Prolixin
Today I heard voices upon awakening-
They were screaming 'I want to kill you'
In this moment of madness I turned my head, and found myself alone.
I thought I had heard footsteps and believed that
These voices were coming from hell-
But again I came to realize they
Were all originating from inside of that tortured world of my thoughts?
I wept as I begged these voices to silence, but I
Tried to mask the rage I felt toward the threatening footsteps,
Always close behind me wishing me none but harm.
I would escape the horrors of my mind's eye
If I only could, but the only place I could run to
Was to a sterile room to receive an injection,
That would hopefully rescue me from my plight.
Being strong enough to knock out malicious intruders,
In flight of my imagination, I could murder a billion people, and
In reality, perhaps in a moment of resentment, as many as a hundred.
I remember three weeks past, while feeling under attack,
I hit a young man, whom I deemed a space invader, fiercely below the belt-
I hit him hard with all of my might and as rapidly as I could,
I ran, fearfully only to seek refuge from retaliation-
Coming back to reality and realizing what I had done,
I entered my home hurriedly and locked the world out.
Sheltered inside until the next morning, I counted the minutes until
Once again finding myself lying upon a cold metal table,
Having an IV started in the crook of my left arm, and as
I closed my eyes to my surroundings, I drifted off to sleep.
As they induced electric shock to my brain-
I was brought back to sanity for a only a fortnight after which
I quickly returned to hell on earth only to be persecuted once again
By the demons inhabiting my mind and with hope and prayers
I would with all of my strength again
Await that routine rescue from the nightmares that rule my life,
Every day and every night...
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Related quotes
In This Moment
Light is dim
Although in this moment
Light is not a welcome entity-
My mind wants to hide itself
Within the darkness of
This very early summer morning-
In this moment, I foresee no serenity and
I hear voices screaming while
In the fortress of this room
I know I am the only one present.
If only my bed, here where I lay, were a ship, I would journey years backward
To the place I lived in at all times many decades ago-
Now I know that land was non existent, even though
At the time it was my only reality.
In this moment, my only reality is within this room
Where the light is dim and
Outside this window, where the shades are pulled halfway down,
A world surrounds me-a world I cannot call my home.
Here within the place of my thoughts,
There exists a sea cobalt blue in its hue
A sea of tranquility, although it seems as if
All tranquility has just been shattered-
Even though the voices I hear screaming are terrifying and unreal-
The voice of reality is dimmer.
Threatening voices and this bed in which I lie is a boat
Now in the midst of a storm at sea, and although
I can foresee no destiny-here where I lie resting,
All is familiar to me while the real world outside is foreign, and
A threat to my existence.
So here in this moment, I close my eyes to all that I fear and I know that momentarily
I shall drift off to sleep and dream of the past-
Where I lived inside my own world of bliss and harmony-
Here In this very moment where the light of reality is dim,
My eyes are closed and I am sailing upon my magical ship,
Back to the time where fantasy brought me only peace of mind
Unaware of the day I would awaken alive in a planet they call "Earth"
Where my imaginary ship would overturn and I would find myself
Drowning in a sea of madness where there exists no recourse to fear,
In this moment where light has never been dimmer…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Dreaming Inside
Last night I lay awake,
Last night people were screaming- People threatening to kill me-
I was alone in my room, lying amongst dark shadows-
Looking about- nobody else was there- I thought I must be dreaming,
The whole world was threatening me, as
I was chasing away the dark shadows on the walls,
I heard voices say ‘Dream on, dream on'
But I knew I wasn't dreaming.
It was after midnight- I was not sleeping-
All I could do was cast my eyes about the
Sallow colored walls- of this room- chasing away those shadows-
While I believed they were speaking to me-
Voices saying 'dream on, dream on'-
Were laughing and mocking me, so I believed-
These voices only I could hear- I could only pray I was dreaming inside-
I couldn't shut my eyes in these moments of wakefulness,
Because these shadows were robbing me of my sanity-
I could hear screaming voices and threatening intonations-
I was a lone being lost in a room amongst my own shadows-
When I realized these voices were coming from inside?
'Dream on, dream on'- I told myself in total desperation-
Knowing, however, I cannot dream within these moments of wakefulness-
I wanted to believe these shadows were alive,
So I wouldn't be alone in the midst of these loud and angry voices-
These voices only I could hear- commanding me to take my life.
'Dream on, dream on, ' I whispered hoarsely through my tears-
Be good to me, my shadows and rock me to sleep-
Carry me away to a trance where trees grow and flourish and
Where deer are running wild, locusts are singing and
I am alone amongst these melodious sounds of the summer.
It seems wherever I go and in whatever direction- these angry voices follow-
Tonight I shall lose myself amongst my shadows and close my eyes-
I shall close my eyes and pray although I am not certain if a God is listening-
I shall close my eyes and sleep-like a herd of deer chase away those who wish me harm-
And finally, with every effort- lose myself inside the world of my dreams
Where everything is quiet, without menacing voices so terrifying present and
I shall dream on, dream on, regaining my sanity-
Losing myself inside a world of eternal reverie for always...
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Innerspace
The moon was full last night
Enlightening the midnight sky-
My inner demons were dancing
Fighting ghosts from hell-
I tell myself
“Someday you will find peace of mind and
Someday you shall find yourself-“
I cannot recall the day
I had fallen off that mountain
I was climbing trying to gain control-
I found myself falling, falling and falling-
Into a prison where the floors were tiled,
Walls were white but stained-
I can still hear sirens screaming and the
Pounding upon the walls-
I remember that room
Inside which I was locked and blinded by
The darkness overshadowing-
I begged for help with my heart wide open-
Figuratively bleeding tears of despair- as I heard
Voices threatening to kill me-
Echoing about the chamber of madness
Inside of which I was trapped-
Miles from reality-this place where
Whereas a prisoner inside of my mind, I was climbing that stairway from hell-
With no destination,
Falling, falling and falling-
Into bedlam-
I can only recall
Lying upon a mattress sadly torn,
Springs jutting outward into my back as
My body rocked
Backward and forward
Backward and forward
With monotonous regularity-
The moon was full last night-
It has often been said allegorically that
People lose their sanity dancing beneath
The light of the moon-
Following the path of a comet in some
Figment of my imagination as
My search continues to find out who I am-
As the moon disappears on the horizon
The sun rises over the mountains-
I see the light-
I hear a voice-
All I can do is to keep on dancing-
Dancing as I hope that
My Dionysian spirit
Shall set me free someday…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Hard Times
I vaguely recall some of my childhood days, although
If I had to relive those days I do remember
I would have chosen to be born under a different star-
Lying upon the cold tiled bathroom floor dying was
My father on a warm early spring day and
Lying unconscious in the intensive care ward dying
Just five months later, lay my mother.
Sunlight would be creeping through the bedroom window,
Some twenty years later, as I stood by the bathroom door,
Screaming out in utter frustration and despair,
Trying to discern what was real from the shadows inside of my mind,
While all of the anger of my past and present days
Flooded my thoughts as would a raging storm on a summer’s eve-
I stood as still as the broken lamppost leaning upon the living room wall,
Trapped inside a tenement of anger and mistrust,
Fighting the tears that were flowing as rapidly as a downhill stream,
All of the rage tearing my soul apart as my heart was locked
Inside of a metal vault as my thoughts were weaving in and out of veracity.
If I could I would release my heart from that vault as
The feelings it contained were agonizing as if
A sword had stabbed and was twisting back and forth, with no relief
From the pain of past memories, as vague as they were-
Nearly fifty years have passed since I walked on the beach
Beneath the shade of palm trees, kicking the sand on the shore,
watching the sun set and then rise over the mountains and
Those nights when the full moon illuminated the sky-
I recall roses in full bloom in my father’s garden, and those days I
Walked along the wooded trail,
watching the deer running through the forest-
Recollections were overshadowed by nightmares,
visions and threatening voices
That plagued my mind with monotonous regularity-
It was only a week ago I lay upon a cold metal table
Breathing oxygen from a rubber mask as I drifted off to sleep,
An electric current passed through my brain
Sending me to some other realm into which I would awaken an hour later-
Seemingly in a different place and time I could not recall
The details of my childhood’s pain,
as my heart remained locked and keyed
Inside that iron vault-
Inside of my phantasmal space, I keep a key that
Could unlock many doors, one being the door to that magical world
Inside which I once lived to escape all of the pain of reality
That has torn my spirit to pieces-
My screams have been silenced and nobody has heard
My cry for help, and now I am alone inside of the world of my thoughts,
Singing the words to my favorite song-
“Stay alive and hold onto your dreams”-
I hold my dreams close to my heart, soul and mind because
My dreams are all that I have left-
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Voices
If only there were a way to find
the return to sanity from an insane mind,
But pills and counseling oh so much
doesn't seem to help those out of touch
with the world about them that you're in
with peace of mind and not the din
of voices you can't hear.
If only the remembrance of a time gone away
could sneak back in for just a day,
But the door has closed on yesterday.
And those voices always seem to stay.
What are they saying? Why are they there?
Where you are it's so hard to bear
the voices that they hear.
If only the world were a different place
where tortured souls would not have to face
the torment inside that is their plight.
Then maybe the voices would leave at night
and find someplace in the universe
to have their say and cast their curse
and rid them of voices they hear.
poem by Edwina Reizer
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The Eyes In Back Of My Head
Early this morning I am outside walking along the trail-
The wind blows my hair about-
Covering THE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD-
I cannot see for the moment but I can feel-
I can feel the vibrations of heavy footsteps
Pounding against my brain in another gust of wind
Blowing my hair about- giving way to the
EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD-
I recognize the intruders who wish me harm.
Early this morning
I walk along the trail- I am in danger-people are following me
One, two and three-I count the footsteps-
Four five six- I see the people-
Evil conniving and threatening- behind me and
Seven, eight, nine more slowly walking in front of me-
My anger overwhelms me and the bitter cold wind
Only exacerbates my homicidal impulses-
I am dressed to kill these people who
Walk slowly ahead of me- space invaders
Whose footsteps are retaliating and
THE EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD-
Envision the whole world behind me-
Early this morning- I think of the gun shop I walked by downtown yesterday-
Ready to murder, I am- seething with rage-
Early this morning, I am walking along the trail-
I do not feel safe- I have lost my destination and
My sanity is precarious- people are all around me and
I am dressed to kill the entire multitude-
I have EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD- I believe, and
As I count the people before me and behind me, and
As the cold wind blows my hair about- I know that
THE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD are protecting me and
Perhaps are keeping me safe and now I know that it is
THE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD whom are my saviors -
Bringing back memories of nightmarish delusions of
Threatening people in my past being God- I have no destination and
THE EYES IN BACK OF MY HEAD are my friends- and
My delusions, as others call them- are my saving grace.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Have You Ever?
Without compassion, I gaze into your tear-filled eyes, I ask you
“Have you ever fallen and hurt yourself, ”, or
“Have you ever been in love and lost-or have you ever been trapped
Inside of a blizzard of snow, while the snow outside is falling
So hard that you couldn’t see the trees or even the sky-, it is only raining now and
You are inside your home, safe and free from outside intruders-
I have fallen in love and lost, while you are weeping, seemingly without reason?
I never have seen you running outside and having fallen,
Neither crying over the loss of a loved one? ”
Now, as I listen I can hear you say to me-
“Don’t turn your head or close your eyes while my tears are falling-
Don’t laugh while I pick up the pieces of my shattered past-“
Then I hear you ask-“have you ever been hurt inside by voices
Wishing you nothing but harm, voices you say talk only to you
That no one else can hear? ” and
“Can you fathom being locked inside an empty room alone,
Only because you couldn’t stop screaming-
You have loved and lost, though I have never been loved at all before, and
I see the snow falling in torrents in this moment-
As in this moment I am losing myself inside
A blizzard of madness as I fall into a trap of my own delusions, ” then
With anxious eyes gazing aimlessly downward, you question
“Have you ever seen snakes crawling up you bedside or
Have you ever been trapped within moments of madness?
Where fate has thrown the key to the wind? ”, then,
“Listen to the wind screaming and see my tears falling as would
A downpour in a summer storm- lightening strikes between us and
To you, it comes, illuminates the darkness and disappears, while
To me it tells me that this world I have been so cruelly born in is not a safe place-“
“Don’t speak to me of lost love and skinned knees as the snow falls
Painting a beautiful picture for you of a winter’s wonderland-
My world has just caved in and I have yet to see the stars-
I would ride upon the tail of a shooting star if I only could
To travel to another planet where nobody threatens me-
This is none but a dream and most of my past dreams have been nightmares-
The snow is falling in torrents and while you can’t see the sky,
I am only thankful that at this moment in time, I cannot see the demons
That persecute me day and night- though only for this brief moment-
You were once a child with a broken leg that has healed and
I see you running marathons of delight while
I am a bird with a broken wing that cannot ever fly.”
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Red, Blue, Green and Gold
Silence somehow has entered this room where
This morning laughter had filled, I hardly know what to say but
I can hear my own tears screaming aloud- even though
I cannot see them falling- Red, blue, green and gold- Just about any color I can
See decorating the four walls that enclose me- All I can do is look and
All I can do is to try and remember yesterday as being close to God-
Now the doors have been locked- the doors to those dreams that kept my spirit alive-
That window into a once vivid imagination- and now a curtain has fallen and
I have lost the key to that door that has become a wall that separates-
I have been in love with silence- Devoured solitude as if
It was the food that kept me alive-
I danced amongst carnations and yellow peace roses
Every moment I looked into the world of my hallucinations?
Yesterday was another day as will be tomorrow-
I am trying to live one day at a time- I once rode a bus towards eternity-
That has come to a roadblock I cannot bypass-
Red, blue, green and gold- only colors but all I have left-
Decorating the walls inside which I find myself imprisoned-
Listening to the music of my spirit, then collapsing as I
Once again fall into that cesspool of insanity that had once before contained me?
Fighting the memories of lying upon a urine stained carpet inside
A room so rudely called “seclusion? ”
Or walking about some nowhere land as I have wept tears and
Have abandoned faith, hope and a will to stay alive?
Locked doors and broken windows, clouds obstructing the sun-
I cannot find the right words to say- my heart has been buried and
I find myself lying still- drifting away into another world-
Trying to escape from such a place that has been deemed by others as reality?
No hope, but a prayer, moments lost have turned to years of
Never ending frustration and truth to me as I lose myself into
That world everyone identifies as delusive?
Voices that tell me they want me to die and now rain turns to ice as I
Slip and fall into never abating madness?
Red, blue, green and gold- vibrant colors that kept my soul alive?
Red, blue, green, and gold- have become none but futile and
Colors of that rainbow that is part of somebody else’s world-
Yesterday is another day as is tomorrow- and today-
Today I ride a bus that is speeding down a highway to nowhere-
Has just crashed and here I lie- staring at the ceiling
Breathing oxygen from a rubber mask counting from one to ten and -
Red, blue, green and gold – have become none but elements of my dreams-
As I lose myself in some other place and time has become none but an illusion?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Whoever Said
Whoever said that life is a gift and
Everyone should be thankful for
Each day they are alive, and
Whoever said that this world is a safe place and
Most people do not mean any harm, and
Whoever believes that bystanders are innocent, not threatening and
Not dressed to kill? And that most people are
Well meaning and I never believed a single word as
Inside the fortress of my mind I know that
People are ill-intended and one must be weary of strangers,
Self centered, self-serving and would not care if
A bomb fell in their neighbor's vicinity, and
Surrounding people's bodies shall be blown to pieces-
All I can say is that time is running out, time is running out and
My anger is escalating and I am dressed to kill-
Whoever said that I have nothing to fear when
This whole world is a threat to my existence-
I never believed, I never believed in heaven and
I can fathom the hell beneath me- I can fathom the hell beneath me and
I can feel the presence of the hell about me-
I am falling from the state of oblivion,
Crap chewing monsters follow me- those who walk behind me
Approach me and I make no eye contact because of their
Evil eyes reading my foremost thoughts?
My thoughts are my own and not to be read by
Threatening strangers dressed to kill by making my mind their literature?
Whoever said life is beautiful and whoever said the sun shall rise
Tomorrow and I believe the sun shall burn out soon,
Leaving me in the midst of darkness and despair-
Once I believed I had a calling to save the souls of the desperate-
And they took me and locked me inside of a room called seclusion?
There was no sun in that room and I lay in the darkness screaming and
Fighting for my sanity? All I can do is to lose myself inside
The world of my thoughts and hope that the rain shall fall and
Quench the fire that roars in my gut and all I can say is
Whoever said life is fair and whoever said rain falls upon the edge of time-
Time is running out and I am lost in hell's brushfire, a threat to my existence?
I never believed, I never believed and my dreams have been transformed to nightmares-
The clock upon the wall has just fallen-glass has shattered
Whoever said I should believe in heaven when hell has succumbed,
Crazy people are dancing beneath the full moon and time means more
Than a broken clock and my time? Well, my time has just run out?
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Eyes Here
Eyes here, eyes before me,
Eyes everywhere and behind me-
Looking into mine,
Stealing away my thoughts- I know that
My time is running short.
Voices speak like irate monsters and
Voices threaten to kill me,
They are with me wherever I go, threatening me-
Only I can hear them and I fear that
My time is running short.
Angry animals surround my bedside,
Lions, snakes and wolves-
Severed hands reach out to grab me
That only I can see, and
My time is running short.
Somebody came into my room last night,
Grabbed me and took me away-
Screaming out with trepidation-
I was alone in my rage and my plight, as
My time was running short.
Eyes here, eyes before me,
Eyes everywhere and before me-
Staring and making certain I do not escape,
I could hear the sirens blaring -and I knew that
My time was running short.
Locked inside an unfamiliar place,
Trying to discern veracity,
I see the clock upon the wall-
Too bewildered to even weep-
But now I know for certain-
I have entered the door towards madness and
I believe that my time has just run out.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Miracle
When the sky turns deep purple in color and the mountains appear
An unfathomable shade of magenta-
I see the sunlight sparkling upon the shadows in the creek below.
Sunlight would reflect against crystalline stones and the
Grass is greener than the eyes of a goddess-
There is not a sound to be heard in this moment except for a
Gentle breeze singing a tunefully angelic aria-
When there is not a single person within miles of
This magical place where I have found my spirit dancing-
I know I have nothing to fear.
Looking up into this lavender-hued sky I can see a bird
Soaring above the mountains- its wings shaded a mesmerizing essence of blue and
The feathers on its tail, yellow as sunlight upon a sandy beach-
My utmost and only desire is to be that bird,
Flapping my wings in a gentle gust of wind and looking down upon
This magical world below- I have always been a dreamer.
I hear voices singing songs of freedom and of the mysticism of nature-
I see blossoming flowers of a variety of colors and
I hear voices whispering to me of the miracles of this moment-
I know within my heart and my mind that I am alone and
These voices that I hear are emanating from the depths of my own mind, when
Solitude has never appeared so amazingly striking.
I see that bird flying high up in the sky above and within moments
I have become that bird- flapping my own wings and
Gazing at this vibrant world below me,
For a moment I am the queen of the world and in the next moment,
A deity of the entire universe- Veracity is seemingly thousands of miles away.
I have heard voices of my past telling me I am none but a pauper in a wretched state or
None but a fool who has lost her sanity-in these words I have never believed.
As I continue this tour of this phantasmal space about me,
I know I have found myself a home and the world beyond can attempt to
Tear my soul apart but I know deep inside that this is my reality-
Perhaps others do not hear and see the sounds and the sights that I envision-
However as long as I believe in all that I hear and see within my own thoughts,
What even millions of other people believe does not matter- for it is these people
Whom I believe are in a wretched state, and are still trying to find themselves-
I am queen of my world and have locked the gate to that world's threatening dismay-
I follow my shadow into that deep purple sky and I know that
The shadow of my spirit shall live on forever. I shall keep on moving
Further into the land of my dreams, only to look forward and never turning back.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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They Live Here
There have often been times when I have shut the world out-
But never fear, for I carry a key on a string inside of my mind-
A key that unlocks that door to madness, as
Threatening people have often wondered
What goes on inside that chamber of lunacy?
What is happening inside of the mind of
This person we cannot reach?
This miraculous key I shall never lose,
For when I unlock this door I enter
This world of my spectacular fantasies or often called by others, delusions-
I have heard the voices of angels and
Voices of sorcerers' nightmares-
But also, the words of my favorite songs and
I have reached that palace in the sky where
I can converse with the people who live
Inside the fortress of my mind-
Surrounded by a world of people I do not trust,
I often shut that world out and as I take that key
That hangs off of the string of my imagination
And I unlock that magical door that leads to
The community of friends who dwell inside of my mind-
That supernatural land that belongs to me alone-
And I am never alone because I carry my dream world with me
Every place that I travel, whether I travel near or far away,
I can always converse with these people who listen to me
And respond to their intimate conversation-
Softly intriguing and sometimes heart rendering -
I am the queen of this place I have created for myself,
Canonized a saint of my own salvation-
Other people in the surrounding outside world
May laugh, ridicule or simply not understand
Why I have escaped reality- and why I do not weep
Or do not seem destitute in my solitude- they do not own that extraordinary key
That unlocks the gate that leads to the land of my dreams-
And all that they can hear are cars dashing down the boulevard day and night,
And other everyday sounds on a typical day in their world of veracity-
Their tears may fall with the rain that never falls upon my world, and
In spite of what they believe-the meaning of the voices inside my mind,
They shall never know…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Threat
Somebody locked the door last night, while
Veracity and unreality had been
In that moment indistinguishable-
In the past as a young and innocent child,
Overwhelmed by
Spoken words nobody else could hear-
Sights nobody else could see- and
Insects crawling up and down my limbs-
Lost inside the world of my delusiveness
Nobody believed my plight and
Rain could fall upon my foundation as invisible to
The rest of the world-
There was no recourse to the fear- or the
Thoughts unbound and windswept by a tornado
As they could be-
There was no recourse to the fear-
Somebody locked the door last night-
When all hope had been pilfered I believed that
My soul had been set afire-
My wishes were none but pipe dreams where there was
No place to run, no place to hide from
Fear, suspicion and rage that
Damaged the very heart, mind and spirit of me-
A prisoner inside this space of life-
This is the box they put me in,
With no recourse to the pain-
Dreams they had for me-
High hopes for a life of fame and fortune-
Though only in their eyes-
I never grew to become a princess, but
None but a prisoner of war-
That is, the war that raged inside of me-
A battle lost and shattered dreams-
Rain, snow, sleet and hail are falling upon
My foundation, weakened and drowning in the midst of
The world of my thoughts in conglomeration
Of commanding voices, and feelings out of control,
Irrational in the eyes of others-
Incoherent even in the eyes of God-
God has forsaken me, my prayers in despair unanswered-
This is the box they put me in.
Unrelenting rage- I am counting every second-
Grasping for hope, reaching for a star to wish upon-
Chained to a wall and behind iron bars, though phantasmal-
The feeling of confinement and helplessness-
Painfully incomprehensible-
There is no recourse to the fear.
There is no recourse to the darkness and
I am blinded by a mask of never ending terror-
I have searched for an exit from this tenement of bleakness-though
The walls are insurmountable-
With no recourse to this battle I have fought every day of my life and
This is the box they put me in- which
Somebody has locked the door to and
Thrown away the key.
-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Right Unilateral
In the midst of this room
I lie still as they put the IV into the crook of my arm- I wince.
A rolled up towel is placed beneath my neck, and
A sheet to cover my legs-
I see flies hovering about the overhead light-
As I breathe oxygen from a rubber mask-
The last thing I recall is
Drifting off into another place in time-
Moments later, so it seems
I am sitting in a chair by the window beside,
Overlooking trees dancing to the tune of
A nightingale’s song,
A late spring’s balmy and gentle wind,
Footsteps softly ambling up and down the hall behind me,
Rudely contradicted by the sound cars rushing down the boulevard outside,
The screaming of sirens and people conversing in the room next door-
These voices that could be real or emanating from my mind- although
It is too soon, after the shock that was induced to my brain
To distinguish reality from unreality-
I clearly remember the spoken words
“Right unilateral” and so it seemed that
Mistrust of the world about me and
Conversations echoing and reverberating throughout my mind as
Emanating from some other place in time-
Would tip toe away from the spirit raging war inside my mind-
Trees dancing and birds carrying on with their soprano tune,
That late spring’s breeze being a chorus of some far away lullaby –
Footsteps following closely behind,
And cars rushing down the boulevard outside-
Have now become my only reality as
I have finally awakened from a peaceful slumber,
Returning to earth from my journey to some other realm-
I have regained my sanity-
Walking away from the magnificent view from the picture window before me only to
Return to the familiarity of every day life and as dove would peacefully do,
I lift my wings, though imaginary
Only to soar above the treetops outside
Leaving my tears behind this time to vanish in that river of despair that
I have known for so long as I flee and abandon the tempest of fear this time-
Forever-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Essence of my Dreams
Losing myself in flight on an early summer's morning-
In flight, unaware of the direction-
Unaware of the time of day, I know that
I don't believe in heaven anymore-
In flight above deep blue mountains-
But not weary of the sun's rays attacking me-
Never touching the sun and
Never finding my rainbow,
A myriad of colors are painting the sky-
Though only inside the world of my imagination.
Losing myself in flight and wondering-
If I will ever find safety and peace of mind here in the sky,
Amongst the scattered clouds that surround me-
I could hide behind a cloud to escape reality-
Reality that has become none but a threat to my existence.
Within the figment of my imagination-
I have wings that carry me high above the mountains,
Above the treetops and the ocean turning green as
Its waves lap against the shore-
A multitude of colors are decorating the land below-
Trees are never green but violet in their hue and
That ocean- green but never blue as are the mountains-
In flight I am losing myself in so many different ways-
Separating myself from the world into which I was born-
My mind is creating visions of far away places and
Inside the fortress of my mind, God has given me wings to fly with,
Although I do not believe in heaven-
Within moments I find myself lying upon the ground-
The sky, cloud covered as rain begins to pour down upon me-
I am a lost, lone, and confused spirit-
Threatened by sounds of cars speeding up and down the road behind me-
And people shouting while thunder claps and lightening strikes.
Voices inside of mind are commanding me
To lift my wings and take flight once again-
However I am trapped, being unable to fly, my wings having been phantasmal-
Though inside my dreams I can swim the ocean, searching for safety and familiarity-
Perhaps I shall find myself an island amongst the sea-
But alas only in my dreams-
And perhaps the rain shall stop falling and a rainbow shall rise above the mountains-
Inside the world of my thoughts I shall paint the sky blue and cloudless,
Lift my wings and soar back into the sky and look down-
Down at this world where I have always wished to escape from-
Happiness shall be found within the world of my imagination-
Violet hued trees - their branches swaying in the wind
May someday give me shade as I close my eyes and dream,
Then I shall burst into song, in chorus with the voices inside my mind-
I have peace of mind now knowing I can be anyplace I can fathom-
Because I am a person who though never believed in heaven-
Strongly believes in the essence of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Dawning
Only at dawn
Do I believe that a higher being may be
Looking down upon me through the rays of light emanating from the rising sun as
The full moon descends behind the mountaintops,
This morning I could envision a ladder from the creek side
Reaching toward the heavens-
The sky, being a rare shade of cerulean blue and
Pale lavender lightly coloring cumulus clouds,
Only at the dawning of each new day
Is the time I feel hopeful and undaunted?
I live within a world that has not been kind to me-
Though at the dawning of another day
Walking through the woodlands I know that I am safe in my solitude,
For that higher being is always looking down upon me
Watching over me, protecting me from all harm?
Voices I hear in the night have callously threatened me but
At the break of the day, I hear the voices of angels
Soothing my troubled soul and gently comforting me while
In my moments of madness I could have lost myself forever.
My spirit is now dancing to the tune of
An aria of peace, sung by those seraphs
Inside of my mind, greeting me
And chasing away the demons that
Had threatened me only the night before-
As those seraphs join a chorus of angels from above
Singing amorous tunes only to console me- if I could
I would climb that phantasmal ladder towards the sky, to escape reality;
Lost inside an instant of madness,
A moment so brief, an encounter with the surreal
Has given me reason to persevere-
Only at dawn, as the sun journeys above the hilltops
Can I hear voices of angels- and I do suppose, and
I only believe that there is hope and tranquility
To be found, in some distant star, illuminating the sky
As the sun rises and as the moon descends beyond the horizon,
I have lost myself inside of a dream that could be heaven
Where I am safe in my solitude, as my thoughts are lost in some other realm-
Within my fondest dream, for them never to be found would be my utmost desire,
Climbing that ladder towards the sky,
Abandoning the threatening voices that wished me harm,
Leaving the nightmares of veracity behind,
As I open my eyes to the dawning and behold that forever rainbow in the sky-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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My Question
I can see my reflection
In my bedroom mirror-
My pupils are spinning madly about -never abating-
In the dimness of the light I have always believed that
I am being persecuted-
Death fear plagues me everyday- dreams I had as a child,
Deadly as a snake
Constricting my wrist-
Life is such a mystery, and
Death is even more mysterious-
People following me close behind and
I am being watched-
Others have said it is my imagination-
Others blame it on the moon-
This morning I was running
Running from all that I fear-
Just ordinary people to others, while to me-
Menacing and threatening-
I just keep running until
I am home, the doors locked and chained and
I am alone at peace with
The voices speaking to me inside of my mind-and
I can see my reflection in my bedroom mirror-
My pupils spinning about-
Will my thoughts ever silence?
Life is a mystery to me and perhaps more to others-
Others who watch me- day in and day out-
I can still see my reflection wherever I go-
The light gets dimmer and I find myself in the midst of the darkness, although
In the confinement of my home- so I am now at peace-
Even in bleak darkness because I am alone-
Inside the world of my thoughts I am running-
Running away from my reflection until the day I die and
While death is a mystery, one never knows when it shall happen-
I continue my solitary walk towards home- and in utmost reality-
Nobody- really knows where their home truly resides-
At the same time I question where reality resides.
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Itmon
Nobody ever promised me
A patch of lilacs in the wintertime and
Pink clouds never truly rained
A river of tears-
I only promised myself the land of Itmon-
Something akin to a goddess or a saint
I would sit at the right hand of the holy octagon-
Fervently praying for my inner world to come alive-
Locked inside the chambers of madness and
Locked inside the confinement of my bedroom
For days my head would be lost in those pink clouds,
Even sometimes while they were raining
A fine mist of gold upon and before me-
My bed had become the ferryboat guiding me through the bleakness of
My sordid nightmares to
This mesmerizing world deemed as Itmon-
I am alive inside this far away place, though
Truly not so far away-
The voices inside of my mind, commanding-
Giving me orders day in and day out-
My closest companions whose orders
I feel inclined to obey-
Running far away from the voices of my past where
The planet earth has not been kind-
The land of Itmon is none but paradise-
Here I have come to know Kyt, my beloved,
Donning flaxen hair and eyes of
Cyanotic blue-
Hypnotizing me with her glance and
Charming me with her smile-
Taking me by the hand and leading me into
The magical land of Itmon-
This place where nobody feels despair and where
We lose ourselves within our dreams-
Pink clouds turning lavender at night fall-
Snow never falls in this land of my fantasies-
Fantasies have so abruptly transformed to reality-
Hand in hand Kyt and I have abandoned the demons of
Our squalid pasts and we have entered this fairytale place of our
Wildest dreams to remain forever bonded-
Nobody ever promised me inner peace-
Nobody ever sang to me the song of a nightingale-
As an inhabitant of this planet I was so rudely born in
Nobody ever understood or comprehended-
So I mounted my proud unicorn and fled into the sunrise-
Dismounting when I reached that path
Paved before me-
That path paved in platinum, which by nature guided me
Into the magnificent land of Itmon-
I see mountains of many colors-
Before whirlpools of waters of deep cobalt blue-
I stand stalwart besides tall reeds, viridian hued-
I am very much alive in this unique place of my dreams which
Has rapidly become my only reality-
Sing with me, Kyt, the song of a nightingale- for
I hear faint words of alien people saying that
I have lost my sanity and am in a wretched state-
I have never been a happier person alive-
I have lost myself inside the world of my dreams forever-
My dreams are reality and yesterday’s reality has vanished and
Looking into those eyes of Kyt’s-
Compelling and hypnotic as in my fondest dreams-
Eyes of cerulean blue truly spellbinding as are as always
The voices inside my mind commanding-
I have a home that only I can envision-
I sit on the right side of the holy octagon and
Thank the Goddess that rules this fine land for
Making my dreams come alive,
My fantasies are my only true reality now, as I
Walk that pathway paved in platinum before me
Into lavender skies and whirlpools of my destiny,
Abandoning my past forever-
Only to see ahead and to look forward
Without looking behind me and
Without ever turning back…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The SUn is Calling
The sun is
Calling me- I do not hear- though
Only the flapping of the wings of the
Canadian wild geese and the
Far away footsteps of
The intruders who follow me-
I can faintly hear the
Rays of the sun in the distance screaming their doleful cries,
Masked by the motion of the branches of the wild oak and cedar trees
As they shiver in the early morning’s draft-
Water rushes down the creek that adorns the trail
Beside which I walk-
Robins and cardinals chant their early morning litany-
Deer stand stalwart close to the path ahead of me-
I hear footsteps behind me as I turn my head although
All I can see is the sky-
Inside of my mind I have built a sanctuary, and
A small cabin in which to hide-
As I walk deeper into the thicket,
I begin to lose myself into another place in time-
Thee sun is calling me- I do not hear-
I have closed my eyes to the world around me and
Have lost myself inside of the world of my dreams
This world where I am omnipotent and no one is
Allowed to enter-
Somehow I find I cannot escape the grip that
This planet has made upon me-
The grip of ill fate and of mistrust-
It is the intruders who follow me
That clash with the beauty of the sun,
The loveliness of the song of the wild, and
With the mystery of the woodlands-
I would fly close to the sun with the
Canadian wild geese if I only had the wings to
Lift me off of the ground and
Carry myself to some other universe where
I could in reality be omnipotent and not afraid to sing-
To carry the tunes that keep my spirit alive as I abandon
The fear that has so deeply injured my soul-
The rays of the sun are screaming and a lone nightingale
Sings its soprano solo-
I break into a run carrying with me inside the safe haven of my thoughts,
The refuge of my delusions- and my flagging grasp on reality-
The sun is calling me-
This time I hear, as I feel the strength of my character evolving-
I look upward and see more than the sky, but
That could-be heaven and the faces of angels, as
They look down upon me in awe and admiration- I realize that
I have nothing to fear-
As nobody can rob me of my thoughts or of my imaginings and
I have come to the realization that I have found that other universe, if only in
The sanctuary of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Streets I have Walked
As I walk the streets of
Ill-fated expectations-
I have often crossed
Over to the other side
Of that street that leads to
Misfortune, and at best
Oblivion-
The streets I have walked before have always
Lead to nowhere-
I hear the sound of footsteps behind me and
Voices speaking in some foreign tongue-
My eyes meet with those of strangers-
Unsmiling and threatening –
I lose myself inside the world of my dreams-
Inside this world I deny access by intruders-
This place I carry with me with each and every step-
I hear thunder and the sound of beating drums
Resonating inside of my mind-
Fearful and suspicious- I break into a run.
In my time I have walked many streets and
Have never found my place in this world
Madly spinning about my own bright star-
As the sun sets, I realize that light is shining hope and peace
Over the street I once believed lead to
Misfortune and oblivion-
In this life I have walked many streets before
Not knowing in which direction or
Where these streets have lead to-
I find myself in the midst of nowhere,
But there is no turning back, as I have
Already crossed over to the other side-
All that I have left is that one bright star to guide me-
Lost inside this world of my thoughts, I wish upon that star
With hope that I may find myself someday-
So I shall keep walking the streets paved before me until
I find the one that reaches my destination-
My guiding light is my inner strength-I now realize and
That light is brighter than the sun or any star and shines with
Every step I walk- and on the day the sun burns out and stars
Cease to exist- this strength I carry within shall forever be the torch that
Guides me-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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