I sit alone...
I sit alone
becuz i lost all my friends,
i sit alone
becuz no one likes me,
i sit alone
becuz i hate my life,
i sit alone
becuz i want to kill everyone around me,
i sit alone
becuz no one ever see's me anymore,
i sit alone
becuz my soul is dead! !
poem by Katie James
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The reason i want death?
The reason i want death?
That is a simple question.
The reason i want death?
Is it becuz im emo?
The reason i want death?
Cuz she's gone now.
The reason i want death?
Cuz im not loved.
The reason i want death?
Cuz i love her.
The reason i want death?
Cuz im dark.
THE REASON I WANT DEATH IS BECUZ I HATE MY LIFE! ! !
poem by Dylan Griffin
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Piece by piece
peace by peace i loose
becuz you talked ur shit
we are no longer friends
you let our friendship go
by talkin ur ship
you unlinked the chain to our friendship
dont call dont speak
dont speak to me
there for we no longer friends
our friendship is gone
in lil peaces my heart is broken
becuz you decided to talk ur shit
poem by Heather Noble
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My Rainbow is Overdue
I'm searching for a rainbow
Everytime I look up to the blue sky
I can't find any bright colors
Becuz I'm blinded by the tears I cry
It stoped raining and the sun is shining
But there is no rainbow in sight
Soon the sun will set in the horizon
And all the world will slumber in the night
But I will lie awake wondering
Just where is my silver lining in the sky
There are no rainbows or bright colors
And I can't figure out why
So since its night I'll look at the stars
I'll study the brightness of the moon
And I know that once the storm passes
My rainbow will appear soon
But there are to many demons
That turn bright colors into black
My demon is a filthy animal
He's just a monkey on my back
The demon appears in darkness
Thats why I can't sleep
So I light a match and take a hit
And smoke the demon while I weep
But I'm tired of the high
I want to get high on life
The demons must die
Kill them with a big bloody knife
When I'm free from addiction
Maybe I'll spot an angel in the sky
I'll be able to finally see my rainbow
Becuz there won't be tears in my eyes
The rainbow will shine brighter than before
And I'll be able to share the colors with you
I'm fighting the demons and I know I can win
Becuz my rainbow is way overdue
poem by Mr. Poetic
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I Use To Settle For You, Until I Realized I Deserve Better
i use to like you,
becuz i thought,
that i couldn't be liked,
now that i'm seeing who i am,
i'm realizing that i deserve better,
not to sound me but,
my needs wasn't being met,
but yet,
you wanted me there everytime,
that you seem to have a problem,
i gave you advice and supported you,
yet when i need advice,
all you can say is,
'it my fault' or 'ok'
there was really,
nothing that i got from it,
i got told i was beautiful,
and that you liked my clothes,
but it never felt like you ment it,
it always felt like it what you had to say,
i like the truth,
or for you to at least feel like you ment it,
not for it to feel presurre to say,
either this is all new,
or i'm just now seeing what i want,
and this here just not it,
i know i rushed it abit,
i was afraid that what i had found,
with somebody else is what i want,
it all something new,
this person i feel like me for me,
not becuz i can do things better,
but in a way,
it was the only way i knew how to be,
until i found a better way to be,
i don't have to give it all away,
just to be liked,
i can actually be me,
and take it slow,
who doesn't like being who they were ment to be?
poem by Mona Martinez
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Love Is Only Blind When We Don't Want To See The Truth
it just funny,
how some guys will choose,
girls they don't know,
draw them in,
and mess with them,
they make you feel special,
make you feel like the one,
it all happens so quick,
you think it was love,
but love can be blind,
we see what we want,
until it catches up with us,
and we wonder how we got in this mess,
we think it becuz the guy loved us,
but in reality,
all they wanted was,
to turn us into what they want,
they want us to be there puppet,
not there one and only,
if that was the case,
they would want to take their time,
open us like a present,
and charish us,
not use, change and throw away,
we are better than that,
to be treated by a guy,
with little respect,
we only take it,
becuz we feel lucky to find us somebody,
who cares and open there heart,
but when you listen closely,
you realize how selective they are,
telling you what you want to hear,
and in the end,
they want you to accept their past,
but it seems like they can't accept your,
selfish people don't deserve good people,
but you see it happen,
in more ways than none,
but the only person that can stop it,
is the person that is in,
this type of relationship.
poem by Mona Martinez
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I keep coming back to you
i open up and talk about my past,
i tell you why i just can't do certain things,
why i will never be a normal girl,
you make it about you,
saying it's all your fault,
you feel like a jerk,
it had nothing to do with you,
it was a selfish jerk,
that had no right to touch me,
when i was a child,
a few days go by,
we start to talk again,
as if everything is back the way it was,
only it wasn't,
what i shared was so personal,
i hardly share it unless i feel i can trust you,
it only feels like now,
you will do anything to avoid me,
like it was my fault,
i felt like a reject,
like it was my fault in some way,
but i was a child,
what could i have done?
you say things that get me coming back,
in the back of my mind,
i know you only want me becuz you are lonely,
what kind of fool am i?
to keep coming back to something that will never work,
i never get my needs met,
and yet i pretend like i don't care,
when slowly it eating me up inside,
i can only be what you want me to be,
just like in my past,
no wonder this is working out great for you,
if i had my cake and eat it too,
i will be happy as well,
but since i can't,
not being with you is the best it gets,
you have been my friend all of these years,
and i must know more about you,
than you know about me,
at first i thought it was becuz i wasn't opened,
it was as if you didn't care,
unless i dealt and sovled your problems.
poem by Mona Martinez
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I'm trying to be open, but the past keep creeping in
i'm only human,
don't get mad,
i don't feel normal,
but i'm doing the best i can,
what you want is this perfect girl,
i don't think i will ever be her,
i'm a girl who numb her feeling,
just so i won't have to feel the pain,
the problem is not really you,
nor is it me,
i was delt a bad hand,
in this thing we call life,
i want to be what you see in me,
it just hard,
when my feelings over take my mind,
i freeze up,
but it's hiding behind my smile,
i don't let you see,
becuz i'm afraid that if i do,
you won't look at me,
the way you have been,
that look you get in your eyes,
is what makes me want to be a better person,
you see, what i'm too blind to see,
and yet, i'm worried that you might judge,
judge me for a past, i had no control over,
it makes me sick to think,
a grown guy can do that to a child,
turn them into their sex puppet,
it makes me sick just thinking about it,
but in my eyes i'm looking at you,
as if you are my abuser,
you are nothing like him,
and yet i'm so afraid to let you in,
let you get close,
i tell myself things that are not true,
just so i have a way out,
a way out of feeling the thing from the past,
but no matter what,
i'm pulled back into your charm,
who can resist?
i love your personality,
but it's what triggering my past memories,
i feel like i'm not normal,
becuz i'm afraid of anything sexual,
it shouldn't have to be this way,
but sadly it is,
i guess all i can say is,
i'm only human,
i don't always have to be perfect,
i can only be me,
it wasn't my fault,
what happened in my past,
all i can do is move on and learn.
poem by Mona Martinez
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Why You Picking On The Weak?
pick on the weak
do that make you strong?
say what you may,
should i give a hoot,
who are you?
just to tell me?
i'm not your itch,
so don't act like a witch,
say what you may,
i don't care,
you don't know me,
or what i need.
don't say nothing,
just let me be,
becuz people like you,
pick on the weak,
me here,
i won't let you get the best of me.
poem by Mona Martinez
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I Have A Right To Say What I Feel, Don't Stop Me
don't you dare tell me,
that i shouldn't be acting this way,
do you know what i have been through,
or even close to what i'm going through,
i think not,
so just shut your mouth,
and don't tell me how i need to be,
i am being me,
if you don't like it,
than you really don't know me,
so just take a step back,
until you have the right to tell me,
how i should be acting,
i'm angry in ways i can't explain,
i hate and had enough of it,
you just don't know,
so until you step into my shoes,
don't pretend you know everything,
that you know what i'm going through,
becuz i can tell u now that it won't come close,
to what you even had in your mind,
my life my problems,
let me handle them the way i know how,
i don't need anybody to tell me,
what i should be doing,
when i know dang well,
your life not perfect either,
so don't tell me how i should live mine,
i may make a couple mistakes alone the way,
but one of these days i will get it right,
just leave me alone.
poem by Mona Martinez
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Will Anybody Understand?
what is this?
this hate i feel?
inside of me burning,
becuz of what i can't have,
will anybody understand?
a life that unfair,
only living for the
people you love.
am i crazy?
feeling like this?
or am i human?
people don't seem to see,
deep inside a heart is dying,
from all this pain,
that comes from this world,
will anybody understand?
what i have to do?
just to seem alright,
will anybody notice a sad girl,
just waiting for something better,
to come along and make life better,
will anybody understand?
that what they see,
is never what you get,
under all that anger is a secert,
will anybody understand?
that all i want is acceptance.
poem by Mona Martinez
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I'm Tired Of This World
i'm lost in a world,
that starting to not make sense,
i wish ppl will stop telling me,
stuff is normal,
when in my world,
it's very painful,
for a selfish prick,
to mess up your learning times,
i just wanted to be accepted,
but now it don't seem like ppl accept me,
they just don't see,
why i'm so different,
and sometimes everything they want,
i feel like at times,
i am either this sexual being,
and other times i am a nun,
that would be happy,
in a world without sex,
ppl i want to understand me,
are ppl who just don't get it,
to them it feels like,
'oh she going throught that again? '
like i even have a choice,
right now i choose to end my life,
but i know that won't solve much,
what will it really do?
the ppl i care for,
i won't get to see,
my life i'm trying to start,
i won't see the finish project,
i hate feeling this way,
it's a strong feeling of anger and hate,
i hate it,
i'm use to being a loving person,
not this person that want to hurt men,
just becuz one man hurt me,
but i have to realize,
that not guys are the same,
some are nice and some are jerks.
poem by Mona Martinez
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How i am
it's easy to enter my heart,
but it's hard to stay there,
when you lie to me so many times,
it when i have enough,
when you treat me wrong,
it something i don't put up with,
you may be the best thing,
that ever happened to me,
but i know when i should be treated better,
people say i act too much like a princess,
but only becuz i treat people,
better than i treat myself at times,
i know i deserve the same back,
people just can't seem to understand,
what they have until it gone.
poem by Mona Martinez
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Being thankful for what you have
being thankful in life,
don't mean material things,
it's for enjoying the little things in life,
things that money can't buy,
like good friends and family,
becuz in the end,
when it feels like you have nothing,
you still have by your side,
what matters the most,
and everything that can never be replaced,
it not about the fansy food that you can make,
not about what you worked so hard,
just to get at this point,
it for the little things everybody takes for granted,
loving the family you have,
just the way they are,
just enjoying life,
without it feeling like you hate it,
life has it moments,
but it's feels so great,
when you can truely sit back,
and enjoy what you already have in front of you,
because when one of your family no longer there,
you wish as if you could of enjoyed the small things,
instead of being picky,
for what wasn't made,
it's a time to be thankful,
not a time to be greedy.
poem by Mona Martinez
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Some things just can not be explained
how do you explain to somebody you like,
that something happened,
that you can't changed,
it makes you second guess ppl,
when they don't deserve it,
it makes them work harder,
to prove themselves to you,
that they are worth,
more than you are letting them,
but you keep them at a distance,
worry they will bite,
when you know they are a kitten,
sweet, loveable and loyal,
but that still don't stop you,
you keep your distance,
until there is an ocean,
between the two of you,
but when water rise,
there nothing you can do,
to save what you wanted,
you both drifted so far away,
even a life boat wont help you,
yet you remain lost,
in your thoughts,
and your body,
waiting for that day,
when you are able to feel again,
becuz even than,
you can't explain,
your fears and frustration you felt,
not know how to get it off or your chess,
and open up,
it just one of those things,
you don't know how to explain,
no matter how much practice you have.
poem by Mona Martinez
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Running From Yourself
life feels so great,
when you have that one person,
in your life,
that is not afraid to accept your baggage,
and tell you that it's okay,
to just be who you are,
when all of these years,
i've been running from myself,
running from being that innocent, caring, person,
i just couldn't handle being used again,
used for being myself,
it why i pretend to be somebody i'm not,
a person that can handle everything,
but behind close doors,
it's safe to fall apart and let go,
let go of everything that ever held you back,
so the next day,
you can wake up,
everything will be the way it started,
looking like life is together,
when really you just want to breakdown into pieces,
from all the stones that was thrown that day,
ppl jokes they thought were funny,
but deep down they hurt,
they can't seem to see,
the pain i hold inside,
and try to deal with,
becuz to some,
what happened in the past,
should just stay there and i should move on,
if only it was that easy.
poem by Mona Martinez
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Fear of losing what i want the most
i'm lost and confuse,
my heart want you,
but it afraid of getting hurt,
and taking a chance,
i'm only with him,
becuz he knows my past,
he knows me,
or maybe not,
but i feel safe,
not happy,
safe that not much will be lost,
if i take this road,
than be with you,
you are amazing,
in every single way,
i feel safe with you,
i feel i can trust you,
i feel you get me,
in ways i've been looking for,
all of this time i'm running around blind,
you get the things,
i don't want to have to explain,
you kind of know by my moods,
how far you can push me,
and kind of when to stop,
why am i with the person i don't want to be?
am i searching for something else?
a mother in law,
that reminds me of mine?
so lost and confuse,
but yet knows what feels right,
yet why am i having to choose,
between that one special person,
that just feels right,
in so many ways,
than that one person,
i don't really feel nothing for?
poem by Mona Martinez
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Guys know how to lie to get what they want
you tell me i'm special,
you warm me up to you,
tell me i don't deserve that,
that i am a nice girl,
i deserve better,
and it wasn't long,
until you did the same to me,
the only difference was,
you pretended to be,
a guy that cared,
i can't lie,
i seen it coming,
seen what you wanted me for,
but yet i kept coming back,
all of your jokes you made,
were clear as day,
and yet i ignored them,
pretend it didn't bothered me,
it caught up to me,
just like it always does,
but only it hitted harder,
i don't know why,
maybe becuz i believe the lies,
i believe them to a point,
where i let my guard down,
and i'm the one hurt again,
i continue to put my situations,
that i know are wrong,
but it like i'm addicted to it,
maybe i am looking for more than i say,
i don't want to be used just for sex,
guys love calling me their baby,
it's sickening,
i don't like it,
but i like the role i play,
when i'm talking to them,
i'm that girl that's in control,
but really,
it like i have none.
poem by Mona Martinez
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I give and I give
I give and I give
Over and Over again
Til it hurts me so bad that i juss wanna die
My happiness only lasts but so long
No matter what brings it on it always fades away
I dont understand why is it here and I cry
Over and over again
I just want the hurt and the pain to go away
I want it to all just dissappear
I can't take it anymore
I feel like i'm going crazy
Being strong is hard
It's a tedious job
Trying to help others
nd then getting stabbed in the back
Is a painful process
And if it happens over and over
It will drive you insane
Please I cry make the pain go away
My emotions affeect those around me
So much that they dont even want to be around me
My defensive walls are crumbling around me
Theyre crashing down with a loud thud
And those closest to me are stuck underneath
They want to escape my misery
But they want to be there for me
In the end all I can say is go leave me
I'll survive on my own
Cuz i dont want u to hurt
becuz of my pain and misery
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I don't know what i did this time
6/16/08
poem by Candice George
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Words are not just words
i'm confused and lost in my thoughts,
but what you said,
really had affected me,
i felt like a prize ppl want,
once they get it,
there will be nothing else,
that they would want,
never knew words can hurt so much,
words were how my abuser,
knew how to get me to stay,
all of the lies he told,
it was so easy to believe,
becuz they hurt,
they still haunt me,
i admit that i still compare ppl,
from time to time,
it what i need to work on,
i hate that when somebody do,
one wrong thing,
i hold them accountable,
but yet why do i feel so bad,
when ppl have the right to pick their actions,
why do i think i'm the one to blame,
i did nothing wrong,
i feel guilt and shame,
what i have always felt all my life,
i continue to let ppl off easy,
when they hurt me,
i suck it up,
and pretend it don't hurt,
but at times,
i would rather cut myself,
just so i won't have to feel the pain,
and wonder what i did wrong to deserve it,
there are times i know i deserve better,
but the pain from the past,
attract me to ppl who don't know what they have,
until it gone.
poem by Mona Martinez
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Will I Ever Be Normal?
tears flow,
cuz i can't express how i feel inside,
ppl joke,
but it only makes the pain inside worse,
nobody should have to feel this way,
torn like they don't belong in this world,
they just want to be normal,
and be accepted for all that they are,
but it feels like they still have to pretend,
to be who the world wants them to be,
at the end of the day,
tears are expose,
from trying to stay strong in front of ppl,
all day long,
it just makes you want to scream,
i can't take this anymore,
i just want a perfect life,
or at least where i can enjoy it,
but my past keep haunting me,
reminding me 'what i was good for'
that just ain't me,
i'm more than some selfish jerk said before,
but i fail to believe it,
i don't know no other way to be,
my innocents was stolen,
way before i had the chance to give it away,
i just feel used, dirty, shameful,
what did i do wrong,
at the time i was just a child who obeyed,
did what i was told and never gave trouble,
and now it seems like i'm paying the price,
tears dry up,
becuz there nothing to feel,
numbness kicks in,
i just want this pain to end.
poem by Mona Martinez
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