Preacher Needs More Ram
I took the modem off the podium...
Just before the preacher sneezed!
I asked a doctor in a pew...
If the sneeze would spread disease?
And Doctor Blye looked in my eyes,
As if I was there for church.
I looked him up and down and said,
'I am here doing research! '
I came to hook the preacher up,
To a new connection!
He wanted all his emails sent...
And downloaded to the chatrooms.
I came to hook the PC up for online sessions!
But the preacher is displeased...
'Cause the modem seems to need,
More ram!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
I came to hook the preacher up,
To a new connection!
He wanted all his emails sent...
And downloaded to the chatrooms.
I came to hook the PC up for online sessions!
But the preacher is displeased...
'Cause the modem seems to need,
More ram!
oh Oh OHHH....
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet...
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Ahhhhaaaayyy
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
I hear the people pat their feet,
When the preacher's sermon's heated!
I'm in the house of the Lord,
And the preacher needs more ram!
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
Oh Lord...
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
What do I do with the modem?
'Reverand Heath?
I recommend a live video hookup as well!
I think you will touch a lot of people.
I found myself 'slightly' involved.'
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Son Of A Preacher Man
(john hurley / ronnie wilkins)
Billy-ray was a preachers son
And when his daddy would visit hed come along
When they gathered round and started talkin
Thats when billy would take me walkin
A-through the back yard wed go walkin
Then hed look into my eyes
Lord knows to my surprise
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, mmm, yes he was
Being good isnt always easy
No matter how hard I try
When he started sweet-talkin to me
Hed come and tell me everything is all right
Hed kiss and tell me everything is all right
Can I get away again tonight?
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, lord knows he was
How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes
Stealin kisses from me on the sly
Takin time to make time
Tellin me that hes all mine
Learnin from each others knowing
Lookin to see how much weve grown
And the only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, he was, oh, yes he was
He was the sweet-talking son of a preacher man
I guessed he was the son of a preacher man
Sweet-lovin son of a preacher man
Ahh, move me
song performed by by Dusty Springfield
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Daddy Was An Old Time Preacher Man
(Dolly Parton)
Daddy was an old time preacher man
He preacher the word of God throughout the land
He preached so plain a child could understand
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
He told the people of he need to pray
He talked about God's wrath and judgement day
He preached about the great eternity
He preached hell so hot that you could feel the heat
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Aunt Leanona would get up to testify
And we'd sing "In The Sweet By And By"
The we'd sing "I'm On My Way To Canaan Land"
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Revivals and camp meetings went for weeks
Folks came from all around to hear him preach
Daddy said if one is saved it's worth it all
But the aisles were always filled at altar calls
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
Daddy worked for God but asked for no pay
For he believed that God provides a way
We never had a lot but we got by
Guess it's 'cause the Lord was on Daddy's side
Yes, Daddy was an old time preacher man
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Preacher Boy
Jeanne burns / billie holiday
He was lanky and tall as a beanpole
And he wind fanned my heart to a flame
As he looked to the sky
And theres no wonder why
For preacher boy was his name
With his old yaller dog there beside him
And his eyes throwin sparks in the sun
I grew faint from the heat
From my heart to my feet
When I knew preacher boy was the one
Then he didnt say much
Hes the silent kind
But his arms were strong
Just the same as his mind
And my knees grew weak
As I clung to him
My preacher boy, my preacher boy
But he heard the call
Now hes left me
For his faith was stronger than i
And thought we are apart
Yet hes still in my heart
My preacher boy, my preacher boy
My wonderful preacher boy
song performed by by Billie Holiday
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lie Of All Lies
SOME YOUNG LADS SAT CHATTING MERRILY AND NOISILY WHEN A REVEREND PREACHER WALKED BY AND HE SAID TO THEM, WHAT BE THE CAUSE FOR THY NOISY CHATTER? HE ASKED AND THE CHILDREN REPLIED SAYING, PREACHER, WE HAVE PUT UP OUR SAVINGS FOR A WAGER! HE AMONGST US WHO TELLS THE GREATEST LIE WILL WIN THE WHOLE MONEY! THE PREACHER FROWNED AND SAID, LISTEN BOYS! IT IS NOT A GOOD THING TO TELL LIES! TAKE ME AS AN EXAMPLE! I HAVE NEVER TOLD A LIE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! STATED THE PREACHER! AND THE BOYS QUICKLY GOT UP, PACKED UP THE COINS ON THE FLOOR AND HANDED IT TO THE PREACHER SAYING, YOU WIN SIR! YOURS WAS THE BIGGEST LIE WE HAVE EVER HEARD!
poem by Overlord Don Manuel Ihcakeyno
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Once Upon a Time
Once upon a time there lived a preacher.
He was very famous one in the Christian world.
He was the best teacher.
He taught the Word of our Lord.
He visited so many places,
So many people had joined the church,
He saw so many faces,
For lonely hearts he did search.
Once his boat had come to an island,
An island where only one man lived,
That man was not christened,
The Word of our Lord was not sieved.
It took a preacher a long time
To teach the man the prayers
But then he saw the man’s eyes shine
And full of sincere tears.
At the end of the day the preacher had left,
But what he has seen surprised.
The man running on the water was so deft,
That fact he could not realized.
At first he thought about God himself
Or may be it was an ocean elf.
He fell down on his knees and prayed
But he was more surprised
Hearing the islands man’s voice:
“Hey, man! I had no choice.
I forgot the last prayer.
Can you repeat it, man?
I’ll be your best payer.”
Larisa R (Odessa, Ukraine)
poem by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Parable About an Islander
Once upon a time there lived a preacher.
He was very famous one in the Christian world.
He was the best teacher.
He taught the Word of our Lord.
He visited so many places,
So many people had joined the church,
He saw so many faces,
For lonely hearts he did search.
Once his boat had come to an island,
An island where only one man lived,
That man was not christened,
The Word of our Lord was not there sieved.
It took a preacher a long time
To teach the man the prayers
But then he saw the mans' eyes shine
And full of sincere tears.
At the end of the day the preacher had left,
But what he had seen surprised.
The man running on the water was so deft,
That fact could not be realized.
At first he thought about God himself
Or may be it was an ocean elf?
He fell down on his knees and prayed
But he was more surprised
Hearing the islanders' voice:
“Hey, man! I had no choice.
I forgot the last prayer.
Can you repeat it, man?
I’ll be your best payer.”
Larisa R (Odessa, Ukraine)
poem by Larisa Rzhepishevska
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Don't You Hear Jerusalem Moan
Don't You Hear Jerusalem Moan
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Don't never let a chicken get big enough to crow
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Thank God there's a heaven and a ringing in my soul and my soul's got free
Don't you hear Jerusalem moan?
Well a hard-shell preacher you can tell him how he do
Well he chews his own tobacco and he drinks his own brew.
Well a Baptist preacher you can tell him by his coat
Has a bottle in his pocket that he can't hardly tote
Well a Cambellite preacher his soul is saved
Well he has to be baptized every other day
Well the Holy Roller preacher he sure is a sight
Well he gets em all a-rolling and he kicks out the light
Well the Presbyterian preacher he lives in town
His neck's so stiff he can't hardly look around.
song performed by by Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Preacher Man
(Gary Rossington-Johnny Van Zant-Rickey Medlocke-Hughie Thomasson)
You know i'm dirty because it's in me
Life's not easy
And it's the heart that i won't change
I wouldn't be the same
You see me one day and then the next day
I don't wanna play
I'm not the same dog you have known
It's not written in stone
Well am i right or wrong
Lookin' out for number one
I never stay too long
I'm there and then i'm gone
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I've got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Yeah-Yeah-Yeah
Saint was a sinner
Ain't he a winner
And did you hear him say
I didn't lie just as well
It's all in the head
Oh ain't it funny
How little money
Cheap talkin' honey
Can turn a sunny day to gray
Well am i right or wrong
Lookin' out for number one
I never stay too long
I'm there and then i'm gone
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I've got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
I'm not the preacher man
Oh can you understand
It's a game of win or lose
I got an evil eye
You know sometimes i might lie
Oh i'm not the preacher man
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Aah aah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
song performed by by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Preaching is effective as long as the preacher expects something to happen-not because of the sermon, not even because of the preacher, but because of God.
quote by John E. Hines
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Ichabod - The Story of Discontent (Narrative)
This story's for the humble
And I'll hide identities
For it may make you stumble
To know the realities.
It's about a nice preacher
Of a known denomination
Who aspired to be richer
Through his good congregation.
In a rented house he lived
With his lovely wife and children
But he wanted to receive
A better blessing from men.
So without much ado
He relayed in his preaching
A new house will do
So increase with your giving.
He said 'We'll build a Center
That will then accommodate
Five thousand new members,
And this church will be great.
But before that you must
Build a nice house for me
I hope you will trust
It's for our testimony.'
So poured the donations
And the gift offerings
For his house construction
With complete furnishings.
After the house, he needed
A new car for his trips,
So in preaching he related
Added needs in the worship.
'A Crosswind is fine'
Said he to the people,
'It's an Isuzu line
And the price reasonable.'
So he got the new wheels
And with peace for a moment,
But the joy that he feels
Soon leads back to discontent.
After a year, a predicament-
Another car he had wanted
Made known his sentiment,
Again the people submitted.
'A Mitsubishi Pajero,
It's the best for our missions
Will you let me know
Your complete contributions.'
When the giving was done
And the money was counted,
'For those who gave none
No prayers will be said.'
What kind of a shepherd
Will say such a prayer?
From heaven God heard
This very selfish preacher.
After that his own son
Brought sin to the church,
A curse that's undone
Took him down from his perch.
Though he preached with full volume
It was empty of Power
For the God Who consumes
Has abandoned the preacher.
Now seven years later
There is still no Center,
Eventually the Rapture
May not carry this preacher.
'Ichabod' - The glory of the Lord has
departed.
'We too often love things and use people, when we should be using things and loving people.'
..................................... .................................................
April 10,2009
Philippines
poem by Cynthia Buhain-Baello
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Grounding
'and in he came with the sunshine, making my whole
world light up and every hour, every day, every month
was like a moment filled with joy and peace…..and I sat upon
the ground and gave praise, praise to the Lord …..' exclaimed
the preacher.
The boy at the back of the great hall sat quietly, busily picking his
nose, all the time contemplating which one of the girls
two plaits to cut off with the big red scissors he'd taken
earlier that day from his teachers desk.
'Amen' said the preacher.
'Amen' said the congregation.
'Amen' muttered the boy with the girls plait in
his grubby little hand.
and so endeth the sermon for that day.
poem by Ruth Walters
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Preacher Tom
Preacher tom, your friends are many
And your good deeds are a plenty
And I know that God is plenty proud of you
Cause youve directed your attention
Towards a bright and shining mansion
God promise to the ones that pay their dues
Chorus:
So preacher tom, come on preach,
Let the one of which you speak have his way
Let his precious will be done
Preacher tom, come on
Teach of the one always in reach
Saying who so ever will let him come
Preach on preacher tom, preach on
Your smile is like the sunshine bringing warmth and joy to others
And love controls your understanding heart
And the message that you spread is just like water to the thirsty
A beacon that keeps shining through the dark
Repeat chorus twice & fade
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Precher Tom
Preacher tom, your friends are many
And your good deeds are a plenty
And i know that god is plenty proud of you
Cause youve directed your attention
Towards a bright and shining mansion
God promise to the ones that pay their dues
Chorus:
So preacher tom, come on preach,
Let the one of which you speak have his way
Let his precious will be done
Preacher tom, come on
Teach of the one always in reach
Saying who so ever will let him come
Preach on preacher tom, preach on
Your smile is like the sunshine bringing warmth and joy to others
And love controls your understanding heart
And the message that you spread is just like water to the thirsty
A beacon that keeps shining through the dark
Repeat chorus twice & fade
song performed by by Dolly Parton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Preacher's Son
Twenty years,
The father’s reign
A tool of God,
He cannot gain
The strength for war,
Or heart for love,
So silently he hides the dove
A preacher’s son,
A soul so safe
Hidden from life
Inside his faith
His winter scar;
A line of blood
A rush of faith
A mental flood
Of gods and demons
Fighting war,
Of church filled boys
And sin filled whores
The way is seen
The only one,
The preacher’s gold,
The preacher’s son
poem by Jack Cropes
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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When I gave my life to the Lord, I thought I'd be a preacher.
quote by Tim LaHaye
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pray For The Fish
EVERYBODY GATHERED WHERE THE RIVER RUNS WIDER
AT THE EDGE OF TOWN
TO SEE IF THAT EDDIE LEE VAUGHN BAPTISM
WAS REALLY GONNA GO DOWN
FOLKS BET THEIR HARD EARNED MONEY
THAT WATER WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING
THEY SET THE ODDS AT A HUNDRED TO ONE
HIS SOUL WOULDN'T NEVER COME CLEAN
THEN THE PREACHER SAID
PEOPLE TAKE A MOMENT OR TWO
THERE SOMETHING WE NEED TO DO
PRAY FOR THE FISH
THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING
WHEN THE SIN STARTS ROLLING OFF THE LIKES OF HIM
LORD BE WITH EM, THEY AIN'T DONE NOTHIN'
PLEASE WONT YOU LEAVE THEM JUST A LITTLE BIT ?A ROOM TO SWIM
PRAY FOR THE FISH
WELL THE PREACHER DUCKED EM UNDER
THAT COOL CLEAR WATER
THEN HE DID IT AGAIN
EDDIE CAME UP YELLING
LORD IN HEAVEN HALLEAUH!
I'M A BRAND NEW MAN
WELL THE WATER GOT TO BUBBLING
SKY GOT TO RUMBLING
AND THE THUNDER BACKED UP THE CHOIR
THE FISH STARTED JUMPIN'
IT WAS LIKE THEY WAS SWIMMIN'
IN A LAKE OF FIRE
THEN EDDIE'S MOMMA STEPPED OUT OF THE CROWD
AND STARTED YELLING OUT LOUD
PRAY FOR THE FISH
THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT'S COMING
WHEN THE SIN STARTS ROLLING
OFF THE LIKES OF HIM
LORD BE WITH' EM
THEY AIN'T DONE NOTHING
PLEASE WONT YOU LEAVE ?EM
JUST A LITTLE BIT ?A ROOM TO SWIM
PRAY FOR THE FISH
HE SAID EVERYBODY CROSS YOUR FINGERS
FOLD YOUR HANDS
PRAY FOR OLE' EDDIE
BUT BEFORE WE SAY AMEN
PRAY FOR THE FISH
LORD BE WITH ?EM
THEY AINT DONE NOTHIN'
PLEASE WONT YOU LEAVE ?EM
JUST A LITTLE BIT ?A ROOM TO SWIM
PRAY FOR THE FISH
LORD PRAY FOR THE FISH
song performed by by Randy Travis
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Inside Story
No one really knew him like I did,
He taught me everything I know
No one really knew him like I did,
While he starts playing the piano,
(? ) was a preacher,
Every night at church we had to go,
Mother always playing on the organ,
(? ) so low,
(? ) are complaining,
(? )
Oh lord my god
Some times I wander
Oh lord my god
Consider what you will
Inside story (x3)
Last years glory
Inside story (x4)
How great thought art?
How great the art?
How great his art
His art
Oh lord my god
Some times I wander
Oh lord my god
Consider what you will
His art
Your art
My art
His art
Your art
My art.
song performed by by Grace Jones
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Boy In The Pew
A boy in church sits in the pew.
His mind is not on sin.
In the background the preacher is preaching
and his voice is getting thin,
to the boy that is.
He's tuned him out.
He's not aware of the lecture or shout.
His mind is on more delectable things
like fishing and girls he knows.
The words of the preacher have not reached his ears.
His mind just simply goes
to a place where sin is not a fear,
to where a boy can always be
happy, lazy, boyish and free.
He closes his eyes and music plays
and the choir sings of God.
He listens and finally comes awake
and finds it really odd
that the words of a hymn
as he sits in the pew
can always reach his ears,
something the preacher can't do.
poem by Edwina Reizer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Blame It On The Love Of Rock & Roll
First time I heard the music
I thought it was my own
I could feel it in my heartbeat
I could feel it in my bones
My momma thinks I'm crazy
My dad says I'm insane
I got this boogie woogie fever
That's burning in my veins
They tried to take me to a doctor
But it's too late for me
Then they took me to a preacher
That they saw on their TV
Who said that for a small donation
My lost soul would be saved I said
I don't think so preacher
I'll come back another day
All I want
song performed by by Bon Jovi from Keep The Faith
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Lovers Prayer
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
I dont want no jive artists calling me on the telephone
Dont wanna watch the carson show all alone
I just wanna lay back, take my rest
With the one I loves head resting on my chest
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
And I dont want my best friends even coming round
cos if they do I might put em down
Carsons over and the lights way down low
And all I got, I got a heart full of soul
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
I said, lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
I said, lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
And its a lovers prayer, oh yes it is
Takes a little time, takes a little care, yeah, yeah, yeah
And when it gets way on in the midnight hour
I just wanna play my guitar
I just wanna see you smile, touch your face
Be with you in my own place
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
I said, lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Lord, lord, lord, lord, lord
Just wanna be with my love tonight
Just wanna be with my love tonight
Just wanna be with my love tonight
song performed by by Van Morrison
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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