I'm gaining weight the right way: I'm drinking beer.
quote by Johnny Damon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Paintings are like a beer, only beer tastes good and it's hard to stop drinking beer.
quote by Billy Carter
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Beer Bong
If I want some beer
I don't want to hear
About how I missed the show
Because I drink to slow
So pass me the beer bong
It wont take very long
For me to put down
This torpedo to the ground
Because drinking beer is to slow
Beer bong is the way to go
To go to go
Don't drink to slow!
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I do like beer, but lately I've started drinking non-alcoholic beer and I like the taste of it and I don't get the alcohol, so that's a good alternative also.
quote by Mike Ditka
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If you ever reach total enlightenment while you're drinking a beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I never had one beer. If I bought a six-pack of beer, I kept drinking till all six beers were gone. You have to have that kind of understanding about yourself. I haven't had a drink now in 12 years.
quote by Samuel L. Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Beer Song
If I want some beer I dont want to hear about how I missed the show
Because I drink to slow so pass me the beer bong it wont take very long
For me to put down this torpedo to the ground because drinking beer is too
Slow beer bong is the way to go to go to go dont drink too slow !
song performed by by NOFX
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Big Jack Loves His Food
Jack went to his doctors
he hadn't been for a year
twenty five stone he was
due to his love of chips and beer.
The doctor said he was now obese
and he would have to lose weight
Jack was told to eat more salads
and to stop drinking ale by the crate.
But Jack was now depressed
because he really loved his grub
his favourite meal was pie and chips
washed down with ten pints in the pub.
But he knew he was far too heavy
and the doctor was probably right
but he wanted one last big meal
down the pub that very night.
But alas Jack ate far too much
and couldn't stop filling his face
and after one pie too many
he exploded into outer space.
But even though Jack was gone
and this must have been his fate
you could say he did achieve something
he got rid of all that weight!
poem by Kevin Halls
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I've been watching what I eat. When I was putting on all the weight, I was drinking Guinness and not eating. I didn't have room to because I was drinking all the time.
quote by Robbie Williams
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Chug-a-lug
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Gary likes a girls tight black pants
Larry knows he doesnt stand a chance
Carl says hurry up and order it quick
Dave gets out to chase that chick
Dennis wonders whats under the hood
A big chrome tach and it sounds real good
I go down to the root beer stand
And drink up all that I can
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Brians still glued to the radio
Louies lookin out the rear window
Guys got around to orderin fries
But root beers my best buy
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Give me some root beer (chug-a-lug chug-a-lug chug-a-lug)
Cold beer, root beer
Here a mug, there a mug, everybody chug-a-lug
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
Root beer, need another mug now
Root beer, chug-a-lug-a-lug now
song performed by by Beach Boys
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Path To Rightousness
SOME FRIENDS WERE SEATED AT A BEER PARLOUR DRINKING BEER! ALL OF A SUDDEN A MAN WALKED IN AND SAID, MERRY MEN! A LIQUOR CONTEST IS ABOARD!
HOORAY! SHOUTED THE JOLLY FELLOWS! JUST THEN A PREACHER WALKED IN WITH HIS HOLY SCRIPTURES AND SHOUTED OUT FOR ALL TO HEAR, WIDE IS THE PATH THE LEADS TO DESTRUCTION! REPENT OF THY ALCHOHOLIC WAYS AND FOLLOW THE PATHS OF RIGHTOUSNESS!
JUST THEN A WELL KNOWN WHORE WALKED INTO THE PARLOUR AND ON SIGHTING THE PREACHER, SHE QUICKLY SEIZED HIM BY HIS BELT!
THE SURPRISED FELLOWS ALL CAME TOGETHER AND ENQUIRED OF HER, SAYING, WHAT BE THY PROBLEM THAT YOU TROUBLE THIS RIGHTOUS MAN? AND SHE REPLIED, HE HAS REFUSED TO PAY ME FOR MY SERVICES, THRICE I HAVE ALLOWED HIM MY PLEASURES ON CREDIT, BUT ALAS! TODAY HE MUST PAY!
THE STUNNED FELLOWS ALL BECAME SILENT AND WENT BACK TO THEIR BEER DRINKING!
poem by Overlord Don Manuel Ihcakeyno
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Im Drinking Again
(ry cooder & jim keltner)
Yes, its me and Im drinking again
Tell everybody Im drinking again
Doctor said itd kill me
But he didnt say when
Have mercy, Im drinking again
Yes, its me and Im drinking again
Id like to dry out but I doubt if I can
My baby said shed quit me but she didnt say when
cause Im drinking again
Working two jobs, tryin to get straight
Dont need the money, just want to lose weight
Gonna get you all the things that you lack
Diamond ring and a red cadillac
Came home drunk and pushed you around
Dont you quit me baby, dont you put me down
Ill never do it again
Ill never do it again
Ill never do it again
I promise this time
I came home last night about half past four
Whole neighborhood was rocking out on my floor
And my baby was working up under the sheet
With a teenage boy that lives down the street
I grabbed a bottle, he grabbed a gun
I heard somebody holler: shoot him fore he runs
And thats the reason why Im drinking again
Tell everybody Im drinking again
You cant lick em and you just cant win
Yes, its me and Im drinking again
Aint it enough to start you drinking again
We got to live in a world full of sin
Thank you jesus for what you have done
Im sick and tired tryin to be number one
Change my suit, change my shirt
Change what I dig and get out of the dirt
Ill never do it again
Ill never do it again
Im going to get back in my gin
Im drinking again
song performed by by Ry Cooder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Care (bout) Us... Butt
Drinking wine makes me throw up
Things are never better than bees @ four
New relations on edge? ....just jump
Cringing before fodder...is for old asses
I 'DID' invent 'full-time'...it comes right after dinner
Going into world, sky, you...is like forking buckles (or spell f'or'king 'uc')
Get the wax out of your ears...I said 'you're gaining weight bitch'
I remember:
Gulls are fulla waves...so what
Dark islands are hard to see...you're a visionary
Girls laugh loudest at ones who can't lass
Inventors are poor wits if any at all
Women will love anything including this wall
Sorry you wasted soooo much time...here's your wings back
Spread-um.
poem by Boink Boink
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Der mann im keller
How cool and fair this cellar where
My throne a dusky cask is;
To do no thing but just to sing
And drown the time my task is.
The cooper he's
Resolved to please,
And, answering to my winking,
He fills me up
Cup after cup
For drinking, drinking, drinking.
Begrudge me not
This cosy spot
In which I am reclining--
Why, who would burst
With envious thirst,
When he can live by wining.
A roseate hue seems to imbue
The world on which I'm blinking;
My fellow-men--I love them when
I'm drinking, drinking, drinking.
And yet I think, the more I drink,
It's more and more I pine for--
Oh, such as I (forever dry)
God made this land of Rhine for;
And there is bliss
In knowing this,
As to the floor I'm sinking:
I've wronged no man
And never can
While drinking, drinking, drinking.
poem by Eugene Field
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Drunken Dancing Fish
An old man fishing
Sat all day in his boat
Drinking beer
Watching the bobber float
Perhaps it was the alcohol
Or the rocking to and fro
But he swore he saw
A fish come up and dance a do si do!
So quickly
It was gone
But the staggering effect of it
Like a hangover, lingered on long
He sold the boat
And gave up beer
Now he drinks ginger ale
And only hunts deer
poem by Smoky Hoss
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I was gaining weight very rapidly and read about the idea of restricting carbohydrates as an alternative to going hungry. I had a big appetite, so that was the only thing I would even consider.
quote by Robert Atkins
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Worldly People
Worldly people,
Drugs and heavy drinking!
But these overwhelming pleasures has its own disadvantages,
And there are problems to this effect.
Wine or beer when sparingly used is beneficial to one's health,
But be very wise in this world than to waste your life!
For drugs and heavy drinking will lead you nowhere.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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Go For It
Everybodys wasting time
Everybody stands in line
Think of babe ruth
And you think of hot dogs and beer
But if he could hit a home run so could you
And your weight is just nowhere near
Am I making myself quite clear?
Is that the best you can do?
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
If thats the best you can do
Get out of my place
Take anyones place
Come last in the race, but
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
The clock is ticking on the wall
Everybody has to take a fall
Think of ray charles
And you think of sunglasses at night
But if he can play piano so can you
And you can tell black from white
Can you tell me that Im not right?
Is that the best you can do?
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
If thats the best you can do
Get out of my life
Be anyones life
And do what you like, but
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
Think of babe ruth
And you think of hot dogs and beer
But if he could hit a home run so could you
And your weight is just nowhere near
Am I making myself quite clear?
Is that the best you can do?
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
If thats the best you can do
Get out of your shell, be anyones pal
Do bad or do well, but
Go for it, go for it, go for it, go for it
song performed by by Joe Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Astronauts
couples on the verge of divorce
have become astronauts because they always say they need
space.
it matters, and matter is that
which occupies space and has weight.
i need space. i am gaining weight.
i am standing on a cliff, on the verge of an abyss
i am not afraid
i want to fall, because i am an astronaut too needing
space.
i miss the fun at the opening of your beehive.
sort of your art boutique
i did not forget it.
i need space.
i need space.you badly need more space.
tomorrow morning you will ask me
why did you write a sad poem last night?
and i too, now, needed more space
to lie,
i will ask you,
which one?
did i?
i cannot remember.
poem by Ric S. Bastasa
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Put The Weight On My Shoulders
Put the weight on my shoulders
Take the load off of your mind
Cause the headwinds that blow
Will fade away in time
Rest yourself on my waters
Take the lifeline from me
Rise above what has passed
And let yourself be free
I only know what love must bear
Through laiden times I will be there
And when your down Ill break the fall
Loose the weight on my shoulders
It aint no weight at all
I only know what love must do
When fortune cries Ill follow you
And when your down Ill break your fall
Put the weight on my shoulders
It aint no weight at all
Put the weight on my shoulders
See you star how it shines
Cause theyre so many dreams
Left to find
Put the weight on my shoulders .....
Put the weight on my shoulders .....
Put the weight on my shoulders .....
Put the weight on my shoulders .....
Put the weight on my shoulders .....
song performed by by Gino Vanelli
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Work
Keep your fingers busy
Mentally or physically
What four-letter word
Dyou know like ...
Look at me smile
Look at me doing their
Work
Ysee me shuffle in the dirt
My how I sweat
But I dont mind
Cause its work
You got me rolling up my shirt
Theres all my old friends
Sat by the fountain drinking beer
Their days have no starts and no ends
They drift into pub nights with no
Promise for tomorrow
All that they want is some
Work
Work
Look at me smile
Look at me polish these
Tools
Am I breaking all the rules?
A cycle like that
I dont want to be late for school
Well its night school
Now all my new friends
Sit in their [site] huts drinking tea
My day has no start and no ends
Drifts into whole nights in my
Coffin by the fireside
Bugger this game
I know whos to blame
And thats
Work
Aw, work
Keep your fingers busy
Mentally or physically
What four-letter word
Dyou know like
Oh! work, work
Oh! work, work
Im back with my old friends
Sat by the brunel drinking beer
Dont want this to ever end
Were living in fear of being
Mizzled by a new myth
Work
I dont want to go to work
Work
I dont want to go to work
song performed by by Xtc
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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