Jokes (Not mine)
Cop A Plea
Funny
A man drowned
In a tub of milk
With a banana
In his ear
Authorities suspect
A cereal killer.
Funnier
A toilet was stolen
From the precinct.
Police have nothing
To go on.
Funniest
Someone broke a hole
In the nudist colony's fence.
Cops are looking into it.
******************************
Airp ort security confiscated
My Bengay. They accused
Me of packing heat.
******************************
Some men were working at
A sawmill when one of them got
To close to the blade and had
His ear lopped off. The guys
Quickly started rummaging
Through the sawdust looking
For the ear.
'I found it' exclaimed a co-worker
'Keep looking ' said the earless one.
'Mine had a pencil behind it! '
Source: Readers Digest
August 2007
poem by Theodora Onken
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Of course, we should all be aware of what we're packing in our carry-on luggage - anything that might be considered dangerous could be confiscated at a security checkpoint.
quote by David Neeleman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I think cheese smells funny, but I feel bananas ""are"" funny. I'm assuming Swamp told the whole story of the executives seriously asking us to replace the banana with cheese because they thought it was funnier.
quote by Joe Murray
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Banana Bread-Baked and Buttered
I recently discovered,
I was quick banana fed.
Having one sliced in cereal.
One in a milkshake.
And a few to make banana bread.
I guess the potassium agrees with me.
When I eat one on the street.
Preferring that treat over candied sweets.
And a vitamin I need...
Like C, D, E and the B's.
While trying to avoid the calories,
As I strip one and dip it...
Into creamy chocolate.
I recently discovered,
I was quick banana fed.
Having one sliced in cereal.
One in a milkshake.
And a few to make banana bread.
Baked and buttered,
With no crumbs spared!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Love's Recurrence
A reflection of red
Bold blood lettering
Softly consuming
But now
Pasts cleansing came...
The proud hourglass weeps moments
We search
One screams security
Silence
The other sighs purity
Motion
The river
Additions flood
You drowned
Through chaos crowned
Life is funny
Boredom is hatred
I thought it broke
My heart is fine
You broke my funny bone
poem by David Orioli
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Broremann The Farmhand
Broremann, the farmer worker.
Every morning at five thirty sharp, my brother Broremann
had to milk five cows by hand bring bucket full of goodness
to the scullery where maid sifted it and in a churn it went.
He had to start milking Rose first, she was the mother cow
other cows wouldn´t give milk unless he started with her.
After milking Broremann had to clean the barn five cows
make a lot of dung; he pushed it down in a hole in the wall
it was later used to fertilize the land. My brother was proud
of his ability to milk and his hands were, firm yet gentle.
There was a problem though Rose didn´t yield as much milk
as before as she was getting elderly and the farmer sold her
to the knacker’s yard. It was a sad day and the other cows
mooed woefully. The farmer bought a new cow to take Rosa´s
place, but Broremann couldn´t milk her first, as she was new-
comer, so he started with Gerda, now the oldest cow, and milk
the new one last, thus rural peace continued in the cow shed.
poem by Oskar Hansen
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Funny... But Not
it's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
it's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
it's funny how forever never seems to last
it's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past
it's funny how “friends” can just leave when you are down
it's funny how when you need someone they never are around
it's funny how people change and think they're so much better
it's funny how many lies are packed into one “love letter”
it's funny how one night can contain so much regret
it's funny how you can forgive but not forget
it's funny how ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all, is none of thats funny to me
poem by Arianna Loshnowsky
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Funny....But Not For Me! ! ! !
t's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
it's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
it's funny how forever never seems to last
it's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past
it's funny how “friends” can just leave when you are down
it's funny how when you need someone they never are around
it's funny how people change and think they're so much better
it's funny how many lies are packed into one “love letter”
it's funny how one word can contain so much regret
it's funny how you can forgive but not forget
it's funny how ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all, is none of thats funny to me
poem by Gaurav Sharma
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Its funny
it's funny how hello is always finished with goodbye
it's funny how good memories can make you cry
it's funny how forever never seems to last
it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past
it's funny how “friends” can just leave when you are down
it's funny how when you need someone they never are around
it's funny how people change and think they are so much better
it cant be packed in one letter
it's funny how one night can contain so much regret
because the funniest part of all, is none of thats funny to me
poem by Jutyum Brendaro
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Narcotics Missing from the Police-Station?
Loss of seized contraband from the police
means they are taken out on a lease
for the accused to go free
and the smugglers to be in glee.
They know all the rules
even how the girls to tease.
How much threat the cops receive
from the gang of vice!
They are nice while dealing
with the Kingpins moving the drugs off.
What could the poor cops do
if the boss behind this trade
sits on the high seat of Power?
poem by Rajendran Muthiah
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Isn't It Funny?
t's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
It's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
It's funny how forever never seems to really last
It's funny how much you'd loose if you forgot about your past
It's funny how friends can just leave you when you're down
It's funny how when you need someone they're never around
It's funny how people can change and think they're so much better
It's funny how many lies can be packed in one ''love letter''
It's funny how people can forgive even though they can't forget
It's funny how one night can contain so much regret
It's funny how ironic life turns out to be,
But the funniest part,
Is that none of it is funny...
To me.
poem by Gina Durst
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Funny, But Then Not...
Its funny how hello is alway accompanied with goodbye,
Its funny how good memories can start to make you cry.
Its funny how forever never really seems to last,
Its funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past.
Its funny how 'friends' can just leave you when your down,
Its funny how when you need someone their never around.
Its funny how people change and think they're so much better,
Its funny how many lies can be packed into one 'love letter'.
Its funny how people forgive even though they cant forget,
Its funny how one night can contain so much regret.
Its funny how ironic life turns out to be,
But the funniest part of all...
Is that none of thats funny to me
poem by Daniela X. Daraz
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Funny?
It's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
It's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
It's funny how forever never seems to really last
It's funny how much you'd loose if you forgot about your past
It's funny how friends can just leave you when you're down
It's funny how when you need someone they're never around
It's funny how people can change and think they're so much better
It's funny how many lies can be packed in one ''love letter''
It's funny how people can forgive even though they can't forget
It's funny how one night can contain so much regret
It's funny how ironic life turns out to be,
But the funniest part,
Is that none of it is funny...
To me.
poem by Patrick 'the pyropoet' littrell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Its funny how
Its funny how hello is always accompanied with good-bye
Its funny how remembering good memories can make you cry
Its funny how forever never seems to really last
Its funny how much you'd lose if you forgot your past
Its funny how friends can just leave you when you're down
Its funny how when you need someone there never around
Its funny how people can change and think there so much betta
Its funny how many lies can be packed into one love letta
Its funny how people can forgive even tho they cant forget
Its funny how one night can catain of so much regret
Its funny how crazy and ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all is that none of that seems funny to me
poem by Heather Noble
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That Was Almost
Me now travol trom home
To town me find a lot of pipo running away
Me don know wat has happened
Me suddenly find da police van pull up
Dey say they want to take me
I ask dem wat I have done
Da police laugh and dey hit me in da belly
Me triy to run dey thro me down
One police man shouted he didn't do wrong
Me triy to say dey hit me in da belly
Now wat happened was a night mare
They hit me in da belly
Dey rolling me like a chicken
Dey called me thief
Dey kicked me a lot but me started to cry
Dey laugh and laugh but I stoped to cry
Now what happened was heaven
I got up I hit one in head
And he started to cry
Den suddenly all of dem ran after me
Me started to shake almost urinated
Suddenly dey caught me den me started to sing
Dey laughed dey laugh
Den I started to remove my cloths
Dey now thot I was mad person
Dey quickly got back in the van as they thot dey caught da wrong person
Den me ran home
I told my mom dat was so close
poem by Tanaka Chirombo
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It's Funny How
It's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
It's funny how remembering good memories can make you cry
It's funny how forever never seems to really last
It's funny how much you'd lose if youforgot youre past
It's funny how friends can just leave when you're down
It's funny how when you need someone the're never around
It's funny how people can change and think the're so much better
It's funny how many lies can be packed into one love letter
It's funny how people can forgive even tho they cant forget
It's funny how one night can catain of so much regret
It's funny how crazy and ironic life turns out to be but the funniest part of all is that non of that seeems funny to me.
I got this poem from a friend i dont know who writ it or where it came from.
poem by Amelia Gardiner
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Plexiglass Toilet
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
A boy of 5 stands close to the toilet
Holds the lid up with one hand
Won't let go the lid for fear that
On his banana it will land
Don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Boy goes up he eats the enchilada
With the sauce that burns the heart
Family comes to visit family
Momma says don't belch and fart
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Everybody Sing!
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
Don't sit on the Plexiglas toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglas toilet yeah
song performed by by Styx, music by John Curulewski
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Social Security, for example - I'm 43. I've paid into the system. You know what? That money has been stolen from me. I know that my parents who are on Social Security - they've got to continue to receive it. They're dependent on it. It is their primary source of income.
quote by Joe Miller
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Dead Guy Stickers
In the USA,
They want to put dead guy pictures on cigarette packs.
With that brilliant logic in mind, I say put dead guy stickers on:
car windshields(dead guys in wrecks)
pistol and rifle handles (dead guys shot)
marriage licenses (dead spouses)
hamburger and hot dog wrappers (dead fat guys)
pies, cakes (more dead fat guys)
bathroom doors (thousands of dead guys in bathrooms every year)
bicycles (road kill dead guys)
fire places (burnt dead guys)
swimming pools (drown dead guys)
every electrical outlet (fried dead guys)
air plane tickets (dead passenger guys)
the beach (shark bit dead guys)
cities (shot dead guys)
air (blue dead guys)
fish (poisoned dead guys)
motorcycles (more road kill dead guys)
scarfs (strangled dead guys)
football helmets (brain dead guys)
hot tubs (more drowned dead guys)
and so on.
Just about everything can kill you, such as:
Mothers (dead baby guys plus dead fathers)
Fathers (dead baby guys plus dead mothers)
Police(multiple dead guys and chicks)
Drugs (multiple dead guys and chicks)
and so on.
Once everything has a dead guy sticker on it,
You've been warned and the world will be safer, right?
It shows we care, right?
poem by Richard Jarboe
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When I first started the show, I was known as the 'cop nerd.' I was in the 9th Precinct in the East Village every day. I'd be at work wearing a fake bulletproof vest with foam in it, then I'd leave and put on a real one to ride around with these guys.
quote by Jason Wiles
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Just For Fun
Cartoons
Just for fun
Just sitting around doing nothing
Having no worries, no responsibilities
No school
Just cartoons
And sugar cereal
Just cartoons
And more sugar cereal with extra sugar on it
Just cartoons
And more sugar cereal with extra sugar on it
It is fun to be a kid when you can be a kid
And when no one is watching, you put even four sugars on your sugar cereal
Or you just scoop up a few spoons of sugar into your mouth and love the way it melts in your mouth, just for fun
And when no one is watching you jump on the couch and the bed and you run through the house and you knock things over and you don’t pick them up because you are kid and you are just having fun
And you laugh and you giggle and you dance funny dances
You watch more cartoons
Eat more sugar cereal and dig through the box for the toy
And take more spoons of sugar
While watching cartoons
Just for fun.
poem by Connie Webb
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