Ethel And The Streaker (Fun Poem 82)
Based on characters created by Ray Stevens in his song The Streak.
Now Ethel was doing her shopping
with here friend Maizey-Be,
the local gossip of the community.
As they pushed their trolleys to the car
when someone shouted,
“Don’t look ladies! ”
It was too late;
Ethel looked and was moved on the spot.
Her mouth dropped open with absolute shock.
There darting across the car park
in all his naked glory with a saggy physic
was a streaker.
Maizey-Be saw him too
and fainted to the ground.
As fast as he came
the streaker was now gone.
Ethel was in the library
with her friend Maizey-Be,
the local gossip of the community.
They just picked a book from the shelf
when someone shouted,
“Don’t look Ladies.”
It was too late, Ethel already had an eye full
and was moved on the spot and dropped her book
the streaker came running
through the isle between the bookcases
in all his saggy glory.
Maizey-Be saw him too
and fainted on the floor
as the streaker rushed by
and disappeared out the door.
Ethel was at a baseball game
with her friend Maizey-Be,
the local gossip of the community.
As they watched, the batter hit a ball into out field
someone shouted,
“Ladies don’t look! ”
Too late, Ethel looked with her binoculars
and was moved on the spot.
The streaker was her beloved
husband Fred Trotalot.
He was showing everyone
more than she had seen in years
as he streaked around the diamond
to the home base.
Now Ethel and Maizey-Be
were not going to be out done.
They peeled off their cloths
and after Fred did run.
To their sagging body parts,
it was a breath of fresh air.
Fred looked back
and muttered to himself at the site.
“Oh my goodness, what have I done! ”
The ladies all wrinkly and crinkly
showed off their finery
to all those in the press box
who at the shock closed their eyes.
Fred kept on running, wanting to get there.
He couldn’t stop, as he had nothing to wear.
The police came running on to the field,
blankets in their hands to cover up the states
that was running round the field.
As each one they caught,
they marched them of the field,
until it was only Ethel
that was still running around.
Maizey-Be had fainted by this time
and rolled on her stomach to hide her modesty.
The crowd gave an ecstatic applause
as Ethel ran with her arms in the air.
It was as if she had scored a home run.
The police finally caught her
and all three were charged
with giving everyone the best laugh of the afternoon.
The baseball game continued
after this short interlude.
4 July 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Related quotes
Ethel Winterbottom
Ethel was an ugly girl
But this was not her fault;
It stemmed from drinking beer with men
While standing in the 'vault.'
A Winterbottom through and through,
At fighting she was good;
And thick brown stout ran through her veins
Instead of pure red blood.
Yes Ethel was a bruiser,
Just like her dear old dad;
Some people reckoned she
And all her family were mad.
Her tongue was like a bayonet
And she'd cut you to the quick
For any little trifle,
Such as calling Ethel thick.
The town that Ethel came from
Was born of jet-black coal;
A mining town in Lancashire,
A miner every soul.
Where life was hard and cruel
And you needed to be tough;
Where money was hard worked for
Amongst the jet-black stuff.
Men were very lucky
To reach old age round there;
To leave the pit come pension time,
With all your limbs, was rare.
Now Ethel had three sisters,
A father and a brother;
But living hard, and thick brown stout
Had taken Ethel's mother.
She'd had to grow up quickly
And learn to stand her ground;
No funny business was allowed
When Ethel was around.
She gave her brothers blow for blow
And curse for curse as well;
No man would better Ethel
Yes, she gave the miners hell.
But now the lass was getting on
And weary of life's fights,
The daily grind among the coal,
The long and drunken nights.
No one had ever told her
This didn't have to be;
Now Ethel's in the graveyard,
But beautiful and free.
Written Jan 1996
poem by John Carter Brown
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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There have been people who have tried to take advantage of me. They want to be linked to me just because I'm Ethel Merman.
quote by Ethel Merman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My career at Warner Brothers consisted of one musical short subject. I was running around in a bear skin. Very chic.
quote by Ethel Merman
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I don't like to read. The only things I read are gossip columns. If someone gives me a book, it had better have lots of pictures.
quote by Ethel Merman
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Whenever I played Columbus, Ohio, I dropped in to see my close friend, a medium who had mysterious powers. Her Indian guide was Mohawk.
quote by Ethel Waters
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Ethel And Edward
My mind is as fast as the bullet-train and,
My cat is as hairy as Esau;
But my ideas are as thinkable as the scientists,
So why do you want to be a beneficence to human nature?
What do i have to eat when there isn't much left for me?
For you are Ethel and i am Edward;
And like the muse of your love that was exposed to me.
What kind of food do you eat?
What type of car do you drive?
What is the taste of your muse?
What is the colour of your house?
What is the measure of your love?
Is it natural, herbal or spiritual?
For the world around us is chainging,
And whatever is offered is received with lyrical gratitude.
Ethel and Edward,
And of the flashes of the light and the darkness of the night;
But it cannot be easy always in this life,
However the spirit of love is moving on to satisfy us on this earth.
poem by Edward Kofi Louis
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If I feel in need of sleep, I just open a book or turn on the television. Both are better than any sleeping pill.
quote by Ethel Merman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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And I Was Moved
They came running down the road
like something resembling
a stampeding Buffalo herd.
“There he is! ” Someone shouted.
I looked around to see
whom they were shouting about,
but there was no one, only me.
I looked again as the pens came out.
“Let’s get his autograph! ”
And I was moved,
moved so much I started to run
towards them, arms open wide.
And I was moved again,
being carried along by the herd.
“It is him! It’s Robbie Williams! ”
Now who the heck is he?
I though it was Dodgy Dave’s autograph they wanted,
but no it was only in my dreams I’m afraid.
5 July 2008
poem by David Harris
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I'll admit - I was honored to be on the cover of Time.
quote by Ethel Merman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I take a breath when I have to.
quote by Ethel Merman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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Legend has it that when God created me, he gave me a big distinctive voice, a lot of boldness and no heart.
quote by Ethel Merman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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My beloved Mom and Pop always rated tops with each other, and that's the way it will always be.
quote by Ethel Merman
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I have been ambitious to be a somebody from the time I was 5 years old.
quote by Ethel Merman
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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I had always loved John Ford's pictures. And I came to love him, too, but I was frightened to death working for him. He used the shock treatment while directing me.
quote by Ethel Waters
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I cannot help feeling I would have been happier with a husband and chidren of my own.
quote by Ethel Waters
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You grow up the day you have the first real laugh at yourself.
quote by Ethel Barrymore
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Any audience that gets a laugh out of me gets it while I'm facing them.
quote by Ethel Merman
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You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.
quote by Ethel Barrymore
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I refuse to answer on the ground that this might be incriminating.
quote by Ethel Rosenberg
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That's all there is; there isn't any more.
quote by Ethel Barrymore
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