The shopping list
Eggs Bacon
Sausages Ham
Cheese Corned Beef
Pork Pies Spam.
Apples Pears
Oranges Kiwi Fruit
Lettuce Tomatoes
Cabbage Beetroot.
Biscuits Crisps
Corn Flakes Weetabix
Crumpets low fat spread
Mars bars and Twix.
Bread/wholemeal
Steak and Kidney Pie
Squash Ginger Beer
White wine/dry.
Don't forget the papers
Daily Mirror/The Sun
then treat yourself with
a cuppa and a creamy bun!
poem by Kevin Halls
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
My Shopping List
I write my shopping-list in rhyme.
It doesn’t take me too much time,
and always helps me to remember.
(I’ve been doing it since last September.)
Wholemeal bread
low-fat spread
strawberry jam
dry-cured ham
Cheddar cheese
frozen peas
free-range eggs
chicken legs
grape jelly
pork belly
lamb chops
lemon drops
fillet steak
chocolate cake
cookie mix
seafood sticks
tortilla chips
salsa dips
instant coffee
treacle toffee
dried sultanas
ripe bananas
runner beans
a bunch of greens
new potatoes
vine tomatoes
and (really urgent)
liquid detergent.
That’s my shopping-list in verse.
Not very good? Could have been worse!
poem by Paul Hansford
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Fruit Together
A plum went to market
to buy some grapes,
everyone was was there
that day.
They didn't come
just to play.
Fruit was what
they needed most.
The apple came
to buy some pears,
Pears came to
buy some apples.
They ended up
buying each other.
What a fix,
so fruity was it.
Everyone went home
that day,
so they could all
make some fruit pies.
What a site this
was, seeing each
one making pies out,
of each other,
somehow pies
were made this
day, you ask
How was this done?
you figure it out,
I just wrote
the poem.
wrote 4-14-07
Obesity
With belly like a poisoned pup
Said I: 'I must give bacon up:
And also, I profanely fear,
I must abandon bread and beer
That make for portliness they say;
Yet of them copiously today
I ate with an increasingly sense
Of grievous corpulence.
I like a lot of thinks I like.
Too bad that I must go on strike
Against pork sausages and mash,
Spaghetti and fried corn-beef hash.
I deem he is a lucky soul
Who has no need of girth control;
For in the old of age: 'Il faut
Souffrir pour etre bean.'
Yet let me not be unconsoled:
So many greybeards I behold,
Distinguished in affairs of state,
In culture counted with the Great,
Have tummies with a shameless bulge,
And so I think I'll still indulge
In eats I like without a qualm,
And damn my diaphragm!'
poem by Robert William Service
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Big T
BIG T LOVES HIS FOOD
ONCE IT’S EDIBLE..IT’S ALL GOOD
WE HOPE HE EATS NOTHING ELSE
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY..HE’S OUT TO PLEASE HIMSELF
BISCUITS, ROLLS, SWEETS, ANYTHING CAN BE A TREAT
EGGS TWO AT A TIME, SAUSAGES, BACON..ANY MEAT
NICELY DONE AND HEAPED UP HIGH, WITH JUST A LITTLE MORE SALT
WE HOPE SOON THAT IT’LL BE HIS DECISION TO CALL A HALT.
poem by Brian Roy Skyers
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Spam
Spam in the place where I live (ham and pork)
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam in my luchbox at work (its the best)
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it at all
If youre running low, go to the store
Carry some money to help you buy more
The tab is there to open the can
The can is there to hold in the spam
Oh, spam on the table at home (ham and pork)
Think about selection, are there different flavors now (lets eat)
Spam in my office at work (its the best)
Think about the stuff its made from, wonder if its mystery of meat
If you need a spoon, keep one around
Carry a thermose to help wash it down
Now, if theres some left, dont just throw it out
Use it for spackle or bathroom grout, now
Spam in my pantry at home (have some more)
Think of expiration, better read the lable (oh boy)
Spam breakfast, dinner, or lunch (its the best)
Think about how its been precooked, wonder if Ill just eat it cold
Now, once you start in, you cant put it down
Dont leave it sitting or itll turn brown
The key is going to open the tin
The tin is there to keep the spam in
Oh, spam (spam)
Ham and pork
Think about nutrition, wonder whats inside it now (oh boy)
Spam (spam)
Its the best
Really makes a darn good sandwhich any way you slice it
Spam in the place where I live (have some more)
Think about addiction, wonder if Im a junkie now (lets eat)
Spam in the place where I work (youre obsessed)
Think about the way its processed, wonder if its some kind of meat
Spam in the back of my car (ham and pork)
Spam any place that you are (ham and pork)
The tab is there to open the can (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
The can is there to hold in the spam (spam any place that you are) (ham and pork)
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Say Ten
Shes not eatin bacon, not eatin sausage
And she wont eat eggs,
Not eatin chicken, not eatin turkey,
She wont have a steak,
But I just cant help feelin sorry
For this poor little lettuce head
You know, I cant stop cryin
cause I know this broccolis dead
Vegetarian, Im not a vegetarian
Vegetarian...shes a
Poor little cow, little sheep
Little fish how can I sleep?
When carrots are bleedin
Plants are screamin and tomatoes cry
You say its not so bad
Theyre only vegetables, thats what you said
Maybe Im a murderer, but Im hungry
And theyre better off dead
Save a plant, eat a cow
I want beef, I want it now!
Im gonna eat it cause its red!
Im gonna eat it cause its dead!
Maybe I should eat it raw
Let the blood run down my jaw
Id eat people if it was legal
Id eat people if it was legal!
song performed by by Reel Big Fish
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Home Grown Tomatoes
There aint nothin in the world that I like better than bacon n lettuce n
Home grown tomatoes up in the mornin, out in the garden
Get you a ripe one, dont pick a hard un plant em in the spring, eat em in
The summer all winter without em is a culinary bummer I forget all about the
Sweatinand the digginevery time I go out and pick me a big un home grown
Tomatoes, home grown tomatoes what would life be like without home grown
Tomatoes only two things that money cant buy
Thats true love and home grown tomatoes you can go out to eat an thats for
Sure but theres nothina home grown tomatoe wont cure put em in a salad, put
em in a stew
You can make your own tomatoe juice
You can eat em with eggs, eat em with gravy you can eat em with beans, pinto
Or navy put em on the side, put em in the middle home grown tomatoes on a hot
Cake griddle home grown tomatoes, home grown tomatoes what would life be like
Without home grown tomatoes only two things that money cant buy
Thats true love and home grown tomatoes if is to change this life I lead
You could call me johnny tomatoe seed
cause I know what this country needs
Home grown tomatoes in every yard you see when I die dont bury me
In a box in a cold dark cemetery
Out in the garden would be much better
cause I could be pushin up a home grown tomatoe home grown tomatoes, home
Grown tomatoes what would life be like without home grown tomatoes only two
Things that money cant buy
Thats true love and home grown tomatoes
Words and music by guy clark
song performed by by John Denver
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Supermarket Shopping
A pound in the slot and out comes the chain,
It's Saturday supermarket shopping again,
And so I've obtained my large wire trolley,
And when shopping, you certainly need loads of lolly!
The shelves will be stacked with goodies galore,
There are loads to be seen from ceiling to floor,
Things that we need and things for a treat,
Food to have cold and food you must heat.
Bright coloured fruit and vegetables are,
Good for your health and keep you up to par,
Bread, rolls and biscuits, crisps and savoury snacks,
On their own, or in multiple packs.
Cheeses and yogurts, cream, butter and milk,
Some with strong flavours and some smooth as silk,
Sauces and pickles, mustards and dips,
Bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms and chips.
What gorgeous thoughts the word 'food' conjures up,
Especially if you're hungry and you wish to sup,
The aromas and spices, and sweet things and sour,
Shortcrust and flaky pastries, both of which are made with flour.
All kinds of fish dishes like haddock and dab,
Sardine, pilchard, tuna, anchovy and crab,
Squid if you like, it is lovely when fried,
It's really delicious to eat, have you tried?
Salmon of course, is the best of the lot,
This is a fish you can serve cold or hot,
With a salad to garnish, the taste is divine,
It's really become a great favourite of mine.
Desserts are mouth watering, they just have to be bought,
From gateaux's with chocolate, or a raspberry torte,
Strawberry pavlovas, or nutty meringues.
Each and everyone of them will answer your pangs.
Bottles of wine, of red and of white,
Champagne to drink on that one special night,
Maybe a gin, a vodka or sherry,
But with all of this, you can soon become merry.
So reaching the 'cash out' you stand there and check,
On all that you've purchased, it's only a speck,
Of what was on offer, one could buy up the lot,
But most likely you're contented with what you have got.
poem by Ernestine Northover
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Apples And Oranges
Got a flip-top pack of cigarettes in her pocket
Feeling good at the top
Shopping in sharp shoes
Walking in the sunshine town feeling very cool
But the butchers and the bakers in the supermarket stores
Getting everything she wants from the supermarket stores
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
Cornering neatly she trips up sweetly
To meet the people
She's on time again
And then
I catch her by the eye then I stop and have to think
What a funny thing to do 'cause I'm feeling very pink
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
I love she
She loves me
See you
See you
Thought you might like to know
I'm the lorry driver man
She's on the run
Down by the river side
feeding ducks in the afternoon tide
(quack quack)
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
song performed by by Pink Floyd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Apples & Oranges
Got a flip-top pack of cigarettes in her pocket
Feeling good at the top
Shopping in sharp shoes
Walking in the sunshine town feeling very cool
But the butchers and the bakers in the supermarket stores
Getting everything she wants from the supermarket stores
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
Cornering neatly she trips up sweetly
To meet the people
Shes on time again
And then
I catch her by the eye then I stop and have to think
What a funny thing to do cause Im feeling very pink
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
I love she
She loves me
See you
See you
Thought you might to know
Im the lorry driver man
Shes on the run
Down by the river side
Feeding ducks by the afternoon tide
(quack quack)
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
Apples and oranges
song performed by by Pink Floyd
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Awesome Sound
[studio version appears on "the pod"]
Stop it!
I got an awesome sound goin' down [3x]
I got a pork roll egg cheese and bacon
Stop...right...there...
What?
I - i - i got an awesome sound -
I got an awesome sound (biyatch!) goin' down [2x]
I got a pork roll egg cheese and bacon
What you got, buddy?
Shit!
Hit me again!
Awesome sound goin' down
I got an awesome sound goin' down [2x]
I got a pork roll egg cheese and bacon
Goin' down
Goin' down
Go, man, go!
So funky, ohh! ohhh! ohh! ohhh!
Deaner, don't hurt 'em, man!!!
Ohhh! ohhh! ohhh!
Goin' down! goin' down!
Got an awesome sound, goin' down [3x]
I got a pork roll egg cheese and bacon
song performed by by Ween
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Rockin L & H
Nothing tastes nearly as good
As it does on the outside grill
Camping out in my childhood
I have sweet memories still
Beans slow cooked and smoky
Bacon and bar-b-q sauce within
Biscuits light and fluffy as well
Sharing food with friends and kin
Corn so sweet and delicious
Yet crunchy against your teeth
The smell of the smoke in the air
Of wonderful smoky pork or beef
There’s a place that you’ll truly enjoy
Where you’ll never want to eat in haste
Because the food is so delicious
It is called the Rockin L & H!
poem by Marilyn Lott
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We Got The Beef
Had ourselves a little barbeque
Corn on the cob and mashed potatoes too
Joe got the fritos, ernie got the stew
So what did you bring
We got the beef
We got the beef
We got the beef
Yeah, we got it
(we got the beef)
Now, everybody get on your feet (we got the beef)
Grab a hunk of ? ? ? beef (we got the beef)
Chuck daddy (we got the beef)
Now, ground round by the pound
We got the beef (we got the beef)
We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the beef)
We got the beef (we got the beef, we got the)
We got the beef
song performed by by Weird Al Yankovic
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Sexy Ginger Bread Man
On his body is a ginger bread thong
To soften you up he sings a sweet sugar song
If you hit on him he’ll play along
He’s the sexy ginger bread man
He’ll seduce you with candy wine
One a scale from 1-10 he is a 9
Girls look at him and say, “He’s so fine”
He’s the sexy ginger bread man
On his face are peanut butter eyes
He has powdered sugar on his manly thighs
He will reel you in with his seductive lies
He’s the sexy ginger bread man
On this neck is a chain of candy
Around the house he can be handy
If you add frosting he can be pretty randy
He’s the sexy ginger bread man
Out of the batch he is the pick
He has a giant ginger bread stick
It has rainbow sprinkles on it
He’s the sexy ginger bread man
You bite the chain and swallow the thong
Eat the stick which is very long
You gobble him up till he’s all gone
NO MORE sexy ginger bread man
poem by Paul Celano
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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It's mostly Mars Bars and peanuts and cheese and you go to the fridge and there's Red Bull and Beer. It's not like people are holding me down and pouring beer in my face.
quote by Graham Coxon
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Butcher's Shop - UK Style
Legs, Shoulders, Ribs and Shanks,
Chops, Sirloins, Breasts and Flanks,
These are all 'meats' of the Butcher's trade,
Where lots of delicious 'things' are made.
Hams, Pies, Pickles and Stuffing,
No I am really not bluffing,
Chicken, Goose, Turkey and Duck,
To buy these things you need some 'pluck'.
With these 'meats' you need to know,
How to steam and roast, real slow,
How to fry, simmer and grill,
It can be quite a difficult skill.
But the kindly Butcher will help you out,
You really only have to shout,
He knows the cuts, has all the info,
With all his knowledge, he's a real pro.
He knows how long to cook things for,
How the baste and how to score
The pork, so that lovely 'crackling' can be had,
Now think of it! That can't be bad.
There's livers, kidneys and chitterlings which,
Grab the taste buds, gee they're rich,
Bacon, sausages and corned beef slices,
Some with garlic, some with spices.
Whatever you like, it's all ready for you.
Even if you have to queue,
It's worth the wait, for what you'll get
It'll melt in the mouth, that I can bet!
Your friendly Butcher is a capable chap,
He'll answer your questions without a flap,
So try all his produce, the flavours are great,
You'll never have anything left on your plate.
There's variety beyond belief,
Try any 'meat' you'll come to no grief,
The choice is amazing, the recipes fab,
There's always a choice on the Butcher's slab.
poem by Ernestine Northover
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Trouble and Strife
Hear the shouts from the market stalls,
Where the vendors with their raucous calls,
Cry, 'Roll up, Ladies. here's a bargain,
Said to all in their 'Cockney' jargon.
'Come buy it for your 'Trouble and Strife'.
Meaning, do buy it for the wife.
'Some too, for your 'Skin and Blister',
That has to be your loving Sister.
You just won't 'Adam and Eve' the price,
But do 'believe' it's good merchandise.
Perhaps you could purchase a 'Whistle and Flute',
A very smart, new and 'with it' suit.
Or maybe some'Daisy Roots' for your feet,
Some boots now for your 'Plates of Meat'.
Or how about a 'Weasel and Stoat'.
A very posh warming, winter coat.
If you decide to 'Rabbit and Pork',
Then go ahead and have a talk,
Using your very own 'North and South',
Because to speak comes from the mouth.
'Bacon and Eggs' and 'Biscuits and Cheese',
Are all about your legs and your knees.
And when you're tired use the 'Apples and Pears',
For you will find your bedroom's up the stairs.
Going to get something for your 'Manhole Cover',
Would be a present for your 'Bruvver',
Or for that very old 'Cock Sparrow',
Possibly your aged friend or barrow.
Toys are just right for the 'Teapot Lids',
That will keep busy those noisy kids,
And you could relax with a 'Linen Draper',
Reading the news from your newspaper.
To finish, how about a 'Rosie Lee',
A cup of delicious refreshing tea
Otherwise, a glass of 'Fine and Dandy',
Which is something stronger, and that's a brandy.
You may not understand one 'Dicky Bird',
For each thing, these 'Cockneys' have a word.
But don't try to get me on the 'Dog and Bone',
I'LL PHONE YOU! ! ! ! ! ! .
poem by Ernestine Northover
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Sliced Bread
Sliced bread...
Whole wheat and toasted.
Buttered with jam,
And munched.
Either with tea, punch...
Or just plain water for lunch!
Sliced bread...
With cheddar cheese and tomato.
Add Romaine lettuce,
Topped with fried strips of bacon.
This too will certainly do.
Sliced bread...
Oatmeal raisin,
Oven baked and fed.
Sliced bread...
Crumbed to stuff a turkey.
And seasoned to gobble...
With an aftertaste on the tongue,
Deliciously nutmeged!
poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar
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Chemical Eden of Shelf Life Goods
Enter the garden: of commerce labour
Here taste the fruit under sunlight fluorescents
You can find verity in one or two choices
Vegetation sterilized polished lit synthetics
Come taste the fruit in shelf life groves
Arrayed in the nature of alphabetic order
Apricots opposite peaches and plums
Keep red separate from tangerines and oranges
Cellophane wraps on prepackaged lettuce
Enhance the flavour with plastic vigour
Genetically modified red beef tomatoes
Could give your children a taste for a tumor
It's a chemical Eden disguised as produce
Quick sterile minerals is synthetic nutrition
With modified cornstarch Gluten conditioned
You hardly realized your biologist reduced
To shelf life goods
poem by Kevin Patrick
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4. Shopping and Chopping
Have you got pigs liver?
Said a lady in my shop
No I said politely
But I have a nice pork chop
Could I have some kidney?
With a half a pound of steak
To make a lovely gravy
With the pie she was to bake
The scales shows two and sixpence
Three bob a little more
She didn’t want the piece of steak
I’d just dropped on the floor
I parcelled up her purchase
And placed it with her shopping
Put the money in the till
Then went back to my chopping
poem by David Threadgold (2008)
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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