Outside&Calm 1 Oct 2011

On The Outside

At home alone - kids visiting
you asleep, Carine called, she
can walk without crutches, her
leg is healed; wish it could be
the same for her broken heart

It will take two full years at least
she says she can never forget
she still laments her mother's
death eight years ago, yet -
time heals every injury

Patience will prove the adage
true; she shall be independent
even if she thinks the memory
of her friend's death will never
be erased from her mind

Everything keeps improving
step by little step; thank you
Carine, the image of you
healthy again makes me
ecstatically happy

Even if I am only on the out-
side - as stepmother of
course…


Calm and Well (Revised)

As a child I hated the life I was born into,
detested humanity, averse to everything about
my overexcited brain in a family where the misery
of nervous tension was normality - no-one ever
calmed down - led to multiple allergies

The body changes when a new personality asserts;
as a child I inadvertently programmed myself to
think of mealtimes and food as the worst possible
experience in my life, mind in overdrive as
family interaction drove me nearly insane

Today I can't eat breakfast unless the allergic
reaction food triggers is mollified by migraine
medication - if I eat something wholesome to
stabilise blood sugar, unbearable depression
and pain reduces me to a zombie state

I am Marvin the Paranoid Android, a state
so unnatural doctors and dieticians cannot
rectify it, I live a precarious balance between
excessive pain and being comfortable as a
submissive human being

I marvel at the Dog Whisperer - my psyche is an
anxious, uncalmable dog unable to live in the now,
maybe my brain is that of a canine who needs the
right discipline - if only I knew how to provide it
in order to feel calm and well permanently


[When I eat whole-wheat breakfast cereal my eyes go out of focus,
electricity dance in leaping flames in my head and I become too
depressed to pick up my pen - or anything else. When I eat other
things like fatty bacon and eggs or chicken mayonnaise, a migraine
pill relieves the distress and I do not become so depressed - simply
put on weight at an alarming rate, nearly choking myself with the
growing girth around my midriff - and eating nothing is not possible
as hunger and light-headedness make working and concentration
impossible. I am still trying to reprogram my mind to reprogram my
body to secrete different chemicals in different amounts, convinced
that life as a calm, stable, submissive canine type would be much
easier without the horrific allergy symptoms. My diary notes
explain all this.]

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Torturous

In April - quite some time ago - her
mother died in a sea of flames, but
the wound is still raw, she cannot
forget how little time they spent
together

In April last year her partner died in an
accident that left her knee injured for
life; this April brought the death of his
mother also - my child, the only thing
left is trying to

Load the dice on your behalf, impossible
to know the cause of your torturous route
through a tragic life - by visualising future
happiness in meditation, I'm trying to
enlist the help

Of universal forces and love - to attract more
prosperity and joy for you; take shelter with
us as a safe refuge - start to focus on visions
that will lead to fulfilment of dreams…


****************************** ***

Carine's partner Nico died on 29 April 2011
and we have received word that his mother,
Katinka, died this morning 4 April 2012 -
and Carine's own mother Leonie also died
in April quite a few years ago - April has
become such a scary month for her; the
only recourse left for her stepmother is
to pray for her future happiness…

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The Diary Of Me

Umm pum-pum-pum
Pum-pum, pum-pum, pum-pum
Look behind myself
As I reflect on all the memories
The times they come and go
Lost everything from friends to Family
If I could turn back the hands
There would be some things I'd change about me
I know that my past is not what my future holds
Where I come from
Who could believe
All the pain and misery
Look in my eyes and you'll see
The diary of me
Rewind my life
Just go back and correct all the wrong
And ask God to direct my path
So that I can make it home
And if I could turn back the hands of time
There would be some things I would change about me
But I know that my past is not what my future holds
'Cause
Where I'm from
Who could believe
All the pain, misery
Look in my eyes and you will see
The diary of me
Years ago a child was born (a child was born) (ooh)
And raised without a man (without my... father, and wonder why he's in these streets) (ooh)
My mother's gone (mothers gone, yet still... found the strength to pray for me) (ooh)
But still reached out her hand
Just open the book (na-na-na-na-na-na)
Turn the pages of my life (na-na-na)
And you will read
A true story about one man's journey
Where I'm from (ahh...)
Who would believe, yeah
That all the hurt and pain and misery (ahh...)
Look in my eyes (ahh...)
You'll see the diary of me (pum-pum-pum-pum-pum)
Where I'm from (where I'm from, who could believe) (ahh...)
Who could believe (the hurt and pain and misery)
(Look in my eyes) in my eyes (and you will see) (ahh...)
(The makings of) the makings of
(My diary) my diary
(Where I'm from) look in my eyes (ahh...)
(Who could believe) you'll see
(The hurt and pain and misery)
(Look in my eyes) (ahh...)
(And you will see) yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah
(The makings of my diary)
(Where I'm from...) (ahh...)

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Emotions and Your Healh.

When your mind is at peace,
You have a calm, interesting life in this race.
Doing things, enjoy all, learn from all,
So, your body is healthy, well and happy and you don't fall.

However, if your thinking is about arguments, anger or fight,
You'll pick up the worst food combination, which is not right.
So, your whole body follows & you loose your balance,
Mind will show the way to the body with the wrong guidance.

If you crave strongly about happiness from the past,
Or you are greedy, you attract diabetes fast.
If you are angry for every dropp of a hat,
Your heart will suffer from that.

If you want to win anything real bad,
Your lungs will suffer and get sad.
If you hate others, thinking, they are all wrong,
Your liver will not sing a happy song.

Even, if you regret strongly something from your past,
That is the reason to attract cancer in your forecast.
The past is gone, the future is not here yet,
How you think today, surely tomorrow you will get.

However, if you make peace with your world,
What you created anyway, knowing or not,
Your life on this Earth will be a happy plot.
You will go from one adventure to the other,
On the ship of life you will be a healthy, happy passenger.

Just go on, believe that everything is necessary for your evolving.

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Diary Of Me

Ummm pum pum pum pum pum
Looked behind myself
As I reflect on all the memories
The times they come and go
Lost everything from
Friends to Family
If I could turn back the hands
There would be
Somethings I'd change about me
I know that my past is not what my future holds
Where I come from
Who could believe
All the pain and misery
Look in my eyes and you'll see
The diary of me
Rewind my life
Just go back and correct
All the wrong
And ask God to direct my path
So that I can make it home
And if I could turn back the hands of time
There would be somethings I would change about me
But I know that my past is not what my future holds
Cause
Where I come from
Who could believe
All the pain, misery
Look in my eyes and you will see
The diary of me
Years ago a child was born (A child was born)
And raised without a man (without a man, raised in the streets)
My mother's gone
But still reached out her hand
Just open the book
Turn the pages of my life
And you will read
A true story about one man's journey
Where I'm from
Who would believe, yeah
That all the hurt and pain and misery
Look in my eyes
You'll see the diary of me
Where I'm from (where I'm from who could believe)
Who could believe (the hurt and pain and misery)
(Look in my eyes) in my eyes (and you will see)
(The makings of) the makings of
(My diary) My diary
(Where I'm from) look in my eyes
(Who could believe) you'll see
(The hurt and pain and misery)
(Look in my eyes)
(And you will see) yeah yeah yeah yeah
(The makings of my diary)
(Where I'm from...)

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Its Ours, All Ours

Notes written in blood.
The intention of a malcontented suicide.
Medication for the kids.
Regretting the one life we live.
Its ours, all ours.
We got nobody to blame but ourselves.
A little self discipline for every one of the sins.
Pray and just hope your forgiven.
Take it to the grave.
This the one life we must save.

Notes written in blood.
The intentions of a malcontented suicide.
Medication for the kids.
Regretting the one life we live.
Its ours, all ours, Point the finger,
call out a name. Its the blame game.
It never changes. action and reaction.
A contradiction with every word we speak.
Take it all in.
Accepting everything the way it is.
Stop the self mutilation and the persona that goes with it.
Pain all in measure.
It amounts to a count that has no meaning.
Every time it gets worse.
Notes written blood.
The intention of a malcontented suicide.
Medication for the kids.
Regretting the one life we live.
Its ours, all ours, all ours.
Giving up the most precious gift.
Caught in the rift. Overacting to get it right.

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I'll Sleep My Life Away

When dying tomorrow
is no worse than dying today,
I'll sleep my life away;
no hunger unbearable,
no pain so lacerating -
no lie to make up...
no human defamed.
The world shuts down,
the avenues sleep.
The body forgotten,
the heart stops to weep.
With clouds as my roof,
darkness, my covers...
I hover in nothingness
for nothingness is life.
Death is waking up in obscene streets
begging for food that could not satisfy -
for hunger, pain and sorrow meet
under that same old sky.
Death is waking up in misery
and remember you still breathe
the filthy air and you still see
everything obscure;
nowhere to avert to, everyone's averse.
When mirrors are horrible,
no brighter side to look upon...
when dream is but a worn-out lie,
when children's cries linger on
and there are no lullabies
but cars that hover on.
Death is waking up in agony
and remember you still breathe...
weak hands raised up, palms to the heavens
for coins to purchase bread.
Oh the cruel life you have to live,
with filthy water you just but drink -
I'll sleep my life away.
Life to me is when I close my eyes
and everything falls into place.

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Depression! ! !

Depression...One of the worst emotions you can feel.
Your body would feel so empty and cold inside when it happens.
Your mind start to bring up the good memories that you had but it makes you feel more awful in the same time. Depression is one of the emotions I feel sometimes. No more anger building inside my body. No more sadness as my tears goes down my face. It’s only depression itself that drives people to doing bad things. It leads to self inflicting pain. It leads to suffering of thinking over and over and over again about something that made you depressed in the first place. Then it leads to...Death a fool's choice to escape it not knowing the consequences that leads ahead.
I can't believe that depression hit my heart.
As my heart thickens with its spread of Sadness, Anger, Fear, Sorrow and Death.
As this poem ends, just remember that never let depression cloud your choices in life.

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Estonia

(music: marillion lyrics: steve hogarth)
Feeling you shake
Feel your heart break
Thinking if only if only if only if only
And the salt water runs
Through your veins and your bones
Telling you no not this way, not this way, not this way
And you would give anything
Give up everything
Offer your life blood away
For yesterday
No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And no one dies
They just move to the other side
When were gone
Watch the world simply carry on
We live on laughing and in no pain
Well stay and be happy
With those who have loved us today
Finding the answer its a human obsession
But you might as well talk to the stones and the trees and the sea
Cause nobody knows
And so few can see
Theres only beauty and caring and truth beyond darkness
No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And we wont understand your grief
Because time is illusion
As this watery world spins around
This timeless sun
Will dry your eyes
And calm your mind
No one leaves you
When you live in their heart and mind
And no one dies
They just move to the other side
Watch the world simply carry on
Its okay, we will stay and be happy
Stay and be happy
With those who have loved us today
Who loved us today

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National Health

Nervous tension, mans invention,
Is the biggest killer thats around today
Let the tension out or it will build and build inside
And strike you down some day
Nervous tension, mans invention
Is the biggest waste of human energy
Let the tension out, or it will surely kill
And that will be a tragedy
Valium helps you for a while
But somehow valium seems to bring me down
Theres no pill I can recommend where side effects
Arent guaranteed to send you round the bend
You gotta let out the tension
With a little bit of exercise
Loosen up your muscles
And feel the knots in your body untie
We oh we oh
Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah
Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah
It sure beats quaaludes
It sure beats cocaine
Even freud recommends it
Cos it relieves the strain
Altogether now
Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah
Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah
Some people say it sends you deaf
Some people say it sends you blind
Some people say it makes you old
Some people say it blows your mind
But I say
If its good for your health
Its good for your mind
If it keeps you together
Its really all right
We oh we oh
Oh cmon, kick the cat
Oh oh oh oh its the state of the national health
Oh oh oh oh blame it on the national health
Nervous tension, nervous tension, nervous tension
Nervous tension. nervous tension, nervous tension
Nervous tension, mans invention
Is the biggest killer thats around
Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah
Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah an
Valium helps you for a while
But somehow valium seems to bring me down
Theres no pill I can recommend where side effects
Arent guaranteed to drive you round the bend
I say I say
Oh oh oh oh its good for your health
Keeps you together, its the state of the national health
Oh oh oh oh blame it on the national health
Oh oh oh oh its the state of the national health
Oh oh oh oh ah ah ah ah

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Migraine

[CD]
Keep my head together make me head strong
Keep my head together keep me headstrong
Keep my thoughts short 'cause they're so long
Keep the pain smothered like a smoke bong
Keep my mind together cos it's leaking
Turn off the voices that are speaking
Noise inside my head is getting louder
Grinding pain relief down to a powder
(Chorus:)
My eyes won't focus
Except on the pain
My mind won't focus
Except on my brain (x2)
Migraine
Keep my head together make me head strong
Keep my head together keep me headstrong
Keep my thoughts short cos they're so long
Keep the pain smothered like a smoke bong
Keep my mind together cos it's leaking
Turn off the voices that are speaking
Noise inside my head is getting louder
It's getting louder - louder
(Chorus:)
My eyes won't focus
Except on the pain
My mind won't focus
Except on my brain (x2)]
Migraine

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Hard To Swallow

We eat to live
We eat to grow
We eat to endulge ourselves,
In the greatness of food

We eat to provide comfort
We eat to be accepted
We eat as it is part,
Of our lives

Food comes in all different forms,
Shapes and sizes
It can be a bean as small as a nail
Or a christmas turkey the size of a horse

Food is a necessity
Food is a way of life
Food is enjoyed
Food is loved
But for some,
Food is despised

Eating brings pain
Eating brings weight
Eating brings illness
Eating brings hate

Eating means endless pain
A pain that wont stop,
Until the food inside,
Is forced out

Eating means weight gain and hurt
So,
It's best not to eat at all
The aching pain of hunger drifts away,
With several ibuprofein.

The battle with food is a constant struggle
To overcome the eating disorder
To take one bite,
And Swallow!

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What shall we eat, ?

What shall we eat for breakfast, said the childrens mother,

What about pancakes and honey, but mum said its a bother;

The father came down, and he said, Id like a nice mixed grill,

But mum said cereal it is, cause I still can't cook I feel I'll.


What shall I have to eat, at lunch time today,

I might try a grill, or hamburger, but there's no way,

One is my money, the other is my weight,

If I eat too much, I'll get depressed, then I'll be in a state,


What do you want to eat, we re asked said the lady in the cafe,

Roast chicken and salad, then I'll try fruit souffle'.

My friend wanted a pizza, ravioli, and then gelati for sweet,

Yes! It's okay to eat what you like, but don't over eat.

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Making Breakfast - a study in consciousness

Breakfast. Slick operation. You could
make it in your sleep..
you’ve refined the quantities,
the cooking and the timing
like a pro..

and eating it – you’re even more
brilliant at that – you can
eat breakfast, read the paper,
listen to the radio or tv,
half listen to the wife and kids,
make and take those cellphone calls;
then bestow a salty bacon,
sweet marmaladey kiss on several lips
or cheeks – and off..

But today something gotten to you:
the sun is shining; all’s well with the world;
this isn’t Monday breakfast, this is
Saturday breakfast…

You find yourself making breakfast
as if you’d never made it in your life before;
you hear the cereal on its way
from the packet to the bowl;
smell the coffee before drinking it;
never has the toast been browner, crisper,
eggs more eggy, tomatoes so.. well, tomatoey;
sweet meeting salt in tasting mouth..
the world’s made new today; and
somehow, you feel as if
you know that much more about yourself;
some sure sense of direction
seems to fill your heart and mind;
you’re on good terms with
the Creation as of now.

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Depressed Mind

Depression is a state of mind. Where it comes from, how it begins, it is us humans on whom it all depends. We are the ones to invoke it and let it control us.

Our Situations our surroundings make us depressed, when we are in such mood, we are all so stressed. Our body suffers we get sick, we get prone to diseases that never exists. How do we fight such an enemy, who lives within.

Remember health is wealth so always show your positive self. Healthy mind is so divine, one whom depression can never find. So stay healthy and live in peace. This is the mindset that depression can never beat.

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Do not DELETE this or ABORT

an original from Don Allan Dinio

Every time a child is conceived,
a new life just blooms. It's God's gift!
Every time a baby is born,
another cycle of life just began. Angelic!
The very first time the baby cries,
a miracle just happened. Majestic!
The mystery in this child's life just started.
That is just wonderful!

I know you say that it is your choice but
don't forget it's the baby's ~ right to live!
Please do not DELETE this off your mind.

You got to think hard to do or not to do it.
The pressure is on you. Your life.
It is your pride versus the baby's right.
You got to ponder how in the world can you
afford to raise this child? Will you
sacrifice your future and the rest of your
life for the terrible quick mistake you made?
What kind of life would this child have?
The child is there...let him live!
The child could be a genius, a scientist,
the next president or an astrounaut.
That is just wishful thinking!
But does that really matter?

Remember, this child is your flesh and blood.
It is part of you!
Who knows this child might even save your life and many more.
Please do not ABORT!

Fifteen years from now the child will be a teenager.
Later on will be a young adult and shape his own life.
This child will be part of your joys and happiness,
fears and tears, more worries and some and more.
What child would he be? - so you may ask.
You begin to worry and it can get scary.

Life's influences on this child are so varied and many.
The friends and acquaintances the child may befriend
have tremendous effect of what he will become.
His toys, his hobbies, and his peers,
you, and the family and life as a whole
will be part of this child's personality.
This child will be fine, don't worry!
Let this one live.
Please do not DELETE this off your mind.

Thirty years or so from now this child will be a fully grown person.
This child will have a personality of his own.
This child might or could have accomplished something
really great that you can be proud of.
This child might or could done something terrible too
and you would have said and say to yourself...
'If only I knew! '
But don't take it as your fault. He is what he will become!

No one knows the future.
You should be proud you gave this child...
a choice to live instead ~
You did not ABORT!

Twenty some years ago, there was this young lady
who got pregnant and was left on her own
by someone she thought loves her and
will marry her and will live happily ever after. Huh?
DELETE that!

She thought long and hard what to do
with her pregnancy...the baby!
She was worried to death of her future,
her pride, the baby's future...just like you.
It was a tough decision, a life and death choice
to make and the baby's right to live.
This lady made the right choice -
she gave birth to her baby...a lovely beautiful baby
and turned out to be a fine lady,
a good daughter ~ You!

Please return the favor, do not ABORT!

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6-11 (true Story)

A softball game,
With two 7th grade teams.
In a open grass field kids play,
In the hot sun.
Along the first base line, were the moms
Cheering their girls on.
It was the top of the 8th inning,
No outs and Centrals down by one.
Junction City is up to bat,
Central out in the field.

It took four pitches to get the batter out.
Gale Anders is up next, strike one.
Turning to terror in the next swing of the bat.
The ball goes flying over the fence,
Missis all the moms, all but one,
Nursing her baby she didn’t see the ball coming.
The ball hits the baby in the head whose life has just begun,
Just three weeks ago ReBecca Purkey was born.

ReBecca’s mom rushes her to the hospital.
Where the doctors told her,
That she could go home after the MRI.
If anything happened within 24 hours call.
They called ReBecca’s mom with the MRI results,
They told her the ball shattered her skull,
Into something like a spider web.
But the skull repairs itself,
So not to be alarmed.

ReBecca lasted 23 hours then,
Her little brain just couldn’t take it anymore,
She started having seizures.
Taking her back to the doctor,
Her mom was scared and,
Didn’t understand what’s wrong with her baby,
That is perfect in every other way.

The doctors said that it’s unlikely,
ReBecca will ever walk, talk, or feed herself,
She will be a veggie.
If this child was to live.
Because she has a traumatic brain injury,
Which lead to the seizures,
And she has epilepsy.
Hard pill to swallow for her family.
One minute this baby was healthy and happy
The next doctors are telling them she will die.

P.S. My name is ReBecca Purkey this is the story of my life. we are not as medically advanced back then as we are today, We didn’t know as much about the brain that is why doctors sent me home. This shows you anyone can overcome anything. I am 18 and have now graduated from high school with a regular diploma and soon go to college, become an Autistic teacher. I will always have a brain injury and epilepsy but that doesn’t stop me from doing anything. I am ReBecca Purkey and this is my story, what’s yours?

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Timeless Visions

Try to rape your mind with your drugs and your guns
And try to change the world, for your time will never let go
Of all of the industries of hate, all of the industries of crime
All of the industries ov time
They leave you once again
They rip apart your mind
They steal up all your time
They never ever let go
We always left, so live it up
All in the back they scrape apart the flesh on your mind
They never believe in treachery
They never opened their mind
They are the ones who steal your life
They are the ones who get out of sight
We are just here to live our lives
They always win the war with their pride
They all live in death
They all shine in it
They are death unleashed to the world
They all breath undone in your head
Tomorrow's time is your past alone in being
And dying is your past, a lie
Feel the pain, the cross on your back
Now, die, we'll feel the pain on your mind
On the edge, on the edge, on the edge
You'll melt away
You'll fade away
Life is a double edged sword for you to choke on
And cry some more
No vision, no light, no nothing, empty inside, no time
Just a void eating up your mind for space and time, no one realign
Your mind is junk but you just eat it up
No feeling no light feel your head after all this time
You run with these ideas to explain your disposition.

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A Virtue Well Tested

'Patience, my child'
said with a loving touch
to calm the little one's restlessness,
that time is not moving quite fast enough

'Patience, my child'
said with a time tested grin
to teach another of time's leisureliness,
that eventually, life will begin

'Patience, my child'
said with a knowing heart
to mend the young one of their brokeness,
that one day, love will start

'Patience, my child'
said with much sympathy
to give insight to life's wretchedness,
that Providence remains almighty

'Patience, my child'
said to a tired heart and mind
to soothe the pain of his lonliness,
that soon Rest he will find

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Life and Death, How Ironic

Life, it described my Mother
Life, she was the image
Life, she was healthy
Life, she loved every day
Life, you saw it in her eyes
Life, you heard it in her voice
Life, how ironic it could be
Death, the impossible
Death, too somber a thought for her
Death, she would live a long, long time before it would confront her
Death, sickness maybe, but there is always a cure
Death, not even a thought in the doctor’s mind
Death, it now replaced life
Life and death, my mother passed away with a look of peace on her face
She died knowing that she lived every moment to the fullest.

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Witch Child

This is a story of anger and pain;
Of inner storms with tears like rain;
Of hunger for love, and thirst for revenge;
Of lost hope, and a life of constant change.

There once was a child who had a great life,
Never knew sadness and never knew strife.
Until one day an old witch came a'knocking,
With dark eyes full of hatred and mocking,
And a mind with the cruellest intentions.
She ruined the child without hesitation:
She took away what the child loved the most.
All that the child had left was a ghost -
A ghost of an old faded memory,
And a heart full of pain and misery.
Innocence turned into monstrosity,
The child's pain turned into atrocity.
Soon the child was no longer a child,
But a vile creature, angry and riled.

poem by Maria KirakosianReport problemRelated quotes
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