Tale of a Once Upon a Time Christmas Gift for Me from the Deity
God has a sense of humor and
If you have time I have a tale.
In military basic training land
The youngsters - not always young - always come to chapel.
It is the only place where they are free
Loosed temporarily from the fetters of their captivity
It is a place of pressure and of pain
This military basic training lane
Access to the military the goal to be gained.
The process lasts about twelve weeks
Twelve being the number choosen by our greatest teacher.
On Christmas Eve with help from wife
Her intent being to help ease my preaching strife
A great sermon was spoken to the uniformed throng
Their attentiveness told me absolutely nothing was wrong
A great sermon preached to a sea of faces
A little less pain in one of God's strange places.
But the best was yet to be
For God's sense of humor held a gift for me
That in that night of greatest pastoral power
A goal of rich adolescent vision had come to flower.
The goal was to preach in a great filled cathedral
And to do it with an excellence almost sudoral
To do it so well that half would return
To do it so well only half Christ would spurn,
At least as far as his worship would go
The ethical part is still very much in tow.
So God may or may not have a plan
But I suspect She chuckles when She observes man
And although cold stone the structure was not
A legion it could comfortably hold
The half of which were almost down right told
By circumstances beyond their personal control
That to chapel next week they would return
If only for encouragement their first strip to earn.
This is a genunine gift God gave to me
The purpose I think to help me see
That though youthful ambition errs by aiming high
The calculus of our lives belong to the Big Guy.
Note on the use of 'She' to refer to God. It was Oswald Chambers' 'My Utmost for His Highest' that educated me to this in the scriptural sense.
poem by Bill Grace
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Related quotes
God's Sense of Humor
God has a sense of humor and
If you have time I have a tale.
In military basic training land
The youngsters - not always young -
Always come to chapel..
It is the only place where they are free
Loosed temporarily from the fetters of their captivity.
Basic is a place of pressure and of pain
Access to the military a goal to be gained.
The process lasts about twelve weeks
Twelve being the number choosen by our greatest teacher.
One Christmas eve with help from wife
Her intent being to help ease my preaching strife
A great sermon was spoken to the uniformed throng
Their attentiveness told me absolutely nothing was wrong.
A great sermon preached to a sea of faces
A little less pain in one of God's strange places.
But the best was yet to be
For God's sense of humor held a gift for me
That in that night of greatest pastoral power
A goal of rich adolescent vision had come to flower.
poem by Bill Grace
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Dorothy
For she grew up in Kansas
An American for real
She loved baseball, God and country
And McDonalds for a meal.
She was a true American
Loved Springsteen to the hilt
But when she was in college
And struggling with bills
She thought she'd join the army
Join up as a reserve
Two weeks a year did not seem much
The time she had to serve.
It was great there in the army
She took it in her stride
Gave her some real ambition
And a sense of National Pride.
She started off as private
They joked, as 'private parts'
Then she became a corporal
Of the military arts
Part time corporal Kansas
She said that to the men
Who now were joining up in droves
When promotion came again
So now she was a sergeant
Who'd never been to war
Then the call up for iraq came out
And opened up the door
Of full time full on soldiering
So now it was her chance
To fight those goddam'd Arabs
And stop their deadly dance.
Day one it was amazing
They were given their full kit
Some kit wasn't full at all
But they didn't mind a bit
So with her body armour
An M15 right by her side
She jumped into the transport
For a military ride.
They disembarked at Basra
Now held safe by prior troops
They raced the desert northwards
Caught Baghdad inside a loop
The war was over quickly
Those Iraqi's they just ran
And one day she was called to see
A new military man
Said she was showing promise
Would she like to a different role?
A role that’s so important
And so central to our goal
These WMD's he said
Are proving hard to find
Those damned Iraqi's know so much
But they have twisted minds
We've got close on two hundred
Most of the players in the pack
So we have to exert pressure
On all the A-rabs that we catch.
Sergeant Kansas saw her future
She knew her destiny
She would be the first to find
A WMD.
We've know that they are out there
We know that from on high
And Sergeant Kansas stood there
Spangled banner in her eyes.
The dog leash was quite crazy
She told investigative men
Who questioned her so closely
And time and time again
They asked her the same question
Are you really really sure
That this was just an act of yours
And that no superior
Told you straight to do it
Or was it that this war
Made certain things permitted
Behind the gaol house door?
(pause)
'it was great there in the army
I took it in my stride
It gave me real ambition
And a sense of national pride
That is how it started
But if i the truth can tell
I now feel i'm America
And in a living hell'
30 May 2004
poem by David Keig
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Too Much In-The-Love
A position of proposition kept.
Researched...
With a common sense,
Not academic!
I am not someone to invite to test.
But I've never met an obstacle...
That has of yet,
Made me unhappy because we've met.
'Cause I'm...
Too much in-the-love!
Yes,
I'm...
Just too basic.
I studied all the books in school.
And as a rule I found this true...
I am,
Too much in-the-love!
Yes!
And...
Just too basic.
My Masters and my Doctorate,
I got early in life.
And the military taught me...
To be,
Decisive!
A position of proposition kept.
Researched...
With a common sense,
Not academic!
'Cause I'm...
Too much in-the-love!
Yes,
In-the-LOVE!
And...
Just 'too' basic.
My 'degree' is in my 'own' history!
And my proposition spoken,
Is in my position...
Stated!
Too much in-the-love!
Yes,
In-the-LOVE!
And...
I'm Just TOO basic.
My Masters and my Doctorate,
I got early in life.
And the military taught me...
To be,
Decisive!
And today I'm delighted.
'Cause I'm...
Just too much,
In-the-LOVE!
Yes,
In-the-LOVE!
And...
Just too basic.
'Cause I'm...
Just 'too' much,
In-the-LOVE!
Yes,
In-the-LOVE!
And...
Just TOO basic.
So basic I am wide eyed.
And I'm...
Just 'too' much in-the-love.
Yes,
In-the-LOVE!
And...
Just TOO basic.
And earned to keep!
Yes I'm too much,
In-the-LOVE.
Just too much,
In-the-LOVE.
Yes too much,
In-the-LOVE.
Just too much.
Yes I'm too much,
In-the-LOVE.
Just too much,
In-the-LOVE.
Yes too much,
In-the-LOVE.
Just TOO much.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Essence Of Sense Of Humor
It’s the rarest of the commodities
It’s a gift possessed by few
Yes I’m talking about sense of humor
It has an essence that’s absolutely new
People having this rarest quality
Can turn the things all upside down
Making a mockery of most serious cases
They would hardly let you frown
That’s the color it brings to life
That’s the essence of sense of humor
The energy it brings to others and self
Is way beyond all jokes and rumor
You can master the circumstances
You can nullify the negativity
You need not be a professional
It’s only a matter of creativity
It diffuses the negative energy
And infuses the positive
It gives us a new direction
To be a little more sensitive
All tears can turn to smiles
With a small pinch of humor
People will remember you forever
That’s the essence of sense of humor.
poem by Sumeet Mukherjee
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True Action!
We are laborer,
Absolutely Pure laborer!
Then why, suffering, complaining,
On own stresses, about unnecessary sweats and toiling!
Work that must be inspired,
Where worker should never come to tire.
No exhaustion but the enjoyment while working,
And true nobler are enthusiastic about goal pursuing!
True Goal is not achieving the goal,
But striving to reach the goal is the real goal.
One should keep the goal to shoot at the highest emplacement,
So that one can enjoy his whole life without getting retirement.
Goal should be so high so that none can reach,
Why should ideal be kept so high so that it can’t be reached?
Striving to reach the highest is the moment where we grow,
Reaching the goal is the end of the goal, hence it will simply blow.
poem by Warner Keisham
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Master Plan
God's plan for us is very huge,
And we are very small.
Because we are a part of it,
We cannot see it all.
We are not supposed to,
Only he does know.
For if he gave it all away,
We would never grow.
The goal's for us to be like him,
We know that God is great.
So we have to just go through his plan,
For the answers, we must wait.
When we see His big picture,
Only then will we understand.
All the pain and hurt we gave and took,
Was a part of His great plan.
We're all in this together,
Believe this if you choose.
One day like me, you'll understand,
For his plan, it's us He'll use.
poem by Ryan Lee Morris
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Perhaps it is not true to speak of God as a judge at all, or of his judgements. There does not seem to be really any evidence that His worlds are places of trial but rather schools, places of training, or that He is a judge but rather a Teacher, a Trainer, not in the imperfect sense in which men are teachers, but in the sense of His contriving and adapting His whole universe for one purpose of training every intelligent being to be perfect. … I think God would not be the Almighty, the All-Wise, the All-Good, if he were the judge, in the sense that the evangelical and Roman Catholic Christians impute judgement to him. … Our business is, I think, to understand, not to judge. What He does is, as far as we know, to rule by law down to the most infinitesimally small portion of His universe, not to judge.
quote by Florence Nightingale
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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We must have a theme, a goal, a purpose in our lives. If you don't know where you're aiming, you don't have a goal. My goal is to live my life in such a way that when I die, someone can say, she cared.
quote by Mary Kay Ash
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Sharing The Ultimate Gift
I want to share a special gift with you that God has given to me,
This gift like most others that you will receive is absolutely free.
However unlike other gifts that you may have received in the past,
This special gift and this one alone through all eternity will last.
Although you can't see this gift, it's the greatest you can receive,
This gift is not in a box, but in the heart of all those who believe.
And even though this gift is one of a kind and very special indeed,
You'll surely want to give this gift away as soon as it is received.
Don't be concerned about giving away something you didn't use,
For God said “Blessed are the feet of those who bring good news.”
This gift will surprise you on the day you decide to give it away,
You won't feel any loss at all with more to give the following day.
My friend you will be Eternally Grateful when you finally choose,
To truly embrace but give away this gift that you can never lose.
By now you know this gift is none other than Jesus Christ the Lord,
And your faithful sharing of this gift, by Him, will not be ignored.
For our Great Blessed Hope, who through the ages many have adored,
At His return will bring to all His faithful, an Everlasting Reward.
So the next gift you receive and think you'll treasure forevermore,
Remember that the only truly lasting gift is Jesus Christ The Lord.
(Copyright © 12/2002)
The young people look great on television. They're youthful and have a lot of zip and energy, but when you see them live, they can only do about 20 minutes because they haven't got the training to hold an audience for an hour and a half or so.
quote by Tony Bennett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The American public highly overrates its sense of humor. We're great belly laughers and prat fallers, but we never really did have a real sense of humor. Not satire anyway. … When we realize finally that we aren't God's given children, we'll understand satire. Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at misery.
quote by Bill Mauldin
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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We Work The Black Seam
This place has changed for good
Your economic theory said it would
Its hard for us to understand
We cant give up our jobs the way we should
Our blood has stained the coal
We tunneled deep inside the nations soul
We matter more than pounds and pence
Your economic theory makes no sense
One day in a nuclear age
They may understand our rage
They build machines that they cant control
And bury the waste in a great big hole
Power was to become cheap and clean
Grimy faces were never seen
But deadly for twelve thousand years is carbon fourteen
We work the black seam together
The seam lies underground
Three million years of pressure packed it down
We walk through ancient forest lands
And light a thousand cities with our hands
Your dark satanic mills
Have made redundant all our mining skills
You cant exchange a six inch band
For all the poisoned streams in cumberland
One day in a nuclear age
They may understand our rage
They build machines that they cant control
And bury the waste in a great big hole
Power was to become cheap and clean
Grimy faces were never seen
But deadly for twelve thousand years is carbon fourteen
We work the black seam together
Our conscious lives run deep
You cling onto your mountain while we sleep
This way of life is part of me
The is no price so only let me be
And should the children weep
The turning world will sing their souls to sleep
When you have sunk without a trace
The universe will suck me into place
One day in a nuclear age
They may understand our rage
They build machines that they cant control
And bury the waste in a great big hole
Power was to become cheap and clean
Grimy faces were never seen
But deadly for twelve thousand years is carbon fourteen
We work the black seam together
song performed by by Sting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial.
quote by Allen Klein
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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History Of Us
I went all the way to paris to forget your face
Captured in stained glass, young lives long since passed
Statues of lovers every place
I went all across the continent to relieve this restless love
I walked through the ruins, icons of glory
Smashed by the bombs from above
So we must love while these moments are still called today
Take part in the pain of this passion play
Stretching our youth as we must, until we are ashes to dust
Until time makes history of us
Jeu de paumes full of faces knowing peace, knowing strife
Leisure and toil, still its canvas and oil
Theres just no medium for life
In the midst of the rubble I felt a sense of rebirth
In a dusty cathedral the living God called
And I prayed for my life here on earth
So we must love while these moments are still called today
Take part in the pain of this passion play
Stretching our youth as we must, until we are ashes to dust
Until time makes history of us
There are mountains in switzerland, brilliant cold as they stand
From my hotel room, watching the half-moon
Bleeding its light like a lamb
And the town is illumined, its tiny figures are fast asleep
And it dawns on me the time is upon me
To return to the flock I must keep
So we must love while these moments are still called today
Take part in the pain of this passion play
Stretching our youth as we must, until we are ashes to dust
Until time makes history of us
song performed by by Indigo Girls
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Raised to be Totally Independent
I knew my mother very well.
In fact...
We were related.
By birth.
Somehow folks that knew us both,
Either did not know that or accept
My mother and I knew each other before
Many of them did.
Many people would come to me,
To say what kind of person she was.
As if I was a visitor...
That showed up on the holidays.
I am the result of my mother's teachings.
And I hope I've done her lessons well.
In fact...
When I had been just a kid at 18,
And had enlisted in the military.
My training instructors were amazed
That I was so disciplined.
I already knew how to iron, sew, cook and clean.
Many of those things some guys struggled,
Through.
As they endured basic training.
People without military training aren't aware...
If mama wasn't there,
Uncle Sam ensured those things got done!
Or no guy would survive on just learning how to clean a gun.
My mama didn't pack no gun.
But she knew what was best for her son!
And to a large degree...
My mama prepared me to confront the enemy.
My ex-wives!
And I say that kind of jokingly.
But I was raised to be totally independent,
Since I can remember.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Growing Pains
Behold the undergraduate
A most amusing fellow
In all his jesting up-to-date
His sense of humor is so great,
His modern wit so mellow,
That no quip serves him lest it be
Rich in originality.
Assured of overwhelming odds,
Seizing the freshmen's persons,
Indelibly he daubs these clods,
To waken mirth in men and gods.
(Saving a few McPhersons
And other members of their race
Who have of humor, not a trace.)
The softier sort of joke that serves
Dull age - the quaint or quizzical
Gains his contempt, as it deserves;
Mere wordy wit gets on his nerves;
His jokes are ever physical,
And richer qualities attain
The more they hold of cosmic pain.
To torture victims till they squeal
Is mirthfully effectual;
Humor lacks pith unless these feel
Fierce torments: wit has no appeal
That's solely intellectual.
The quirk, the paradox outworn,
The epigram but earn his scorn.
No milder jest may give him joy
Strange, adolescent creature,
Suspended 'twixt the man and boy
No rag's worth while lest it employ
Some quaintly painful feature;
But jokes, that moved the stone-age man
To shrieks of mirth, he'll gladly plan.
Behold the undergraduate
And pity him a little,
Remembering 'twas once our fate
To linger in that loutish state
That holds of grace no tittle,
But comes alike to boy and pup
The penalty of growing up.
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
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The greatest goal of all time
I've seen lots of great goals
some to take your breath away
I recall one from many years ago
that has stayed with me to this day.
The player had the ball at his feet
cutting through the defence like a sword
beating player after player with ease
the whole ground stood to applaud.
I've witnessed individual goals
and some created by most of the team
but the greatest one I've ever seen?
was by myself in a beautiful lucid dream.
I was playing for England against Brazil
the crowd was roaring out my name
it was the World Cup Final at Wembley
two all with a minute left in the game.
I then tackled and robbed Pele of the ball
and I went on a long and mazy run
it ended with me hitting home the winner
'What a goal' read the headline in the Sun.
I lifted up the Jules Rimet Trophy
got carried round the pitch shoulder high
but when Pele said my goal was the greatest
I just fell to my muddy knees to cry.
It's been said that dreams can come true
and that's a saying I know to be right
because that 'dream' goal I scored at Wembley
was voted best ever goal on the telly last night!
poem by Kevin Halls
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Long Before I Had Joined The Military
It was nearing the end of boot camp.
Eight weeks of basic training was nearing an end,
And my training instructor called me out of the ranks...
To say this to me,
'Horse'...a nickname he had given to me.
His name was Sargeant Russell.
Sgt Russell said to me,
'Horse, every time I've asked you to do ten laps,
You would do one more.
When I ask you to do thirty push ups,
You do thirty five.
And when your bunk is perfectly made,
After I've bounced a quarter on it...
To then rip the bed apart to shout, 'Do-it-again'
You do...
As if nothing at all is bothering you.
You want me to take you for granted!
Don't you?
You want me to believe you are a fool.
I am wise to you.
Now shut up and file your ass back in line! '
Oh...
I had not said one word.
The guys listening had expected me to.
I was all of eighteen then.
And the only thing that was on my mind,
Was to pass basic training.
Those who didn't...
Went A.W.O.L....away without leave.
I wasn't about to go anywhere.
And to this day,
I think about those comments made,
By Sgt Russell.
'You want me to take you for granted.
You want me to think you are a fool,
Don't you? '
And I thought as I still do...
He knew me too well.
He knew if he demanded I'd wear stilettos shoes,
Adorned with a red dress and a blond wig...
I would still be a better man than he thought I was.
You see...
My mama was my very first drill instructor.
Sgt Russell hadn't had the opportunity to meet her,
To know how prepared I was...
Long before I joined the military.
And I was proud to be a 'mama's boy'.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Afforded By God’s Transaction
Afforded in a transaction by God, on and beyond the earthly sod,
To everyone who believes by faith, to accept God’s Gift of Grace,
As a new life begins on this earth, through the power of New Birth,
A journey, when it starts my friend, in God’s Plan will have no end.
Believers who join God’s Family, will be equipped to live eternally,
Equipped beyond this mortal life, through the Savior Jesus Christ.
They become sealed in God’s Grace, at any time and in any place,
Sealed by His Spirit from above, all through God’s Amazing Love,
After in God we place our trust, our Lord sustains every one of us,
As believers live out this earthly life, through all trials and all strife,
He cares for each and every need, as we follow The Savior’s lead,
Guiding believers in Godly ways, as Christ fills our life with praise.
Within the power of Christ alone, we have access to God’s Throne,
Through our Lord’s gift of prayer, we raise to God every daily care,
The access to The Lord we gain, helps us through our darkest pain,
As we share our pain and strife, directly with our Lord, Jesus Christ.
After the life we live down here, we’ll be lifted above earth’s sphere,
To a home granted by Jesus Christ; our place with Him in Paradise,
In bodies we’ve yet to know or see, to live alongside God eternally,
As an unending life God will afford, to all who know Christ as Lord.
(Copyright ©03/2009)
I am excited about this. We've got half of our goal. I'd love to see us get a little bit more than half our goal and not be so deeply into this thing going into Sunday, but I feel good about everything.
quote by Hal Sutton
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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