It's a fine sermon about fasting when the preacher just had lunch.
Related quotes
Preacher Needs More Ram
I took the modem off the podium...
Just before the preacher sneezed!
I asked a doctor in a pew...
If the sneeze would spread disease?
And Doctor Blye looked in my eyes,
As if I was there for church.
I looked him up and down and said,
'I am here doing research! '
I came to hook the preacher up,
To a new connection!
He wanted all his emails sent...
And downloaded to the chatrooms.
I came to hook the PC up for online sessions!
But the preacher is displeased...
'Cause the modem seems to need,
More ram!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
I came to hook the preacher up,
To a new connection!
He wanted all his emails sent...
And downloaded to the chatrooms.
I came to hook the PC up for online sessions!
But the preacher is displeased...
'Cause the modem seems to need,
More ram!
oh Oh OHHH....
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet...
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Ahhhhaaaayyy
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
'Reverand Heath?
I recommend a live video hookup as well!
I think you will touch a lot of people.
I found myself 'slightly' involved.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Preaching is effective as long as the preacher expects something to happen-not because of the sermon, not even because of the preacher, but because of God.
quote by John E. Hines
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sunday Morning
Sunday morning silence, curtain stay closed late
No one thinks of kitchens mornings in a filthy state
Dishes cups and beer stains, ashtrays on the floor
Sunday morning papers are left outside the front door
Sunday school and sunday roast
Sunday papers sunday post
Sunday morning sunday rest
Sunday sermon sunday best
(sunday, bloody sunday rest)
Glass of fizzy water helps to start the day
Sit and listen to sunday silence, problems fade away
Sunday cars and drivers break the morning air
Uncollected milk outside reveals theres no one there
Sunday school and sunday roast
Sunday papers sunday post
Sunday morning sunday rest
Sunday sermon sunday best
Sunday school and sunday roast
Sunday papers sunday post
Sunday morning sunday rest
Sunday sermon sunday best
Bathrobes hang in waiting, windows steaming up
Somewhere in the sink downstairs lies an unwashed cup
Tea and toast for breakfast clear away the plates
Wash-up prepare for cooking sunday lunch awaits
Sunday lunch awaits
Sunday lunch awaits
song performed by by Madness
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The devil will let a preacher prepare a sermon if it will keep him from preparing himself.
quote by Vance Havner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It is a poor sermon that gives no offense; that neither makes the hearer displeased with himself nor with the preacher.
quote by George Whitefield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Its Gonna Work Out Fine
Its gonna work out fine
Ike & tina turner
Darling (yes tine) its time to get next to me
(honey that was my plan from the very beginning)
Darling (un huh) I never thought that this could be
(what you mean) oh yeah
Your lips set my soul on fire
You could be my one desire
Oh darling (yes yes) I think its gonna work out fine
(its gonna work out fine)
I wanna tell you something ike
Ike, I went to see the preacher man
(the preacher man, you must be losin your mind)
I started (strated what) I started making wedding plans
(oh really) oh yeah
If your love is half as true as the love I offer you
Oh darling (yes yes) I think its gonna work out fine
(its gonna work out fine)
I keep a tellin ya (I think its gonna work out fine)
I get the feelin its a (gonna work out fine)
I keep a tellin you (I know its gonna work out fine)
Im so glad that youre mine all mine
Remember (remember what) I used to call you dapper dan
(yeah those were the good ole days)
But killer, forever and a lovin man (thats me) oh yeah
A whole lot of love just to be your speed
But now pretty daddy Im all you need
Oh darling (yes yes) I know its gonna work out fine
(its gonna work out fine)
I keep a tellin ya (I think its gonna work out fine)
I get the feelin its a (gonna work out fine)
I keep a tellin you (I know its gonna work out fine)
I want you to know its gonna work out fine
song performed by by Tina Turner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Month Of Fasting
The month long fasting grants a meal a day.
Meals got before or after don't spoil it.
During the fasting you must be honest.
Be the marital life the month of fasting.
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Preacher Boy
Jeanne burns / billie holiday
He was lanky and tall as a beanpole
And he wind fanned my heart to a flame
As he looked to the sky
And theres no wonder why
For preacher boy was his name
With his old yaller dog there beside him
And his eyes throwin sparks in the sun
I grew faint from the heat
From my heart to my feet
When I knew preacher boy was the one
Then he didnt say much
Hes the silent kind
But his arms were strong
Just the same as his mind
And my knees grew weak
As I clung to him
My preacher boy, my preacher boy
But he heard the call
Now hes left me
For his faith was stronger than i
And thought we are apart
Yet hes still in my heart
My preacher boy, my preacher boy
My wonderful preacher boy
song performed by by Billie Holiday
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Grounding
'and in he came with the sunshine, making my whole
world light up and every hour, every day, every month
was like a moment filled with joy and peace…..and I sat upon
the ground and gave praise, praise to the Lord …..' exclaimed
the preacher.
The boy at the back of the great hall sat quietly, busily picking his
nose, all the time contemplating which one of the girls
two plaits to cut off with the big red scissors he'd taken
earlier that day from his teachers desk.
'Amen' said the preacher.
'Amen' said the congregation.
'Amen' muttered the boy with the girls plait in
his grubby little hand.
and so endeth the sermon for that day.
poem by Ruth Walters
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lie Of All Lies
SOME YOUNG LADS SAT CHATTING MERRILY AND NOISILY WHEN A REVEREND PREACHER WALKED BY AND HE SAID TO THEM, WHAT BE THE CAUSE FOR THY NOISY CHATTER? HE ASKED AND THE CHILDREN REPLIED SAYING, PREACHER, WE HAVE PUT UP OUR SAVINGS FOR A WAGER! HE AMONGST US WHO TELLS THE GREATEST LIE WILL WIN THE WHOLE MONEY! THE PREACHER FROWNED AND SAID, LISTEN BOYS! IT IS NOT A GOOD THING TO TELL LIES! TAKE ME AS AN EXAMPLE! I HAVE NEVER TOLD A LIE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! STATED THE PREACHER! AND THE BOYS QUICKLY GOT UP, PACKED UP THE COINS ON THE FLOOR AND HANDED IT TO THE PREACHER SAYING, YOU WIN SIR! YOURS WAS THE BIGGEST LIE WE HAVE EVER HEARD!
poem by Overlord Don Manuel Ihcakeyno
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Son Of A Preacher Man
(john hurley / ronnie wilkins)
Billy-ray was a preachers son
And when his daddy would visit hed come along
When they gathered round and started talkin
Thats when billy would take me walkin
A-through the back yard wed go walkin
Then hed look into my eyes
Lord knows to my surprise
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, mmm, yes he was
Being good isnt always easy
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin to me
Hed come and tell me everything is all right
Hed kiss and tell me everything is all right
Can I get away again tonight?
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, lord knows he was
How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes
Stealin kisses from me on the sly
Takin time to make time
Tellin me that hes all mine
Learnin from each others knowing
Lookin to see how much weve grown
And the only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, oh, yes he was
He was the sweet-talking son of a preacher man
I guessed he was the son of a preacher man
Sweet-lovin son of a preacher man
Ahh, move me
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The best sermon is preached by the minister who has a sermon to preach and not by the man who has to preach a sermon.
quote by William Feather
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A Good Sermon
A good sermon should be like
A miniskirt:
Short enough to arouse interest
But long enough to cover the essentials.
Okay, seal my lips
Since silence is the only statement
That has zero misquote
Please this is not blasphemy
Forgive I if it is
Am I lost?
This's a message to
Him or her who hold
A position to address
Hear me say
A GIANT SERMON
Doesn't raise more converts
Neither does it make you a saint
Stick to this:
A GOOD SERMON!
poem by Buyunde Acura Sylivester
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Daddy Was An Old Time Preacher Man
(Dolly Parton)
Daddy was an old time preacher man
He preacher the word of God throughout the land
He preached so plain a child could understand
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
He told the people of he need to pray
He talked about God's wrath and judgement day
He preached about the great eternity
He preached hell so hot that you could feel the heat
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Aunt Leanona would get up to testify
And we'd sing "In The Sweet By And By"
The we'd sing "I'm On My Way To Canaan Land"
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Revivals and camp meetings went for weeks
Folks came from all around to hear him preach
Daddy said if one is saved it's worth it all
But the aisles were always filled at altar calls
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Daddy worked for God but asked for no pay
For he believed that God provides a way
We never had a lot but we got by
Guess it's 'cause the Lord was on Daddy's side
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Girls Just Want To Have Lunch
[parody of girls just want to have fun by cyndi lauper]
I know to keep a woman satisfied.
When I whip out my diners card their eyes get so wide.
Theyre always in the mood for something to munch.
Ah girls, they wanna have lunch.
Ah, girls just wanna have...
Thats all they really want,
Some lunch.
Dont ask em to dinner
Or breakfast or brunch,
cause girls, they wanna have lunch.
Ah, girls just wanna have lunch.
Girls they want, wanna have lunch, girls, wanna have...
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Preacher Man
(Gary Rossington-Johnny Van Zant-Rickey Medlocke-Hughie Thomasson)
You know i'm dirty because it's in me
Life's not easy
And it's the heart that i won't change
I wouldn't be the same
You see me one day and then the next day
I don't wanna play
I'm not the same dog you have known
It's not written in stone
Well am i right or wrong
Lookin' out for number one
I never stay too long
I'm there and then i'm gone
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I've got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah
Saint was a sinner
Ain't he a winner
And did you hear him say
I didn't lie just as well
It's all in the head
Oh ain't it funny
How little money
Cheap talkin' honey
Can turn a sunny day to gray
Well am i right or wrong
Lookin' out for number one
I never stay too long
I'm there and then i'm gone
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I've got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
song performed by by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If I had only one sermon to preach it would be a sermon against pride.
quote by Gilbert K. Chesterton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My father (in answer to T.T. Cloete)
My father lived for God, family, friends
and for his country,
just before his death, as a lay preacher
he gave a sermon in pain while trembling,
he was formidable, the kind of man
to emulate,
his word was true, more concrete than steel,
integrity did radiate from him.
[Reference: "Ballade van die patriot" (ballad of the patriot) by T.T. Cloete.]
poem by Gert Strydom
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Miss Piggy regrets..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today, madam..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today:
That tastelessly named flu’s got her
(She forgot to wash her front trotter…) so
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today, madam..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today:
It’s a swine of a stroke of bad luck:
Her eyelashes, she sneezed them unstuck… so
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today…
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today, madam..
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today:
She’s all pink from her snout to her face;
Her mascara’s all over the place… so
Miss Piggy regrets she’s unable to lunch today..
Why not try the lamb today, madam…?
poem by Michael Shepherd
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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