Orthodigital Todays Lunacy
My new dentures are digital
because I have the wherewithal
to buy the latest gadgetry.
I love modern technology.
They play pop music as I eat.
No other dentures can compete,
can receive the latest news
from any channel which I choose.
I need not change the batteries
they can recharge themselves with ease.
The movement of my lower jaw
creates the current which they store.
I think that I can claim to be.
The first to have such dentistry.
They are my only claim to fame
have become a household name.
The only man whose dentures do
a great deal more than simply chew.
It seems my dentures have made me
into a real celebrity.
16-Jan-08
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Chewing Gum (Fun Poem 46)
I enjoy chewing gum
it takes my mind off cigarettes,
but because I have false teeth.
(I lost the real ones years ago)
Chewing gum become like chewing super glue.
When it sticks, boy does it stick.
You stand in the bathroom
completely and utterly gummy
scraping the gum of your dentures.
So now, my motto is
if you have dentures
suck on a hard-boiled sweet,
they don’t stick to your teeth.
poem by David Harris
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41
If your dentures float
don't be shocked if you lose weight-
Reason, I love you.
poem by Morgan Michaels
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Waiter has no teeth
Works incredible long hours
For new dentures
quote by by Oskar Hansen
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Waiter has no teeth
Works incredible long hours
For new dentures
quote by by Oskar Hansen
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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If You Meet Some Form Of Meat
1
if you meet
a snake with fangs
as large as sore thumbs
don’t put your hand out and say:
'How do you do? '
otherwise
it’d might take a bite
and it’d say:
'How do you do? '
if you meet
an alien
in the streets
don’t say:
'Hey, what you’re
doing in my territory? '
he’d might just zap
you with his laser gun and say:
'Oh. I just dropped in to say:
Earthling, buzz off! '
if you meet God in the streets
just don’t say:
'Who do you think you are? '
for the most certain answer
would be from that loony:
'I’m God…'
if you meet the Devil in the streets –
well, you just shouldn’t be
meeting anyone like that;
just run!
2
if you meet a ghost
in the shadows
of your garden
(or any where
for that matter)
don’t say:
'How does it feel there? '
because it may just jump in
and say:
'Hey, it feels good to be in you.'
if you find
your pillow
on the floor
when you wake
in the middle of the night
just don’t say:
'What you doing on the floor? '
just grab it
tuck it under your head and say:
'Just stay there! '
if you find Old Jenny grandma’s dentures
in a glass beside your bed
when you wake up in the middle of the night
don’t say:
'Old Grandma – what are your dentures doing here? '
It’s yours, remember? – you are Old Jenny Grandma!
if you meet a bird in the streets
resting on a lamp post
whatever you do
just don’t stand below the light
for you never know what might land on you
if you meet me
in the streets
just don’t stretch out your hand
and don’t say:
'How do you do? '
because I’ll have to you give you the boot –
Cos, hey, I’m Bigfoot!
poem by Raj Arumugam
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Great Barrier Reef
I travelled to the Great Barrier Reef,
A whale was offering day-trip adventures.
He swam very fast and the journey was brief,
But he did a breach and lost his dentures.
Lots of other seals were there,
And quite a few humans too.
There was insufficient coral to share,
It was busier than at London Zoo.
I swam around a bit of coral,
It sparkled in many hues,
If this poem had a moral,
It would be to avoid the queues.
poem by Sebastian Seal
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A plot
He will never leave me
I've put paid to that,
I know I'll not be lonely
in my London flat.
I've hidden his dentures
and his right shoe.
I've thrown his new
hearing aid down the loo.
I've buried his walking stick
and his false leg,
I've secreted right under
my old double bed
I've given his glasses
to Oxfam,
I'm using his wig
as a mop!
So If he decides
to leave me today
you can be sure that
he won't get away
Well part of him might
but the rest I will keep
or get back from
the local pawn shop.
poem by Ruth Walters
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A Dental Poem
Natural teeth are best for men;
See the dentist now and then;
Don’t eat more of sugar stuff;
Don’t chew tobacco or puff!
Brush your teeth, both morn and night;
Wear your dentures, smooth and light;
Floss your teeth to rid off food;
Keep your oral hygiene good.
Extract teeth that hurt the cheek;
Let gums not bleed nor turn weak;
Rinse your mouth after a café;
Keep your God-given teeth safe.
Do not drink hot tea / coffee;
Do not eat sweets like toffee;
Let your breath be fresh and free;
Keep your teeth strong and healthy!
Copyright by Dr John Celes 9-9-‘10
poem by John Celes
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Are you familiar with the 'Nana Nap'?
Are you familiar with, the Nana Nap?
Have you yourself fell victim to its pull?
The head bobs down, tho' not quite to your lap
as conversation changes to your drool.
These senior moments when the lights go out
and dentures dangle from the pink abyss.
The REMs confirm, there is no doubt
and from the nether regions, there's a hiss.
And all this happens unexpectedly
when you pretend to listen with intent.
As consciousness returns, it's plain to see
you're thinking 'Shit! I wonder what they meant! ! '
With confidence you combat the surprise...
'Och no dear, I was just resting my eyes'.
poem by Hola Mentirosa
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Just a tad snookered?
I Mighta Been a tad snookered
I remember you dimly
Through the fog of Jack Daniels
have vague memories of whipped cream
And naked cocker spaniels
I gave you my number
But didn’t get yours
Jack Daniels just makes me dumber
But it does open up my pores
We met at “Ozzie’s Big House of Burlap”
Our meeting I think, was brief
If you can, please call me asap
Cause I surely am in need of my teeth
This might sound kinda stupid
And you just might could be right
But I think I left my dentures
In your Silverado last night
poem by David Whalen
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A Jaundiced view?
We fail because we never learn
the lessons that the past can teach.
The sound advice we choose to spurn
will place success beyond our reach
The question is what is success?
To have the latest gadgetry
Apparently the answers yes.
although they are not necessary.
Technology moves on apace.
Things soon become obsolete.
The greatest failing of our race
We are determined to compete.
Instead of working side by side
to benefit everyone.
The powers that be will still decide.
That they’ll be better on their own.
To show the rest they are the best.
Which fosters greed and selfishness.
What does it matter if the rest
are left to live in wretchedness..
Me first, me first the constant cry.
I do not care a toss for you
You cannot win if you don’t try
to stay ahead the way I do.
I will succeed at any price
and you will pay for my success.
I know that I will not think twice.
My only aim is to impress.
I choose to live in luxury
I see no reason I should not
Although you live in poverty
I will not share what I have got.
It’s human nature at its worst.
I see no signs that it will change.
Our creed has always been me first.
I do not find it to be strange.
But then I am a realist
I view the world cynically.
and not as an idealist
would like to see it be.
03/09/2009
http: // blog.myspace.com/poeticpiers
poem by Ivor Or Ivor.e Hogg
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l Losses Are Sometime Good...
Loss, most of the time bad. On occasion, great!
SOME TIME A LOSS CAN BE GOOD!
Can loss sometime be happy. You bet! Ask some
divorced couples.
The other guy had a loss and I won!
My ex had a loss, of most of our assets. Yes,
you guessed it, I got 'em!
Insurance companies, now there's some, that
many take great delight,
when they suffer a loss.
When the tax man does an audit, if they have
a loss, we have a win! (best kind of loss)
The person who brings suite against you,
suffers a loss. (Ain't that sweet?)
A hostile mother-in-law, suffers a loss,
when her daughter gets divorced.
When one experiences a weight loss.
Now that's something that would make
millions of people happy!
When the owner of your building, is deemed
to be, 'rent controlled, ' it brings a loss
to the greedy titleholder. (break out the champagne)
When the neighbor you hadn't spoken to for years,
has a loss, of the keys, to her car.
When the kid, who keeps running over your lawn,
with his bike, has a loss, of the two wheel monster.
When you child, who you love, but drives you nuts
with their loud music, has a broken stereo,
and a loss of music. (They're unhappy. You're ecstatic.)
When one has a loss of sleep, because their spouse
was amorous all night. (Ahhhh, the good old days.)
When your in-laws, prepare to come to your house,
for the first time, and have a loss of directions.
When your spouse, who cremates every barbecue
they ever handled, has a loss of the coals.
(Actually you hid them.)
When the know-it-all comes to your home, and
can't say a word, because they had a loss of
their dentures.
Remember...If you have a loss, sometime,
the loss is good!
Not All Losses Are Bad
Loss, most of the time bad. On occasion, great!
SOME TIME A LOSS CAN BE GOOD!
Can loss sometime be happy. You bet! Ask some
divorced couples.
The other guy had a loss and I won!
My ex had a loss, of most of our assets. Yes,
you guessed it, I got 'em!
Insurance companies, now there's some, that
many take great delight,
when they suffer a loss.
When the tax man does an audit, if they have
a loss, we have a win! (best kind of loss)
The person who brings suite against you,
suffers a loss. (Ain't that sweet?)
A hostile mother-in-law, suffers a loss,
when her daughter gets divorced.
When one experiences a weight loss.
Now that's something that would make
millions of people happy!
When the owner of your building, is deemed
to be, 'rent controlled, ' it brings a loss
to the greedy titleholder. (break out the champagne)
When the neighbor you hadn't spoken to for years,
has a loss, of the keys, to her car.
When the kid, who keeps running over your lawn,
with his bike, has a loss, of the two wheel monster.
When you child, who you love, but drives you nuts
with their loud music, has a broken stereo,
and a loss of music. (They're unhappy. You're ecstatic.)
When one has a loss of sleep, because their spouse
was amorous all night. (Ahhhh, the good old days.)
When your in-laws, prepare to come to your house,
for the first time, and have a loss of directions.
When your spouse, who cremates every barbecue
they ever handled, has a loss of the coals.
(Actually you hid them.)
When the know-it-all comes to your home, and
can't say a word, because they had a loss of
their dentures.
Remember...If you have a loss, sometime,
the loss is good!
Claim To Fame
Talk-talk, yak-yak
Watch you pull that old one track
Get it up and get it back
Making it upon your back
No space, no rent
The moneys gone, its all been spent now
Tell me bout your claim to fame
Now aint that some claim to fame
Extra, extra, read all about it now
Extra, extra, something bout a claim to fame
Ooohhh sweet mama, ooohhh sweet mama
Something bout your claim to fame
Wet lips, dry now
Ready for that old hand out, now
Aint that some claim to fame
Spaced out, spaced in
The heads round, the squares flat
Aint that some claim to fame
Now tell me aint that some claim to fame
Extra, extra, read all about it now
Extra, extra, something, something bout some claim to fame
Ooohhh-wheee sweet mama, extra, extra, something
Something bout your claim to fame
Yeah now
I said now, extra, extra
Something bout your claim to fame
I said now, extra, extra
Something bout your claim to fame
Ooohhh mama, said now, extra, extra
Something bout your claim to fame
Extra, extra, something bout a
About a, about a, something bout your claim to fame
Extra, extra, something bout a
bout a, bout a, something bout your claim to fame
Ooohhh, ooohhh sweet mama
Something bout your claim to fame
Oh, ooohhh sweet mama
Something bout your claim to fame
song performed by by Lou Reed
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Elephant's Graveyard III
Sanctified by elephants since time began-
elephants who accept their end uncomplainingly
with relief and nary a snivel
having long ago made it a point to live their lives well
and confident of this just repose.
'Oh, my God, ' you think, 'all the ivory.'
Ivory laying about, half-sunk, everywhere
strewn, grass-entangled, trip-you-up ivory,
because that's what's left of an elephant, after a bit-
after a century or so, that's quite all that's left,
a tusk of ivory bearing in this respect
a sharp resemblance to a man's poetic toil
or the opera-ticket stub found in his breast pocket
by his grand-child, rummaging in the attic
a century after the time when the music stopped
and stopped forever, never to again resume;
toppled stalagmites of ivory, some taller than a man,
cracked by the sun, washed by the rain, buffed by the moon.
Surely, someone would buy all that ivory for market
dice to make, dominoes, piano keys, dentures;
But how to get it home-would Swiss-Air take it?
stowed in sheaths...
poem by Morgan Michaels
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Bank Holiday
Grandma needs new dentures
To eat the crust on pizza
Been taken out by her daughter
Because she thought she oughta
The kids are eating Snickers
Because they're so delicious
Then there's sticky fingers
And mother loses her knickers
CHORUS:
Bank holiday comes six times a year
Days of enjoyment to which everyone cheers!
Bank holiday comes with a six pack of beer
Then it's back to work - A! G! A-I-N!
Barbecue is cooking
Sausages and chicken
The patio is buzzing
And neighbours they are looking
John is down the fun pub
Drinking lots of lager
Girls and boys are on the game
And all the high streets look the same
CHORUS
Back to work - A! G! A-I-N!
CHORUS
Bank holiday!
song performed by by Blur from Parklife
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Cote de Take-care
in the gardens of 'Preluscient Spor'
the Eucalypsa lies
and drolls each alternatory claw
with pleasurable sighs
honey-sweet his lantern jaws
those dentures flash and flay
it is a cuminside y'self
and bring a frentoplay
then a Bourgeoisie of Cannes-on sea
on this fallen afternoon
did cast a dogline poodle loose
and went to look too soon
from the hundred greens
where light in stealth
seeped in from the wine-dark sea
the flicking tongue of the kreel sped out
had Madame and pooch for tea
and the lead oh the lead
that the hand had held
wrenched free and snaked away in the grass
has wound it's way round a sea-rail stay
and flaps in alarm as we pass
poem by STEPHEN BRIAN Brady
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the Severe Grim World that has everything in its hands
Old Mr Godd -
He ‘s lost his sense of humor
O what's the matter?
Is he afraid his dentures
might fall off
if he laughs even a little?
Old Mrs Boobs
she too does not laugh;
she does not even smile
maybe she's worried
if she laughed
she'll piss standing up
Old Establishments Revered and Wise
they hide all the Reverends Gray and Bent
and tall bearded men in black clothes
who display eloquent words and frightening convictions
cold, severe and holding cards
close to their chests
Why, what's the matter?
Are the Establishments afraid
they will all fart together
and all the hot air disappear
and then they'll all be left like spent balloons…?
Old Mr Must
he sits faceless and his eyes with no light
What's the matter with Mr Must?
What's he afraid of? Is he afraid
whatever he's got between his legs will fall off?
poem by Raj Arumugam
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aN INTRUSION IN THREE COLOURS
RED ZIPPED IN FROM OUTTA THE CAULD WIND WINTER EVENINGTIDY
SET ON RUDDY RED CHEEKS
big red lips in a library, shouted
'DEW MINDEE IF i take a pew from outta the cauld winter windy eventidee? '
mockingly...shockingly
BLUE BLURTED OUT IN A CONCERT FROMA RAW BACK CHESTY COUGH SPILL
'Helpee me I needy some air! '
White pressed in from the white shade of pale window
And shrouded the circus of dark mournerS in a ray of
Hopeful light
Spun x rays shone froma top set of dentures on the left hand
sideboard by the bed of the dead man's head
Indicated he had mad his final ascension to heavenly spheres
poem by Yvette Smith
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The 'Poem A Day' Project - Day 25
I’ve got all the latest gadgets, all the games and toys surround me
My Wii, X-box and Playstation all set out uniformly
A whole wall full of DVD’s, several racks full of CD’s,
Reclining electric vibrating chair to tilt and put me at ease
The coffee machine with the little pods is sitting on the side
A flat screen digital television that’s 60 inches wide
A music entertainment station with I-Pod connection bay
The latest computer system that I updat every day
Leather sofas and expensive art scattered here and there
Deep pile carpet warm and soft laid everywhere
Everything I could need or want my money has got for me
So why do I sit and cry because the place feels so empty
poem by Flying Lemming
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