Out of Sorts
When you find you're a broken-down critter,
Who is all of a trimmle and twitter,
With your palate unpleasantly bitter,
As if you'd just bitten a pill -
When your legs are as thin as dividers,
And you're plagued with unruly insiders,
And your spine is all creepy with spiders,
And you're highly gamboge in the gill -
When you've got a beehive in your head,
And a sewing machine in each ear,
And you feel that you've eaten your bed,
And you've got a bad headache DOWN HERE -
When such facts are about,
And these symptoms you find
In your body or crown -
Well, it's time to look out,
You may make up your mind
You had better lie down!
When your lips are all smeary - like tallow,
And your tongue is decidedly yallow,
With a pint of warm oil in your swAllow,
And a pound of tin-tacks in your chest -
When you're down in the mouth with the vapours,
And all over your new Morris papers
Black-beetles are cutting their capers,
And crawly things never at rest -
When you doubt if your head is your own,
And you jump when an open door slams -
Then you've got to a state which is known
To the medical world as "jim-jams."
If such symptoms you find
In your body or head,
They're not easy to quell -
You may make up your mind
You are better in bed,
For you're not at all well!
poem by William Schwenck Gilbert
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Boris The Spider
Look, hes crawling up my wall
Black and hairy, very small
Now hes up above my head
Hanging by a little thread
Boris the spider
Boris the spider
Now hes dropped on to the floor
Heading for the bedroom door
Maybe hes as scared as me
Wheres he gone now, I cant see
Boris the spider
Boris the spider
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
There he is wrapped in a ball
Doesnt seem to move at all
Perhaps hes dead, Ill just make sure
Pick this book up off the floor
Boris the spider
Boris the spider
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Hes come to a sticky end
Dont think he will ever mend
Never more will he crawl round
Hes embedded in the ground
Boris the spider
Boris the spider
song performed by by Who
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Ghost Machine
Wittgenstein took a sip from his tea.
"You're wrong Descartes, I can tell you,
because body and mind are one".
"Wittgenstein is right", seconded Ryle.
He looked very angry
and shook his head as he continued:
"In claiming that your thoughts are separated
from your body you created a dogma
of the ghost in the machine."
"Gentlemen", Descartes said, "relax.
Where were you when I talked about these things?
You were not even born then".
"Wait a minute", said Bohm. "You're all wrong."
"What? " snapped out Ryle.
"You heard it correctly. You're all wrong", insisted Bohm.
"You have to explain", Wittgenstein said.
Descartes looked to be perplexed.
"Well", explained Bohm,
"since everything in the universe is information,
the existence of matter is nothing but a myth.
The universe is an enormous thought, a giant computer.
It is the machine, which is the ghost."
poem by Paul Hartal
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Making Love To A Black Woman
How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Romantically and Patiently;
Take the time to make love to her mind.
Fulfill all of her midnight wishes.
Cover her entire body with soft wet kisses.
Tell her, so that she will know!
There's no place on her body
your tongue won't go.
And, when you love a Black Woman,
you love her real slow.
How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Passionately and Sincerely;
Let her Sweetness become your Weakness.
Do not use just the Penis, But include your ear.
Listen to the sweet sound of her moans
and see what you hear.
Feel the warmth and care of her loving embrace.
Place your mouth on hers and savor the taste.
How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Sensually and Honestly;
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Tell her that you love her,
more and more with each passing day.
Let all of the fantasies that dance in her head.
Become her moonlight reality
when it's time to go to bed.
Kiss and lick all over her body
until you find all her right spots.
Touch and caress her soft skin
and make her real hot.
Mutual satisfaction is a lover's plan.
Love her, cause you are in love with her.
She's your Woman and your her Man.
How do you make love, to a Black Woman?
How do you make love to a Black Woman,
Lovingly and completely;
Love her until her 'Screams of Passion'
are all you that hear.
Suck on her neck and stick
your tongue in her ear.
Hold her soft round ass
in the palm of your hands.
Let her sexual wishes
become your loving commands.
Love your Black Woman with
your Mind, Body and Soul.
She's the most precious gift on this Earth.
She's worth her weight in gold.
How do you make love to a Black Woman?
There's only one true way to start.
To make love to a Black Woman,
just give her your Heart.
poem by Samuel Newton
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Bed
My little darling it's a crying shame
The way that you lead me on
And I've got nobody but myself to blame
Cause I've always just played along
Well show me a body that gets no love
And I'll show you a body that's way messed up
Well it seems like you're aware of the effect you have on my head
If you feel like I'm asking you for too much
We can keep in touch
And I'll find someone else to bed
Bed
Find some
Find someone else to bed
My little darling I'm a tangled mess
When you tease me the way you do
and what it would be like I can only guess
If you'd please me like I wanna please you
Well show me a friendship that's pure and chaste
And I'll show you and engine that's dying to race
Well the time has come for me to find
Another way to get my soul fed
I know we could be the sweetest friends
But if that's where it ends
Then I'll find someone else to bed
Bed
Find some
Find someone else to bed
Bed
Find some
Find someone else to bed
Well the time has come for me
To take care of myself instead
You know if we remain
On a spiritual plane I will go insane
Don't make me find someone else to bed
Bed
Find someone
Find someone else to bed
song performed by by Semisonic from All About Chemistry
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Tarantula, Or The Dance Of Death
During the plague I came into my own.
It was a time of smoke-pots in the house
Against infection. The blind head of bone
Grinned its abuse
Like a good democrat at everyone.
Runes were recited daily, charms were applied.
That was the time I came into my own.
Half Europe died.
The symptoms are a fever and dark spots
First on the hands, then on the face and neck,
But even before the body, the mind rots.
You can be sick
Only a day with it before you’re dead.
But the most curious part of it is the dance.
The victim goes, in short, out of his head.
A sort of trance
Glazes the eyes, and then the muscles take
His will away from him, the legs begin
Their funeral jig, the arms and belly shake
Like souls in sin.
Some, caught in these convulsions, have been known
To fall from windows, fracturing the spine.
Others have drowned in streams. The smooth head-stone,
The box of pine,
Are not for the likes of these. Moreover, flame
Is powerless against contagion.
That was the black winter when I came
Into my own.
poem by Anthony Evan Hecht
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Child's Nightmare
Through long nursery nights he stood
By my bed unwearying,
Loomed gigantic, formless, queer,
Purring in my haunted ear
That same hideous nightmare thing,
Talking, as he lapped my blood,
In a voice cruel and flat,
Saying for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..."
That one word was all he said,
That one word through all my sleep,
In monotonous mock despair.
Nonsense may be light as air,
But there's Nonsense that can keep
Horror bristling round the head,
When a voice cruel and flat
Says for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..."
He had faded, he was gone
Years ago with Nursery Land,
When he leapt on me again
From the clank of a night train,
Overpowered me foot and head,
Lapped my blood, while on and on
The old voice cruel and flat
Says for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..."
Morphia drowsed, again I lay
In a crater by High Wood:
He was there with straddling legs,
Staring eyes as big as eggs,
Purring as he lapped my blood,
His black bulk darkening the day,
With a voice cruel and flat,
"Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!..." he said, "Cat! ... Cat!..."
When I'm shot through heart and head,
And there's no choice but to die,
The last word I'll hear, no doubt,
Won't be "Charge!" or "Bomb them out!"
Nor the stretcher-bearer's cry,
"Let that body be, he's dead!"
But a voice cruel and flat
Saying for ever, "Cat! ... Cat! ... Cat!"
poem by Robert Graves
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Ape And God
Son put a poser up to me
That made me scratch my head:
"God made the whole wide world," quoth he;
"That's right, my boy," I said.
Said son: "He mad the mountains soar,
And all the plains lie flat;
But Dad, what did he do before
He did all that?
Said I: "Creation was his biz;
He set the stars to shine;
The sun and moon and all that is
Were His unique design.
The Cosmos is his concrete thought,
The Universe his chore..."
Said Son: "I understand, but what
Did He before?"
I gave it up; I could not cope
With his enquiring prod,
And must admit I've little hope
Of understanding God.
Indeed I find more to my mind
The monkey in the tree
In whose crude form Nature defined
Our human destiny.
Thought I: "Why search for Deity
In visionary shape?
'Twould better be if we could see
The angel in the ape.
Let mystic seek a God above:
Far wiser he who delves,
To find in kindliness and love
God in ourselves."
poem by Robert William Service
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Spiders In The Night
Spiders in the night
Creeping round the walls
Now you'll feel him
Crawling over you
Creepy crawly things
Filling up your bed
Soon you'll feel him
Crawling through your brains
You think he's there
Beware his bite
But when you look
The spider's not in sight
Spiders reappear
Taking peoples names
Everything is taken down insane
There's no way out
And there's no key
But here's a clue
The spider's really me
You're written in his book
The spider won't forget
You won't forget
The spiders in the night
The end is going night
Itsy witsy friends
The spiders disappearing from the night
You think he's gone
You think he's dead
There's no escape
The spiders in your head
All the spiders in the night
All the spiders in the night
All the spiders in the night
song performed by by Ozzy Osbourne from Bark At The Moon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Coming Thoughts
Coming from my head
Running through my mind
Something possibly untold
Is it hard to find?
Coming from the tip of my tongue
My face starts to express
From many random thoughts
Some different from the rest.
Coming from my mouth
Thoughts from there are spoken
No more hurt do I feel
No more am I broken.
Coming from my head
Running through my mind
Something clearly understood
My thoughts-one of a kind!
poem by Bethany Colman
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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What Your Soul Sings
Sinead O'Connor :
Dont be afraid
Open your mouth to say
Say what your soul sings to you
Your mind can never change
Unless you ask it to
Lovingly rearrange
The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down
Can only do harm to you
And so make your choice joy
The joy belongs to you
And when you do
You'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you
Love yeah
Dont be ashamed
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul sings to you
So no longer pretend
That you cant feel it near
That tickle in your head
That tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything
Because it loves you dear
Its your most precious king
If only you can hear
And when you do
Youll find the one you need is here
Youll find you
Love you
song performed by by Massive Attack
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Make My Head Go Pop
(words & music: per gessle)
Published by hiphappy
I dont know much about you but Im pretty sure I wanna be with you
I havent got a clue what is wrong, what is right, what is left to do
I read a magazine
I watch tv-screen
I dive into a dream only to find me in love with you
I wish youll never stop to make my head go pop
You make my head go pop pop p-pop pop pop pop every time youre around
Its a pleasant valley sunday and everthing seems to be beautiful
People go to church but Im found contemplating by the swimmingpoll
Im gazing at the sun
I watch him bringing joy to everyone
I feed the ducks with a bum only to find me in
Love with you
I wish youll never stop to make my head go pop
You make my head go pop pop pop pop pop pop
You make my head go pop pop p-pop pop pop pop ever time
Youre around
Press to play and never stop to make my head
Go pop
Yea, you make my head go pop pop pop pop pop pop
Every time youre around
Make my head go pop pop pop
Make my head go pop pop
Go pop pop
I feed the ducks with a bun only to find me in love with you
song performed by by Roxette
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Compensation Pete
He used to say: There ain't a doubt
Misfortune is a bitter pill,
But if you only pry it out
You'll find there's good in every ill.
There's comfort in the worst of woe,
There's consolation in defeat . . .
Oh what a solace-seeker! So
We called him Compensation Pete.
He lost his wealth - but was he pipped?
Why no - "That's fine," he used to say.
"I've got the government plumb gypped -
No more damn income tax to pay.
From cares of property set free,
And with no pesky social ties,
Why, even poverty may be
A benediction in disguise."
He lost his health: "Okay," he said;
"I'm getting on, may be the best.
I've always loved to lie abed,
And now I have the right to rest.
Such heaps o' things I want to do,
I'll have no time to fret or brood.
I'll read the dam ol' Bible through:
Guess it'll do me plenty good."
He has that line of sunny shine
That makes a blessing of a curse,
And he would say: "Don't let's repine,
Though things are bad they might be worse."
And so he cherished to the end
Philosophy so sane and sweet
That everybody was his friend . . .
With optimism hard to beat -
God bless old Compensation Pete.
poem by Robert William Service
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Ever since there was sun and stars
If you wipe away those tears
And look back over all of those years
You will find not a surer kind of love
Ever since there was a sun and stars
Above to warm the blood in our hearts
"Forever you" I've been in love
"Forever you" I've been in love
I've been there in love for you
You will find not a surer kind of love
You will find every wish
You've only been thinking, dreaming of
Oh, dream of me!
Like I'm dreaming of you again…
Oh when the winter raps its cloak
Around your heart
I will always be there to warm
And shelter you
"Forever you"
"Forever you"
From the cold and dark
Sure as a fire is burning in your heart
"Forever will I be"
Tracking back in the melting ice
And snow
It's never easy but if you love me
You will discover and find the old me
And I will be
Sure to follow you
"Forever you"
For all eternity
Because of what you have meant to me.
poem by Mark Heathcote
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Manipulation
Oh, my head! my head! my head!
Lack! for my poor unfortunate head!
Mister de Ville
Has been to feel,
And what do you think he said?
He felt it up, and he felt it down,
Behind the ears, and across the crown,
Sinciput, occiput, great and small,
Bumps and organs, he tickled 'em all;
And he shook his own, as he gravely said,
'Sir, you really have got a most singular head!
'Why here's a bump,
Only feel what a lump;
Why the organ of "Sound" is an absolute hump;
And only feel here,
Why, behind each ear,
There's a bump for a butcher or a bombardier;
Such organs of slaughter
Would spill blood like water;
Such "lopping and topping" of heads and of tails,
Why, you'll cut up a jackass with Alderman S--.'
[Caetera desunt.]
poem by Richard Harris Barham
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Ang Tunay Na Lalaki Meets Barbie At The Shark Bar
on Mulberry and Spring on a rainy night.
Her head sticks out of some woman’s tote bag
placed on top of the bar, she winks
at Ang Tunay na Lalaki. He looks at his gin and tonic,
looks back at the doll and hears her tiny voice
even though her lips aren’t moving. "Hi there,
big guy. I was made in the Philippines. You look
like you were made there too." He responds
just to humor himself, "Where, at the Subic Bay
manufacturing plants? Did you enjoy
being made by exploited laborers?" Barbie crawls
onto the sticky bar and sits herself on the edge
crossing her legs. "I remember those delicate fingers
expertly sewing the hairs to my head. Those women
were so nice to me." She bends at her waist
to let her hair down and dramatically lifts her head up
so her blond locks turn into a glamorous puff,
"See, they did a good job. You must admit."
"You’re incorrigible," he exhales a cloud of smoke
after lighting up a cigarette, "And you’re
all plastic, petroleum based plastic."
Barbie places her palms against her face
and begins to sob. Ang Tunay na Lalaki sticks out
his middle finger, strokes the back of her head,
"Now, now, doll. First time anyone ever told
you the truth?" Barbie lifts her left arm
to swipe away his finger, "My name’s Barbie!
Not Doll, Sweetie, Honey, or Dolly. It’s Barbie!"
Ang Tunay na Lalaki sips his gin,
"Look, Barbie. You have the perfect life,
you’re the world’s best-selling doll
and millions of little girls are buying you dresses.
Even the top fashion designers design
outfits for you." Barbie straightens her back
as if she had a spine, places
her hands on her lap, "But you don’t know
how hard it is to be beautiful all the time. See,
you made my mascara run." He takes a napkin,
dips it into his drink, proceeds to wipe off
the small black streaks on her cheeks, "It’s acrylic,
a water based paint." He reaches into his pocket
for a ball-point pen, draws rich eye lashes
around her eyes. Barbie slides over to a shot glass,
stares at her reflection, "Hey, you’re good
at this. Have you ever considered a career
in make-up? I could recommend you
to our designers, you know."
Suddenly a woman’s human hand plucks
Barbie off the bar, stuffing her
back into a tote bag. His eyes follow
the tote bag out the door. All he can see
is a puff of blond hair and a stiff arm
swaying back and forth like a metronome.
poem by Nick Carbo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Still Waiting
So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in
Drop dead a bullet to my head
Your words are like a gun in hand
You can't change the state of the nation
We just need some motivation
Three times casino eviction
Just lies and more contradiction
So tell me what would you say
I'd say its up: to me
So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in
Ignorance and Understanding
We're the first ones to jump in line
Out of step for what we believe in
But whos left? To start the pleading
How far will we take this
It's not hard to see through the sickness
So tell me what would you say
I'd say its up: to me
So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in
This can't last forever
Time won't make things better
I feel so alone
Can't help myself
And no one knows
If this is worthless
Tell me: so
What have we done
We're in a war that can't be won
This can't be real
I don't know what to feel
So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in
So am I still waiting
For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in
song performed by by Sum 41
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Contrast
"Carry your suitcase, Sir?" he said.
I turned away to hide a grin,
For he was shorter by a head
Than I and pitiably thin.
I could have made a pair of him,
So with my load I stoutly legged;
But his tenacity was grim:
"Please let me help you, sir," he begged.
I could not shake the fellow off,
So let him shoulder my valise;
He tottered with a racking cough
That did not give him any peace.
He lagged so limply in my wake
I made him put the burden down,
Saying: "A taxi I will take,"
And grimly gave him half-a-crown.
Poor devil! I am sure he had
Not eaten anything that day;
His eyes so hungrily were glad,
Although his lips were ashen grey.
He vanished in the callous crowd,
Then when he was no more around,
I lugged my bag and thought aloud:
"I wish I'd given him a pound."
And strangely I felt sore ashamed,
As if somehow I had lost face;
And not only myself I blamed
But all the blasted human race;
And all this life of battle where
The poor are beaten to their knees,
And while the weak the burdens bear,
Fat fools like me can stroll at ease.
poem by Robert William Service
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Pressure
There was a kind of pressure, in the room,
I mean, it wasn't anything tangible but it was there
and he looked about him to try to spot the culprit.
A suspicious character was drinking brandy,
he could certainly be the one, but wait,
there she was, a tall red head with hawk like eyes.
They looked at each other and then she crooked her finger,
"yes… you" she mouthed! "Come here, talk to me"
He slowly walked towards her, settling at her side.
"It's cold for the time of year", he whispered.
"Not cold enough" was the coded reply.
Then she took out a yellow glove from her bag.
"When are you going to introduce me? " she asked
"That's right, " she said, "I'm from the ministry"
and I want you to act as though we're old friends.
"O.K." he replied, "slip me the key first and I'll
take you over. The stooge is that small,
rather portly man in the black bow tie."
"But can he lead us to Nightingales, " she asked
They've killed two of our spies already.
At that she dropped the yellow glove on the floor.
The lights went out and as they fumbled in the dark
the pressure grew……….do you feel it?
Nah, its just that dodgy guy sitting next to you.
************************************* ************
Footnote:
No spies were killed or yellow gloves
dropped during the making
of this episode.
However, some fumbling
did take place.
*********************************** ***************
Next episode:
Dazed and sore, Montague came round,
feeling pressure on his head
which seemed to be warm and comforting.
It was Marjorie's soft hand.
"Are you alright, my dear" she said,
looking concerned and worried.
Blood dripped down Montague's cheek,
he'd been hit on the head with a sharp object!
"Where is she? " he stammered, "She still has the key"
"Leave her to us" said the man in the black bow tie
"We've got it all under control,
Just tell us who sent you! "
Monty's eyes rolled back in his head.
The pressure was all too hard to take
and Marjorie's perfume had
triggered off his allergy.
Or was this a counter plot to extract the truth?
Did they know he was allergic to Channel no 5?
Too late! A sharp pain in Montague's chest
saw the end of him…….
poem by Ruth Walters
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Out Of My Depth
Out of my depth
Lost in the air
Falling faster
Like a broken elevator
Out of my depth
Lost in the dark
Waiting for the other shoe
To come down hard
I cannot communicate
Like I wish I could
I do not deal with my problems
Like I know I should
I am out of my depth
I am out of my league
Watching everything...just
Slip away from me
Something bad is
going to happen
I can feel it deep inside
There are shadows
all around me
Like a bad moon on the rise
I am in over my head
I am in too deep here
over my head
I guess I should keep my
opinions to myself
I guess I am out of my depth
Out of my depth
Right from the start
I feel like I was born
With an invisible heart
Out of my depth
Seems like everyday
I can't find the words
To make the good things
Come my way
I feel like I am faking it
I feel like I am wrong
I feel like I'm a guest
...like I just do not belong
I am out of my depth
Every single day
I just cannot find the words
To make my monsters go away
Something bad is
going to happen
I can feel it deep inside
There are shadows
all around me
Like a bad moon on the rise
I am in too deep here
over my head
I should seek
some professional help
Because I'm out of my depth
Yes, I'm out of my depth
And I am slowly going
out of my mind
Oh, go away
Make them go away
Someday I know
I will make them go away
Make them go away
Make them go away
Someday I know...I will make
my monsters go away
I am in over my head
I should seek
some professional help
I should keep my
opinions to myself
I guess I am out of my depth
I am out of my depth
Yes, I am slowly going
out of my mind
song performed by by Everclear
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Headless Bird
According to custom, the old people have shut me away
Not to scare me stupid when they killed the bird,
And I am listening by the bolted door
To the trampling and the struggle.
I twist the lock time has worn thin
To forget what I have heard, to get away
From this struggle where
The body races after the head.
And I jump when the eyes, thick with fear
Turn backwards, turn white,
They look like grains of maize,
The others come and peck at them.
I take the head in one hand, the rest in the other,
And when the weight grows too much I switch them
around
Until they are dead, so they are still connected
At least in this way, through my body.
But the head dies sooner,
As if the cut had not been properly done,
And so that the body does not struggle alone
I wait for death to reach it passing through me.
poem by Ileana Mălăncioiu, translated by Eiléan Ní Chuilleanáin
Submitted by Dan Costinaş
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