Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
quote by Woody Allen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Plumbing (or) The Taming Of The Spew
He called to his wife, sounding, oh so, bereft
“Water just spewed right out of the sink
I just turned the faucet a bit to the left
It’s not my fault, I really don’t think”
The wife replied, “you go to work. I’ll call the plumber”
“Which one? ”, The wife’s husband did ask
“Don’t worry”, she said, “I have his number
The plumber best fit for the task”
The husband then left, as his job did come first
And she quickly got on the phone
She called up this man, the man of her thirst
The plumber with love undertone
He’d been there before, when her pipes needed fixing
When he laid right under the sink
With a large dose of grease, he gave them a slicking
This plumber sure was in the pink
When her husband came home, the spewing had ceased
He found all the plumber’s work done
She never let on just how well she’d been greased
Or how plumbing could be so much fun
poem by Stanley Cooper
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lonely Weekends
Well i make it alright
From monday morning 'til the friday night
But oh those lonely weekends
Well since you left me
Honey i've been as lonely as a man can be
But oh those lonely weekends
Well you said you'd be good to me
You said our love would never die
You said you'd be good to me
Whoa but darlin' you wouldn't even try
Well i make it alright
From monday morning 'til the friday night
But oh those lonely weekends
You said you'd be good to me
You said our love would never die
You said you'd be good to me
Whoa but darlin' you wouldn't even try
Well i make it alright
From monday morning 'til the friday night
But oh those lonely weekends
But oh those lonely weekends
I said oh those lonely weekends
I said oh those lonely weekends
I said oh those lonely weekends
song performed by by Tom Petty
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Plumbing Song
(announcer: who fixes plumbing problems in a flash? twenty four hours a day? seven days a week? )
Baby, I sure wish I could lend you a hand
But plumbings one thing I dont understand
Its true (havent got a clue)
B-b-b-baby, I can tell youve got a big problem
When I flush the john, then your shower goes on
(baby) now watcha gonna do?
If dranos a joke and your plunger is broke
Baby, call the mensch with a monkey wrench
(baby) hell be there for you
Showers backing up (up, up)?
Water wont go down (down, down)?
Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby
Dont forget my plumber
Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby
Sinks been stopped up all summer
Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby
Better call the plumber
Hell know what to do
Pipes been blowing up
Pipes been breaking down
And the carpets soaked... right through
Ba-ba ba ba ba, ba-ba ba ba ba ba
Ba-ba ba ba ba, kitchens flooded, too
Ba-ba ba ba ba, ba-ba ba ba ba ba
Ba-ba ba ba ba, girl, you know its true
B-b-b-betcha this guy makes more than my lawer
If he works for one day, costs you half a years pay
(baby) he can be here by 2:00
So if youve got cash, hell be there in a flash
Makin service calls in his overalls
(baby) hell do his best for you
Sewers backing up (up, up)?
Got you feelin down (down, down)?
Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby
Dont forget my plumber
Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby
Leaky pipes are a bummer
Ba ba-ba-ba, ba ba-ba-ba, baby
Time to call the plumber
Maybe call a few
Got a problem with plumbing?
Gotta blame it on something
Blame it on the drain it was cloggin, cloggin
Blame it on the faucet that drips all night
If hairballs, grease and goo
Wont let the water through
Blame it on the drain, yeah, yeah
When I flush the john, now when I flush the john
It turns your shower on
(roto-rooter 6-5000)
Ba ba-ba-ba, baby
Better call my plumber
Hell know what to do
(announcer: call now. were in the yellow pages!)
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Time Drags
There are times when
time likes to drag on by
and other times
when it speed by without notice.
Time often drags
near the weekends
and then at the weekends
they are gone before you know it.
The only logical explanation
is simple indeed.
It drags in anticipation
as we look forward to a little time off.
As soon as we relax
and begin to enjoy ourselves
then time decides to race along
so we have to go back to work again.
23 May 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Butter Up
Butter up,
If you want to keep me weak and numb.
Butter up,
If you want to be my number one.
Butter up,
If you want to have the weekends done,
With nothing but a loving and done with fun.
Butter up,
If you want to keep me weak and numb.
Butter up,
If you want to be my number one.
Butter up,
If you want to have the weekends done,
With nothing but a loving and done with fun.
And when Monday begins,
We'll have those memories...
To keep!
Butter up!
Butter up!
Butter up, butter up, butter up, butter up!
Butter up...
If you want to keep me weak and numb.
Butter up,
If you want to be my number one.
Butter up,
If you want to have the weekends done,
With nothing but a buttering done with fun.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Bit Of A Laugh
When you’re up every morning
for work at the crack of dawn,
you think at the weekends
you can just lay back and yawn.
A nice lay in, getting up whenever,
not where my three cats
Arthur, Barney, and Charlie
are concerned.
They’ve got into a routine
of when their breakfast comes.
At five o’clock in the mornings at weekends,
they start playing trampolines on my tum.
With cats bouncing on your belly
you don’t lay in for long,
they get you up to feed them
and after they have eaten,
they go back to bed.
However, you are wide-awake by now,
so you end up staying up instead.
So much for that lay in
you thought you were going to get.
In our house that doesn’t happen,
I say with much regret.
One day I might get one,
when I’m old and grey,
with fingers crossed, I say,
but for the moment getting a lay in,
is just a bit of a laugh.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Wreckless
So this is it, have we come to the end
No more fun, oh my friend
But Ill take my chances now
Lettin loose again
Wreckless weekends, weekends
Led by my heart, not my head
Tearing this whole world apart
I found something no one steals
Its love of life, its so real
And I know its hard for you
But here I go again
Wreckless weekends, weekends
Led by my heart, not my head
Tearing this whole world apart
Bringing me down when it starts
And if its a lifetime term
Babe I guess Ill never learn
Got to make a stand right here tonight
Got the fever right to my feet
Kicking my heels and Im coming on heat,
Tonights the night we make it real
Oh baby, its a steal
* its no good tomorrow, its too far away
Im keeping my hand in, you gotta stay
Theres no time for makeup, just put on your shoes
You know weve got nothing to lose
** wreckless, born for a wild weekend
Wreckless, pushing it til the end
Im tired of houston, it sticks in my throat
Im gonna swim , not gonna float
So break these chains and let me loose
cuz if I cant win, Im gonna choose
* repeat
** repeat
** and I cant stand one more lonely night
Without a love thats got no fight
Oh baby , let me know
Cmon sugar, let it show
One more time, we will know
I gotta keep you, cant let you go
[instrumental]
*** repeat
** repeat twice then let the instruments take it on home!
song performed by by Ufo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I never planned on being a plumber.
quote by Scott Caan
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I wanted to be a plumber.
quote by Robert Goulet
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
quote by Woody Allen
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Not For The Season
Springtime comes and the leaves are back on the trees again
Snipers are harder to see my friends
Weeding out the weekends
Summer comes and gravity undoes you
You're happy because of the lovely way the sunshine bends
Hiding from your close friends
Weeding out the weekends
Candy left over from Halloween
A unified theory of everything
Love left over from lovers leaving
Books, they all know they're not worth reading
It's not for the season
When autumn comes you sit in your chair and you stare
At the TV square
Hiding in the deep end
Weeding out the weekends
Winter comes and the days all start late
There's motion on the boughs where the dark shapes prowl
Feeling out the feelings
Feeling out the feeling
Candy left over from Halloween
A unified theory of everything
Love left over from lovers leaving
Books, they all know they're not worth reading
They're not worth reading
song performed by by Wilco
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he'd be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman.
quote by Bela Lugosi
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Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.
quote by George Meany
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Let's say I was a plumber, or I worked at a factory, I would download music, you feel what I'm saying?
quote by Obie Trice
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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A plumber is an adventurer who traces leaky pipes to their source.
quote by Arthur Baer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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blocked sink
the children finally get
to know a plumber
haiku by John Tiong Chunghoo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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If I waited for inspiration every time I sat down to write a song I probably would be a plumber today.
quote by Barry Mann
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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It's still about the women. It's not called Desperate Plumber. People are more interested in cat fights.
quote by James Denton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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