The Tale Of The Two Tubby Tourists
The Pedicab drivers of Gotham all say
You should ignore a 'Whale Hail'
because it just doesn't pay.
The city is hilly and
to pedal gets tough
when your passengers are,
shall we say, overstuffed.
Two tubby tourists out on the town
between them they weighed about
Eight Hundred Pounds.
They had wiped out the Sushi
at an all you can eat.
Much too lazy to walk
on their overstressed feet.
They hailed for a Pedicab
of which there's a multitude
Thats the sole explanation
for accepting their pulchritude.
Their ride started slowly,
but pleasant enough.
But then came a hill
and the going got rough.
He groaned and he struggled
as he trucked up the road,
but not even juiced Armstrong
could handle this load.
With two tubby tourists
ensconced in the back.
He slowed to a crawl
then stalled in his tracks.
Something had to give
with those two in the rear
The cab then turned turtle
chucking him in the air.
The two tubby tourist
were down on their backs
Their driver unconscious
and two tires flat.
An Ambulance came
and gave him first aide
The two tourists rolled off
and he never got paid.
If we banned too large colas
and sixty ounce beers
could we hope that these
land whales
might, one day, disappear?
Until then its risky
to pick such fares up
unless in a limo
or a truck thats Ram tough
poem by John F. McCullagh
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Related quotes
Prayer for many is like a foreign land. When we go there, we go as tourists. Like most tourists, we feel uncomfortable and out of place. Like most tourists, we therefore move on before too long and go somewhere else.
quote by Robert McAfee Brown
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Old Story from Bandung
Tracing free road; street
resistance
to Bandung
this is Old story
what always impressed
in liver alcove
innermost
what always emerge
when passing to take the air
in that town
we have gone up the pedicab
inversed almost
but pedicab worker sprier
quickly pedicab brought back
to position from the beginning
and we accelerate to return
in silent public road
chilled
I and you are
mute
until door
opened
don't know why
is only kept quiet.
poem by Prasetya Utama
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Schwinn Twenty-four
(kinky friedman, shawn siegal)
Yeah! yeah! yeah!
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Me and my fellows gonna take a hike
I climbed on in my brand new bike
Its a twenty-four inch with a groovy red seat
All of the fellows think its really neat
As I pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal
Pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal up, pedal down
Pedal all around town on my schwinn twenty-four
Schwinn twenty-four
Bam bam bam bam
Schwinn twenty-four.
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Late last night was a-cruisin round town,
Skateboard pulled up and I shoved you down
When all the lights turned green people on line
Skateboard giving me a real rough time.
As I pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal
Pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal up, pedal down
Pedal all around town on my schwinn twenty-four,
Schwinn twenty-four,
Bam bam bam bam
Schwinn twenty-four.
Watch me go!
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Well, I made my thing stop and they started to inspect her
Found I was missing one red reflector
They put it on with go go speed
Now I got all the tail action I need
As I pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal
Pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal pedal up, pedal down
Pedal all around town on my schwinn twenty-four
Schwinn twenty-four
Bam bam bam bam
Schwinn twenty-four
Bought it at the store
Ride it on the shore
Two and two makes four
I love leslie gore
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Ra-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
song performed by by Kinky Friedman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Snowball
My baby took our love
And then she rolled it up
Rolled it up a hill
Like a ball of snow
Like a snowball grows
Until it gets too big
Until she lost control
And it rolled back down
And it rolled back down
And it rolled back down
And it rolled back down
She took a tiny bit
And rolled it up again
Slower than before
She went a step too far
She had to let it go
I saw it go straight down
My baby turned around
Started up again
Started up again
Started up again
Started up again
Eyes were made for looking
Hands were made for holdin
Hearts were made for lovin
Lips were made for kissin
Legs were made for walkin
Tracks were made to follow
Thats what Im gonna do
Two tracks
In the snow
Two tracks
Up that hill
My heart broke
When my baby left
Two tracks behind
song performed by by Devo
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hangin Tough
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Listen up everybody if you wanna take a chance.
(rap:) just get on the floor and do the new kids dance.
Dont worry bout nothing cause it wont take long.
(rap:) were gonna put you in a trance with a funky song, cause you gotta be
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) were rough.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Everybodys always talkin bout whos on top.
(rap:) dont cross our path cause youre gonna get stomped.
We aint gonna give anybody any slack.
(rap:) and if you try to keep us down were gonna come right back,
And you know were
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) are you tough enough?
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) were rough.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Get loose everybody cause were gonna do our thing.
(rap:) cause you know it aint over till the fat lady sings.
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) are you tough enough?
Hangin tough, hangin tough, hangin tough.
(rap:) were rough.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, just hangin tough, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hangin tough.
(repeat & fade)
song performed by by New Kids On The Block
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Essence of Edinburgh
Evening time, in my town, is often deadly quiet,
But, up here in Edinburgh, there's a sensual riot!
From a night club doorway, purple-pink light spills out;
Along the streets, crowds of tourists still amble about.
There is an endless stream of cars and buses;
In my town, the pace is slow, but here, it rushes.
In the city, there are exciting sights and sounds;
It is so much livelier than my own little town.
In my town, after five, most people have gone home,
But, around the streets of Edinburgh, folk still roam.
Emergency vehicles rush past with klaxons blazing;
The atmosphere here, in the city, is just so amazing.
In my town, it is often almost dead after five,
But the city of Edinburgh is still very much alive.
Of action, in my own town, there's a really big lack;
I don't want to leave here: I don't want to go back.
Edinburgh, at Festival time, is always such a blast;
Against my own town, it paints a very sharp contrast.
Street entertainers attract crowds along the Royal Mile;
Attracting many tourists, they're sure to raise a smile.
At the Military Tattoo, I saw many massed bands;
I saw performers who hailed from foreign lands.
For me, that really was such a memorable night;
It filled all my senses with such excited delight.
I really wish that I could stay here forever and ever;
Inside, my soul feels light, and it floats like a feather.
I don't want to go back home: I don't want to leave.
For this amazing city, my heart will soon grieve.
Here, in Edinburgh, I have had such a great time;
For this wonderful city, I know my heart will pine.
Come tomorrow morning, when I board my train,
The essence of Edinburgh, in my heart, will remain.
poem by Angela Wybrow
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A Place Of Romantic Mood!
Romantic mood comes whenever we see a park!
One such park is a centre of attraction in our town;
Green lawn all around the park with open space wide
And trees with wide branches giving shade make it
A romantic place for lovers and tourists to enjoy here!
The parks of this kind I have seen in hill stations where
The climate is a plus point for tourists’ attraction there!
Varieties of flowers of different colours and fragrance
And fountains ejecting high up water give thrilling joy!
Blue sky, green grass lawn, fountain waters cooling all
And tall trees of big branches giving shade all over there
Make the park a small paradise for lovers and tourists!
For regaining joyful mood and relaxing in romantic mood
Where can we go for except the park of paradise here?
poem by Ramesh T A
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In the middle ages people were tourists because of their religion, whereas now they are tourists because tourism is their religion.
quote by Robert Runcie
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.
quote by Russell Baker
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Bareipani Waterfall Vavroovahana Patra
Bareipani waterfall looks beautiful;
Mind is delightful.
Second largest waterfall of India In Odisha entices tourists daily;
In Abhayaranya the waterfall lures poets, writers gaudily.
Tourists behold the beauty from a distance;
The wondrous spectacle provides pleasure, appreciate God’s creation desire it is bliss.
Bareipani flows naturally;
Poet enjoys the beauty enthusiastically.
Wondrous waterfall provides pleasure;
Melodious Beauty plays in the lap of Nature.
Beauteous is the high mountain;
Tourist’s mind enthuses beholding the fountain.
Poet beholds the beauty amazingly;
Mind remains in the world of peace gleefully.
Abhayaranya is wondrous;
Allures tourists, with pleasure.
poem by Vavroovahana Patra
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He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say ""when!""
quote by P.G. Wodehouse
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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23feb10 The Day After: Garden City
many hotels
damaged
shocked guests
evacuated?
Christchurch
mortally wounded
garden mourns
no rooms
for tourists
now to stay
tourists evacuated
troubles fly away
holiday memories
took
an earth shattering
turn
poem by Terence George Craddock
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The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.
The tourist may complain of other tourists, but he would be lost without them.
quote by Agnes Repplier
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Driver Smith
'Twas Driver Smith of Battery A was anxious to see a fight;
He thought of the Transvaal all the day, he thought of it all the night --
"Well, if the battery's left behind, I'll go to the war," says he,
"I'll go a-driving and ambulance in the ranks of the A.M.C.
"I'm fairly sick of these here parades -- it's want of a change that kills --
A-charging the Randwick Rifle Range and aiming at Surry Hills.
And I think if I go with the ambulance I'm certain to find a show,
For they have to send the Medical men wherever the troops can go.
"Wherever the rifle bullets flash and the Maxims raise a din,
It's here you'll find the Medical men a-raking the wounded in --
A-raking 'em in like human flies -- and a driver smart like me
Will find some scope for his extra skill in the ranks of the A.M.C."
So Driver Smith he went to war a-cracking his driver's whip,
From ambulance to collecting base they showed him his regular trip.
And he said to the boys that were marching past, as he gave his whip a crack,
"You'll walk yourselves to the fight," says he -- "Lord spare me, I'll drive you back."
Now the fight went on in the Transvaal hills for the half of a day or more,
And Driver Smith he worked his trip -- all aboard for the seat of war!
He took his load from the stretcher men and hurried 'em homeward fast
Till he heard a sound that he knew full well -- a battery rolling past.
He heard the clink of the leading chains and the roll of the guns behind --
He heard the crack of the drivers' whips, and he says to 'em, "Strike me blind,
I'll miss me trip with this ambulance, although I don't care to shirk,
But I'll take the car off the line today and follow the guns at work."
Then up the Battery Colonel came a-cursing 'em black in the face.
"Sit down and shift 'e,, you drivers there, and gallop 'em into place."
So off the Battery rolled and swung, a-going a merry dance,
And holding his own with the leading gun goes Smith with his ambulance.
They opened fire on the mountain side, a-peppering by and large,
When over the hill above their flank the Boers came down at the charge;
They rushed the guns with a daring rush, a-volleying left and right,
And Driver Smith and his ambulance moved up to the edge of the fight.
The gunners stuck to their guns like men, and fought as the wild cats fight,
For a Battery man don't leave his gun with ever a hope in sight;
But the bullets sang and the Mausers cracked and the Battery men gave away,
Till Driver Smith with his ambulance drove into the thick of the fray.
He saw the head of the Transvaal troop a-thundering to and fro,
A hard old face with a monkey beard -- a face that he seemed to know;
"Now who's that leader?" said Driver Smith. "I've seen him before today.
Why, bless my heart, but it's Kruger's self," and he jumped for him straight away.
He collared old Kruger round the waist and hustled him into the van.
It wasn't according to stretcher drill for raising a wounded man;
But he forced him in and said, "All aboard, we're off for a little ride,
And you'll have the car to yourself," says he, "I reckon we're full inside."
He wheeled his team on the mountain side and set 'em a merry pace,
A-galloping over the rocks and stones, and a lot of the Boers gave chase;
Bur Driver Smith had a fairish start, and he said to the Boers, "Good-day,
You have Buckley's chance for to catch a man that was trained in Battery A."
He drove his team to the hospital bed and said to the P.M.O.,
"Beg pardon, sir, but I missed the trip, mistaking the way to go;
And Kruger came to the ambulance and asked could we spare a bed,
So I fetched him here, and we'll take him home to show for a bob a head."
So the word went round to the English troops to say they need fight no more,
For Driver Smith with his ambulance had ended the blooming war.
And in London now at the music halls he's starring it every night,
And drawing a hundred pounds a week to tell how he won the fight.
poem by Andrew Barton Paterson
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Munnar-The scenic beauty
We headed to the heavenly Munnar—
Our son-in-law with a golden heart,
Took us too with his family, in a car,
Winding its way over the hilly part.
The driver at the steering wheel,
At his side, my son-in-law,
Daughter, hubby and self in the mid to deal,
The children three, at the back did draw.
The evening was cool and bright,
Munnar being 2000 metres above sea level;
The wind breezed past through our car right,
With a wonderful feeling—hearts did swell.!
The landscape set a magic spell rolling,
It was in the Idukki district of Kerala;
The plantations of tea were lush and sprawling,
The different shades of nature took us in awe!
In curious shapes the clouds passed by,
Through which the evening sun took a peep.
Presently a mist surrounded us—Oh! My!
It turned to be a fog around us in the steep! .
Here a car, a bike, a bus and there a van,
Tourists wound their way through the bends,
They glided smoothly as a regal swan,
Sensing amongst the beauty, the mountain lends.
The car drew near the Munnar town,
And the blaring of horns took us right;
In a veil of haze the sun came down,
Darkness enveloped except for the vehicles'light.
The children were fatigued and listless,
Eager to reach our warm resort;
It was many kilometers away—no less,
Dialouges stopped -as we were a weary lot.
At last, into our luxury hotel, we ran,
As drops of rain welcomed us into the inn;
Two large suites, cosy, spick and span,
Beckoned us to be happily ensconced in.
Our gnawing hunger, being quelled,
We dreamt of the next day's sojourn;
The children were bouncing starry -eyed;
And to the warm beds they were borne.
Next day, we were at the Mattupetty dam,
Which conserves water for hydro-electricity;
The mind with boundless joy recklessly swam,
In the boat-ride with the children's ditty.
On the meadow's of the Devikulam Lake,
Munnar's scenic paradise on earth;
A beautiful vista around us we take,
And for teetering birds, there is no dearth.
Munnar-the endless verdant rolling hills,
And people working with baskets on backs;
Cutting and pruning the tea leaves for mills,
Ever evokes the glee of pleasant tracks.
Thanks to my young son-in-law, dear,
And thanks to my daughter, Thamarai, darling,
From the misty eyes, heart choked, rolls down a tear,
For this memorable journey with sweet children, loving.!
2
poem by Chandra Thiagarajan
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For you
Early morning I will pick up the most beautiful seashells,
before the sand-plovers and tourists come
and like a child as if they are treasures
I will give hands full to you
and you I will take with the first daybreak
down to the beach
and together we will walk long stretches
where the water just meet our feet
and we will have long conversations
about the things
that we should have said years ago
and I will tell you how you fit into my life.
poem by Gert Strydom
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Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns.
Ballad Of Skip Wiley
He's a man on a mission
Wild as a ricochet
Picture if you can
When the everglades ran
From the gulf coast to Biscayne Bay
He's gonna give it back to the gators
Lock the tourists up in theme parks and zoos
He says "join me for lunch at the reptiles brunch
Where the Barometer Soup is you"
He's crazy and dangerous
But who else can you trust
He's the outlaw in all of us
The environmental terrorist
Chorus
You can mess with the mouse in Orlando
Jilt a tourist in St. Augustine
You can shoplift all day at Blockbuster
But you can't steal the Orange Bowl Queen
No you can't steal the Orange Bown Queen
Verse
There were crimes of epic proportions
All part of Skip Wiley's crusade
Tourists were cackin' and tourists were packin'
While he and Skink cooled their heels in the shade
Then came the citrus sensation
"Welcome to the revolution" he said
With a pirate's persona he snatched the gridiron Madonna
And the big movers called for his head
He's crazy and dangerous
But who else can you trust
He's the outlaw in all of us
The environmental terrorist
Chorus
You can mess with the mouse in Orlando
Jilt a tourist in St. Augustine
You can rag on the Miami Dolphins
But you can't steal the Orange Bowl Queen
No you can't steal the Orange Bowl Queen (x2)
Well Skip's caper it kind of backfired
And got the orange juice barons rather upset
In the light of bad moods, these manhunts ensued
But Skip easily slipped through the net
He was last seen atop a mangrove
Perched like a wounded osprey
He was not meant to last, he belongs to the past
And I hope he gets there one day
He's crazy and dangerous
But who else can you trust
He's the outlaw in all of us
The environmental terrorist
Chorus
You can mess with the mouse in Orlando
Jily a tourist in St. Augustine
You can shoplift your days at Blockbuster
But you can't steal the Orange Bown Queen
No you can't steal the Orange Bown Queen (x2
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Ballad Of Skip Wiley
Hes a man on a mission
Wild as a ricochet
Picture if you can when the everglades ran
From the gulf coast to biscayne bay
Hes gonna give it back to the gators
Lock the tourists up in theme parks and zoos
He says join me for lunch at the reptiles brunch
Where the barometer soup is you
Hes crazy and dangerous
But who else can you trust
Hes the outlaw in all of us
The environmental terrorist
Ou can mess with that mouse in orlando
Jilt a tourist in st. augustine
Ou can shoplift all day at blockbuster
But you cant steal the orange bowl queen
No you cant steal the orange bowl queen
Spoken:
Thats unthinkable in the state of florida
What would the chamber of commerce say
This man is sick
Eah
There were crimes of epic proportions
All part of skip wileys crusade
Tourists were cackin
And tourists were packin
While he and skink cooled there heels in the shade
Then came the citrus sensation
Welcome to the revolution he said
With a pirates persona
He snatched the gridiron madonna
And the day groovers called for his head
Hes crazy and dangerous
But who else can you trust
Hes the outlaw in all of us
The environmental terrorist
Ou can mess with that mouse in orlando
Jilt a tourist in st. augustine
Ou can rag on the miami dolphins
But you cant steal the orange bowl queen
No you cant steal the orange bowl queen
No, no you cant steal the orange bowl queen
Spoken:
Well skips caper it kinda backfired
Got the orange juice barons rather upset
In the light of bad moves these manhunts ensued
Skip easily slipped through the net
He was last seen atop of a mangrove
Perched like a wounded osprey
He was not meant to last
He belongs to the past
And I hope he gets there one day
Hes crazy and dangerous
But who else can you trust
Hes the outlaw in all of us
The environmental terrorist (terrorist)
Ou can mess with that mouse in orlando
Jilt a tourist in st. augustine
Ou can shoplift your days at blockbuster
But you cant steal the orange bowl queen
No you cant steal the orange bowl queen
No you cant steal the orange bowl queen
Thats right
song performed by by Jimmy Buffett
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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