There once was a lady from Stroud,
Who wouldn't stop reading aloud,
She would do it in bed
To her husband called Fred
So he shot her, as he had avowed.
(Written Feb 1995)
quote by by John Carter Brown
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Lady Godiva
Her name was Lady Godiva
A lady so brave and so strong
Her husband the Earl of Mercia
He treated her terribly wrong
She's a lady
She's a lady
She rode naked on horseback
To stop him from his tax increase
But people in town closed their curtains
Than prison for living in peace
*She's a lady
She's a lady
She's a lady, Lady Godiva
The hero of Coventry
L-L-Lady Lady Godiva
She rode into history
Then sneaking a glance through the window
Was a guy they called Peeping Tom
He caught a glimpse and was blinded
Curiosity sometimes is wrong
*(repeat)
People liked Lady Godiva
Respectfully looking away
They honoured incredible courage
Her legend lives until today
*(repeat, repeat
song performed by by Boney M.
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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If You Wouldn't Be My Lady
Take away the song a songbird sings
Take away the sound that laughter brings
Take the music from a melody
Never take your love away from me
You make me smile
You make darkness turn into warm sunshine
You give me love
The Lord above knows
I wouldn't know what to do if you wouldn't be my lady
I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here today
I wouldn't know what to do if you wouldn't be my lady
I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here to stay
Take away the gentle summer breeze
Take away the golden autumn leaves
I can live without blue skies above
But I could never live without your love
You give me life
You make bad times turn into the good times
You give me love
The Lord above knows
I wouldn't know what to do if you wouldn't be my lady
I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here to stay
I wouldn't know what to do if you wouldn't be my lady
I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here to stay
I wouldn't know what to do if you wouldn't be my lady
I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here today
I wouldn't know what to do if you wouldn't be my lady
song performed by by Charlie Rich, lyrics by Jimmy Holiday & Eddie Reeves from Behind Closed Doors (1973)
Submitted by Jeffrey Kosloske
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Do Not Read This!
Notice is clear in bold and block
You can't miss and continue
Your eyes always expectant and quick
Swift like a released arrow from a bow
Yes
Its all
But
Garbage, still you crave its reading
You are still reading?
Hmnnn.
Why did you read it?
No,
These lines will confuse you.
Your brains would crack, do not read,
Still you wouldn't stop, on you read
Your eyes so sharp like a hawking Eagle
That makes a hen out of grass so tall
Steady like a preying Tiger
This
Is a warning sign
But you wouldn't care
You just read laugh or sigh
Hmnn, you have won me over,
You wouldn't STOP!
poem by Charles Jagongo Ogola
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Just a load of silly limericks about people I know
I know young lady called Dee
Who lived in a bubblegum tree
She savoured the view
Whilst big bubbles she blew
And she only came down for her tea.
I know I young lady called Carolyn
Who said she was gonna go travelling
She afforded the lot
By a pay out she got
When her ex got impaled by a javelin.
There once was a poet called Ben
Who couldn't let go of his pen
He had a 'to do'
With some strong super glue
And it's been stuck there ever since then.
There once was a young Mr bright
Who wanted his farts to ignite
When he lighted the match
His fart just wouldn't catch
Coz the pants he had on were too tight!
I know a young lady called Laurie
Who burped after eating a curry
By god it was loud
And for this she was proud
Then she giggled and said she was sorry!
There once was a young man called Will
Who found it quite hard to sit still
He did not sit down once
No not even for lunch
It eventually made him quite ill
I know a lady called Karen
Who hired a group of hit men
She payed a few bob
For this one special job
And her ex was not spotted again
I know a girl called Nicola
Who craved for a day at a spar
She wanted shellac
And a rub of her back
But thought waxing was going too far
poem by Stevie Taite
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Be My Husband
(a.stroud)
Originally performed by nina simone. jeff performed it live at sin-, new york, late in the night on december 31 1995. being male, he had to make some changes to the lyrics, so his version is also known as be your husband. he did also cut some verses.
Be your husband if youll be my wife
Be your husband if youll be my wife
[original lyrics said be my husband, man, Ill be your wife]
Stick to the promise that you made me
Youve gotta stick to the promise that you made me
Stay away from johnny lee
[in the original johnny lee was rosalie]
Oh daddy gotta love me good
Oh daddy gotta love me good
Oh daddy gotta love me good
If you want me to, Ill cook and sew
If you want me to, Ill cook and sew
If you want me to, Ill cook and sew
Dont you treat me so doggone mean
Please dont treat me so doggone mean
Cause youre the meanest man Ive ever seen
Oh daddy love me good yeah
Oh daddy love me good yeah
Oh daddy now love me good
Oh daddy now love me good
song performed by by Jeff Buckley
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There was an old lady from Surrey,
Always dashing around in a flurry,
'Til she fell in the street
Breaking both of her feet
She won't do it again in a hurry.
(Written Feb/March 1995)
quote by by John Carter Brown
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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A Girl Named Fred
Once upon a time not many years ago
a girl named Fred fell in love with a boy named Fran.
Although the names seemed an odd combination
and could easily be confused by people who did not know
that Fred was a girl and Fran was a boy.
They made the perfect couple as everyone agreed
and when their wedding day arrived,
the priest who was standing in
did not know about the names
only that he was marrying a Fred to a Fran.
Turning to Fran he said,
Fred with you take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should be husband.
The priest looked up a bit dismayed, but just carried on.
Turning to Fred said Fran will you take this man
to be your lawful wedded husband.
Excuse me Father, but I think that should wife.
The priest’ eyes rolled around in his head
very dazed and confused.
The silent sniggers in the congregation began to grow louder
as peels of laughter not bells rang out within the church.
The poor priest was now in utter disarray
and after blessing the rings;
he handed them back the wrong way about.
Then the poor priest red faced said
to whomever I pronounce you man and wife.
Just to make things more riotous
someone switched the Wedding March
to Rock Around The Clock,
which sent the bride and groom bopping down the isle,
and the poor priest he had a nervous breakdown
saying he would never perform
a wedding ceremony again.
He would stick to funerals
as there was only one body involved
and they wouldn’t talk back to him.
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Sex Never Goes Out Of Fashion
She's the kind of girl who likes to do it stand up
From the back or anyway you want it, love
From the top if you keep it going all night
You're as good as the next for a fun time
Lookie here like a rabbit on the dancefloor
Party girl like you comin' in the back door
"c'mon boy, give it good, give an encore.."
Never leave a hungry sister begging one more
You keep it good and she'll beat you at your own game
Flip a switch and she's crying out her own name
Keep a lady happy as a little lamb
Give her head and you're riding on a sure shot
It's a sure shot... Honey, it's a sure shot
It's a sure shot, sure shot, sure shot
It's a sure shot... Honey, it's a sure shot
It's a sure shot, sure shot, sure shot
It's a sure shot... Honey, it's a sure shot
It's a sure shot, sure shot, sure shot
Wham bam slam it like a mama's man
Baby's on her back doin' the can-can
Such a babe-licious poco loco
Make her bob, make her beg and sweat it hardcore
Honky tonky lovin' keep her trembling
Funky style's never out of fashion, man
Keep it fresh with something for the weekend
Get some, daddy... You're riding on a sure shot
It's a sure shot... Honey, it's a sure shot
It's a sure shot, sure shot, sure shot
It's a sure shot... Honey, it's a sure shot
It's a sure shot, sure shot, sure shot
It's a sure shot... Honey, it's a sure shot
It's a sure shot, sure shot, sure shot
A little bit more
(Down her legs)
A little bit more
(Down her back)
A little bit more
(Down her neck)
A little bit more
(Down her arms)
A little bit more
(Down her breast)
A little bit m
song performed by by Garbage
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There once was a fellow called Campbell,
Very partial to having a gamble,
He was quite good at whist
But he couldn't resist:
He would cheat and then speedily scramble.
(Written Feb 1995)
quote by by John Carter Brown
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Rocket Town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Every time I see you baby(hey yeah, hey yeah)
There's always a tear to be found(hey yeah, hey yeah)
This request just won't stop coming(hey yeah, hey yeah)
So come with me now(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Every time you keep me guessing(hey yeah, hey yeah)
It's always the same run around(hey yeah, hey yeah)
Ammunition won't stop gunning(hey yeah, hey yeah)
So come with me now(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Rocket town is a state of mind
Close your eyes, it ain't hard to find
Everytime I taste your honey
There's always a sting to be found
This suggestion won't stop buzzin'(hey yeah, hey yeah)
So come with me now(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Let me take you down down down to rocket town
Yeah we're going down down down to rocket town
Hey yeah, hey yeah, let me take you down
Ooh hey yeah
Rocket town is a state of mind(go Fred go, go Fred go)
Close your eyes, it ain't hard to find
Rocket town is an attitude
Good for the head
Mental food(repeat)
song performed by by Right Said Fred
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Stifle not the reader
Reading is an art,
reading is a tool.
Those who think it dumb,
must be such a fool.
Reading is enjoyment,
reading is a blast.
Reading is a separate entity
from the future and the past.
Reading is done in present,
though written in a tense.
Reading is about life,
in surprise or suspense.
Reading is a place of joy,
full of hope and song,
Reading is a place I feel
that I truly do belong.
A trapdoor to a fantasy,
A world thought lost to us,
Reading is a place of wonder,
a place that we can trust.
Why read about reality,
when I can delve into magic.
Why stifle my own happiness,
with scenarios so tragic.
Stifle not the reader,
for it is their choice alone.
Reading is an outlet,
for hearts that turned to stone.
Fred
Do you know Fred? Now there's a man to know
These days when politics are in the air,
An' argument is bargin' to an' fro
Without a feller gittin' anywhere.
Fred never argues; he's too shrewd for that.
He's wise. He knows the game from A to Z.
All politics is talkin' thro' the hat;
An' everyone is wrong - exceptin' Fred.
Fred says there ain't no sense in politics;
Says he can't waste his time on all that rot.
Trust him. He's up to all their little tricks,
You'd be surprised the cunnin' schemes he's got.
Fred says compulsory voting is a cow.
He has to vote, or else he would be fined,
But he just spoils his paper anyhow,
An' laughs at' em with his superior mind.
But when a law comes in that hits Fred's purse,
You ought to hear him then. Say, he does rouse;
Kicks up an awful row an' hurls his curse
On every bloomin' member in the House.
He gives 'em nothin'; says they all are crook,
All waitin' for a chance to turn their coats;
Says they are traitors; proves it by the book.
An' can you wonder that he never votes?
Aw, say, you must know Fred. You'll hear his skite
Upon street corners all about the place.
An' if you up an' say it serves him right,
He answers that it only proves his case:
Them politicians wouldn't tax him so
Unless they were all crooked, like he said,
Where is the sense in votin' when they go
An' rob a man like that. Hurray for Fred!
poem by Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Hostage
Lady: hallo
Kidnapper:
Lady weve just kidnapped your husband
Have $800,000 ready by tomorrow night
And lady no police
Or youll never see your husband alive again
Lady: hallo
I remember standing there so petrified
My hand frozen to the phone
As a strangers words that caught in my ears
And chilled me to the bone
Some dark tragedy had come right home to me
Theyd kidnapped my man and his life was in their hands
He was a hostage, a hostage
His life was at the mercy of their hands
He was a hostage, a hostage
His life depending on their gold demands
Lady: hallo
Kidnapper:
Lady, heres your husband through
To warn not to play any games
Husband:
Hi honey listen Im okay
Just make sure you do whatever they tell you
And whatever you do dont go to the police!
Well I couldnt raise that kinda money fast
So I was left no other choice
So I called the police and they came in fast
Saying leave it up to us
Just do as they told
The ransoms in this bag
Well watch over you
And well have your husband back too
He was a hostage, a hostage
His life was at the mercy of their hands
He was a hostage, a hostage
His life depending on their gold demands
Lady: hallo
Kidnapper:
Listen very carefully lady
Drive out to the abandoned shack on highway 16
Throw the package of money out the window and keep driving
And remember lady no police!
Well my heart was heavy as I made that drive
I was sure something was wrong
I soon found the shack
I threw out the bag and I just kept driving on
Then the shots rang out and turned my car about
On the ground one lay but the other had gotten away
He was a hostage, a hostage
His life was at the mercy of their hands
He was a hostage, a hostage
His life depending on their gold demands
Lady:
Well they found my husband a few days later
Yes, the funerals tomorrow
song performed by by Donna Summer
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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There once was a young man called Seamus,
Supposedly an ignoramus,
He invented a chair
That could float in the air
And now Seamus is ever so famous.
(Written Feb/March 1995)
quote by by John Carter Brown
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lose Control
I can't stop- can't stop thinking
About you at all
I called you up to come on round tonight
You wouldn't give a straight answer
But you wouldn't say no
Even though you're going with him
Here comes the night
Lead me on
In your veins
Warm inside
Heart beats fast
Lights are low
I want you
Let it go
You arrive with cool in your eyes
And explain to me
How he makes you feel inside
So safe
song performed by by Ash from 1977
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Poet Laurie Ate
Laurie was my dog
And he loved to bite
He wasn't very clever
And not at all bright.
He didn't like my friend
A mad poet called Fred
One day Laurie bit him
On the back of his head.
Fred wasn't at all pleased
And bit my dog back
So Laurie retaliated
And went on the attack.
They wrestled on the floor
And Fred got bit a lot
So to get my dog off him
I hit the mutt with a flowerpot.
But Laurie was very tough
And the pot bounced off his head
Then poor old Fred stopped moving
In fact he was now Dead.
I didn't know what to do
The poet didn't deserve to die
Looking down at Laurie
I asked this crazy dog Why?
But he just didn't care
And kept chewing at Fred
This loony dog was eating him
The he swallowed dead Fred's head.
Poor Fred was now all gone
But this must have been his fate
To lose his life to a psycho dog
The poet Laurie ate.
poem by Kevin Halls
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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ICE Sally Being Nosy
Sally is just a typical woman and nosy
Upon reading this note - ICE Sally
and with her contact phone number
She got furious like a tiger, after
reading it from contact page of her husband cell phone
She summoned the husband, demanded for a reason
Why she is being iced, dumped or to divorce her?
The husband just laughed at her
He said; Sally you are really so snoopy
ICE is short for - In Case of Emergency
poem by Ency Bearis
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Lady Day
When she walked on down the street
She was like a child staring at her feet
But when she passed the bar
And she heard the music play
She had to go in and sing
It had to be that way
She had to go in and sing
It had to be that way
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
After the applause had died down
And the people drifted away
She climbed down off the bar
And went out the door
To the hotel
That she called home
It had greenish walls
A bathroom in the hall
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
And I said no, no, no
Oh, lady day
...
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The only thing that frightens me a little is when I'm called Kevin rather than Fred, but that's how people have known me for so many years. So, I can't really blame them.
quote by Fred Savage
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Hey Joe
Hey Joe,
uh, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?
Hey Joe,
I said where you goin' with that gun in your hand? Alright
I'm goin' down to shot my old lady
you know, I caught her messin' around with another man, yeah
I'm goin' down to shot my old lady
you know I caught her messin' around with another man,
Huh, and that ain't too cool
Uh, Hey Joe
I heard you shot your woman down, you shot her down, now
H-hey Joe
I said I heard you shot your old lady down,
you shot her down to the ground,... yeah
Yes I did, I shot her
You know I caught her messin' round, messin' round town
Uh-yes I did, I shot her
You know, I caught my old lady messin' around town
And I gave her the gun,
I SHOT HER!
Woo
Ah...Hey Joe, alright
Shot her one more time again, baby
yeah
Ah, dig it
Ah
Ah, ... Ooo, alright
Hey Joe, said now
uh-where you gonna run to now?
Where you gonna run to?
Hey Joe, I said
where you gonna run to now?
Where you, where you gonna go?
Well, dig it!
I'm goin' way down south,
way down to Mexico way
Alright!
I'm goin' way down south,
way down where I can be free
Ain't no one gonna find me
Ain't no hangman gonna,
he ain't gonna put a rope around me
You better believe it right now! I gotta go now
Hey, h-hey Joe,
you better run on down
Goodbye everybody, ow!
Hey, hey-hey Joe, uhh,
run on down!
song performed by by Jimi Hendrix
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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