En.Citatepedia^®.ro

Through This Slow Involving Process

I've known of sacrifice and limitation,
Most of my life.
I've observed those with wealth,
Drive through my neighborhood.
With noses turned up,
And windows closed tight.

I've walked amongst the rich downtown,
Holding their heads down as I passed.
Or sniff their noses as if I smelled of trash.
They wanted me to notice,
How insignificant they wanted me to feel.
Beneath them.

I never thought I would see a day...
Shine so brightly as these days today.
Times change and forgiveness occurs.
A growth process takes place.
A radiance of faith and hope,
Sparkles within the eyes of so many.

I'm not too quick to forget,
Someone spitting in my face.
Or being disgraced by unfaithful mates.
Or having my name slandered...
All over the place,
By those delighting in character assassinations.
But...
I'm 'trying' to forgive!

However...
I 'am' reminded,
The process of higher consciousness has begun taking affect.
And since I've been 'accused' of being intelligent...
What has happened in my past I 'should' forget!
As if I live my life emotionless.
Empty and free of a feeling to feel!

'Oh do I have some news for some folks.
I am not provoked without storing that away,
In my memory file entitled, 'Things To Address'

But I express my feelings like this...
Seriously.
'I am 'still' a work-in-progress!
And I am doing my very best...
Not to feel sheer joy and happiness,
When someone gets a 'payback'...
Received from a time when they did not mind,
Causing me much duress, anger and bitterness to digest.
And from this...
I am hoping to heal.
Through this slow involving process,
Without expressing too much laughter! '

God 'Is' so good all the time...
Aint He?

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Live And Let Live

You been holding back
And I know you're afraid to feel
Some one hurt you long ago
And the wounds just did not heal
You never shed a tear
You had to keep control
So the wounds kept spreading
Until they got down in your soul
Don't you think it's time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live
Been holding onto anger
Now it's got a hold on you
And bitterness keeps growing
Affecting everything you do
Time to break the chains
You could slip them off today
It's time to make some changes
Before your whole life slips away
Don't you think it's time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live
Don't you think it's time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live
Don't you think it's time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live

song performed by by Jefferson Starship
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Life Is a Growth Process

What would you like for me to say?
I feel your pain?
Or...
Forgive me,
I'm feeling my own right now.
Would you like a rain check?

There is nothing super human about me.
I can express empathy and unhappiness.
And in the past you have gotten that.
But to neglect myself,
To be there for someone else...
Has been done successfully.
With a lot of ungratefulness shown in exchange.

Remember when I was there holding you?
My own tears fell like rain and out of your view.

The only thing to you I hopefully can explain,
Is this...
What you are going through,
One day will heal and your life will improve.

And how best that gets done...
Only you will know it with maturity that comes.

Life is a growth process.
Full of lonely and unshared experiences to address.
And without assistence you will recognize this...
Affecting your decisions made,
On many of those heartfelt occasions.
And that will not for you be rare.
As long as you deeply for someone else care.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Live & Let Live

You been holding back
And I know youre afraid to feel
Some one hurt you long ago
And the wounds just did not heal
You never shed a tear
You had to keep control
So the wounds kept spreading
Until they got down in your soul
Dont you think its time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live
Been holding onto anger
Now its got a hold on you
And bitterness keeps growing
Affecting everything you do
Time to break the chains
You could slip them off today
Its time to make some changes
Before your whole life slips away
Dont you think its time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live
Dont you think its time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live
Dont you think its time
Time to forgive
Leave the past behind
Live and let live

song performed by by Jefferson Starship
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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You Have Nothing To 'Anyone' To Prove

SOMETIMES...
Not often,
I am amused to meet...
Someone from my childhood,
Who attempts to re-invent...
The events I lived through,
From 'their' memory!

And how good it was,
In those days long gone...
When I was made to do chores,
As other kids played...
And I was home taking out garbage,
Washing dishes...
And mopping and sweeping floors.

As I look back at those days today,
I can say I am no longer bitter...
By how I was raised.
Or the fact that I had been called names.
But a fear I did not express.
Although I walked with my head down,
Feeling insecure and shamed.
'You're gonna fix this God? '
I would 'always' ask!

Today?
I live not too far from that same neighborhood.
And God has made so many things 'right' in my life.

That bitterness that use to sit within me?
Has been replaced by so much joy these days.
~Gee...
Is this 'me' feeling all this happiness? ~

I am tempted to evaluate others.
But I can 'feel' my mother daring me to do it.
And hearing her voice whisper in my ear to say...
'Larry, you have nothing to 'anyone' to prove.'

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Say What You Want

Twenty seconds on the back time
I feel youre on the run
Never lived too long to make right
I see youre doing fine
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run
Ah no no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For its no longer fun
Ah no no
Well, you can say what you want
But it wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you
What I am is what you want of me
Yeh, now that Im not there
I took the tables away from you
Its turned that I dont care
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run
Ah no no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For its no longer fun
Ah no no
Well, you can say what you want
But it wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you
Well, you can say what you want
But that wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But that wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you
Ive said goodnight
Try to sleep tight
Ah just dream of me
Go close your eyes
Cause Ive closed mine
The sun will shine from time to time
Oh, when you dream of me, yeh
Well, you can say what you want
But it wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you

song performed by by Texas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Say What You Want

Twenty seconds on the back time
I feel youre on the run
Never lived too long to make right
I see youre doing fine
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run
Ah no no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For its no longer fun
Ah no no
Well, you can say what you want
But it wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you
What I am is what you want of me
Yeh, now that Im not there
I took the tables away from you
Its turned that I dont care
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer slide
I can no longer run
Ah no no
And when I get that feeling
I can no longer hide
For its no longer fun
Ah no no
Well, you can say what you want
But it wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you
Well, you can say what you want
But that wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But that wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you
Ive said goodnight
Try to sleep tight
Ah just dream of me
Go close your eyes
Cause Ive closed mine
The sun will shine from time to time
Oh, when you dream of me, yeh
Well, you can say what you want
But it wont change my mind
Ill feel the same
About you
And you can tell me your reasons
But it wont change my feelings
Ill feel the same
About you

song performed by by Texas
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Monitored By Psychopaths

Can it be those days ahead for us to come,
Will be monitored by psychopaths.
And those displaying any mental stability,
Will become imprisoned based upon suspicion...
Of having a thought process that threatens,
The technology of updated surveillance equipment.

And having been accused to care less,
Who has observed them daring to be peaceful.
AND with a happiness they only address.

'You were observed daring to be peaceful.
AND expressing happiness.
What is your defense? '

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Forget It

Forget it.
Clinging onto times now gone.
Forget it.
Holding onto resentments.
And exposing pessimistic points of views.
Forget it.
Sitting embittered.
With wishes to remember reasons and why!
And showing others how you despise their lives.
Forget it.
Trying to convince others your are right,
And they are wrong.
Making attempts to stop your feet from patting...
From the nonsensical words heard,
Over the monotonous thumping of rap songs.
Forget it.
Looking for escapes to allow your comfort zone to spread.
Forget it.
Accept.
You are among those who are aging.
And the quickness of this you dread.
Forget it.
Accept.
This is the process of life,
Each generation is fed!
And we...
Those of us who live to become elderly,
Have a routine we keep!
We get up in the morning...
Take a nap at noon!
Or find ourselves in conversations about it all!
Until we become bored and fall to sleep!
Forget it.
Accept.
Be grateful and feel blessed!
The best thing done that comes to those who live...
Is forgetting and forgiving.
And not finding where or when to take time to rest!

'Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize you were sleeping.
We were talking just a few seconds ago.
And suddenly your eyes closed.
I just wanted to make sure you were okay! '

~I was meditating on your last statement.
Remind me...
What was it you were saying? ~

'Forget it.
My stop is coming up soon.
I'm getting off.
We can continue this tomorrow.'

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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We Can't Rewind

You're just a face in the crowd
A tiny hole in the cloud
You're trying to find your way in
To let your soul shine back out
We're just a twist in a seam
A splash of paint on a screen
We're making all kinds of shapes
Somehow we can straighten out the bends
This is our time, we can't rewind,
Our place to shine out, and we can live it anyway
This is our time to feel sublime,
Our place to shine now, and we can do it anyway
We can't rewind
Do you think we can change?
A different colour and shade?
I guess a new kind of thing
Somehow we can straighten out the bends
This is our time, we can't rewind,
Our place to shine out, and we can live it anyway
This is our time to feel sublime,
A place to shine now, and we can do it anyway
Oh yes, we can do it our way then
Stop taking me for a fool now
I've got this feeling inside me
But I guess you knew
We can work it out
We can find some place new
We can't rewind
We can't rewind
You're just a face in a crowd
A tiny hole in the cloud
This is our time, we can't rewind,
Our place to shine out, and we can live it anyway
This is our time to feel sublime,
A place to shine now, and we can do it anyway
This is our time, we can't rewind,
A place to shine out, and we can live it anyway
This is our time to feel sublime,
A place to shine now, and we can do it anyway

song performed by by Feeder
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I Choose To Heal

I've decided not to be reminded of my griefs.
I've learned that carrying a baggage of sorrows,
Only weighs on my back...
Unhappiness to be left to be repeatedly monitored.

Tears cried as others measured my pain,
On a scale from one to ten...
Are days I've chosen not to live.
Again!
And again.
AND...again without end.

Why should I celebrate my agony,
On a regular basis?
What does doing this for me achieve?
A hatred and bitterness I pray from me will leave?
Or a constant search to seek validation,
How miserable my life lived can be?

NO!
For others that may be so,
To acknowledge without a letting go.
But for me...
My happiness comes with the knowing,
I can forgive.
Not forgot!
My mind wont let me do it.
But make attempts to forgive I can do.

I've decided not to be reminded of my griefs.
I've learned that carrying a baggage of sorrows,
Only weighs on my back...
Unhappiness to be left to be repeatedly monitored.
I choose not to keep my healing wounds,
Left to pick to bleed repeatedly in anger.

I choose with faith,
That God will handle my business.
I choose with faith,
God has my back.
And will correct all that has gone wrong,
To make right for my life.

I choose with faith,
That God will handle my business.
I choose to heal,
Not to relive moments of my agonies.
I already know what it takes to moan.
I already know that process.
I've renewed my commitment to living.
And give my deepest respect,
To those who had experienced...
Untimely deaths.

I've decided not to be reminded of my griefs.
I've learned that carrying a baggage of sorrows,
Only weighs on my back...
Unhappiness to be left to be repeatedly monitored.
I choose not to keep my healing wounds,
Left to pick to bleed repeatedly in anger.

I choose to heal.
Not to be left,
For the rest of my life dropping tears wept.
To spend in the process of mourning.
Riding high on the shoulders of grief.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I'd Be RICH!

I have never felt more examined,
Microscoped and discussed...
Than anytime in my life,
Than 'now'.

From thought process,
To how I digest my food...
To my beliefs and what I pray to,
As if I exist as a novelty.

Sometimes I feel,
That I am an animated mannequin,
For many.
And in 'some' folks eyes,
I can see the surprise when I speak...
With elocution, tone and diction intact.

And no where will I go,
Will I ever forget I am black.
Or...
Should I say African-American,
To be politically correct...
About the whole concept,
Of where folks' heads are at?

I have never felt more examined,
Microscoped and discussed...
Than anytime in my life,
Than 'now'.

And don't think it hasn't occurred to me,
That IF I carried a basketball...
AND tapped danced in a shopping mall.
I'd be RICH!
Even if I didn't have a clue,
As to what I was doing.
All I would have to do is to be entertaining.

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Unless Amnesia Comes to Dance

Forgiveness?
I admit...
I can say it.
I suggest to others,
They should do it.
However...
In my heart,
There's a conflict.
I have no problem with,
Forgiving myself.
That took awhile for me to accept,
Doing that!
But the process and the concept?
It seems as though it is expected,
That I should do it...
Regardless of what is said or done.
By those who say they are just having fun!
At 'my' expense!
With a conscious intention directed.
And meant!

Since God knows I still have some things to work out...
I am sure He will forgive IF I am a little reluctant,
To attach the forgetting to that forgiveness!
There are 'some' situations that have happened...
I ain't forgetting, period!
Unless amnesia comes to dance with my awareness.
And I hope that is understood,
By some folks that will always be up to no good!
And somehow...
I want them reminded.

And once again...
I will be the first to forgive myself!
Praying to God for understanding...
That I could not wait for Him to give attention,
To a case that needed a decision made immediately!
With the hopes that the wings awaiting my arrival,
Will not be tainted by my actions!
That's why I am quick to apologize...
Upon delivering a surprise like that!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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These Days

These days, Ive been feeling lucky
Looking all around me
I see so many dreams that have come true
Like me right next to you
Like the angels coming through
These days have only just begun
Someone to come home to
Each and every night
All of my tomorrows
Are finally looking bright
Oh what, I wont rush it,
Why would I dare?
Nothing could compare
To the way Ive been feeling these days
They are the best Ive ever had
And they have only just begun
Here we were so connected
Like the moon is to the sun
I never thought Id feel this way
Cos all I ever really wanted is these days
If I could, Id try to freeze the moment
Set aside the future
Stay right here right now
So time wont fly
Like the flame that never dies
Like the love thats in your eyes
These days have only just begun
Something to believe in
When the world is going mad
And when the rain is crashing down girl
It doesnt seem so bad
Oh what, I wont rush it
Why would I dare?
Nothing could compare
To the way Ive been feeling these days
They are the best Ive ever had
And they have only just begun
Here we were so connected
Like the moon is to the sun
I never thought Id feel this way
Cos all I ever really wanted is these days
They are the best Ive ever had
And they have only just begun
Here we were so connected
Like the moon is to the sun
I never thought Id feel this way
Cos all I ever really wanted is these days
They are the best Ive ever had and they have only just begun...

song performed by by Ronan Keating
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Gentleman Coward

I felt pain in heart when turned down her proposal
It was not out right dismissal or disposal
Yet it firmly indicated that I was not her man
She had told number of times that she wanted to be my woman

She gazed at ground at stood silently
She did not reply but heard me patiently
She thought for a second and shook my hand
No problem dear “we can still stay as friend’

I don’t know how much I had hurt her
But certainly it was no good news either
She had banked on me heavily
And now I told her to accept it hurriedly

She tried to look in my eyes but got no clue
Her face tried to look in my eyes and view
I remained stone faced and took no note
As I had already put a hole in her boat

We parted in good spirit but to see if time permitted
I sincerely thanked her and whole blame admitted
Yet there was some hidden pain on her face
She regained composure and did not try to chase

Many years have passed since then I haven’t heard
Not even single message was received or read
It was hard to forget but I was under compulsion
There was uncertainty with lots of confusion

She is pushed far away from my memory
I wanted to feel whole heartedly and express sorry
“No dear, feel no sorry and regret” she could heavily reply
Let past end here and resolve no more to state

I have heard nothing about her since then
I wanted to know about her very often
I saw her one day in luxury car
Even I had little glimpse and was little far

She is better placed person today and doing fine
I am only person to be blamed who tried to undermine
Wracked the relation and brought disrepute to holy relation
She had full faith in me and had accepted equation

There was no bad intention on my part
My inner conscience has stopped me from the very start
I was sure of not doing better in coming days
So I had no other option but to part the ways

She was fully inclined and had known my position
She fully understood the situation but resented disposition
I was gentleman coward in her eyes and no more
She was determined in her approach and merely deplored

* to retrace steps in anticipation is cowardice*

poem by Hasmukh Amathalal
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Suggested As a Recommendation

Forgiveness is a process of one's state of mind.
And in most cases...
An acceptance occurs.
A tit for a tat...
And an eye for an eye,
For what it is and means...
Can and should be avoidable.

However,
And I am a firm believer of this...
If someone has already submitted a leave of absence,
During these periods.
An accountability for what takes place...
For whatever happens to another,
When misdeeds are done directly...
Or behind one's back purposely to disgrace.
And a retaliation has been committed,
During times when one is under mental duress.
Any steps then taken to correct one's health,
Should be regarded as progress.

With 'that' as the main goal to achieve!
And one should then be praised,
For a recovery that heals in success.
And any doctor concerned,
Will prescribe the best remedy to keep a mind healthy.
Many of us have gone through that!
If not...
And this is a fact,
A second opinion is always suggested...
As a recommendation.

Remember...
Keeping in good physical and mental condition,
Determines the degree of one's happiness!

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Can Forget It

The other person has hurt me,
She has utterly disappointed me,
She is totally wrong—very clear.
I cannot forget it.

She doesn't seek forgiveness,
Even if it is sought—the forgiveness,
She doesn't deserve to be forgiven.
I cannot forget it.

About her my animosity looms,
She has been cruel to me—it zooms,
I vowed ne'er to forgive her.
I cannot forget it.

In me, the hurt keeps on throbbing,
My heart goes on endlessly sobbing,
It has led me to hate her.
I cannot forget it.

I can't send thoughts of goodwill,
My mind is brimming with ill-will,
I want her too to suffer.
I cannot forget it.

I'm in complete restlessness,
I'm weighed with bitterness,
I even wish we never met,
I cannot forget it.

I dwell on the glorious days,
When we were in kind ways,
Now I'm in resentment.
I cannot forget it.

Ah! Suddenly it dawned on me, because,
She, my feelings didn't cause,
‘Tis I who have chosen to own the feelings!
Yes! I should make myself forget it!

I cannot be thus wallowing,
I should start the process of healing,
From her shoes, I should see the happening.
I shall make myself forget it.

Now I see her in new light,
I invite her to see my plight,
I say ' I'm sorry' which she denies;
She prevails upon me and says 'Sorry, Sorry! '

Shorn of ego, we clutch hands,
The under current of joy therein lands,
We sail into the healed relationship, lit!
Ah! I can forget it!

!

poem by Chandra Thiagarajan
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Thrombocytopenia

But you promised, but you promise.
And you died without even saying goodbye.
Anger, confusion, sorrow.
Feeling it through my heart as it becomes hollow.

Thrombocytopenia

Why did it have to be this way?
Questioning the very existence of the day.
As if it could be changed.
As time could be stopped, or rewound.
Please somebody hit pause then play.
Then just maybe it would be okay.

Thrombocytopenia

Sometimes the simplest of words will do.
I loved you.
I loved you.
To the point of insanity then there was only more.
I speak in past tense to help me move past the thoughts of it.
The grieving process.
A process that one time is more then a enough.
A ghost that has become this numbness.
A skeleton that haunts you in the back of your mind.
Flash backs from time to time.

Thrombocytopenia

Trying to grab on to stars before they fade.
With so much at stake.
Why does their have to be so many aches and pains.
When does the bleeding stop?

Thrombocytopenia.

A wound that just won't heal.
And I can feel.
My insides pouring out through this wound that just won't heal.
This wound that just won't heal.

poem by Ace Of Black Hearts
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Tattoos of My Past (Something to Live For)

Sometimes,

Every now and then,

I feel the pain again,

Of everything crashing down.

In that one moment,

My whole conscious awareness of being alive is focused on my wrists,

Almost like I can feel the scars pulsing with my heart beat,

A constant reminder of what the pain has done to me,

What it sometimes still does.

Sometimes,

I take it as a reminder of how far I've come,

How everything is okay,

How I am strong because of it all,

Other times,

It breaks me down.

Shoves the realization of the pain in my face,

Screaming at me to remember it,

To address it,

To give it the attention it begs for.

Still, other times, it leaves me breathless,

Unsure of what to think or how to react,

Just sitting there alone,

With nothing but my beating heart and awareness,

Nothing to think about but memories and feelings,

It's those times when I make the most progress,

Feel the strongest,

When I think of everything I have to live for,

All the love that's worth the struggles,

The beauty of life's rose instead of it's thorns,

It's in those moments that the scars aren't a symbol of pain,

Or a scream for help,

But simply a memory,

A memory of mountains that I have climbed,

Obstacles that I have passed,

They are, in that moment, a tattoo of my past,

A token of my success.

It's then that I smile, still feeling my heart beat,

And go on with what ever I was doing,

Happy to know who I am and know my life is worth it all.

This might sound sappy and you might question it's truth,

But it is true.

Sometimes,

Every now and then,

I feel the pain again,

Of everything crashing down,

And it's in that moment when I realize that everything will be okay,

Without these scars,

Without the pain to remind me every once in a while,

I might forget everything there is to remember,

I might forget that no matter what I feel,

I'm still here,

And I believe with all my heart,

That that is something to live for.

By: Bethany J. Maxwell
June 29,2012

poem by Bethany Maxwell
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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How I Approach My Life

I am often reminded,
How the direction of my writing...
Has changed over the years.
And for the life of me,
I can not understand it.

I've done the best I could,
To keep my outlook elementary.
And perhaps it has been my evolving,
Since high school...
That my thought process and experiences,
I had since then...
That I should attribute to my maturity.
What a dilemma!

However...
God knows I am doing the best I can,
Not to be so observant and intelligent...
As to how I approach my life.
But I do keep my fingers crossed,
That my growth process is not that noticeable...
To those choosing to remain in denial,
And become offended by my adult revelations.

Hey,
Who knows?
Maybe I'm just one of those people,
Who refuse to stay limited to perceived expectations.
You know...
Rebellious, arrogant, self confident, honest and forthright!
And...
65 years old.
One would think I should know my place by now?
Huh?

poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Gone Hollywood

Its just heartbreaking
I should have known that it would let me down
Its just a mind aching
I used to dream about this town
It was a sight to see
The place to be,
Where the living is easy
And the kicks can always be found
Its such a shame about it
I used to think that it would feel so good
But whos to blame about it
So many creeps in hollywood
Im in this dumb motel
Nea the taco bell
Without a hope in hell
I cant believe that Im still around
Aint nothin new in my life today
Aint nothing true its all gone away
Ive had too much cryin, seen too much grief
Im sick of tryin its beyond belief
Im tired of talking on the telephone
Theyre trying to tell me that theyre not at home
Aint nothing new in my life today
Im tired of walking from place to place
Ive yet to come across a friendly face
And now the words sound familiar, as them slam the door
youre not what were looking for.
Aint nothing new in my life today
Aint nothing true its all gone away
If we only had time, only had time for you
If we only had time, only had time for you
If we only had time, only had time for you
It was a heartbreaking
Now I ride in the big fine car
It was mind aching
Im the talk of the boulevard
So keep your chin up boy
Forget the pain
I know youll make it
If you try again
Theres no use in quitting
When the world is waiting for you

song performed by by Supertramp
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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