Just a load of silly limericks about people I know
I know young lady called Dee
Who lived in a bubblegum tree
She savoured the view
Whilst big bubbles she blew
And she only came down for her tea.
I know I young lady called Carolyn
Who said she was gonna go travelling
She afforded the lot
By a pay out she got
When her ex got impaled by a javelin.
There once was a poet called Ben
Who couldn't let go of his pen
He had a 'to do'
With some strong super glue
And it's been stuck there ever since then.
There once was a young Mr bright
Who wanted his farts to ignite
When he lighted the match
His fart just wouldn't catch
Coz the pants he had on were too tight!
I know a young lady called Laurie
Who burped after eating a curry
By god it was loud
And for this she was proud
Then she giggled and said she was sorry!
There once was a young man called Will
Who found it quite hard to sit still
He did not sit down once
No not even for lunch
It eventually made him quite ill
I know a lady called Karen
Who hired a group of hit men
She payed a few bob
For this one special job
And her ex was not spotted again
I know a girl called Nicola
Who craved for a day at a spar
She wanted shellac
And a rub of her back
But thought waxing was going too far
poem by Stevie Taite
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Fundamental of Liar Chapter LXXX: Story
Story about future is called imagination
Story about past is called memories
Story about present is called reality
Story that becomes true is called prophecy
Story that becomes unfulfilled is called regret
Story that becomes no end is called boasting
Small story is called experience
Epic story is called history
Forgotten story is called lesson
Story that becomes obsession is called ambition
Story that becomes untold is called secret
Story that becomes go its own way is called life
poem by Maria Sudibyo
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Road to Success
The road to success is not straight,
There is a curve called FAILURE,
A loop called CONFUSION,
Speed bumps called FRIENDS,
Red light called ENEMIES and
caution lights called FAMILY.
But if you have a spare called
DETERMINATION,
An engine called PERSEVERANCE,
Insurance called FAITH and
A driver called JESUS (GOD, ALLAH, ISHVAR)
You will make it to a place called
SUCCESS
poem by Pratiksha Jain
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Lady Day
When she walked on down the street
She was like a child staring at her feet
But when she passed the bar
And she heard the music play
She had to go in and sing
It had to be that way
She had to go in and sing
It had to be that way
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
After the applause had died down
And the people drifted away
She climbed down off the bar
And went out the door
To the hotel
That she called home
It had greenish walls
A bathroom in the hall
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
...
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Star 69
You dont have to take the bar exam to see
What you did is ignoramus 103
Where have I got to hang my hat
You dont have line to me
All this just to be your friend
I was there to tell you
Extortion and arson, petty larceny
I know you called. I know you called. I know you called.
I know you called. I know you called. I know you hung up my line.
Star 69.
I know all about the warehouse fire.
I know squirrelies didnt chew the wire.
Three people have my number, the other two were with me.
I dont stand tall, but Im not your patsy.
This time you have gone too far with me.
I know you called. I know you called. I know you called.
I know you called. I know you called. I know you hung up my line.
Star 69.
Whyd you put your quarter down on me?
This reads like some dark inside edition, hard copy.
I cant be your character witness, I cant be your alibi.
Dont arrange the fbi, here this spy versus spy.
You my friend are guilty as can be.
I know you called. I know you called. I know you called.
I know you called. I know you called. I cant be your alibi.
Star 69.
song performed by by REM
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Thieves Like Us
Ive watched your face for a long time
Its always the same
Ive studied the cracks and the wrinkles
You were always so vain
Well, now you live your life like a shadow
In the pouring rain
Oh, its called love
Yes, its called love
Oh, its called love
And it belongs to us
Oh, it dies so quickly
It grows so slowly
But when it dies, it dies for good
Its called love
And it belongs to everyone but us
Ive lived my life in the valleys
Ive lived my life on the hills
Ive lived my life on alcohol
Ive lived my life on pills
But its called love
And it belongs to us
Its called love
And its the only thing thats worth living for
Its called love
And it belongs to us
Its called love
Yes its called love
Oh, love is found in the east and west
But when love is at home, its the best
Love is the cure for every evil
Love is the air that supports the eagle
Its called love
And its so un-cool
Its called love
And somehow its become unmentionable
Its called love
And it belongs to every one of us
Its called love
And it cuts your life like a broken knife
song performed by by New Order
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There Once Was A Man...
There once was a man, they called brave
Who lived in a hole, called a grave...
Well, being the host
To many a ghost,
He arranged a big bash, called a rave
There once was a man, called a knave
Who lived in a hole, called a cave...
Not being too keen
About keeping it clean...
Well, he took on a wife, called a slave
There once was a man with a stave
Who lived in a holy enclave...
Maintaining a grin
While absolving the sin,
He assessed wicked tales and forgave
There once was a monk with a wave
Who wanted a head with a shave...
The barber was such
That she cut back too much
Thereby leaving his globus concave
There once was a man in the nave,
Although pious he could not behave...
They paid him no mind,
'Caus his name was maligned,
Simply being a sinner to save
There once was a man quite depraved
A voluptuous life was thus craved...
Well, continuous sin
Ended doing him in -
On his tombstone they carved ‘Misbehaved'
poem by Terry O'Leary
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The Road To Success isn’t As The Crow Flies
The road to success is not as the crow flies
There are derailments and breakdowns
Speed breakers are called uncertainty
Humps are called hurdles of life
Neon signs are called friends to guide you
And consciousness is called Family make you aware of
But if you have a spare wheel called willpower,
A strong engine called firmness,
Car insurance called confidence, and
A car driving skill is called Faith,
I m sure you will drive your car successfully
Towards the road of success
poem by Dr Shamim ali
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What used to be called liberal is now called radical, what used to be called radical is now called insane, what used to be called reactionary is now called moderate, and what used to be called insane is now called solid conservative thinking.
quote by Tony Kushner
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My road to success
Never be discouraged by other people's negativities towards your success. /
Stick to what you love the most some day it will turn out well. /
Some things are hard to get but are worth working hard for. /
So, it is better to support than to look down on other people's dreams. /
The road to success it is not straight there is a curve called failure. /
A loop called friends & flats called jobs, but if you have a spare called determination. /
An engine called perseverance, insurance called faith & a driver called 'jesus' /
You will make it to a place called 'Success' /
Author: Koena France Mokoena
poem by kfm Productions
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We have common enemies today. It's called childhood poverty. It's called cancer. It's called AIDS. It's called Parkinson's. It's called Muscular Dystrophy.
quote by Jerry Doyle
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Vain And Careless
Lady, lovely lady,
Careless and gay!
Once when a beggar called
She gave her child away.
The beggar took the baby,
Wrapped it in a shawl,
'Bring her back,' the lady said,
'Next time you call.'
Hard by lived a vain man,
So vain and so proud,
He walked on stilts
To be seen by the crowd.
Up above the chimney pots,
Tall as a mast,
And all the people ran about
Shouting till he passed.
'A splendid match surely,'
Neighbours saw it plain,
'Although she is so careless,
Although he is so vain.'
But the lady played bobcherry,
Did not see or care,
As the vain man went by her
Aloft in the air.
This gentle-born couple
Lived and died apart.
Water will not mix with oil,
Nor vain with careless heart.
poem by Robert Graves
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The So Called Coward And The Traitor
A traitor to his Country many of him do say
He never enlisted to fight in the war far away
But he marches in every anti war parade
Some say cowards are born they cannot be made.
But some have strange ways of defining a coward
By his higher self the man has been empowered
His dad died in war a hero but the son to war said no
In making a stand courage he has to show.
In not going to war he did not rob a young wife
Of the father of her children and the love of her life
And robbed a mother of her beloved son
Many call him a coward and a traitor yet he's not harmed anyone.
The so called coward and the traitor goes out of his way
To help the poor old lady frail, vulnerable and gray
Helps her out when she needs him and never asks her for pay
The young man is my hero of him she does say.
The last post will never be played at his grave
But the so called coward and the traitor in truth is quite brave
He did not go to war distant from his Homeland
And for what he believes in he does make a stand.
poem by Francis Duggan
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When you are called a character actress it's because you are too ugly to be called a leading lady.
quote by Kathy Burke
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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She Called Me Daddy
She's gone
I froze her out
Move by move
First I didn't hold her hand
Then I didn't touch her in bed
Then I wasn't tender with her upsets
Then I just told her to go
And still, she didn't go
I had to push.
Now this place is peaceful as a grave
It's dead quiet without her
And her stupid t.v. shows
And young girl laughing
I was always ashamed she read Cosmopolitan
I should have been proud of her
What did she want that was so bad?
She just wanted to believe that someone would
Love her and look after her always
She called me Daddy
She called me Daddy
song performed by by Iggy Pop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There was a young lady called Mandy,
Who used to drink barrels of shandy,
She was so full of gas
That they piped her at last
To the mains and then said: 'now that's handy.'
quote by by John Carter Brown (February 1995)
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She Call Me Daddy
Shes gone
I froze her out
Move by move
First I didnt hold her hand
Then I didnt touch her in bed
Then I wasnt tender with her upsets
Then I just told her to go
And still, she didnt go
I had to push.
Now this place is peaceful as a grave
Its dead quiet without her
And her stupid t.v. shows
And young girl laughing
I was always ashamed she read cosmopolitan
I should have been proud of her
What did she want that was so bad?
She just wanted to believe that someone would
Love her and look after her always
She called me daddy
She called me daddy
song performed by by Iggy Pop
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Trees Of Life
The trees command authority when called upon,
Young men or women proclaim facts more than brawn.
Branches of knowledge come from people called trees,
Young trees are like orchards, they are not absurdities.
The abilities we define as pleasant come from corrections,
Young learning has solved our problems and aberrations.
May our problems exert funerals no longer,
The trees of life exert the influence of an actor.
poem by Naveed Akram
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Lady Godiva
Her name was Lady Godiva
A lady so brave and so strong
Her husband the Earl of Mercia
He treated her terribly wrong
She's a lady
She's a lady
She rode naked on horseback
To stop him from his tax increase
But people in town closed their curtains
Than prison for living in peace
*She's a lady
She's a lady
She's a lady, Lady Godiva
The hero of Coventry
L-L-Lady Lady Godiva
She rode into history
Then sneaking a glance through the window
Was a guy they called Peeping Tom
He caught a glimpse and was blinded
Curiosity sometimes is wrong
*(repeat)
People liked Lady Godiva
Respectfully looking away
They honoured incredible courage
Her legend lives until today
*(repeat, repeat
song performed by by Boney M.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There was a stud on the net called “Big Banyon, ”
He had a tool the size of a cannon,
And every lady ran
From this humongous man
Till he met a gal surfers called “Grand Canyon.”
quote by by Dennis Lambert
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the Cherry Blossoms
'the cherry blossoms'
swaying in the wind the cherry blossoms feel the nice eastern breeze giving them air too breathe, the tallest tree in the area is loved by a lovely young lady who visits the cherry blossms every day.
the sakura tree gave this lovely young lady a cherry blossom as the eastern breeze blows over the tree, flattered by the gift the lovely young lady went home and made a gift for the sakura tree.
the next day she brought the sakura tree a sipphire ring as a thank you gift the sakura tree was thankful to the lovely young lady. many years passed and the sakura tree was cut down and the lovely young lady was very sick and passed.
she was berried where the sakura tree use to stand.
on top of her tombstone was the saphire ring ingraved on the ring were 3 words
I Love You.
poem by Jordan Scown
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