Secrets That Don't Need To Be In My Life Anymore
i hate these moments,
i'm so stressed out,
i don't know what to do,
plus having flashbacks on top of it,
only becuz the body remembers,
what was done to it,
can't tell what real,
it all just feels like a really bad dream,
i just want out,
everything comes to mind,
do i drink,
just to numb the pain?
do i self injure,
just to stop the intense pain?
i just want it to stop,
i don't know what to do,
every touch is a reminder,
that i didn't have a normal childhood,
no matter how hard i try,
i'm just me,
a person that is hurting,
from childhood sexual abuse,
i said it,
it's out,
the pain is less,
i hated that secret,
but it still leaves me alone,
no many ppl can understand my pain,
my struggles i live by,
the frustration that leaves me,
to want to take the easy way out,
to go as far as finding a drug,
that will numb me enough,
where i can feel ok,
but i know if i do,
than i'm only moving backwards,
it the reason i continue to fight,
even when it get hard like today,
cuz in the end when the rain stops,
the sun will shine,
and show me a better day,
i'm just wish the rain,
will hurry up and leave already.
poem by Mona Martinez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Numb
I wish to be numb from all the pain.
It feels like my life is headed down the drain.
I have no life. I have no goals.
I have no lover because I'm a slob.
When will this suffering ever end?
I just drink and smoke until my brain is dead.
I'll feel no pain.
The beast will be slain.
I'll be to numb to really care.
If I get eaten by the bear.
I'll shut it out, the fears and doubt.
In the numbness I'll not scream or shout.
I'll feel no reason to go about.
I'll live like a big fat lazy lout.
The numbness keeps me from the truth.
About the way I feel for you.
It doesn't matter cause I'm numb.
Even though I look so dumb.
To be numb is the path I'll follow,
till I'm at the door of death.
It feels so good to get away.
From all the trash that plauges my mind.
Even when I feel just fine.
I need it now I'll not deny.
I'm even numb from 9 to 5.
I cannot stop I do not care.
Perhaps in my next life I'll better fare.
poem by Michael McParland
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lost In Numbness
Lost in numbness for years
Running from pain
Trapped in the freezing rain
Constantly numb
Pain is better than nothing at all
Pain without reason, a cause, or even love,
Is better than being all numb
Trapped in a world of numbness without a reason
Show me a world I understand
Pain is all that I have known
No longer able feel anything but pain
Life is filled with pain
Pain is now a comfort
The only thing I can count on
The one thing I understand
It is all I have
All I feel
For my life is filled with pain
Pain is all there is left
When happiness doesn’t work
poem by Emily Swinney
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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My world is falling apart and i can't stop it
i just want to hide,
i don't want to face the world,
it feels like it too much,
i'm slowly slipping,
and it like nobody catching me,
i'm losing my grip,
i just want out,
i want to numb the pain,
but i know that not the answer,
i want to scream,
but it no sound comes out,
i put on a front,
like everything okay,
but inside i am falling apart,
losing all control,
i don't know where it will stop,
i feel sick,
i feel like i'm losing control,
and i must find a way to hold onto it,
nothing is easy,
but if i open up,
than i'm weak,
if i give in,
than i want attention,
it just never seem to end,
i'm hurting inside,
and i don't know how to deal,
it like i don't have permission,
permission to feel the pain,
i'm not surpose to be 'that girl'
i'm a big girl,
i'm surpose to act tough,
but i feel like i'm losing the battle,
it feels like i'm letting ppl down,
like i have to remain tough,
while everybody around me falls apart,
it don't feel fair,
that i can't express myself freely,
the past and present combining into one,
it's a never ending fight,
all i ask is to be free,
but no matter what,
the pain follows me like a shadow,
i can't seem to shake it,
but i can numb myself to not feel the pain.
poem by Mona Martinez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Today My Problems Seem To Control Me
i don't really know how i'm feeling,
i guess i feel alittle numb,
i don't really care if i feel anything,
i feel like if i do feel,
things will come up,
that will be sooo hard to handle,
i don't really want that right now,
i don't need that,
everyday i wish i had normal problems,
i wonder if that boy liked me,
i wonder if i will get a A on a test,
what should i wear tomorrow?
these little things that seem soo big to others,
seem so little to me,
i'm more concerned about,
will my actions i choose today,
bring flashbacks to come flooding back?
will all of these worries,
just bring me to not even give it a try,
will i continue to fall down a hole,
that have no way out,
at times i think i over think alot,
but over thinking makes me feel safe,
if i were to jump,
i need a safety net to catch me,
it just how i been,
i require more safety than most,
but i believe it has to do with my past,
i didn't have that protection,
during a certain time in my childhood,
becuz of that,
i believe just the little things can hurt,
i was lied to, betrayed, and lost a part of myself,
it no wonder i have days,
where i just don't want to feel,
all i want to do is hide,
hide from the hurt,
hide from my triggers that bring these unwanted feelings,
who would want to live in a world of pain?
not me, but tomorrow i feel i have to put on a brave face,
walk in a world pretending to be living,
it's a hard mask to put on,
but i feel it what the world want to see.
poem by Mona Martinez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Let It Rain.
Let it rain. Let it rain,
someone please, stop the pain
my body is frail, my energy's drained.
Thinking about you. Really hurts my brain.
Just please stop the pain.
Let it rain, let it rain.
You know and I know
I was yours from the start
it felt like nothing
could tear us apart
but you just reached In
and tore out my heart
from that moment onwards,
my world fell apart.
I need you
I want you
you know its all true
I miss you
I love you
this poem's just for you
so let it rain, let it rain
I dont want this pain
in the middle of the carpet
is a massive red stain
by making me hurt,
what have you got to gain?
Just please stop the pain.
Let it rain, let it rain
poem by Vikki Cullen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Our Pain
Pain is only remembered while there.
As it leaves, it's lost.
Only the body remembers the cost
and the mind remembers the prayer.
It suppliantly asked
for the pain to subside
and felt the tears
that the body cried.
'Please make it stop. Can't take anymore.
And when it's gone, is there more in store? '
Probably somewhere down the line
but while it's gone, you're doin' fine.
So enjoy the pain free times you get
when future pain is not here yet.
poem by Edwina Reizer
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Autumn
You called up late
Said you wanted to talk
I was afraid
Cause you spoke so softly
You took my hand
Slowly started to cry
I can't understand
Why our season went by
Why do leaves fall down from the sky
Is the tree not strong enough
You turned away
Slowly opened the door
Said you could not stay
You couldn't take it no more
It started to rain
Tears kept falling from the sky
It did not stop the pain
It did not stop the pain
Why do leaves fall down from the sky
Is the tree not strong enough
Now I fall on the ground
It did not stop the pain
It did not stop the pain
Why do leaves fall down from the sky
Is the tree not strong enough
Why do leaves fall down from the sky
Is the tree not strong enough
Now I fall on the ground
Now I fall on the ground
It did not stop the pain
It did not stop the pain
Why do leaves fall down from the sky
Is the tree not strong enough
song performed by by Green Lizard from Identity
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Rain and Pain
I'm standing in the rain
Its washing this pain away
The rain makes me weak
But I feel so alive
The pain is finally gone
Until the rain stops
Then the pain comes back
But the hurting is worse
I wish the rain could drown this pain
Take it away
Cause its killing me
If its not one thing its another
When it rains I go outside
Just to feel it on my skin
It makes me feel alive
And it takes away this pain
And I can cry cause I know no one can see
Over and over again I wish that I could fly away
Fly away to another day
Another day where this pain isn't here
poem by Espn Chick
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Rain and Pain
I'm standing in the rain
Its washing this pain away
The rain makes me weak
But I feel so alive
The pain is finally gone
Until the rain stops
Then the pain comes back
But the hurting is worse
I wish the rain could drown this pain
Take it away
Cause its killing me
If its not one thing its another
When it rains I go outside
Just to feel it on my skin
It makes me feel alive
And it takes away this pain
And I can cry cause I know no one can see
Over and over again I wish that I could fly away
Fly away to another day
Another day where this pain isn't here
poem by Heather Hill
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Living With This Pain
It’s cold and the pain never stops. As rain falls it hits my soul. I’m not even in control of my own body. Trying to hold back these tears but nothing works. It seems like I’m not capable of doing anything any more. I’ve tried so hard, but it seems like I don’t succeed. Don’t give up and have faith. But sadly I do. Setting a goal is all I can accomplish, but hurting my loved one is what I graduate in. Sometimes I think why am I even here? I really can’t do anything. No matter what they say; I still feel the same. This pain is starting to grow in deep. Sadly I don’t want it to go away. It gives me a reason to be quiet and to myself. But everyone around me is saying that I’m just full of smiles and joy. Only if they knew what was really wrong with me. Even I can’t tell you that. Still tryin’ to figure myself out. It’s a crazy feeling when you don’t know who you are. Yet the fact you can’t even make the person you want the most smile. Living with this pain...
poem by Rachel Martin
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I Realized Why I Hate Rejection
i hate being rejected,
i never understood until today,
it replays in my mind,
the day you told me,
that it was my fault,
it couldn't be the way it was,
when it was you and i,
i was a child,
you put the blame on me,
told me i opened my mouth,
and now things can never be the same,
i was a child,
everything you were doing to me,
just felt so wrong,
i enjoyed the attention,
looking back,
i don't think it was worth it,
there are memories i won't forget,
everything you did to me,
was set in stone,
it will never be undone or erased,
it will remain,
a memory i wish to distroy,
but i can't,
it's a memory and feeling,
that is hard to live with at times,
being told as a child,
that you wasn't good enough,
by a man who had no right,
and yet i'm the one hurting,
it don't feel fair,
you got what you enjoyed,
and i didn't even asked for it,
i was forced into doing it,
what i didn't want to do,
it no wonder i put myself,
in the same exact thing you put me in,
it feels right,
but at the same time,
i'm hallow and numb,
i don't feel nothing,
i'm not even sure if i want to feel something,
because feeling something means,
feeling the deep pain,
i let myself go years trying to forget,
it will all come flooding back,
all the pain is hard,
it don't seem to get easier.
poem by Mona Martinez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Gone To Forget To Leave
There are those who may choose to die.
For whatever reason...
Eyes are wanting to feel,
A realness and not a friction to absorb.
When platters of gold filled deceit,
Offer nothing else to be fed....
With a side order of sincerity seen,
Or felt to mention.
'Gone to forget to leave'
And the feasting of this is encouraged.
Until dishonesty is all that one dreads.
With a wish to numb the head,
From the stirrings that occur from truths.
And although the eating of deceit weakens,
On a daily basis when that addiction eats...
A cry goes unheard.
A sickening overwhelms...
And,
A wish to be released from it increases.
'Gone to forget to leave'
An encouraged emotionally abandoned mind...
Feeds until the peace of eternal rest has come,
Of what is wished.
And with a consciousness,
Desperately wanting transistion now a mission...
But never accepted to come from one so...
Talented and gifted!
But hurting from a place...
No one took the time to touch to get to know,
And so much pain was inside hiding.
And what was known to God,
Has joined the stars awaiting.
Pain was inside hiding.
Pain was inside hiding.
And what was known to God,
Has joined...
With the others worthy.
Pain was inside hiding.
Pain was inside hiding.
And what was known,
To God...
Has joined,
Eternity!
Goodbye to pain inside there hiding.
Pain inside there hiding.
No more pain inside there hiding.
Pain inside there hiding.
Gone is pain inside there hiding.
Pain inside there hiding.
There's no pain inside there hiding.
Pain inside there hiding.
Gone...
Pain inside there hiding.
Pain inside there hiding.
Gone...
Pain inside there hiding.
Pain inside there hiding.
Gone...
Pain inside there hiding.
Pain inside there hiding.
There's no pain inside there hiding,
Gone.
Gone to forget to leave.
That pain inside there hiding!
Gone to forget to leave.
That pain inside there hiding!
Gone to forget to leave.
There's no pain inside there hiding.
Gone to forget to leave.
Gone to forget to leave.
There's no pain inside there hiding.
Gone.
Gone to forget to leave.
Gone.
Gone to forget to leave.
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Pain Is Gain.
Pain is like rain. Though painful, yet gainful. For pain's sake we're abused, for pain's sake we get refused, yet for pain's sake love is diffused.
No pain, no gain. Nothing good comes easy. Still, in pain one feels dizzy. Dizzy with desire, dizzy with passion, dizzy and busy. Pain is gain, it's a stain that disappears with time. Although not all pain is gain, all rain is gain and pain is rain.
Pain is rain, for it touches all men in the open and in chains. After rain comes sun, after dark comes dawn, after pain comes gain.
poem by Darlington Chukwunyere
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Lies My Abuser Told Me
my abuser said,
nobody would ever love me,
i believed him,
so i pushed ppl away,
he said i was to blame,
i believed it,
becuz i was just a kid,
he said i was his special little girl,
i felt like it at times,
but it was not worth the pain i feel now,
he said nobody will believe me,
he was right,
nobody did believe me at the time,
he said i was only good for one thing,
i believed him,
i was his special little girl,
he said i was pretty,
it was the reason he liked me alot,
and treated me differently,
he said and he told me,
all of these things plus more,
i was a child,
it was hard to figure out,
what was right and wrong,
when you consently being told,
do you trust me?
there should be no problem,
but these words still ring in my mind,
how can i trust somebody,
who leaves me in pain when we done?
how can i trust somebody,
who force a child to do something,
they clearly don't want to do?
how can you trust somebody,
who continue to put you down,
just so you feel like you doing something wrong,
how can you trust somebody,
who gives a child a beer just so she will loosen up?
when tears were falling down my face,
and i was begging you to stop,
did you even ease up just once?
no you didn't,
you forced my head down on you,
and told me to stop crying,
who does that?
you selfish prick,
i hope you rot in hell.
poem by Mona Martinez
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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* * *
sadness
i cant feel anything
pain
have bruises all over me, crying myself to sleep
wonder
if u still care about me
sadness
i cant love you anymore
pain i wish i was not alive
wonder
when you will hold me again
sadness
i miss your touch on my body
pain
my heart hurts and i cant see anything
wonder
when i will stop wishing i was dead
sadness
the moments we had replay in my head over and over again
pain
why did u leave?
wonder
if you really loved me
sadness
i cant stop crying
pain
part of me is dying
wonder
WHEN WILL THIS END?
poem by Taylor Marie
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The Hurting
Is it an horrific dream
Am I sinking fast
Could a person be so mean
As to laugh and laugh
On my own
Could you ease my load
Could you see my Pain
Could you please explain
The Hurting
Could you understand a child
When he cries in Pain
Could you give him all he needs
Or do you feel the same
All along
You've been told you're wrong
When you felt it right
And you're left to fight
The Hurting
Get in line with the things you know
Feel the Pain
Feel the sorrow
Touch the hurt and don't let go
Get in line with the things you know
Learn to cry
Like a baby
Then the hurting won't come back
song performed by by Tears For Fears from Hurting
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Pain
Pain is only remembered while there.
As it leaves, it's lost.
Only the body remembers the cost
and the mind remembers the prayer
that suppliantly asked
for the pain to subside
and felt the tears
that were not cried.
"Please make it stop. Can't take anymore.
And when it's gone, is there more in store? "
Probably somewhere down the line
but while it's gone, you're doin' fine.
So enjoy the painless times you get
when future pain is not here yet.
poem by Edwina Reizer
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Once I understood
At first I was too youn to understand,
I didn't know what you were doing was wrong.
When I was still too young to know
You've damaged me.
The pain runs so much deeper.
The pain that I endured.
I was still too young to know.
You did to me what you thought you would.
The pain that I would endure.
Came later, once I understood.
While I lay numb and still.
The hate I felt for you grew.
My hate Came later, once I understood
The hurt stays with me.
I hate you more than words can say.
You damaged me and my trust.
With every evil touch you made.
Even if you were to die tomorrow.
the pain of what you did wont end for me.
It'll be with me the rest of my life.
While you got off scott free.
I didn't I have the memories of what you did.
poem by Amy Louise Kerswell
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Miss You (RIP Kondor, Martin OIF 29APR04)
I miss you my buddy and I miss you my friend
I was there beside you until the end
I saw you pay that priceless cost
The day you left I was lost
You were my friend for so many years
Now I'm alone with mourning tears
I will strive, to keep your memory alive
So that all will know the reason you died
You gave your life so all could be free
You didn't fight alone you fought with me
Today is so hard to get past the pain
Your memory hits me like an invisible rain
With so many people you left behind
I can only imagine the pain in their mind
So many words I want to say
But its hard to get them out, at least today
I remember your smile so big a bright
You could always make me laugh day or night
You were truly an angel here on earth
What a blessing you were since your birth
I'll stop for now cause my eyes are so wet I cannot see
I will continue to pray for your family cause I know they are praying for me
For: SPC Martin Kondor
RIP OIF
Daniel Chapman
poem by Daniel Chapman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Take The Pain Away
I went out today for a walk in the rain
I was so sad and blue I could feel any pain
I was worried about everything my head began to howl
I was running away from myself
Too many demons around here now
Everybody I don't know what to say
I wish I could take the pain away
Everybody I don't know what to say
I wish I could take the pain away
But that can't happen and everybody knows it's true
And if you have to know I'll never understand you
So if you have to go then you'd better go now
Go off somewhere safe I hope you will somehow
Everybody I don't know what to say
I wish I could take the pain away
Everybody I don't know what to say
I wish I could take the pain away
Everybody I don't know what to say
I wish I could take the pain away
Everybody I don't know what to say
I wish I could take the pain away
song performed by by Ramones from Adios Amigos
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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