
'When that seventh veil came orf an'
We could see it was an orphan,
Did you see her belly button - Gawd!
Now wasn't that a sight! '
I have given up directing since the
Police have quit dissecting all the
Aspects of Salomé that just
Didn't come out right.
Though I tried to resurrect it so
They wouldn't disrespect it, but
I couldn't get a man to play
The Prophet, on the night.
poem by David Lewis Paget
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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When The Bell Blew Up
‘THAT’S the boiler at The Bell, mates! Tumble out, Ned, neck and crop—
Never mind your hat and coat, man, we’ll be wanted on the job.
Barney’s driving, Harvey’s stoking—God help all the hands on top!
Bring along the brandy, some one. Don’t stand like an image, Bob;
Grab those shirts—they’ll all be needed. Rugs and candles, that’s all right.
Bet your lives, boys, we’ll have lots of doctor’s work to do to-night!
‘Didn’t she thunder? Scot! I thought the universe had gone to smash.
Take the track through Peetree’s paddock, make the smartest time you know.
Barney swore her plates were rotten, but poor Bill was always rash.’
‘And his missus, heaven help her!—they were spliced a month ago.’
Down the track we raced together, up the hill—then o’er the claim
Saw the steam-clouds hanging thickly, lustrous with the glow of flame.
Boiler-house in hopeless ruins, engines wrecked and smoke-stack gone;
Bricks and shingles widely scattered, and the shattered boiler bare.
‘Five men missed!’ ‘Buck in, you fellows; get your freest action on;
Keep the fire back from the timbers—God knows who is under there.
Sprag that knocker. How it rattles! Braceman’s nowhere—Coleman’s Joe.
Tell them what has happened, Ryan. They will have to wait below.’
As we fought the fires, the women, pale and tearful gathered round.
‘That you, Peter? Thanks to Heaven!’ ‘There’s my Harry! God is good!’
‘Praise the Lord—they’ve got our lad safe! Joe the braceman has been found!
Down between the tips they found him, pinned there by a log of wood.
‘Battery boys are safe. Mack saw them hiding under Peetree’s ricks.
They just up and cut from under when it started raining bricks.’
Only two now—Bill and Barney. Still we laboured might and main
’Mid the ruins round the boiler where the shattered walls were stacked.
Then his wife discovered Barney, dazed and black, but right as rain;
Said he didn’t know what hit him—‘thought the crack of doom had cracked;’
He had landed on the sand-heap, thirty yards or so away.
‘God is mighty good to sinners,’ murmured Geordie. ‘Let us pray.’
Fifty voices called on Harvey, and we worked like horses all,
Delving down amongst the timber, burnt and knocked about, but gay.
‘Lend a hand, here, every man; he’s pinned beneath the outer wall!
All together. Now you’ve got him. Gently does it. That’s O.K.
Scalded! Yes, and right arm broken. Pass some brandy, one of you.
Cheer, ye devils! Give it lip, lads. He’s alive and kicking, too!’
‘Give him air, now. Make a track there. Let him see his missus first.’
‘Where’s his wife?’ The women wondered. She had not been seen all night.
Someone whispered she was timid, that she dared not face the worst.
Harvey smiled despite his troubles. ‘Boys, she’s fainted—she’s all right.’
So we bore him gaily home, and as he saw the gateway near
Bill tried hard to lead the chorus when we gave a rousing cheer.
‘Stop, for God’s sake!’ In the garden, where her life blood tinged the vine,
Prone poor Harvey’s wife was lying, in the moon- light, cold and gray.
There the flying bolt had struck her as she ran towards the mine.
We could guess the truth too well—and near a broken firebar lay.
Carrol, kneeling down beside her, gently raised the wounded head,
And we bent to catch his whisper, and he answered sadly—‘Dead!’
poem by Edward George Dyson
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A lot of my work has to do with not allowing my characters to have an ego in a way that the stomach doesn't have an ego when it's wanting to throw up. It just does it.
quote by Matthew Barney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I want to go to sea.
quote by Joshua Barney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It would be a pity if, frustrated by the price of travel, we elected to become a society that never made contact, that never gave SETI a fair chance.
quote by Barney Oliver
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. That's why I put Don in several of my movies.
quote by Tim Conway
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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They came out over the highway and they stopped and that's when Barney got out, with the binoculars to try and identify the craft. I mean, he'd been in the military in World War Two, he's puzzled.
quote by Betty Hill
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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And I think there is too much bloviating around from politicians.
quote by Barney Frank
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There's a lot to be said for not displacing people.
quote by Barney Frank
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Box Car Harry
The railroad dick looked straight at him, eyes unwavering, beady-eyed, menacing, and Harry counted his change to see if there was enough for a bribe; searched his thoughts for an escape route, but he was not as young as he used to be and the dick was young, legs like a deer.
He tussled Barney’s hair and said:
“Go there in that thar car and wait for me, got to dump the dick. Wait for my whistle.”
Barney looked up him hesitantly and Harry stammered hoarsely
“Go! ”
Barney scrambled on all fours the way Harry had taught him and quickly disappeared under cover of the dark Chicago night.
Always, the dick against the Bos, the rich against the poor was Harry’s thought, been that way since her was born, the wanders, the lose, the lose people on the road trying to find an odd job and a meal, against the railroad fat cats trying to exterminate the railroad people, who what was just trying to get by.
Harry held his breath and told himself to concentrate and finally turned back to the dick and showed himself, full on so as the dick could get a good look at him. The dick wide-eyed and incredulous stared hard at Harry surprised by the brazenness of the tramp and stood stock still for a moment, prey in the eyes of the predator.
Harry swayed a little left and then a little right like a running back taunting the linebacker, which way boy, am I going to bolt, which way is the question. Harry feinted a dash to the right and the dick crouched right ready for the chase, Harry smiled and then feinted to the left, testing the dick’s reflexes. The dick danced to the left enjoying the thrilling moment before the chase.
Harry guessed Barney had had time to secure himself in the car and then dashed straight toward the dick, who was thoroughly surprised and steeled himself for what he thought would be a crash between the two men. But Harry at the last minute slanted right allowing the dick to remain close behind but not enough to lay hand on him.
He headed for track 13 for the Great Northern line car.
The dick was breathing behind him; Harry could hear his labored breaths, close enough but not close enough to grab, what was what Harry wanted.
He hit the Northern line yard and saw number 13 looming. The dick was laughing behind him yelping with the sheer joy of it all, feeling he had Harry cornered because the Northern lot was a closed in one, a big wall in the back, a closed station and of course cars, most closed.
But Harry was aiming toward 13 and left up into the car and waited for the dick to catch up and see him. Harry looked down at the man’s heaving chest smiling his best Harry smile.
To be Continued
poem by Lonnie Hicks
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Now, most of the time I'm going to agree with the Democrats and disagree with the Republicans.
quote by Barney Frank
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It is time for dead languages to be quiet.
quote by Natalie Clifford Barney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The fact that they're a congressionally chartered group should no more incline people to give to that group than the fact that it's National Pickle Month should make them eat more pickles.
quote by Barney Frank
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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To be one's own master is to be the slave of self.
quote by Natalie Clifford Barney
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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