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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.

quote by Spike Milligan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Max Wall

Spike milligan, peter sellers, michael bentine, harry secombe,
Arthur askey, tommy cooper, norman wisdom, frankie howerd,
Norman vaughan, dave allen,
Max wall, max wall, max wall, max wall
John cleese, terry gilliam, michael palin, graham chapman,
Eric idle, ministry of silly walks, benny hill,
Max wall, max wall, max wall, max wall
Steve davis, alex higgins (gf), jimmy white, terry griffith (gf),
Brian odgers, dave early, bernie holland, richie buckley,
Max wall, max wall, max wall, max wall
Spike milligan, michael bentine, peter sellers, harry secombe,
Harry worth, frankie howerd, norman wisdom, tommy cooper,
Just like that!, benny hill,
Max wall, max wall, max wall, max wall

song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Watching and Following Behind

See!
I told you he wasn't about anything.

'Yeah...
You are right.
And after fourty or more years...
You have finally found 'something'
To prove your assessment.
And he has not changed his direction,
At all.

Now that you have succeeded,
Perhaps you can begin living your own life.
If any of it is left you can say can be lived!
Since you have spent most of it,
Watching and following behind...
In his footsteps.
And most of it certainly,
Can be said has been positive! '

But what will I do?
Since that has been my occupation!
And he seems not to care,
He has 'that' one negative blemish to bear.

'Has it ever occurred to you...
He has probably done that,
To attract more fools like you?
Afterall,
He has spent years doing what he does.
And in public view! '

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Singing Skies And Dancing Waters

So many years ago, I can't remember now, someone was waiting for me.
I had the answers to all of my questions, love was so easy to see. I didn't know.
When I was younger, I should have known better, I thought that nothing was new.
Through all the spaces, in all of the changes, the one I lost sight of was you.
I didn't know, I didn't know.
I could see you in singing skies and dancing waters, laughing children, growing old,
and in the heart and in the spirit, and in the truth when it is told.
My life became shaded and I grew afraid and I needed to find my way home.
I just couldn't see you, I thought that I'd lost you.
I never felt so much alone. Are you still with me?
Somehow in reason, I lost sight of season, tides rolling out and rolling in.
Sometimes in evening when daylight was leaving, I though I'd never see you again.
Are you still with me? Are you still with me?
I'm with you in singing skies and dancing waters, laughing children, growing old,
and in the heart and in the spirit, and in the truth when it is told.
If my faith should falter and I should forsake you and find myself turning away,
will you still be there? Will you still be there?
I'll be there in singing skies and dancing waters laughing children, growing old,
and in the heart and in the spirit, and in the truth when it is told.

song performed by by John Denver
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Jesus Told a Joke

Jesus told a joke
To the lowly and humble folk
And they laughed.
So the Pope
Who didn't understand the joke
Banned laughter in Church.

The lowly and humble folk
Had killed themselves laughing
So the Church said
The Joker must die too.

Why must something beautiful
Be destroyed
By serious-minded clerics
Without a sense of humour?

Why must we bow down
To a corpse on a tree
Instead of singing and dancing?

Why are our loveliest songs
Inspired by sorrow?

And why do our priests and priestesses
Lord it over us
Clothed in dark garments of woven tears?

poem by John Thorkild Ellison
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Singing Skies & Dancing Waters

This song appears on two albums, and was first released on the I want to live album, and has also been released on the country roads collection album.
So many years ago, I cant remember now
Someone was waiting for me
I had the answers to all of my questions
Love was so easy to see, I didnt know
When I was younger, I should have known better
I thought nothing was new
Through all the spaces, and all of the changes
What I lost sight of was you
I didnt know, I didnt know
I could see you in singing skies and dancing waters
Laughing children growing old
And in the heart and in the spirit
And in the truth when it is told
My life became shady, and I grew afraid
And I needed to find my way home
I just couldnt see you, I thought that Id lost you
I never felt so much alone, are you still with me
Somehow in reason, I lost sight of seasons
Im growin out, growin in
Sometimes in evenings, when daylight was needed
I thought Id never see you again
Are you still with me, are you still with me
Im with you in singing skies and dancing waters
Laughing children growing old
And in the heart and in the spirit
And in the truth when it is told
If my faith should falter
And I should forsake you, and find myself turning away
Will you still be there, will you still be there
Ill be there in singing skies and dancing waters
Laughing children growing old
And in the heart and in the spirit
And in the truth when it is told
Words and music by john denver

song performed by by John Denver
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Harry

you must be smellin' cherries and strawberries and peaches
and plums
roses and dandelions

special lovin' on the nite I spent with you
it was the best that I've had lately
but it didn't mean anything
and I will be glad when you stop callin' me

harry
don't wanna be your girlfriend
but boy when you want the lovin'
come and see me harry

swore my ever lasting true love to you
said that I need ya I want ya didn't I baby
but I was just kiddin' 'round
and I will be glad when you stop callin' my house

harry
don't wanna be your girlfriend
but boy when you want the lovin'
come and see me harry

it's a shame harry
cause you such a beautiful thing harry
you tell em that you love and I bet you do
but love's not my thing right now harry
all I wanna do is swing
and when you're ready
I'm here for you

please harry
stop callin' me

harry
don't wanna be your girlfriend
but boy when you want the lovin'
feel free to come and see me harry

song performed by by Macy Gray from The ID
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Nobody Spoke (for Karen)

Nobody spoke to Lucy,
nobody spoke at all,
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.
nobody spoke
for five long years
ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Lucy withdrew
without a clue
why nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years,
nobody spoke
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke!

Lucy went mad
she went crazy!
She screamed
she cried, she sobbed,
but nobody spoke,
for five long years
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Many years later
she saw them,
those people she wanted
to be her friends.
but ain't no joke
nobody spoke,
nobody spoke
for five long years.
Ain't no joke
nobody spoke.

Lucy left a note
in daddy's drawer,
put on her very best dress.
Did her hair in a very fine way
and walked into the hall as a guest.
She walked up to the folk
that never spoke,
said hello in an ordinary way,
then she pulled out a gun
and opened fire.
Yes she shot all those folk
on that day.

Now they were silent
now they were still,
cos ain't no joke
that nobody spoke
and now
they never will.

poem by Ruth Walters
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Harry Rag

Ah, tom is young and tom is bold
Tom is as bold as the knights of old
But whenever he gets in a bit of a jam
Theres nothing he wont do to get a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And he curses himself for the life hes led
And rolls himself a harry rag and puts himself to bed
Ah, toms old ma is a dying lass
Soon they all reckon shell be pushing up the grass
And her bones might ache and her skin might sag
But still shes got the strength to have a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And she curses herself for the life shes led
And rolls herself a harry rag and puts herself to bed
Ah, bless you tax man, bless you all
You may take some but you never take it all
But if I give it all, I wont feel sad
As long as I got enough to buy a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And I curse myself for the life Ive led
And roll myself a harry rag and put myself to bed
Ah, the smart young ladies of the land
Cant relax without a harry in their hand
And they light one and they boast and brag
So content because they got a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And theyll light one and theyll boast and brag
So content because they got a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Ill do anything just to get a harry rag
And I curse myself for the life Ive led
And roll myself a harry rag and put myself to bed

song performed by by Morrissey
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Harry Rag

Ah, tom is young and tom is bold
Tom is as bold as the knights of old
But whenever he gets in a bit of a jam
Theres nothing he wont do to get a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And he curses himself for the life hes led
And rolls himself a harry rag and puts himself to bed
Ah, toms old ma is a dying lass
Soon they all reckon shell be pushing up the grass
And her bones might ache and her skin might sag
But still shes got the strength to have a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And she curses herself for the life shes led
And rolls herself a harry rag and puts herself to bed
Ah, bless you tax man, bless you all
You may take some but you never take it all
But if I give it all, I wont feel sad
As long as I got enough to buy a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And I curse myself for the life Ive led
And roll myself a harry rag and put myself to bed
Ah, the smart young ladies of the land
Cant relax without a harry in their hand
And they light one and they boast and brag
So content because they got a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Do anything just to get a harry rag
And theyll light one and theyll boast and brag
So content because they got a harry rag
Harry rag, harry rag
Ill do anything just to get a harry rag
And I curse myself for the life Ive led
And roll myself a harry rag and put myself to bed

song performed by by Kinks
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Harry the Wu

What can I do, Harry the Wu,
A policeman will come
And ask questions of you,
He'll pull out his book
And his pencil, too,
And look very sternly
At Harry the Wu.

Oh, Harry the Wu, what did you do,
While I was in bed
Going down with the flu,
I didn't get up until
Half past two,
And you're so impatient,
Harry the Wu.

I knew there was something that
I had to do,
I had to get up and feed
Harry the Wu,
That bowl in the fridge of
The left-over stew
Was meant for your dinner,
Harry the Wu.

Oh what can I do, Harry the Wu,
They'll probably lock you
Away in the zoo,
And then you will miss me
And I'll miss you too,
Life is a tragedy,
Harry the Wu.

I thought that you knew,
Harry the Wu,
That there are some things
You are not meant to do,
Now all that is left is
The Postman's shoe,
His hat and his bag
You have eaten them too.

What can I do, Harry the Wu,
You've ripped off the policeman's
Trousers, too,
You'd better go hide in
The chimney flu,
Stop wagging your tail at me
Harry the Wu.

13 April 2009

poem by David Lewis Paget
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Mildred, Mildred

Mildred, mildred, how I love you so,
Remember the joke you told me
While we had our midnight tea.
That was the funniest joke I ever heard in my life,
I didnt tell you then cause I was drinking the tea.
Alfred, now alfred, you used to call me so.
And told me how it would be nice to open a plant shop.
That was the most sensible idea we had in our life,
I didnt tell you then cause I was reading the papers.
Mildred, oh, mildred, how I love you so,
Remember how you were angry when I talked to the box.
You kept trying to tell me something, something about your life,
But I didnt hear you then cause I was watching the box.
I bought a pot of plant now
And Im watering it evry day.
I watched the late night talk show
And asked the man in a suit
Why he was laughing so when my wife was dead.
He didnt reply,
No, he didnt reply at all.
And I burnt the box the next morning
And buried in our garden.
Mildred, oh, mildred, how I miss you so,
How I wish to tell you a lot of things about our life.
But of course you arent around, you arent around no more
And I hear the box still laughing in the next door apartment.

song performed by by Yoko Ono
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Mildred, Mildred

Mildred, mildred, how I love you so,
Remember the joke you told me
While we had our midnight tea.
That was the funniest joke I ever heard in my life,
I didnt tell you then cause I was drinking the tea.
Alfred, now alfred, you used to call me so.
And told me how it would be nice to open a plant shop.
That was the most sensible idea we had in our life,
I didnt tell you then cause I was reading the papers.
Mildred, oh, mildred, how I love you so,
Remember how you were angry when I talked to the box.
You kept trying to tell me something, something about your life,
But I didnt hear you then cause I was watching the box.
I bought a pot of plant now
And Im watering it evry day.
I watched the late night talk show
And asked the man in a suit
Why he was laughing so when my wife was dead.
He didnt reply,
No, he didnt reply at all.
And I burnt the box the next morning
And buried in our garden.
Mildred, oh, mildred, how I miss you so,
How I wish to tell you a lot of things about our life.
But of course you arent around, you arent around no more
And I hear the box still laughing in the next door apartment.

song performed by by Yoko Ono
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Years 1

For years I let the torment go on
Years I let you get in my head
Years I had to cry myself to sleep
your out now and last night
what you did to me replayed in my head again
I told myself i wasn't going to let it happen but it did
For years I have lived in scared quarters
For years I have looked for your face
For years I have never felt safe
For years I have remembered

poem by Marissa Ford
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Brickie

Sometimes his false teeth fell out as he ate
his sandwiches in the tea-break; but he had
the laughing eyes of a barrow boy and the
stride of Goliath. He liked a pint after work
and hated it when children didn`t get enough to eat.
No fan of book learning he was clever in his own way
- he could put up a wall quicker than a fat aunt
could crush a lost biscuit by sitting on it - and
we all liked him, even the boys from Letterkenny who
never said much.

We were gods of sand and gravel.
We could build anything.

And when we drove home through Islington
we all sang, Krishna like:

Harry Brickie, Harry Brickie, Brickie Brickie, Harry Harry.

Here`s to you mate.
Please forgive me for writing a poem about you.

poem by Leslie Philibert
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In the years since I worked with John Hughes, there were many years where I literally had hundred of doors slammed in my face because I wasn't that kid anymore, and I wasn't a character actor, and I wasn't a leading man, and I wasn't whatever Hollywood was looking for.

quote by Anthony Michael Hall
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I started singing about three years ago, I entered a local singing competition called Stratford Idol. The other people in the competition had been taking singing lessons and had vocal coaches. I wasn't taking it too seriously at the time, I would just sing around the house. I was only 12 and I got second place.

quote by Justin Bieber
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Revealed That He Was Strick! And All Business

When he had been depicted as a familiar joke...
Those who did it were fine with that.
Until the day came,
When those who thought they knew him...
Discovered why 'he' was the one laughing.

And that reflected on their sad faces.
He made them all feel as if they had been clowns.
The ones who spent their lives fooling around.
To have it revealed that he was strick!
And all business...
Made them sick to know of this.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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When Rick told me he was having trouble with his wife, I had to laugh. Not because of what he said, but because of a joke I thought of. I told him the joke, but he didn't laugh very much. Some friend HE is.

Jack Handey in Deep Thoughts
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Two Fortune Tellers Said

When Vera and I first met,
a second marriage
was the last thing on her mind.
Her first husband had not long run off
with a fourteen year old
and left this world in a suicide pact.

Some years earlier,
a Fortuneteller had told her
she would never end her days with him.
She would meet a tall dark person
sooner than she thought.
She shrugged off the suggestion,
as she never wanted to marry again.

With a failed marriage
that only brought her grief.
She was not going to take the chance again.
Once was enough.
She could never trust
anyone again.

Years earlier in my life
a Fortuneteller told me
I would settle down
with someone with the initial D.
My way of thinking that was a Christian name
like Dorothy or Diane,
but not a surname.

When her husband died
being a friend I attended his funeral,
never dreaming that one day
his widow would
eventually become my wife.
After all her name began
with a V and not a D.

Then a group of his friends
met one night in a coffee bar.
Someone suggested one of us
take her out for an evening.
As there were no takers,
so I volunteered.
However, I joke about it now.

We went out together
time and time again.
When I asked her to marry me,
she wasn’t really sure.
Memories of her previous marriage
kept plaguing her,
but eventually she said yes.

After we were married,
she could not totally trust.
Even though she was reassured
that I was not like her first husband
and wouldn’t cheat on her.
That I wasn’t like that.

Almost two years passed
before trust slowly returned.
It was then she realised
that I was the one
the Fortuneteller had told her about.
You cannot get much taller than six foot three.

As for me and the initial D.
Vera’s married surname
began with the initial D.
Here we are through troubles thick and thin
fast approaching
our 38th Wedding Anniversary.

We’ve hardly been parted
within those years.
Not because of distrust,
but because of love.
We get lonely
whenever we are apart.

Now as for fortune-tellers,
I’m not sure what to believe.
It would seem a coincidence
that two different people
would predict our lives together.
This is true and I wonder
was it just a lucky guess,
or is there more to it.
I’ll let you decide.

21 March 2008

poem by David Harris
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The Joke's On Me

The old days were no fun
Im not sorry that they're gone
I don't miss them and I won't miss them
and it was always wrong
Everything I've ever done
From the beginning and to the ending
and things never got better, it seems like forever
Since we had fun or maybe I never have fun
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me
You were always lame, a headache and a pain
I don't miss you and I won't miss you
I tried not to get bitter but I was such a quitter
Oh yeah I had dreams but they were only ever bad dreams
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me
The joke's on me, The joke's on me...
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
How everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
Well there never were any good old days
Looking back I'm still amazed
That everything went wrong in every way
There were no good old days
[2x]
And this whole time! I've been around
One minute up!
and a hundred down uhhh ohhh
Keep on laughing, Keep attacking
I'll show you what it means
To keep on lying, Keep denying
That there's nothing good in me
I'm not worthless, I know you heard this
My life's a joke and the joke's on me...

song performed by by Reel Big Fish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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