AntEater
'A genuine anteater,'
The pet man told my dad.
Turned out, it was an aunt eater,
And now my uncle's mad!
poem by Sheldon Allan Silverstein
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Aunt Tabitha
THE YOUNG GIRL'S POEM
WHATEVER I do, and whatever I say,
Aunt Tabitha tells me that is n't the way;
When she was a girl (forty summers ago)
Aunt Tabitha tells me they never did so.
Dear aunt! If I only would take her advice!
But I like my own way, and I find it so nice
And besides, I forget half the things I am told;
But they all will come back to me--when I am old.
If a youth passes by, it may happen, no doubt,
He may chance to look in as I chance to look out;
She would never endure an impertinent stare,--
It is horrid, she says, and I must n't sit there.
A walk in the moonlight has pleasures, I own,
But it is n't quite safe to be walking alone;
So I take a lad's arm,--just for safety, you know,--
But Aunt Tabitha tells me they did n't do so.
How wicked we are, and how good they were then!
They kept at arm's length those detestable men;
What an era of virtue she lived in!--But stay--
Were the men all such rogues in Aunt Tabitha's day?
If the men were so wicked, I 'll ask my papa
How he dared to propose to my darling mamma;
Was he like the rest of them? Goodness! Who knows?
And what shall I say, if a wretch should propose?
I am thinking if Aunt knew so little of sin,
What a wonder Aunt Tabitha's aunt must have been!
And her grand-aunt--it scares me--how shockingly sad
That we girls of to-day are so frightfully bad!
A martyr will save us, and nothing else can;
Let me perish--to rescue some wretched young man!
Though when to the altar a victim I go,
Aunt Tabitha 'll tell me she never did so.
poem by Oliver Wendell Holmes
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First Trip To The Ranch
I had a lot of questions
Duriing my first trip
I'd seen picutres
Heard stories
I had never been
My uncle's car was loaded down
I'm not sure how many he was expecting
We were carrying enough food
To feed them all
First time I had ever been
Off the main highway
Off the last paved county road
It'd been a while since
The last stretch had been graveled
Slow bumps last leg of the trip
The first to meet us
When we got close
Were the staggering pigs
My uncle was smiling big
For the rest of my first trip
He turned to my aunt
In the front seat
I was in the back
Between lots of beer and boxes of cut meat
We were almost there
'Looks like Delbert's been cookin''
Was all he said
I had no idea 'til years later
Not something they discussed
In front of us kids
Ranch had original wood stove
Recent indoor plumbing
Outhouse still stood at the ready
If needed
For the overflow crowd
Found out years later
Why the pigs were as happy
As the rest of the crowd
They - -pigs that is
Were fed the remaing corn mash
Used to cook the shine
Had enough kick left
For them to greet my uncle
With the good news
On my first trip
Turned out to be
A great weekend
Family reunion
Good times
Had by all
poem by Tom J. Mariani
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Holidays with the family
Johnny wants a brand new car
Susie wants to hit the bar
Mindy wants to be a star
Cindy just goes too far
I just flew in from mars
Sit at the table and eat some turkey
My family only likes beef jerky
They really are quite quirky
Aunt Jane, she`s just a pain
Uncle Jack just follows the pack
Jim just hits on Kim
Happy holidays to him
Has anyone seen Tim
He`s in the pool taking a swim
Where`s everyone been?
When the tree still needs to be trimmed
Uncle Jerry just farted downwind
Uncle bill drank all the gin
Fat Jim needs to hit the gym
Family dinner with all the winners
Oh boy can`t wait to finish
Before mom starts a fire
No one can extinguish
poem by Joseph Whelan
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Eater
Watch me, make you
Let me, take you
Follow down, I will penetrate you baby
Run you to the ground
I will make you hate you baby
Im an eater, Im an eater, Im an eater
Your cheeks are red and rosy
Ill keep you safe and sound
Ill keep you warm and cozy
Fatten you up to wolf you down
Your cheeks are red and rosy (watch me)
Ill keep you safe and sound (make you)
Ill keep you warm and cozy (let me)
Fatten you up to wolf you down (take you)
Im an eater, Im an eater, Im an eater
And theres one thing that I know is true
Ill just make a meal of you
Ill leave the bones and hair to rot
I dont really care alot
Follow down (watch me)
I will penetrate you baby (make you)
Run you into the ground (let me)
I will make you hate you baby
Im an eater, Im an eater, Im an eater
song performed by by Fastball
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Uncle’s Car Key
A single key in a little bunch
The key to life it is not
So little a key but have this punch
When uncle’s blood is hot.
Some men I know can lend this key
But some are worse to stand
A friend it is that lets me be
But uncle’s spite must land
This key to Golf I turned upwards
And got rains of hot words
My uncle raved and ranted as hell
In words thoughtful as they tell
This his point was stressed again
As the old year passed with glee
My resolution strong and comes like train
To avoid uncle’s car key
poem by Tonimario Onyedika Oboshi
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If my aunt had been a man, she'd have been my uncle.
If my aunt had a beard, this man would be my uncle.
Maybe! Maybe! Maybe if your aunt had a beard, she'd be your uncle.
quote by Alvah Bessie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If the father marries the aunt, he's an uncle.
Cockroach
Roach, foulest of creatures,
who attacks with yellow teeth
and an army of cousins big as shoes,
you are lumps of coal that are mechanized
and when I turn on the light you scuttle
into the corners and there is this hiss upon the land.
Yet I know you are only the common angel
turned into, by way of enchantment, the ugliest.
Your uncle was made into an apple.
Your aunt was made into a Siamese cat,
all the rest were made into butterflies
but because you lied to God outrightly-
told him that all things on earth were in order-
He turned his wrath upon you and said,
I will make you the most loathsome,
I will make you into God's lie,
and never will a little girl fondle you
or hold your dark wings cupped in her palm.
But that was not true. Once in New Orleans
with a group of students a roach fled across
the floor and I shrieked and she picked it up
in her hands and held it from my fear for one hour.
And held it like a diamond ring that should not escape.
These days even the devil is getting overturned
and held up to the light like a glass of water.
poem by Anne Sexton
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Uncle Norm And Aunt Audrey
As a child I remember those days
when Aunt Audrey would come from faraway.
Aunt Audrey was tall and wore jewelry like rings
she brought gifts and interesting things.
Aunt Audrey lived in Japan, the far east
she had an interesting life to say the least.
Her daughters Marlena and Renee
had played with us for a couple of days.
Then they would leave on a plane
I would see them again at an older age.
Uncle Norm I also saw when I was young
we traveled to Rhode Island when I was age 1.
Then I would see Aunt Audrey & Norm
in the Sunshine State—
they lived in a development with wooden gates.
I celebrate Christmas and the holidays
with them, Marlena and Renee.
Celebrate with them on Christmas day
they have children now who live on
the west coast in the Golden State.
Written by Suzae Chevalier on April 9,2012
poem by Christina Sunrise
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Uncle Norm And Aunt Audrey
As a child I remember those days
when Aunt Audrey would come from faraway.
Aunt Audrey was tall and wore jewelry like rings
she brought gifts and interesting things.
Aunt Audrey lived in Japan, the far east
she had an interesting life to say the least.
Her daughters Marlena and Renee
had played with us for a couple of days.
Then they would leave on a plane
I would see them again at an older age.
Uncle Norm I also saw when I was young
we traveled to Rhode Island when I was age 1.
Then I would see Aunt Audrey & Norm
in the sunshine state—
they lived in a development with wooden gates.
I celebrate Christmas and the holidays
with them, Marlena and Renee.
Cousin Marlena and Renee
have children now who live on
the west coast in the Golden State.
Written by Suzae Chevalier on April 9,2012
poem by Suzae Chevalier
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Metal Eater
It slits you up- deep inside
It hits you here right between your eyes
Its somehow evil- red-hot and weird
A dangerous feeling- you never want it
It turns you inside out
Dont know why I cant beat it
It feels like burning steel
It sounds like grinding metal sheets
Metal eater- it always gets you
Metal eater- money eating murder slot machine- metal eater
If you would know- how to stop
But youre hooked to the bandits for your life
And as you see it- its better than to run
But youre dead wrong- its gonna kill ya
Its gonna smash you after all
Dont know why I cant beat it
It feels like burning steel
It sounds like grinding metal sheets
Metal eater- it always gets you
Metal eater- money eating murder slot machine- metal eater
Dont know why I cant beat it
It feels like burning steel
It sounds like grinding metal sheets
Metal eater- it always gets you
Metal eater- money eating murder slot machine- metal eater
Metal eater- with a smile its gonna kill ya
Metal eater- money eating murder slot machine
Metal eater- burning steel- its somehow evil
Metal eater- no one stops the money eating murder slot machine
song performed by by U. D. O.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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At My Aunt's Unveiling
AT MY AUNT’S UNVEILING
At my aunt’s unveiling
There were five of us
Only five
One was a woman
A friend of hers
Not the closest one
But someone who knew her
And wanted to be a friend.
Thousands of people had known my aunt
Hundreds had worked with or for her
She was born into a large family
But all of them were gone
Or out of it.
My sister and I were the relatives
My aunt had been very generous to us
And difficult for my sister
Who cared for her.
I had only been a taker all the years.
My aunt worked so hard for so many years
And she was ‘somebody’ in her world
There were five of us there
And the ceremony short
No minyan.
There was no sign of my aunt’s smile
Or her nervous energy or her superabundant love
‘Moll ‘as my mother called her
was not there.
I see her so clearly in my mind now
‘What does it all mean? ’ my father would ask my mother
after reading of the death of another person they knew
‘What does it all mean’
When my sister and I go
The memory of my aunt
Will be gone forever.
poem by Shalom Freedman
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Elegy
I know but will not tell
you, Aunt Irene, why there
are soap suds in the whiskey:
Uncle Robert had to have
A drink while shaving.
poem by Alan Dugan
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The real eater is todays eater not yesterdays.
Uncle Arthur
Strikes the bell for 5 oclock, uncle arthur closes shop
Screws the tops on all the bottles, turns the lights out, locks it up
Climbs across his bike and hes away
Cycles past the gasworks, past the river, down the high street
Back to mother, its another empty day
Uncle arthur likes his mommy
Uncle arthur still reads comics
Uncle arthur follows batman
Round and round the rumours fly, how he ran away from mum
On his 32nd birthday, told her that hed found a chum
Mother cried and raved and yelled and fussed
Arthur left her no illusion, brought the girl round, save confusion
Sally was the real thing, not just lust
Uncle arthur vanished quickly
Uncle arthur and his new bride
Uncle arthur follows sally
Round and round goes arthurs head, hasnt eaten well for days
Little sally may be lovely, but cooking leaves her in a maze
Uncle arthur packed his bags and fled
Back to mother, alls forgiven, serving in the family shop
He gets his pocket money, hes well fed
Uncle arthur past the gasworks
Uncle arthur past the river
Uncle arthur down the high street
Uncle arthur follows mother
song performed by by David Bowie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Grow Freely
Be it your uncle or aunt,
Your brother or sister.
They won’t give you more
Than you could do to them
When you have sought their shelters.
Seek else where to grow freely.
(20.06.2005)
poem by Rm. Shanmugam Chettiar
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Long Tall Sally
(words & music by johnson - penniman - blackwell)
Gonna tell aunt mary bout uncle john
He says he has the blues but
He has a lotta fun
Oh baby, yes baby, whoo-oo-oo-oo baby
Havin some fun tonight yeah well!
Long tall sally has a lot on the ball
And nobody cares if shes long and tall
Oh baby, yes baby, whoo-oo-oo-oo baby,
Im having me some fun tonight
Well, I saw uncle john
With long tall sally
He saw aunt mary comin
And he ducked back in the alley
Oh baby, yes baby, whoo-oo-oo-oo baby
Im havin some fun tonight
Weve gonna have some fun tonight
Gonna have some fun tonight
Were gonna have some fun tonight
Everything will be all right
Were gonna have some fun
Gonna have some fun tonight
song performed by by Elvis Presley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Our children await Christmas presents like politicians getting in election returns: there's the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in.
quote by Marcelene Cox
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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