Hans Carvel
Hans Carvel, impotent and old,
Married a lass of London mould.
Handsome? Enough; extremely gay;
Loved music, company, and play:
High flights she had, and wit at will,
And so her tongue lay seldom still;
For in all visits who but she
To argue or to repartee?
She made it plain that human passion
Was order'd by predestination;
That if weak women went astray,
Their stars were more in fault than they.
Whole tragedies she had by heart;
Enter'd into Roxana's part;
To triumph in her rival's blood
The action certainly was good.
How like a vine young Ammon curl'd!
Oh that dear conqueror of the world!
She pity'd Betterton in age
That ridiculed the godlike rage.
She, first of all the town, was told
Where newest India things were sold;
So in a morning, without bodice,
Slipt sometimes out to Mrs. Thody's
To cheapen tea, to buy a screen;
What else could so much virtue mean?
For to prevent the least reproach
Betty went with her in the coach.
But when no very great affair
Excited her peculiar care,
She without fail was waked at ten,
Drank chocolate, then slept again:
At twelve she rose; with much ado
Her clothes were huddled on by two:
Then, does my lady dine at home?
Yes, sure; - but is the colonel come?
Next, how to spend the afternoon,
And not come home again too soon,
The change, the city, or the play,
As each was proper for the day;
A turn in summer to Hyde-park,
When it grew tolerably dark.
Wife's pleasure causes husband's pain;
Strange fancies come in Hans's brain:
He thought of what he did not name,
And would reform but durst not name,
At first he therefore preach'd his wife
The comforts of a pious life;
Told her how transient beauty was;
That all must die, and flesh was grass:
He bought her sermons, psalms, and graces,
And doubled down the useful places:
But still the weight of worldly care
Allow'd her little time for prayer;
And Cleopatra was read o'er,
While Scot, and Wake, and twenty more,
That teach one to deny one's self,
Stood unmolested on the shelf.
An untouch'd bible graced her toilette;
No fear that thumb of hers should spoil it,
In short, the trade was still the same;
The dame went out, the colonel came.
What's to be done? poor Carvel cried;
Another battery must be tried:
What if to spells I had recourse?
'Tis but to hinder something worse.
The end must justify the means;
He only sins who ill intends:
Since therefore 'tis to combat evil
'Tis lawful to employ the devil.
Forthwith the devil did appear,
(For name him and he's always near)
Not in the shape in which he plies
At miss's elbow when she lies,
Or stands before the nursery doors
To take the naughty boy that roars,
But without tail, or eye, or claw,
Like a grave barrister at law.
Hans Carvel, lay aside your grief,
The devil says; I bring relief.
Relief! says Hans; pray let me crave
Your name Sir - Satan - Sir, your slave.
I did not look upon your feet;
You'll pardon me, - Ay, now I see't.
And pray, Sir, when came you from hell?
Our friends there, did you leave them well?
All well; but, pr'ythee, honest Hans
(Says Satan) leave your complaisance:
The truth is this; I cannot stay
Flaring in sunshine all the day,
For, entre nous, we hellish sprites
Love more the fresco of the nights;
And oftener our receipts convey
In dreams than any other way,
I tell you, therefore, as a friend,
Ere morning dawns your fears shall end:
Go then this evening, Master Carvel,
Lay down your fowls, and broach your barrel;
Let friends and wine dissolve your care
Whilst I the great receipt prepare ---
To-night I'll bring it by my faith:
Believe for once what Satan saith.
Away went Hans; glad not a little;
Obey'd the devil to a tittle;
Invited friends some half a dozen,
The colonel and my lady's cousin.
The meat was served, the bowls were crown'd,
Catches were sung, and healths went round;
Barbadoes' waters for the close,
Till Hans had fairly got his dose;
The colonel toasted to the best;
The dame moved off to be undress'd;
The chimes went twelve, the guests withdrew
But when or how Hans hardly knew:
Some modern anecdotes aver
He nodded in his elbow chair,
From thence was carried off to bed;
John held his heels, and Nan his head;
My lady was disturb'd; new sorrow!
Which Hans must answer for to-morrow.
In bed then view this happy pair,
And think how Hymen triumph'd there;
Hans fast asleep as soon as laid,
The duty of the night unpaid;
The waking dame with thoughts oppress'd
That made her hate both him and rest:
By such a husband, such a wife!
'Twas Acme's and Septimius' life:
The lady sigh'd, the lover snored,
The punctual devil kept his word;
Appear'd to Honest Hans again,
But not at all by Madam seen,
Fit for the finger of a king,
Dear Hans, said he, this jewel take,
And wear it long for Satan's sake;
'Twill do your business to a hair;
For long as you this ring shall wear,
As sure as I look over Lincoln
That ne'er shall happen which you think on.
Hans took the ring with joy extreme,
(All this was only in a dream)
And thrusting it beyond his joint.--
'Tis done, he cried: I've gain'd my point. ---
What point, said she, you ugly beast?
You neither give me joy nor rest.
'Tis done - What's done, you drunken bear?
You've thrust your finger G-d knows where.
poem by Matthew Prior
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Little Hans
Lead vocal: graham dye
Little hans, little hans, what do you see?
The worlds is full of big surprises
Little hans, little hans, what can they be?
They come in many shapes and sizes
Little boys always love to play
But something is not quite right
Little hans wont come out today
Hes scared of a horse that might bite
Little hans, little hans, what can it be?
Your thoughts are filled with such confusion
Little hans, little hans when will you see?
Youre barking up the wrong conclusion
Professor man asks him oh so nicely
Why will you not come out?
Little hans tells him most politely
What he is thinking about
A ride in a tram, a lily white lamb, raspberry jam
Little hans, little hans, where will you go?
The world is full of compromises
Little hans, little hans, how will you know?
The come in many strange disguises
Professor man shakes his head and wonders
How will he work it out?
Little hans tells him quite precisely
What hes been dreaming about
I jump in the bath, I make myself laugh, I ride a giraffe
Little hans, little hans, I found a clue
I think Ive made the right connection
Little hans, little hans, all I can do
Is give a common sense injection
Little boys grow up just like daddy
Professor man has no doubt
Little hans goes to sleep and wonders
What he was talking about
song performed by by Alan Parsons Project
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Leapin' Lizards or How to Get the Most Out Your Geico (so easy a caveman can do it)
Hans Kurt Kubus,58, had a 'thing' for lizards.
This German knows his insurance policies,
- and he is no Neanderthal man who likes gizzards.
Kubus, No, not the video game cubis, attached 44 lizards to his body,
He attempted to smuggle them out of New Zealand, Scott free.
Hans had the geckos and skinks within his underwear,
I don't why men put things in there underwear,
I cannot believe they don't care.
Hans did not attempt to light his britches on fire.
As the Muslim terrorist tried to do as he and others flew to Detroit,
The situation was, at the time, dire.
But Hans was caught, he was not as smart as a caveman,
A caveman in New Zealend.
Hans was arrested and sentenced to two weeks in prison and fined $3,450
-before he was deported back to Germany.
Hans Kurt Kubus might try an asp or viper next time around,
-he will probably take pass.
Hans Kurt Kubus is not as smart as New Zealand caveman, -he is a real dumb a$$.
1-31-10
poem by Joe Rosochacki
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Hr. Mickel i Odense
Et fremmed Navn det hjelper strax,
Saa kjendes man af Flere,
Han var for os en dansk Hans Sachs,
Ja næstendeel lidt mere.
Hans Rosenkrands er nu lagt hen,
Men ægte Guldet er i den.
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Grev Joachim Moltke-Bregentved
Tænk kun paa ham hvis Støv er Graven bragt,
Erindring, udfold heel din Blomsterpragt!
Et Smiil sad i hans Øie, om hans Mund,
Det lyste fra den rene Hjerte-Bund.
Husk Julens Glæder, naar han spøgte glad;
Saa rigt og stort er Hjertets Mindeblad.
Hos Eder lykkelig og glad han stod,
For Danmarks Sag, han Hjemmets Hjem forlod.
Den vaade Jord og Nattens kolde Vind,
Skjød Dødens Kugle i hans Hjerte ind.
Sit unge Liv han glad for Danmark gav.
De Runer vil' vi riste paa hans Grav!
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Fru Bournonville
Hvem Gud har kjær gav han Geniets Flamme,
I tusind Farver kvæger det vort Syn,
Men ham, som fik det, bittre Smerter ramme,
Han halvfortæres af sit Guddoms Lyn;
Tidt gaaer han ene — lyser, som en Kjerte,
Og lysende fortæres han som den,
Men elsker Gud ham, vil et trofast Hjerte
Sig slutte til ham, kalde ham sin Ven.
En Skytsaand følger ham, en ædel Qvinde,
Hun styrker ham paa Stridens tunge Dag,
Hans Sorg hun lukker i sit Hjerte inde,
Og mere kraftigt er hans Vingeslag.
Du er en saadan Skytsaand god og stærk,
Hans Navn, hans Lykke, blev dit Hjertes Værk.
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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R. Frankenau
Glemt staaer hans Grav bag Kloster-Kirkens Muur,
Endt er hans Drøm om Glæde og om Smerte;
Han var en Digter-Blomst i Guds Natur,
Hvis friske Duft har qvæget mangt et Hjerte.
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Med Freiligraths Digte
Ved Islands Geyser staaer hans Sommertelt,
Han rider paa den afrikanske Løve,
Han, Poesiens unge, tydske Helt,
Med ham det nok er værdt en Dyst at prøve;
Han har en riig Provinds i Kunstens Stat.
Her kommer han, — hans Navn er Freiligrath.
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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The ends must justify the means.
Matthew Prior in Hans Carvel (1701)
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Christian Wulff
Den vide Verden Faae kun nævne kan,
Der var opoffrende og god, som han;
Den skjønne Guds Natur han havde kjær,
Og paa hans Bryst faldt Dødens Draabe der;
Een Smerte kun ham fyldte, stor og heel,
Forladt og i en anden Verdens Deel
Sin stakkels syge Søster han forlod.
Et Suk — hans Hjerte brast — hos Gud han stod.
Det danske Flag man ham om Kisten gav,
Hans Kjærlighed ham fulgte i hans Grav;
Et Egetræ strøer gyldent Løv paa den;
Sov sødt, sov vel, Du tro, Du kjære Ven!
Flyv lille Svale, Vindens Vei derhen,
Bring Hilsen ham, som kommer ei igjen,
Hvis blaa og milde Øine vi først see
Der, hvor ei meer er Død og Hjertevee!
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Med en Hund
Her er en Hund, og den er stor,
En Hund var hans Faer, en Hund hans Moer.
See, hvor han gloer!
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Barn Jesus i en Krybbe laae
Barn Jesus i en Krybbe laae,
Skjøndt Himlen var hans Eie;
Hans Pude her blev Hø og Straa,
Mørkt var det om hans Leie!
Men Stjernen over Huset stod,
Og Oxen kyssed' Barnets Fod,
Halleluja, Barn Jesus!
Hver sorgfuld Sjæl, bliv karsk og glad,
Ryst af din tunge Smerte,
Et Barn er født i Davids Stad,
Til Trøst for hvert et Hjerte;
Til Barnet vil vi stige ind,
Og blive Børn i Sjæl og Sind.
Halleluja, Barn Jesus!
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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De fattige Børn paa Gaden
Barn Jesus i en Krybbe laae,
Skjøndt Himlen var hans Eie;
Hans Pude her blev Hø og Straa,
Mørk var det om hans Leie!
Men Stjernen over Huset stod,
Og Oxen kyssed' Barnets Fod,
Halleluja, Barn Jesus!
Hver sorgfuld Sjæl, bliv karsk og glad,
Ryst af din tunge Smerte,
Et Barn er født i Davids Stad,
Til Trøst for hvert et Hjerte;
Til Barnet vil vi stige ind,
Og blive Børn i Sjæl og Sind.
Halleluja, Barn Jesus!
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Oberst Læssøe
Paa Valpladsen faldt Du for Danmarks Sag,
Der brast Dit ildfulde Hjerte.
Din Aand var klar som den lyse Dag,
Med „fremad!" den steg i det blodige Slag,
Saae Danskens Seier og — Smerte.
Græd stakkels Moder, nedbøiet tungt.
„Hans Liv var saa ungt!" — men evig ungt
Staaer ogsaa hans Eftermæle!
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Med H. C. Andersens Eventyr
Her har Du Nøglen, om jeg saa tør sige,
Der aabner Dig Slots-Haven i hans Rige.
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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What little Hans didn't learn, big Hans doesn't know.
Hans and Fritz
Hans and Fritz were two Deutschers who lived side by side,
Remote from the world, its deceit and its pride:
With their pretzels and beer the spare moments were spent,
And the fruits of their labor were peace and content.
Hans purchased a horse of a neighbor one day,
And, lacking a part of the Geld, — as they say, —
Made a call upon Fritz to solicit a loan
To help him to pay for his beautiful roan.
Fritz kindly consented the money to lend,
And gave the required amount to his friend;
Remarking,—his own simple language to quote,—
"Berhaps it vas bedder ve make us a note."
The note was drawn up in their primitive way, —
"I, Hans, gets from Fritz feefty tollars to-day;"
When the question arose, the note being made,
"Vich von holds dot baper until it vas baid?"
"You geeps dot," says Fritz, "und den you vill know
You owes me dot money." Says Hans, "Dot ish so:
Dot makes me remempers I haf dot to bay,
Und I prings you der note und der money some day."
A month had expired, when Hans, as agreed,
Paid back the amount, and from debt he was freed.
Says Fritz, " Now dot settles us." Hans replies,
"Yaw: Now who dakes dot baper accordings by law ?"
"I geeps dot now, aind't it?" says Fritz ; " den, you see,
I alvays remempers you baid dot to me."
Says Hans, "Dot ish so: it vas now shust so blain,
Dot I knows vot to do ven I porrows again."
poem by Charles Follen Adams from Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems
Submitted by Veronica Serbanoiu
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Den stille Uge
Den stille Uges Sørgetid
En Skat af Tanker bærer hid:
Christ gav sig hen for os, vi veed,
For Sandheden han Døden led,
Korsfæstet blev Uskyldighed.
Paa Tornekronen Blodet sad,
Mens han for sine Fjender bad.
Hvo ligner ham og gaaer hans Spor?
I den just Livets Rose groer,
Og Den er salig, som ret troer.
Du stille Uge smerteriig,
Fryd straaler fra din Sørgeflig!
Med ydmygt Sind vi knæle ned:
Et Intet i Guds Herlighed,
Og dog stor i hans Kjærlighed.
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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A. Bording
Den muntre Skjald i Muld er gjemt,
Hans Strængeleeg staaer reent forglemt;
Gjør den igjen for Støvet fri,
Endnu er' Tonerne deri.
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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Post-Prandial
PHI BETA KAPPA
WENDELL PHILLIPS, ORATOR; CHARLES GODFREY LELAND, POET
1881
'THE Dutch have taken Holland,'--so the schoolboys used to say;
The Dutch have taken Harvard,--no doubt of that to-day!
For the Wendells were low Dutchmen, and all their vrows were Vans;
And the Breitmanns are high Dutchmen, and here is honest Hans.
Mynheers, you both are welcome! Fair cousin Wendell P.,
Our ancestors were dwellers beside the Zuyder Zee;
Both Grotius and Erasmus were countrymen of we,
And Vondel was our namesake, though he spelt it with a V.
It is well old Evert Jansen sought a dwelling over sea
On the margin of the Hudson, where he sampled you and me
Through our grandsires and great-grandsires, for you would n't quite
agree
With the steady-going burghers along the Zuyder Zee.
Like our Motley's John of Barnveld, you have always been inclined
To speak,--well,--somewhat frankly,--to let us know your mind,
And the Mynheers would have told you to be cautious what you said,
Or else that silver tongue of yours might cost your precious head.
But we're very glad you've kept it; it was always Freedom's own,
And whenever Reason chose it she found a royal throne;
You have whacked us with your sceptre; our backs were little harmed,
And while we rubbed our bruises we owned we had been charmed.
And you, our quasi Dutchman, what welcome should be yours
For all the wise prescriptions that work your laughter-cures?
'Shake before taking'?--not a bit,--the bottle-cure's a sham;
Take before shaking, and you 'll find it shakes your diaphragm.
'Hans Breitmann gif a barty,--vhere is dot barty now?'
On every shelf where wit is stored to smooth the careworn brow
A health to stout Hans Breitmann! How long before we see
Another Hans as handsome,--as bright a man as he!
poem by Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Cid lod kalde tvende Jøder
Cid lod kalde tvende Jøder
Og med mange Ceremonier
Gav dem Plads hos sig ved Taflet.
Tusind Stykker Guld han ønsked',
Og til Sikkerhed for disse
Gav han dem to store Kister,
Der var fyldt med alt hans Sølvtøi."
poem by Hans Christian Andersen
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