Right Unilateral
In the midst of this room
I lie still as they put the IV into the crook of my arm- I wince.
A rolled up towel is placed beneath my neck, and
A sheet to cover my legs-
I see flies hovering about the overhead light-
As I breathe oxygen from a rubber mask-
The last thing I recall is
Drifting off into another place in time-
Moments later, so it seems
I am sitting in a chair by the window beside,
Overlooking trees dancing to the tune of
A nightingale’s song,
A late spring’s balmy and gentle wind,
Footsteps softly ambling up and down the hall behind me,
Rudely contradicted by the sound cars rushing down the boulevard outside,
The screaming of sirens and people conversing in the room next door-
These voices that could be real or emanating from my mind- although
It is too soon, after the shock that was induced to my brain
To distinguish reality from unreality-
I clearly remember the spoken words
“Right unilateral” and so it seemed that
Mistrust of the world about me and
Conversations echoing and reverberating throughout my mind as
Emanating from some other place in time-
Would tip toe away from the spirit raging war inside my mind-
Trees dancing and birds carrying on with their soprano tune,
That late spring’s breeze being a chorus of some far away lullaby –
Footsteps following closely behind,
And cars rushing down the boulevard outside-
Have now become my only reality as
I have finally awakened from a peaceful slumber,
Returning to earth from my journey to some other realm-
I have regained my sanity-
Walking away from the magnificent view from the picture window before me only to
Return to the familiarity of every day life and as dove would peacefully do,
I lift my wings, though imaginary
Only to soar above the treetops outside
Leaving my tears behind this time to vanish in that river of despair that
I have known for so long as I flee and abandon the tempest of fear this time-
Forever-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Stream Of Thought
Today is an
Idle sort of day
Autumn-like-
Almost
The foliage upon the trees outside is
Somewhat bashful yet, although
It was the summer that
I have always adored
It was a day like this day, that
I was taken away.
I am starting to remember now, that
During my favorite time of year- as
I am locked inside this tiny L-shaped room-
White walled and barren as I feel inside
Impassively staring out the window.
My thoughts are elsewhere-
Thinking back forty years, upon
The day I lost myself.
Screaming in terror and bewilderment on
The very day the world first fell out from under me-
I escaped to another place and time,
Thunderclouds, black as the fear raging in my gut,
Dark and dismal as that night my world caved in.
Lost, alone and screaming with fright…
Disconnected wires in my brain,
Cotton filled and twisted out of form
It was last night I believe
They took me away and brought me to this place.
In spite of the deluge and the devil’s voices in my head
I wish I were outside dancing in the rain barefooted,
With my long auburn hair
Tossed about by the wind
Crying and laughing at the same time
At the absurdity of it all,
And if lightning were to strike me dead
It would be the demon’s voices that brought me to this place,
Running scared, screaming out in fear
As fiendish voices commanded me to die.
It is a sultry, idle sort of day
But just like any other day
Something happened that made me forget where the flowers grew.
Shock was induced to
Those disconnected wires in my brain
That set my soul afire
Screaming out in terror and in pain
A kind of pain that I never will forget,
As if a cinder block wall was erected between the world, and myself
Even if I were dancing in the rain barefooted,
My long auburn hair
Tossed about in the wind,
It would be in some other realm
That only I could see or hear-
And on an idle sort of day
But in some other space and time
Autumn like perhaps
Imprisoned between these concrete white walls and a Plexiglas window
There were so many things I do not recall, but I shall always remember
What a delight summer could be
And as I lie upon this hard blue mattress just thinking of myself
Dancing in the rain
With the trees swaying in the wind on
The other side of that cinderblock wall,
Where the foliage upon the trees
Was somewhat bashful yet, and
On this idle sort of day,
I might even remember
Where the flowers used to grow…
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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In This Moment
Light is dim
Although in this moment
Light is not a welcome entity-
My mind wants to hide itself
Within the darkness of
This very early summer morning-
In this moment, I foresee no serenity and
I hear voices screaming while
In the fortress of this room
I know I am the only one present.
If only my bed, here where I lay, were a ship, I would journey years backward
To the place I lived in at all times many decades ago-
Now I know that land was non existent, even though
At the time it was my only reality.
In this moment, my only reality is within this room
Where the light is dim and
Outside this window, where the shades are pulled halfway down,
A world surrounds me-a world I cannot call my home.
Here within the place of my thoughts,
There exists a sea cobalt blue in its hue
A sea of tranquility, although it seems as if
All tranquility has just been shattered-
Even though the voices I hear screaming are terrifying and unreal-
The voice of reality is dimmer.
Threatening voices and this bed in which I lie is a boat
Now in the midst of a storm at sea, and although
I can foresee no destiny-here where I lie resting,
All is familiar to me while the real world outside is foreign, and
A threat to my existence.
So here in this moment, I close my eyes to all that I fear and I know that momentarily
I shall drift off to sleep and dream of the past-
Where I lived inside my own world of bliss and harmony-
Here In this very moment where the light of reality is dim,
My eyes are closed and I am sailing upon my magical ship,
Back to the time where fantasy brought me only peace of mind
Unaware of the day I would awaken alive in a planet they call "Earth"
Where my imaginary ship would overturn and I would find myself
Drowning in a sea of madness where there exists no recourse to fear,
In this moment where light has never been dimmer…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Forever in My Dreams
Close to the morning hours before I awaken,
I find myself looking outside of the window of my dreams-
Sometimes amidst the bleak darkness, the full moon is rising above the treetops,
Stars are seemingly cascading behind mountains of far away places-
I hear footsteps faintly passing by, perhaps down the hallway of my fantasies-
Slowly my eyes would open and I find myself
Looking outside of the same window and
All I can see are shadows of trees that would be
Touching the sky within a figment of my imagination-
Close to the morning hours, close to the time that the world awakens,
I find myself lost in thought, disappearing into some other realm.
The full moon battles with the rising sun, stars shooting and seemingly cascading,
Saturn, Mars and Venus are dancing in rhythm to
The doleful and mystical song of the locusts screaming-
Inside the fortress of my thoughts,
I have made my home inside this kingdom in the sky-
In this place where the light of the moon is overpowered
By the rays of the early morning sun-
The colors of the sky are reborn- cyanotic blue and
Pearl-white clouds, seemingly tinted with gold,
Amidst the phantasmal waltz of my imagination,
I can hear voices familiar only to myself,
Shouting words that terrify and evoke moments of madness-
It has been said that reason can be affected by the light of the full moon
Before daybreak and I would ride bareback upon the tail of a shooting star
If I only could, as it would take me on a journey across the universe,
Perhaps to a safer place within this magical kingdom in the sky-
Close to the morning hours before I awaken,
I have lost myself inside a magnificent place of my own creation-
A place from which I would never leave if I could only wish upon a star-
This would be my utmost desire- as this lurid but dismal world
Into which I was born has not been kind to me-
As my memory becomes a vehicle traveling backward in time-
I can recall terrifying sights only I could see and threatening voices which
Only I could hear- within that moment that darkness transforms to dawn,
I find my spirit having been rudely snatched away from this place of my fondest reverie-
So I close my eyes and then I can see the stars once more, the moon and Saturn dancing-
And I begin to lose myself once again traveling across this pathway of my dreams-
Tears are falling from my eyes as they open because this vision can never become reality-
Tears would glisten with dewdrops upon the leaves upon the trees reflecting the
Early morning sunlight as I close my eyes once again and wish upon that star
As I would for always and forever in every passing thought…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The Great Escape
Although the songs the birds sing are
Melodious and benign and
Locusts joyfully repeat their summer's tune-
Leaves upon the trees are emerald and their limbs reach for the sky-
The grass has never been greener- and
Clouds contrast with the oceanic blueness of the sky- Even though
Summer would be the favorite time of year for so many people,
At this time this world has become a foreign and terrifying place to me.
My mind has been lost in the clouds,
Not within the fair clouds that decorate the sky, but
Within the ashen and sallow clouds of hell-
From the window of the vault that contains me
I can see people seemingly worshiping the sun,
However, to me the rays of the sun are somewhat blinding, if not otherwise
Brightening all that is terrifying to see-
Cars racing raucously down the streets without a care- and shining upon
All of the people who would wish me none but harm-
If I were to step outside in this moment-
The sun would sear my flesh and its rays would invade my mind in
A devastating and intrusive sort of way-
People would follow behind me mocking me and
Attempting to rob me of my thoughts as their eyes penetrate mine in
A criminal and invasive manner-
The songs the birds sing are indeed benign and sweetly melodious as
Locusts continue to hum their tune- these sounds are placating as
Are the sight of the grass, trees and the cobalt blue sky-
But somewhere along my journey through this life,
I was robbed of my own place in this world, as well as some have told me
I was deprived of my sanity-
If I could become one of these birds and lift my wings to fly away
High above to lose myself inside the beautiful clouds in the sky and to
Abandon the ashen clouds of hell- perhaps in the sky I would find another world there-
A world suited for me alone- I could still hear the birds and the locusts-
Chanting their tunes with the angels, unaware of the world below -as
My eyes would be blinded to people looking upward toward the sky.
The loss of my sanity would become a blessing because it would mean
I have finally found a place devoid of all harm and infringement because
When I lose myself inside the world of my thoughts and dreams,
The real world which is filled with evil, lack of compassion and cruelty
Totally disappears and I can be content as I have finally found freedom from fear…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Outside My Picture Window
It has been said that there is a world outside my picture window and
Beyond the trees I see everyday and the sky, sometimes overcast and
Other days, when the sun rises early- I can see the sky and have often wondered if
There exists another world within our universe- I know that
There exists a world inside of my mind and
My pupils are the windows into which
People would look if I were to venture outward?
Beyond the sky, and beyond the sun-
Beyond that world inside my mind,
I would never know where there exists a place for me-
Last night outside of my window
I could see the stars- stars mean different things to different people as
Does the sun, the trees and this whole world outside-
The world inside my mind revolves about
The sun that shines upon my own horizon and
As for this world outside, all I can do is look- and to
See a tree, perhaps a single cloud and the grass that grows-
I have shut my mind to the people who live beyond
The trees, clouds and the grass that I can see-
That window opens to the world inside of my thoughts-
I have just shut and pulled the curtain to discourage all intruders-
I am lying by my window in total darkness now as I place my hand over my eyes,
Shutting out reality and now I can see mountains, flowering trees and
A creek flowing in which I can see my reflection and
I am running upon the grass that grows beneath my feet-
I believe I heard music playing inside the fortress of my mind-
It has been said there is a world outside and I have pulled the curtain
To the window once opened to veracity-
Darkness has never looked as beautiful as I am safe here in my solitude-
Even when the stars are shining and the sky is such a magnificent sight to see-
No place is as exquisite as the creek that runs through my inner space and
The sun inside the world of my thoughts that shines upon my horizon?
The stars are far away and all that is real, though just outside my picture window
I perceive as too far away for me to reach- I would touch the stars and I could be a dove
That can lift my wings and fly away from all that threatens, but only inside my dreams-
Children sing songs and read fairy tales and they believe and I believe that
The sun shines light upon their worlds and
Someday their dreams shall blossom as has mine and shall become their homes-
Home is the safe place inside a person's mind, not within the madding crowd that
Exists outside my picture window- even if the stars are always there- and
That unique and special sun shall just keep on shining upon the world of my dreams….
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Paradise Found
I am lost inside
A world of my own,
A world that I painted inside of my thoughts
Within a figment of my imagination-
I have taken myself on a journey to a place
I call paradise-
Inside this place I call paradise
I am lost,
Inside this place I call paradise,
I am alone-
Surrounded by trees and mountains,
Violet in hue – wildflowers would grow and
Grass grows high, caressing my ankles
In an almost loving way-
Inside the world of my thoughts
I step inside this paradise I have found and as I
Lose myself within a dream,
In less than a moment’s time,
My imagination has succumbed
To this magical land of my delusions-
Towards this place where I shall forever remain-
I am lost, I am alone but here in this place I call paradise,
Surrounded by trees and mountains,
Violet in hue and where wildflowers grow and
Grass grows high-
In a strange sort of way, I am not really alone-
I have my thoughts, my dreams and my fantasies and
The voices only I can hear are my constant companions-
Birds, trees and forget-me- knots are truly my friends-
In all actuality, I am no longer lost as
I was in that world outside of my dreams
Within that world into which I was born-
In that world where people have always hurt, betrayed and lied to me-
It was inside that world I was truly lost and alone-
I shall never return to that world.
I have lost myself within a dream and in truth,
I have finally found who I truly am and as I listen to the singing
Of the nightingale, the water rushing in the creek below,
A gentle breeze rustling the leaves upon the trees and
As I watch the sun ascend over the mountains,
The deer running freely and
I begin to sing a song of freedom and peace of mind-
Now I know the true meaning of loss and loneliness-
That is being trapped inside a world laden with myriads of people
Who have and shall always hurt and betray one another, as
Every moment in time rapidly advances too fast to control-
As I glance upward towards this sky of azure-blue,
I lock that phantasmal door that separates fantasy from reality-
Delighted to say that this fantasy has become my new reality and
I have found myself within the world of my dreams,
Surrounded by trees and mountains, violet in hue and
Where wildflowers grow plentifully and
When the sun descends behind the mountains and darkness overcomes
Here in my paradise- I can begin to count the stars and
Dance with the moon on the horizon- to the tune of
The singing of the nightingale-alive in my very own heaven and paradise,
Not lost but found and never again alone-
Here inside the world of my fantasies,
Where I have been reborn, within this magical land of my dreams,
Where I shall always sing a song of freedom as I joyfully wish upon a star-
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Hard Times
I vaguely recall some of my childhood days, although
If I had to relive those days I do remember
I would have chosen to be born under a different star-
Lying upon the cold tiled bathroom floor dying was
My father on a warm early spring day and
Lying unconscious in the intensive care ward dying
Just five months later, lay my mother.
Sunlight would be creeping through the bedroom window,
Some twenty years later, as I stood by the bathroom door,
Screaming out in utter frustration and despair,
Trying to discern what was real from the shadows inside of my mind,
While all of the anger of my past and present days
Flooded my thoughts as would a raging storm on a summer’s eve-
I stood as still as the broken lamppost leaning upon the living room wall,
Trapped inside a tenement of anger and mistrust,
Fighting the tears that were flowing as rapidly as a downhill stream,
All of the rage tearing my soul apart as my heart was locked
Inside of a metal vault as my thoughts were weaving in and out of veracity.
If I could I would release my heart from that vault as
The feelings it contained were agonizing as if
A sword had stabbed and was twisting back and forth, with no relief
From the pain of past memories, as vague as they were-
Nearly fifty years have passed since I walked on the beach
Beneath the shade of palm trees, kicking the sand on the shore,
watching the sun set and then rise over the mountains and
Those nights when the full moon illuminated the sky-
I recall roses in full bloom in my father’s garden, and those days I
Walked along the wooded trail,
watching the deer running through the forest-
Recollections were overshadowed by nightmares,
visions and threatening voices
That plagued my mind with monotonous regularity-
It was only a week ago I lay upon a cold metal table
Breathing oxygen from a rubber mask as I drifted off to sleep,
An electric current passed through my brain
Sending me to some other realm into which I would awaken an hour later-
Seemingly in a different place and time I could not recall
The details of my childhood’s pain,
as my heart remained locked and keyed
Inside that iron vault-
Inside of my phantasmal space, I keep a key that
Could unlock many doors, one being the door to that magical world
Inside which I once lived to escape all of the pain of reality
That has torn my spirit to pieces-
My screams have been silenced and nobody has heard
My cry for help, and now I am alone inside of the world of my thoughts,
Singing the words to my favorite song-
“Stay alive and hold onto your dreams”-
I hold my dreams close to my heart, soul and mind because
My dreams are all that I have left-
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Bring Back The Time
You sit alone in your room;
your mind wanders
to the sound of a tune.
A tune that was a hit
so long ago when you were young.
You remember the first time you heard it,
and where you were at the time.
Suddenly a memory springs
from the back of your mind.
Coloured lights and dancing feet
move across your mind.
Your wish now is
bring back the time.
Bring back the days
you remember so well.
Days when there was
a new dance craze every week,
when groups played instruments
before the synthesiser was born,
when songs had lyrics
that everyone could sing
and a tune everyone could hum.
Bring back the teenage time
before the years flew away.
Now in reality I sit and smile,
wishfully thinking I could
bring back the time.
poem by David Harris
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Prolixin
Today I heard voices upon awakening-
They were screaming 'I want to kill you'
In this moment of madness I turned my head, and found myself alone.
I thought I had heard footsteps and believed that
These voices were coming from hell-
But again I came to realize they
Were all originating from inside of that tortured world of my thoughts?
I wept as I begged these voices to silence, but I
Tried to mask the rage I felt toward the threatening footsteps,
Always close behind me wishing me none but harm.
I would escape the horrors of my mind's eye
If I only could, but the only place I could run to
Was to a sterile room to receive an injection,
That would hopefully rescue me from my plight.
Being strong enough to knock out malicious intruders,
In flight of my imagination, I could murder a billion people, and
In reality, perhaps in a moment of resentment, as many as a hundred.
I remember three weeks past, while feeling under attack,
I hit a young man, whom I deemed a space invader, fiercely below the belt-
I hit him hard with all of my might and as rapidly as I could,
I ran, fearfully only to seek refuge from retaliation-
Coming back to reality and realizing what I had done,
I entered my home hurriedly and locked the world out.
Sheltered inside until the next morning, I counted the minutes until
Once again finding myself lying upon a cold metal table,
Having an IV started in the crook of my left arm, and as
I closed my eyes to my surroundings, I drifted off to sleep.
As they induced electric shock to my brain-
I was brought back to sanity for a only a fortnight after which
I quickly returned to hell on earth only to be persecuted once again
By the demons inhabiting my mind and with hope and prayers
I would with all of my strength again
Await that routine rescue from the nightmares that rule my life,
Every day and every night...
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Innerspace
The moon was full last night
Enlightening the midnight sky-
My inner demons were dancing
Fighting ghosts from hell-
I tell myself
“Someday you will find peace of mind and
Someday you shall find yourself-“
I cannot recall the day
I had fallen off that mountain
I was climbing trying to gain control-
I found myself falling, falling and falling-
Into a prison where the floors were tiled,
Walls were white but stained-
I can still hear sirens screaming and the
Pounding upon the walls-
I remember that room
Inside which I was locked and blinded by
The darkness overshadowing-
I begged for help with my heart wide open-
Figuratively bleeding tears of despair- as I heard
Voices threatening to kill me-
Echoing about the chamber of madness
Inside of which I was trapped-
Miles from reality-this place where
Whereas a prisoner inside of my mind, I was climbing that stairway from hell-
With no destination,
Falling, falling and falling-
Into bedlam-
I can only recall
Lying upon a mattress sadly torn,
Springs jutting outward into my back as
My body rocked
Backward and forward
Backward and forward
With monotonous regularity-
The moon was full last night-
It has often been said allegorically that
People lose their sanity dancing beneath
The light of the moon-
Following the path of a comet in some
Figment of my imagination as
My search continues to find out who I am-
As the moon disappears on the horizon
The sun rises over the mountains-
I see the light-
I hear a voice-
All I can do is to keep on dancing-
Dancing as I hope that
My Dionysian spirit
Shall set me free someday…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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The SUn is Calling
The sun is
Calling me- I do not hear- though
Only the flapping of the wings of the
Canadian wild geese and the
Far away footsteps of
The intruders who follow me-
I can faintly hear the
Rays of the sun in the distance screaming their doleful cries,
Masked by the motion of the branches of the wild oak and cedar trees
As they shiver in the early morning’s draft-
Water rushes down the creek that adorns the trail
Beside which I walk-
Robins and cardinals chant their early morning litany-
Deer stand stalwart close to the path ahead of me-
I hear footsteps behind me as I turn my head although
All I can see is the sky-
Inside of my mind I have built a sanctuary, and
A small cabin in which to hide-
As I walk deeper into the thicket,
I begin to lose myself into another place in time-
Thee sun is calling me- I do not hear-
I have closed my eyes to the world around me and
Have lost myself inside of the world of my dreams
This world where I am omnipotent and no one is
Allowed to enter-
Somehow I find I cannot escape the grip that
This planet has made upon me-
The grip of ill fate and of mistrust-
It is the intruders who follow me
That clash with the beauty of the sun,
The loveliness of the song of the wild, and
With the mystery of the woodlands-
I would fly close to the sun with the
Canadian wild geese if I only had the wings to
Lift me off of the ground and
Carry myself to some other universe where
I could in reality be omnipotent and not afraid to sing-
To carry the tunes that keep my spirit alive as I abandon
The fear that has so deeply injured my soul-
The rays of the sun are screaming and a lone nightingale
Sings its soprano solo-
I break into a run carrying with me inside the safe haven of my thoughts,
The refuge of my delusions- and my flagging grasp on reality-
The sun is calling me-
This time I hear, as I feel the strength of my character evolving-
I look upward and see more than the sky, but
That could-be heaven and the faces of angels, as
They look down upon me in awe and admiration- I realize that
I have nothing to fear-
As nobody can rob me of my thoughts or of my imaginings and
I have come to the realization that I have found that other universe, if only in
The sanctuary of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Self Portrait
I can see this world in a different way- from this world I hid for many years.
Riding a ship towards some other galaxy,
Though only inside of my mind-
The rain would pour down upon the real world, and
In the mid winter the snow would fall, but
Lost in some other place in time, I only saw the sun.
I was a rare bird whose wings would carry me
High above the treetops, the mountains and
Even above the highest clouds,
Traveling far away from everybody and everything that was real.
Rain, sleet and hail would fall, though all I could see was a rainbow,
Glistening within the sky, high above the mountains-
I placed no trust in the people who walked upon the ground below,
Although it hardly mattered- I could always converse with those people
Who lived within the kingdom inside of my mind.
I would board a ship, its full sails to the wind,
Carrying me towards the world of my dreams-
Today I see the world in a different way-Now I see reality,
I see reality- hunger, war and people who threaten, and
All I can do is place my hands over my eyes, hoping to shut this cruel world out.
The ship I rode to some other place has been lost somewhere in the sky and
A rare bird, whose wings are now broken, I now see the world under a different light.
Somebody took me and locked me away last night and I have become
A prisoner inside of my own mind-upon that ship with fallen sails
I feel as if I am on a pathway headed towards nowhere-
I place my hands over my eyes. Attempting to hide from all that is real,
Unable to find peace of mind, unable to find my rainbow.
I find myself alone inside of an empty room, with no windows and a door that is locked-
I converse with the voices that speak to me inside of my mind-as
These, nobody can take them away from me and
They are all that is left of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Its Too Late To Change The Time
[intro]
Too late
Too late
Too late
[verse 1]
In this automatic age
We shop through the yellow page
Gone is the corner store
There is a supermarket there for you
People give way to change
But feelings remain the same
[chorus]
And its too late, too late to change the time
Well its too late, too late to change the time
And its too late, too late to change the time
But its not too late (too late) to change your mind
[verse 2]
Its a new day, a new age
A photograph just taken, is ready one minute later
Cars are bigger and better
But the manufacturers sastified never
In a world full of crime
I cant let you think thats right
[chorus]
And its too late, too late to change the time
And its too late, too late to change the time
And its too late, too late to change the time
But its not too late (too late) to change your mind
No, no
[bridge 1]
So you wanna be a star (so you wanna be a star)
You are who you think you are (ah think you are)
You dont have to go further
Than my loving arms
[chorus half]
And its too late, too late to change the time
But its not too late (too late) to change your mind
[bridge 2]
Are you sure you wanna go to new york city (new york city)
Where girls make it big if theyre pretty (if they pretty)
Let say you get that penthouse view
But whos gonna love you the way I do (just the way I do)
[chorus]
Its too late, too late to change the time
And its too late, too late to change the time, no
Too late, too late to change the time
But its not too late (too late) to change your mind
Yeah, yeah, yeah
[chorus]
Its too late, too late to change the time
Its too late, too late to change the time
Ooh, too late, too late to change the time
But its not too late (too late) to change your mind
Yeah, yeah, yeah
song performed by by Michael Jackson
Submitted by Lucian Velea
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The Essence of my Dreams
Losing myself in flight on an early summer's morning-
In flight, unaware of the direction-
Unaware of the time of day, I know that
I don't believe in heaven anymore-
In flight above deep blue mountains-
But not weary of the sun's rays attacking me-
Never touching the sun and
Never finding my rainbow,
A myriad of colors are painting the sky-
Though only inside the world of my imagination.
Losing myself in flight and wondering-
If I will ever find safety and peace of mind here in the sky,
Amongst the scattered clouds that surround me-
I could hide behind a cloud to escape reality-
Reality that has become none but a threat to my existence.
Within the figment of my imagination-
I have wings that carry me high above the mountains,
Above the treetops and the ocean turning green as
Its waves lap against the shore-
A multitude of colors are decorating the land below-
Trees are never green but violet in their hue and
That ocean- green but never blue as are the mountains-
In flight I am losing myself in so many different ways-
Separating myself from the world into which I was born-
My mind is creating visions of far away places and
Inside the fortress of my mind, God has given me wings to fly with,
Although I do not believe in heaven-
Within moments I find myself lying upon the ground-
The sky, cloud covered as rain begins to pour down upon me-
I am a lost, lone, and confused spirit-
Threatened by sounds of cars speeding up and down the road behind me-
And people shouting while thunder claps and lightening strikes.
Voices inside of mind are commanding me
To lift my wings and take flight once again-
However I am trapped, being unable to fly, my wings having been phantasmal-
Though inside my dreams I can swim the ocean, searching for safety and familiarity-
Perhaps I shall find myself an island amongst the sea-
But alas only in my dreams-
And perhaps the rain shall stop falling and a rainbow shall rise above the mountains-
Inside the world of my thoughts I shall paint the sky blue and cloudless,
Lift my wings and soar back into the sky and look down-
Down at this world where I have always wished to escape from-
Happiness shall be found within the world of my imagination-
Violet hued trees - their branches swaying in the wind
May someday give me shade as I close my eyes and dream,
Then I shall burst into song, in chorus with the voices inside my mind-
I have peace of mind now knowing I can be anyplace I can fathom-
Because I am a person who though never believed in heaven-
Strongly believes in the essence of my dreams…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Everywhere I Go
Today is quiet except for the sounds of my footsteps,
Cardinals singing and wild geese calling from the sky above-
Trees are my foremost companions and
Roses and azaleas blossoming would
Open their petals within a gust of wind-
It seems as if for the moment they are
Looking into my eyes and was almost as if they are laughing, and
Their laughter is ringing in the humid late spring air-echoing throughout
The fortress of my mind… Everywhere that I go
Nature seems to be calling and
The trees, flowers, rabbits, deer and squirrels
Are my sole companions and I am feeling free as
I can imagine, as I am the last person alive upon the face of the earth-
Animals and plants in the wild are my friends and
People have been none but intruders,
Following every step that I take but today
I can call myself the queen of the woods and
I call myself the one who rules and controls-
I am the one who can dream and inside the
World of my dreams I can fly and inside the
World of my fantasies I can run with the deer-
Often I have wondered if I were not truly human as
Humans have always been a threat to my existence,
Lacking empathy, true love and congeniality?
I have heard and read about dreams coming true and
Fantasies becoming reality- in books I read as a child and
Fairy tales my mother read me many years ago?
Today is quiet except for the sounds of my footsteps and
I believe I hear the wild geese calling as they fly across the sky above-
As the late spring's breeze blows I lift my own imaginary wings and fly-
I know it is all within a reverie from which I hope I shall never awaken- and if I do,
I shall only run forward, not backward, never looking behind at
The past where people have hurt, slighted and scorned me?
I see treetops scraping the sky and as I watch the sun set I totally lose myself in a trance-
Past this horizon is the place I long to live where animals and plants
Find their homes, free from hatred, pain and cruelty and
I remember reading in a storybook as a very young child, "close your eyes and after you
Fall asleep, one day you shall awaken and all of your dreams shall come true-"and
I believe I have been set free, as I walk towards the horizon in every step that I take-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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Hallucinations
Night has fallen, although
Midnight hours are never strange, and
When rain or snow,
Sometimes is
Heavily falling, though these sounds I cannot hear.
Somehow
It was just another night,
Another day, or
Another minute
Just as yesterday has
Slipped through the crack
Beneath my bedroom door,
Locked, dead bolted and keyed,
I cannot remember if I kept that key, or if the
Rain or snow has come between the world outside and myself?
A song was once written just for me
I could hear the first few words but
Its melody was arrested when somebody in my mind suddenly
Wants me to die as
That song becomes so strangely frightening?
Bells are ringing,
Some shadowy being is standing by my bedside, and
Time has slipped away from me once more through that
Crack beneath my bedroom door.
I just heard the first few words to my favorite song,
Voices tell me I am none but beautiful while that
Rain keeps tap-dancing upon my windowsill.
A shadowy and threatening figure is still lurking above my bed.
That voice inside my mind wants me to die and another is
Telling me I am none but beautiful,
A few more words from my favorite song have just been sung.
I believe I that people are out there wishing me ill-fate, that
Roses grow in the wintertime and
I am swimming in a whirlpool of confusion
Of what is real and what is not?
A few more words from my favorite song, and
Bells keep chiming and I just heard another voice calling my name-
In all fairness, I must confess that
Even though somebody in my mind would like for me to die, and only I can hear those
Ringing bells and songs sung to me,
That melody has been arrested
Suddenly-
Only because I realize now that it is a dance
Choreographed for me alone and
Even if it is a tragic musical
I am in a safer place than outside my door
There is a world out there and
It can rain and it can snow and
Cars can splash through water as they drive by my window and
Every day I spend out there
Is more of a nightmare than
The saddest tune my thoughts can play,
Voices that wish for me to die,
Demonic dances or dark figures lurking above my bed
Will never harm me as much as
What goes on outside my window every day, or as
Going to work or living a life in a very ordinary way, and besides-
I just heard that voice inside my head
Telling me once more that
I am none but beautiful…
poem by Claudia Krizay
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Eternity Means Forever
Have I been living too long in this world I was born into or
Am I struggling to come to terms with my life in a fabricated world, as I hear
Voices of many I have never heard before interrupted by
The reproaching voices of my mother and of my father?
Voices so angry and replete with disapproval
Overpower the music of
Angels that are singing love songs and hymns of praise only to me?
I see the world through clouded lenses and
When the rain falls, it obliterates what I do not care to see- although
When I close my eyes and look through imaginary lenses-
I see pink clouds, purple mountains and a rainbow-
I perceive the sun dancing to a delightful minuet on the horizon-
I feel a gentle breeze breaking the oppressive heat of the summer
That inundates that world I do not care to live in?
My mind is spinning about in a vicious spiral-
I cannot distinguish reality from the world into which I am trying to escape?
My mother and my father had always looked through blinders
Unable to see or to accept the person I truly am and
As far back as I remember I heard only words of disapproval
As I never lived up to their idealistic expectations?
In all suddenness I have come to realize that
Their bodies and their souls have disappeared from this vicinity
Although I am still trying to discern veracity?
I hear the rustling of leaves on the trees that surround me and now, as
I tell myself that pink clouds and purple mountains do not exist in reality-
But in my reality, they do exist, so I mount my phantasmal unicorn and ride into the place
Where that rainbow awaits me as I sing hymns with the angels
To the tune of that minuet played by a chorus of nightingales-
I know now what is real is that I have abandoned the reality
I had once seen through clouded lenses
Now comprehending that my mother and father are alive only
In some other far away place in time-while
I have been reborn into a world of my dreams from which
I never care to awaken- angry disapproving voices shall never overpower my thoughts
Because I have chained the door to their existence-
I shall proudly keep riding that unicorn and
Continue singing in chorus with the angels and nightingales,
Until eternity casts its magical shadow upon my horizon, but everyone knows that
Eternity means forever-
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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They Live Here
There have often been times when I have shut the world out-
But never fear, for I carry a key on a string inside of my mind-
A key that unlocks that door to madness, as
Threatening people have often wondered
What goes on inside that chamber of lunacy?
What is happening inside of the mind of
This person we cannot reach?
This miraculous key I shall never lose,
For when I unlock this door I enter
This world of my spectacular fantasies or often called by others, delusions-
I have heard the voices of angels and
Voices of sorcerers' nightmares-
But also, the words of my favorite songs and
I have reached that palace in the sky where
I can converse with the people who live
Inside the fortress of my mind-
Surrounded by a world of people I do not trust,
I often shut that world out and as I take that key
That hangs off of the string of my imagination
And I unlock that magical door that leads to
The community of friends who dwell inside of my mind-
That supernatural land that belongs to me alone-
And I am never alone because I carry my dream world with me
Every place that I travel, whether I travel near or far away,
I can always converse with these people who listen to me
And respond to their intimate conversation-
Softly intriguing and sometimes heart rendering -
I am the queen of this place I have created for myself,
Canonized a saint of my own salvation-
Other people in the surrounding outside world
May laugh, ridicule or simply not understand
Why I have escaped reality- and why I do not weep
Or do not seem destitute in my solitude- they do not own that extraordinary key
That unlocks the gate that leads to the land of my dreams-
And all that they can hear are cars dashing down the boulevard day and night,
And other everyday sounds on a typical day in their world of veracity-
Their tears may fall with the rain that never falls upon my world, and
In spite of what they believe-the meaning of the voices inside my mind,
They shall never know…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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I Don't Feel Like It
The sky is blue and a streak of
Magenta hovers beneath the early morning’s sun as
It rises over the treetops-
The air is cool, crisp and invigorating,
Blowing as a gentle breeze through the open crack
In my living room window, inviting me to walk outside-
Today I feel no motivation-
Today I fear the outside world
Today I cannot face-
Inside where all I can hear is the ticking of the wall clock and
The sound of eerie silence interrupting
The voices inside of my mind that wish me ill fate-
Today is just another day- I know today is almost magical,
There is so much outside that seems to be summoning- though
Today I cannot venture outward.
I hear the gentle morning breeze rustling the barren branches upon the trees-
I can recall my mother’s tearful voice and her frequently spoken words
“I don’t feel like it.”
Today I don’t feel like walking amongst nature’s bounty and
As my tears are falling down my flushed cheeks-
I remember my mother and how she didn’t care-
She didn’t care about whether she lived or died and
She didn’t care if the sun was shining or hiding behind clouds of misfortune-
And how I so believed she did not care about me?
The sky is blue in the early morning as
A magenta cloud hovers above the rising sun-
I have been told to try and understand my mother’s plight and
To bring her back inside my memory and wish her well-
My mother is dead and gone and
I cannot bring her back in any way – too much time has passed and
The voices inside of my mind keep telling me- she did not care.
I cannot bring her back- even if she were to become an angel in heaven-
No matter if the sky is blue on an inviting winter day-
I cannot venture outside and I cannot forgive my mother-
Some say I need to try and forgive her before the rain takes over and
Washes away even memories of all of good times-
All I can remember are her words as I repeat them-
“I don’t feel like it.”
Claudia Krizay
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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The Place Of My Dreams
Nobody ever walked this path before
-before trees grew here nearly touching the sky,
I am alone safely inside a world of my own-
A world where only deer roam and birds fly about-
Cardinals, robins and sometimes
I believed I saw angels-
Angels singing in harmony with bird songs-
The wind would rustle the leaves upon the trees and
In the early summertime, cicadas would sing incessantly-
Incessantly and melodiously-
Only one day I heard a different sound-
The sounds of footsteps and children screaming,
Following closely behind me-
I would hide behind a tall oak tree and I would almost weep as
My solitude has been interrupted and
I am no longer safe as my private world had been invaded-
Nobody ever walked this path before until this day and
My dream has been transformed to a nightmare-
I am not safe in a world destroyed by the presence of strangers-
Cardinals, robins and cicadas are my friends and
Other people are my enemies whom I do not trust-
Following in my footsteps and trying to make eye contact,
To read the verses of the songs my mind composes?
I know I have seen angels and heard them singing, and
Birds chanting along with the gentle winds
Rustling the leaves upon the trees-
But now other people have discovered the path,
upon which I have walked alone,
And my secure space has become a public tenement-
I once believed nobody ever walked this path before,
This path to which I could escape reality and lose myself inside
The magnificent world of my delusions-now they have come to take me away and
To lock me inside this prison which I cannot escape?
I cannot hear the angels singing here and birds are seemingly far away-
Here I have lost myself inside my own world,
one so different and so frightening?
There are people here, so close to me, yet I feel so alone-
Although alone in a dangerous way- I am singing my own song,
Hoping that the angels can hear me and one day I shall be back in unison with nature,
Far away from intruders and singing in harmony with nightingales –
And once again, alone safely,
as I shall have abandoned the nightmare of reality,
Touching the sky in my dreams, dancing with angels as I listen to the cicadas chanting
Happily as they are lost inside the world of their fantasies, just as I wish to be…
poem by Claudia Krizay
Submitted by Poetry Lover
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